Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Of Singing Fish and Talking Piglets

This little pig will say "wheeeeee!" all the way home, but she doesn't like the GEICO ad.
Hiya, Friends! No, I'm not doing a Halloween Rewind, although that seems like a fun idea to me, since Halloween was so long ago, and it's so far until Halloween this year!  But I don't wanna hurry it up to Halloween, because there's all kinds of fun things to do before then like Spring, and Memorial Day, and Summertime, and when I turn two!  Too much going on between now and Halloween to rush it, I think!

No, I'm in my piggy costume to talk to you about the current crop of advertisements.  Now, you know I watch a lot of hockey.  If you don't know that, now you do.  I am a Sabres fan.  And one thing I've noticed is that during Sabres games, they like to play some commercials.  One is from Geico, and it's the talking piglet.  I saw the first talking piglet advert, the one where they say "Can you save a buncha money by switching to Geico?" and then they cut to the piglet hanging out of the back of an SUV with a pinwheel in each hand, going "Wheeeeeeeeee!  Wheee-e-eee-ee-e! Wheeeeeeeeeee!"  And it was funny because it implied "Did the little pig say "whee, whee, whee" all the way home?" and the answer is yes.  It was funny, but my family and I do our car insurancing through Erie, and we're not interested in changing, so don't even try to get us to, because it won't work.

Anyway, Geico followed that winning commercial up with the piglet on a zip-line, or else he's doing a street luge.  I'm not sure what the little pig is doing, but there's another guy, definitely street-luging, and the little pig goes whizzing past him and says "pure adrenaline" and then keeps going by, with his "wheeeee! ing."  That's where they lost me with the piglet. 

Now when I watch the hockey, the piglet is in a convertible that broke down with a girl, and the girl acts like she wants to kiss the little pig, and he pulls "Fruit Ninjas" up on his phone and starts playing it, to pass the time while the Geico people come to help them.  I think that was a classy move on the part of the little pig, but the whole commercial weirds me out.  I'm not gonna lie. 

I bring that up because I like the original ad about the little pig going "Wheeeeeee!" all the way home, but I feel like it's been sequalled to death.  That's too bad.  So much for that.

Another commercial I was looking forward to, since it's Lent and fish-fry season and all, was the McDonald's "Give me back that Filet-O-Fish" commercial, where the fish on the wall is singing for the guys to give him back the filet-o-fish that was taken from him to make the McDonald's sandwich.  I LOVE that commercial when I watch it on the YouTube, since it was out before I was born.  It makes me laugh.  Now they have a new commercial with sardines on the wall, singing, and advertising the new fish nuggets or whatever McDonald's is trying to sell us using them.  And I hafta admit, it's lost on me.  I want 'em to bring back the "Give me back that Filet-O-Fish" commercial, even if it WOULD be a little awkward if you had a fish on the wall, and you were eating a fish sandwich, and the fish on the wall starting singing to you to give back the filet of fish that you're eating. 

This makes me hungry, which makes me feel awkward.
I think I spoke to this awkwardness over the summer, when Mommy, Daddy, Aunt Colleen, and Uncle Lorentz took me to the zoo in Pittsburgh.  We were in the aquarium, and all the fish were swimming around, and all's I could think about were those fish and McDonald's Filet-O-Fish sandwiches.  And I started feeling hungry, and also awkward, but mostly hungry.  It really impeded me making friends with the fish, the way I connected with the giraffes and elephants and lions and the other animals I could talk to but I wouldn't think of eating.  Fish are kinda difficult, because there they are in that tank, and I know we eat fish.  I mean, I love salmon.  And they know we eat fish, and I'm pretty sure they can tell I'm a girl who likes salmon, and it's just awkward after that. 

And that's why I love that original Filet-O-Fish commercial, Big People.  It's funny because it's awkward!  I wish they'd stop ruining their funny commercials by making follow-ups.  That's what I wish, Friends!

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day, Friends!

Hiya and Happy Valentine's Day!
 Hiya, Big People!  It's Valentine's Day!  I'll admit it's not my best day.  Hasn't really been my best week.  If you want the truth, I've been pretty cranky.  I've slapped at Mommy and Rozzie when they've tried helping me feel better.  I feel bad about that.  I don't know what's the matter with me, and it frustrates me that Mommy and Rozzie can't fix it.

Mommy says she thinks I'm getting ready to do some serious growing again, since I've started back needing my morning nap again.  Morning and afternoon.  I haven't napped in the morning for months, and now I find out I really need it.  I don't like it.  I don't like it at all, because I feel like I miss out on all kinds of fun stuff when I'm asleep, but I DO feel lots better when I wake up.

We'll keep that little tidbit between just you and me, though, mmmkay, Friends?

