Sunday, June 30, 2013

Simply Having A Wonderful Summertime!

The makers of Summertime deserve a major award!
Friends, I don't know who invented this wonderful season named Summertime, but I'd like to give 'im a hug and buy 'im a milkshake.  A big chocolate one, with malt in it!  And whipped cream up on top!  Yeah!

You see, I like all the seasons, but I hafta say I think summertime's pretty great.  It's nice'n'warm.  I can play on the porch.  I get bubbles.  Bubbles don't work very well outside in the wintertime, I guess. 

Although, wouldn't it be cool if it was so cold, when you blew a bubble, it froze right in the air like that?  I think that would be pretty neato!

But I won't talk about freezing temperatures right now, because it's Summertime!  I know how much you Big People hate hearing about winter when it's summer.  Point.  Taken.

No, not the Leg Lamp. Something less fra-geeel-ay.
Wait.  What if I wanted to talk about all kinds of freezy things that are fun in the summertime?  For instance, that milkshake I mentioned earlier.  You can't have milkshakes without ice cream, and you can't have ice cream without freezing.  And popsicles!  Without freezing, a popsicle's just water on a stick, which is to say there's no such thing.  Have you ever tried to get plain water to stick to a stick?  It doesn't work!

Roasted marshmallows.  I just love 'em.  They're not frozen.  And some of my friends over on the Facebook gave me all kinds of ideas for how to make s'mores more fun, if you can believe it, like using a peanut butter cup instead of a regular chocolate bar.  With the Fourth of July coming up, I think I'm gonna have the chance to have all kinds of different s'mores recipes!  I can't wait!

So I'm gonna admit it.  I'm simply having a wonderful summertime!  How about that, Friends?!  I hope you are, too!

Saturday, June 29, 2013

My Mayberry

Tell me more about these fireflies!
Hiya, Friends! You know, this summertime thing is pretty great!  I spent all winter cooped up in the house, and now I get to go outside and play with bubbles outside whenever I want!  I can hang out on the porch, and when I do, I pretend I'm in Mayberry!

I betchya there weren't Amish buggies going up and down the main drag in Mayberry, though.  On the other hand, in Mayberry, they had Andy and Barney and Aunt Bea and Opie.  I don't have those people here in the Bing.

I like to imagine I do, though.  I like to imagine that Andy and Barney drive by in their police car, and that Aunt Bea's baking me a pie.  I love pie.  Not as much as I love cake, but pretty much anything baked, I like a lot. 

We don't get many baked things here at my house in the summertime.  Mommy says it makes the kitchen too hot, and also that she can't leave baked things alone.

There is TOO such a thing as magic!
But in my imaginary Mayberry, Aunt Bea can bake because the oven keeps all its hot inside and doesn't let it out in the rest of the kitchen.  How about that?!  It isn't air conditioning.  I don't think they had air conditioning in Mayberry.  It's pretty much magic. 

What's that? ... You don't think they had magic in Mayberry?  Well, I'm pretty sure they did.  It wasn't the kind of magic that has to announce itself as magic like in Harry Potter.  It was just quiet magic, like the kind in Aunt Bea's oven that doesn't make the whole kitchen hot when she bakes in the summertime, so I can have a nice slice 'a' pie whenever I want one, even if it's eleventy-eight outside.

You know what else I imagine?  I imagine that Aunt Bea comes over to sing me "Toot-toot-Tootsie!" and play the piano. That Aunt Bea can really play the piano and sing. And Opie and I go fishin'.  In my imagination, I'm an awesome fisherperson, even better than Opie!  It's okay if it's not really that way, because that's the whole point in having an imagination.  You can make happen whatever you want!

You just hafta look for the magic and you'll find it!
For that matter, sometimes I imagine Andy lets me drive the police car around, AND I get to turn on the lights and the siren!  We drive around Mayberry with the lights and siren going, and people think it's a parade.

In my Mayberry, they know nothing's wrong, so if the lights and siren are on, they know it must be a parade, even if it's a really short one, and I get out my candy that I throw during parades and throw it to 'em and wave!

And then we get back to Aunt Bea's, because after every parade, there's baked things to eat.  I love baked things, like I've mentioned before, once or twice.  So there's always a baked things contest.  Pies and cakes.  Doesn't matter.  Blue ribbons for everybody!

That's my Mayberry, Friends!  It's a pretty nice place!

Friday, June 28, 2013

Color Conundrum!

Hello, Operator!  Zo-Zo on the line!  Quit monkeyin' around, mmmmkay?!
Well, Friends, this just tears it.  It's worse than terrible!  That darned ol' Mommy expects me to know my colors. 

I DO know my colors.  I know Purple: I have a sippy cup with a purple lid.  I have a thing I can put on my head to keep the rinse water out of my eyes when I have a bath, and that's purple.  I have purple clothes.  Mommy has a purple water bottle.  I know the color purple!

Blue, also!  I have my favorite bath toy that's blue.  It's a blue plastic pitcher.

Why didn't I just say 'Red!'?
I can pick out the color yellow, too.  Bananas are yellow!  I love bananas!  They're my favorite, whether they're cut up on my plate, or whether they come by the bunch!  Bananas are Okay in my book!  And they're yellow!  Cannot stress knowing that enough.

Now, I know the color Red.  But Red is the source of the current tension between me and my Mommy.  See, we have a red Jeep and a red Sassy Car (that I love, love LOVE!), and my Fubbles container for my bubbles is red.  I have red bows and red dresses and red shoes.  And the other night, we were out on the porch, and the township truck was parked in its spot, and Daddy asked me what color the truck is, and I said....


I know better!  I know that truck's red!  But I went and said "green!" and now Mommy's all up in my face about 'what color's this? what color's that?'

I like to make life interesting!
Everything she shows me is red!

Isn't that stupid?  Now, I understand Mommy showing me one thing and having me tell her the color, but when she holds up another thing that's the same color as the first thing she showed me, I feel a little like one of us is going crazy, and here's a hint: it isn't me!  If the red pillow you showed me ten seconds ago is the same color as that red blanket you're holding up now, then they're both red?  What do you want me to say, Mommy?  I'm bored of this game!

You know what I've been doing, these last coupla days, just to mess with Mommy's head?  I've been picking random colors to shout out when she holds up red things.  One minute, my red high chair is "Yellow!" and the next time Mommy asks, it's "Green!"  The Jeep's always red, but if Mommy's gonna keep asking me what color it is, it's going to keep changing from "Blue!" to "Purple!" to "Sweepie!"  "Sweepie" isn't really a color.  I'm just really getting into my game.

At least it makes things a little more fun for me, living life with a Mommy who asks the same stupid question every time I turn around.  I like life to be interesting.  I'll come clean if I see that Mommy's getting serious, like if she's looking to ship me off to some boot camp for toddlers to teach me my colors and how to use the potty.  I don't think I'd like toddler boot camp much.  So if I see Mommy's headed in that direction, I'll let her know what I did, and by 'let her know what I did,' I'll just start telling her the appropriate color names for the things she's showing me.  She'll think it's a miracle!  That'll set her mind at ease, and I won't hafta go to toddler boot camp!

It's always good to have an escape plan, Big People.  Remember that!

Thursday, June 27, 2013

We'll Sell Sweepers Door-to-Door!

Hey, Rozzie? I'm sorry we won't be on AFV!
Well, Friends!  Rozzie and I are kind of at a crossroads in our comedy career.  By crossroads, I mean we've come to a standstill. 

It's not Rozzie's fault.  She's hilarious.  It's me.  As it turns out, I'm better at messing up jokes and pranks than I am, playing them.

Don't feel bad for me, Friends!  We all know this was coming.  All's you've gotta do is look at yesterday's blog post and you'll see I've seen the writing on the wall.  I've suspected that I'm just not cut out for a career in the funny business. 