I'm five months old, wearin' my LOVE shirt.
I guess it's a good thing I'm probably getting ready to grow again some more. See, it was brought to my attention on today's The Daily Zoe Show over on the Facebook that I was seen wearing the shirt I'm wearing today last year around Valentine's Day.  I didn't believe it until they rolled the clip, and sure enough, there I was!  Wearin' the same shirt! 

Don't get me wrong.  I wear my clothes a lot.  All's you hafta do is look over my extensive body of work to see that I'm not shy about repeating outfits.  I have lotsa outfits, so it takes a while to repeat, but I don't even bat an eyelash at wearing the same thing lotsa times.  I love most of my outfits!

Except jeans.  I think I will have an ambivalent relationship with jeans for my whole life.  Sure, they're comfortable, but they never fit me just right.  I like wearing my BabyLegs better!  Maybe I'll invent BabyLegs for Big People!

What's that? ... Oh, they already more or less have BabyLegs for Big People, and they're called leggings and not all Big People ought to be wearing leggings in public? I gotcha.  Well.  I guess it's a good thing I'm going to be Fun-Size for a while, so I can still wear my BabyLegs in public, around the house, or wherever I darn well please!  How about that, Big People?
By golly, it IS the same shirt!
I guess what struck me as remarkable is that I don't really wear my "LOVE" shirt all that often, and I put it on this morning because it seemed festive.  I was five months old when I wore it last Valentine's Season.  I'm seventeen months now.  I can't get myself into some of the clothes I wore when I was really little.  My Fluffy Green Dress, for instance.  Boy, I loved that outfit!

So I guess I'm kinda glad I got to wear my LOVE shirt two Valentine's seasons in a row.  Makes me feel comfortable and like there's some continuity in this crazy world we live in.  The Cotton People want us to think that cotton's the fabric of our lives, but I think it's continuity.  Having a common thread.  It's nice to know I can reach into my closet and pick out something I wore last year at this time, and I can wear it today, because things are changing for me so much these days.  Not in a bad way.  I mean, every day, I can do something I couldn't do the day before.  I'm trying new foods, walking around lots more, learning new things.  I know it's old-hat to you Big People, but to me, sometimes it's all just a little bit overwhelming, and I hafta spazz out for a little while.  Maybe THAT'S what's had my diaper all in a bunch all week.


Anyway, Big People!  I know it's Valentine's Day and all, but take some time to appreciate yourself and to be nice to yourself today.  And always remember, your pal Zoe loves you!  Muah! 

Tuesday, February 12, 2013

Oh When the Saints Go Marchin' In to the Bing!

I'm a harmonica player.  How about that?!
 Hiya, Friends!  Well, all my life, I've wanted to be in a marching band.  I think marching bands are great.  Those people get to make music while burning calories.  I bet it's a great cardiovascular workout to be able to play "Hang On Sloopy" while you're hoofing along to the beat of the drum!

Plus, I love marching band uniforms.  I love the ones that have a cape attached, because nothing has quite the flair as the swash of a wool cape swishing behind a person, am I right, Friends?

The thing that really gets me, though, are the hats.  I think the hats are GREAT!  I love the tall hats with the plume on the front and the visors and the strap that goes under somebody's chin.  Chin-straps are super-useful, Big People.  I can't tell you how many times I've been wearing a hat without a chin-strap, and my hat's darned near gotten knocked right off.  So chin-straps are a win in my book, Big People!

What do YOU think of my marching band hat?
Another thing I love about marching bands is that when you're in a marching band, you get to take tubes and sticks and shaky things and make music, and then you get to take that music you're making on the move!  Instead of carrying a boom box, you ARE the boom box, except you're a BOOM! box! 

I fancy myself a player of lotsa different musical instruments.  Some days I play percussion.  Other days, I'm all about the harmonica.  I had to work really hard to learn how to play the harmonica, and now I can get a coupla notes out of it, and since I'm not first chair harmonica or anything like that, two notes are all the notes I need on any given song!  I get two different notes depending on where on the harmonica I put my mouth! If one of the notes isn't right for that place in the song, the other note will be just fine!

I bring up all this because it's Mardi Gras, and it's a big day for marching bands, if you're in the right place.  Apparently Mardi Gras isn't a big deal here in the Bing, because when I gathered up my marching band to march in the Mardi Gras Parade, it turned out there wasn't one.  I think that's too bad.  I love a good parade.

But it's okay.  We're staging our own marching band parade, right through the middle of the house today.  My best pal Rozzie's going to sing, I'm going to play my harmonica, Sabretooth's going to beat a drum, and the Little Giraffes are going to form a kazoo chorus.  If we tell ourselves we're playing "When the Saints Go Marchin' In," then it will be so, but if you happen to hear us and hear "Hang On Sloopy" instead, why, that's okay, too.  Just, whatever you do, dance like nobody's watching when you hear us making our music.  Can you do that for me, Friends?

Sunday, February 3, 2013


Why, yes, I do my own writing!
Hiya, Friends!  The other day, I was asked who my ghost-writer is.  The question sort of startled me, because while I've heard rumors that the house I live in is haunted, I didn't know our ghosts actually write. 