Rozzie was disappointed at first.  She tried to be all stoic about it, but I could tell she was kinda upset with me.  We were both really counting on that boatload of cash we could win on that funny video television show.

Aww, Rozzie!  I'm glad we're back to bein' friends!
Between you and me and the Internet, Friends, I was kinda worried that Rozzie would never talk to me again, after I messed up her last joke!  I don't even remember what it was about, but she said it was going to be GREAT and we should keep the cameras rolling, and what'd I do? 

Knocked the camera right the heck over, that's what I did!

Boy, did we ever get some excellent footage of the ceiling fan in the family room, though!  That ceiling fan is way up high, and it goes roun'an'roun'an'round!  I just love it!

Anyway, after that, we knew our shot at the America's Funniest Home Videos was all but circling the drain, and if we want a boatload of cash, we've gotta change our strategery.

We are gonna be GREAT sweeper salesgirls, Rozzie!
We decided that instead of trying to win our fortune, and leave our fate up to the subjectivity of others, we'd EARN our fortune!  And I had a GREAT idea for us to do so! 

We're gonna sell sweepers door-to-door!  Doesn't that sound like fun?  See?  Rozzie'll knock on the door and go inside and make a mess, and then say 'My partner Zoe's coming in to show you how to clean this up!' and I will!  I'll sweep their floor with my vacuum, and show 'em how it's superior to their vacuum, and they'll wanna buy mine, right on the spot, which is great, because I'll have a van full of sweepers, right there, so when I sell one, I'll have another one to use at the next house!

I think this is one of the better ideas Rozzie and I have had in the last coupla days, Friends!  We'd better go get crackalackin'!  If you see us pull up in a van at your house, you'd better get your checkbook ready, because Rozzie and I are gonna sell ya a sweeper and all the accessories, just like that!  Hahahahahaha!

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Comedy's Harder Than We Thought It'd Be!

Rozzie and I haven't come up with a funny video yet.
Hiya, Friends!  Well, Rozzie and I are still slogging along with trying to come up with ideas for what we're gonna do to get on America's Funniest Videos and win the boatload of money.  We both know what we'll do with our half of the boatload of money- Rozzie's gonna buy some Greenies with hers, and I'm gonna invest mine and have like four boatloads of money- but what we're gonna do to get ourselves noticed on the show is another matter.

See, comedy's really hard work.  Some people make it look really easy, like that Ellen DeGeneres lady.  She's HI-larious!  And she makes it seem like it's just Ellen bein' Ellen.  And probably she is just bein' Ellen.

Neither Rozzie nor I are Ellen.  I mean, how could we be?  And even if we could, people would say we're just copy-catting Ellen, and we wanna be our own thing.

I think the problem's me, Friends!
Technical question: Can Rozzie copy-cat somebody?  I mean, she's a dog.  You never hear of copy-dogging.  But it doesn't seem right, if Rozzie is imitating someone else, that somebody says she's copy-catting.  Then again, I've never seen that Rozzie copy-cat or copy-dog anybody.  She's pretty much an original.

And she makes me laugh all the time!

Gets me to thinkin' that the problem with our comedy duo is me.  I know Rozzie's hilarious.  But me?  I don't know.  I can't just be funny if you point to me and say "be funny!"  I get kinda nervous and self-conscious.  I start to thinking that maybe what I think is funny isn't funny to anybody else, and I end up just standing there.

This is a big problem in the context of Rozzie's and my plan to win a boatload of money on America's Funniest Videos.  I'm starting to see why so many people decide to ride their dirtbikes off a ramp and into the above-ground swimming pool.  I see why they let their kids hit them in their jiggly bits with a baseball bat.  I see why they send in their videos of their spontaneous mishaps with garden hoses.

Friends, I just had a thought: what if I'm Just Not That Funny?!
That's funny stuff.  And it doesn't take any effort.

I don't wanna drive that route, though, Big People.  If I'm gonna buy things with a boatload of money I won on a television show, I wanna be able to look at the things I bought and know that I didn't go for the easy laugh to win that money.  I wanna know that I didn't let myself be hurt, or that I didn't hurt anybody else to win that money.

It's got me thinkin', Friends, that maybe I'm just not cut out for the comedy.  Maybe I'm just not that funny.  ... No, no, don't be all like 'awwwww, Zoe, you're funny!'  You don't need to do that.  Thank you, though.  But you don't need to do that.  When I say I'm just not very funny, I think I mean I'm not the kind of funny I need to be to win the boatload of cash from the television show.

Don't feel bad for me, Friends!  Integrity.  That's what I'm all about.  I love ya, Friends!  Muah!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Have You Seen This Show Called America's Funniest Videos?

I need a scheme to make it big!
Hiya, Friends!  Hey, I just found out about something and I want in on it. 

The other night, Mommy had on the America's Funniest Videos after the news.  Have you ever heard of this television show, Friends?  Apparently you can win a whole boatload of money, and all you hafta do is trip over things, fall off things, flip your bike over something inconvenient, run into the side of a building or... be a kid, kitteh, or dog!  And you hafta have your camera rolling and send it in.

I'm a kid!  I have access to a camera!  I know a dog!

This gives me allsortsa ideas, Friends!  The way I see it, if Rozzie and I could just collaborate on something hilarious, something a little different from the norm on America's Funniest Videos, something different from all the falling down and riding bikes into things, I think we'd have a real shot at the jackpot!  I really do!

Rozz, I'm a kid, you're a dog. If we collaborated, we wouldn't lose!
What could Rozzie and I do that would be funny enough to win the jackpot on the Funniest Videos?  I don't care much for the videos where people get hurt and everybody laughs.  That's not how this girl gets her jollies and belly laughs, so that's not how I wanna roll for the Funniest Videos.

Maybe I oughtta throw myself a brainstorm.  Maybe with thunder and lightning.  Maybe not.
Look at me! This is the face of future comedic genius! OR your brain surgeon! Hard to tell with me!

I think Rozzie and I have it in us to be funny, though.  I think.  Every day, Rozzie makes me laugh out loud!  She catches flies right outta the air!  OR she goes around and around in a circle before she lies down.  I think that's hilarious!

Boy, I love that Rozzie!

What do I do that's funny?  Ummmm.... I don't really know.  I can think of something, but I can't think of anything right now.  Mommy laughs when I run.  I don't think that's very nice, since I'm just an enthusiastic beginner and all, but for comedy's sake, I think I can put my dignity on the altar of hilarity.  I can probably do that.  I sure could for a boatload of money if Rozzie and I won!

I saw enough of that America's Funniest Videos show to know that if ya offer people enough money, or even a candy bar, they'll pretty much do anything!

I'm gonna get crackalackin' on my Funniest Video idea, Friends!  So I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Monday, June 24, 2013

Boy Oh Boy, Summer's Really Here!

It's so hot I almost melted!
Hiya, Big People!  Well, how about that summertime?  Wanna know how hot it was at my house yesterday?  Nindeeeee-One.  Phwew!

I guess that after all these days in June where I've been all duded up in long sleeves and legwarmers are over, and now I'm switchin' to complainin' about how hot it is.  Just like that!  *Snap!*

That was me snapping my fingers, not me saying 'Snap!' like I'm saying 'Oh, snap!'

Although, my house doesn't have central air conditioning like Aunt Colleen's house does, so maybe what I AM saying is "Oh, Snap! It's hot outside and inside!"  Sheesh.  Everything's better at Aunt Colleen's!  Everything!
Oooh, ooooh, wait!  It's so hot it feels like a volcano!

Well, back to the weather.

I have my mushroom pool.  I like my mushroom pool!  I think my mushroom swimming pool, out on the gazebo, with the ceiling fan spinning, and me with a popsicle... that's the plan for this hot weather! 