And even if our ghosts DO write, I'm kind of embarrassed to admit that I've never actually learned any of our ghosts' names. 

Funny things, those ghosts.  Why, I'd almost think that they're just as startled by us as we are of them.  They don't like to draw attention to themselves, our ghosts.  Every once in a while, they'll leave a weird hand-print on the newel post outside my bedroom door, or open or close a door.  Every once in a while, they'll make my mushroom activity center play its song, just to mess with me, but most of the time, those ghosts just like to keep to themselves. 
What would a ghost write, if ghosts wrote?

So I don't think that any of the ghosts that live in my haunted house would really want to do anything as attention-getting as write, much less write for me.  You know what I mean, Friends?

No, I do my own writing, Friends.  I certainly do.

I'd like to back up, though, and think for a little bit about what ghosts would write if they were so inclined.  I guess cook-books would be out.  Ghosts don't need to eat.  Maybe decorating books, you know, so they can get ideas on how to decorate their haunted houses so they have just the right mood.  Although, good luck to any ghost thinking they'll decorate MY haunted house... unless they like disco balls and butterflies, that is! 

Hmm.  What would ghosts write?

You know what I'd like my ghosts to write, Friends?  Any number of things.  The most immediate thing I wish my ghosts would write is a note to Mommy saying 'Please buy Zoe either Honey Nut Cheerios or Chocolate Cheerios instead of the boring old pasty-flavored plain Cheerios, Sincerely, The Ghosts.'  The ghosts would be my heroes if that's what they'd write, Friends.
The ghosts can leave the writin' to me!
Another thing I think would be nice for my ghosts to write would be a note saying "We hid money in the walls, and this is the wall we hid it in, Zoe!  It's all yours!  Enjoy!  Sincerely, The Ghosts!"  I recently told Mommy this is what I wish the ghosts would write, and she said there's a fat chance of that, because when they re-did the house, the workers stripped out all the walls and floors and ceilings, so the inside of my house looked like a picked-over Thanksgiving turkey carcass.  True story.  I've seen the pictures.

So I guess it's pretty much a given that there's no money hidden in the walls or ceiling or anywhere else in the house, for the ghosts to write me a note about and tell me it's mine. 

You know what IS all mine?  My work on this blog.  My words, my work.  That's right, Big People.  Zoe does all her own stunts AND writing.  I'm multi-talented!

And I love you, Friends!  Always.  Muah!

Saturday, February 2, 2013

Zoe's All Mix, No Trail Trail Mix

I'd like to try trail mix someday!
 Well, Friends, a few weeks ago, I learned that although I live an hour away from A Grand Canyon, I don't live near The Grand Canyon, which really sort of bummed me out, because I wanted to dress up in my Cowgirl Monkey dress and ride a donkey from the top of the Grand Canyon, to the bottom of the Grand Canyon, back to the top of the Grand Canyon.

The Grand Canyon near which I live, the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon, doesn't offer donkey rides, I understand.  Furthermore, I understand that you can hike from the top to the bottom to the top again, in an afternoon or less.  But it's too wintery to think of such a thing.

It's okay, I suppose.

But a big draw for me was the trail, because when you're on the trail, you get to eat trail mix.  I understand trail mix is pretty great.  You get granola, and raisins, and M&Ms, and peanuts, and anything else that gives you both quick and sustainable energy for the long hike ahead.

Well, I make my own trail mix, practicing for the day when I can go out on a real trail and eat real trail mix.  I guess you could say at the present time, I'm all mix, no trail.
To my knowledge, you don't actually need a trail to eat trail mix!

But my version of trail mix is easy, and it doesn't taste half-bad.  I just take any flavor of Gerber Puffs- I like 'em all, any flavor of Gerber Yogurt Melts- they remind me of astronaut ice cream!  And finally, I round out the mix with plain Cheerios, because what the heck.  Mommy bought the big double-box box of plain Cheerios, and I'm gonna be eating those things until I go to kindergarten, I have a sinking feeling.

So I just take my ingredients, put them in one of my snack cups with the swirly lid, mix it up, and voila.  Zoe's All Mix, No Trail Trail Mix.  It'd taste a whole lot better with different Cheerios other than the plain ones.  But the flavors from the Puffs and Yogurt Melts kind of pick up the flavor slack for the plain Cheerios.  That's an idea I can really get behind.

So for now, I'll enjoy my version of trail mix while I dream of the trail.
For now, I enjoy my All Mix, No Trail Trail Mix here in the office.  Helps me get through the day, helps me get through late nights at the office.  Helps me not get grouchy on the phone with customer service.

If you want to, you can try my recipe.  But if you're able to do your own grocery shopping, buy yourself a more interesting flavor of Cheerios than "plain," mmmmmkay, Friends?  You'll be glad you did.