I think I might also go on some vacations in my head.  To Hawaii again.  That's my favorite Vacation in my Head (TM) destination, and even though it seems counter-intuitive to VIMH(TM) to a place that's as warm as the place where I am, it really isn't.  See, if I pretend I'm somewhere that people know how to deal with the heat, I can deal with it better, by extension. 

Aloha!  There!  Feelin' cooler already!
Plus, it's just fun as all get-out, pretending I'm a surfer girl in Hawaii!  Am I right, Friends?!

Hey, I'll bring you to Hawaii on a Vacation In Our Heads if you bring a misting fan and some popsicles!  Does that sound like a plan to you, Friends?  It sounds like a plan to me!

A word to the wise, Friends: whether we're here in Pennsylvania for real, or in Hawaii in our heads, the sun's hot and is gonna burn ya if ya don't wear your sunscreen, okay?  Lather up and let's get some rays!

I love ya, Friends!  Muah!

Sunday, June 23, 2013

I Got SOAP in the Mail!

So I got soap in the mail the other day.
Hiya, Friends!  Well, the other day, I got a box in the mail.  Every month, I get a box in the mail from New York City, and it's full of stuff for me.  Sometimes I get toys.  Once I got a bib.  I get lotsa snacks.  A sunhat came in the mail once.  I also got a little pink race car that's made of recycled milk jugs, and it came in my box.  That was neat!

There's usually a theme for every box, every month.  Usually I think it's fun, the theme I get, but I can tell I'm getting older, because my theme this month was "Potty Training."

Crap.  And I mean that literally.

I'm not complainin' about my box.  I'm not.  It came with some snacks.  I guess to get my motor runnin', if ya catch my drift.  And then there were some wet-wipes, and a little watch that I'm supposed to wear that plays music and reminds me when it's time to "go."  It's just exactly like another watch I already have that came with a DVD set Mommy got me on this topic.  I like the music the watches play, but neither one has magical properties that make me wanna go sit on the potty.

It was included in a "Potty Training" themed box.
Heck, no.  I've got a good thing going right now!

Now, that Rozzie.  She's always a great hand to really let the air out of my tires. She said if I don't get myself housebroken soon, Mommy and Daddy are gonna start making me go outside.  She said the Potty Training -themed box is proof.  That Rozzie.  Joke's on her.  Since I'm on the diaper, I can go whenever, wherever I wanna, and that's how I like it, by golly! Why on Earth would I ever train myself to let go of that wonderful freedom?

I've seen how you Big People do.  You get into a store, or worse- in the car, and all of a sudden, you're searching around frantically for a restroom, and if there isn't one, you can get mighty uncomfortable, having to hold it.  I don't have that problem.  When I hafta go, I just go, even if it's in the toy aisle.  No frantic searching.  No panicked dancing and dashing.  Just 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  Relief."  Then I just get changed at my earliest convenience!

I suppose next month's box will be Algebra-themed.  Great.
Resistance might be futile when you're dealin' with the Borg, but I'll tell ya what.  I'm gonna keep on resistin' this Potty Trainin' thing, no matter how many boxes I get in mail with a Potty Trainin' theme.

That's right!

Anyway, back to my box I got in the mail.  It also came with this really cool soap that comes out of a frog-looking dispenser, and it's foamy and PURPLE.  I LOVE foamy and purpleness!  I love washing my hands with that soap! 

It made me feel like a big cheese, gettin' soap in the mail like that.  And also, they sent me a pair of pink sunglasses.  It's as though they were saying 'I know this month's box's theme kinda blows, Zoe, so please enjoy these wonderful pink KidBanz on us, and don't be mad about the unpleasant discussions the contents of this box will spark in your house, Mmmmkay?'

Boy oh boy.

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Someday, I'm Gonna Be a Driver, Baby!

Um, well, I always love a good Jeep!
 Hiya, Friends!

You know what?  I've been thinkin'.  One of these days, I'm gonna be getting myself a driver's license.  That means that the time for me to think about what kind of car I'm gonna drive is right now!

I loved my Pink Jeep.  I really did.  It was nice 'n' sporty.  I just don't see very many pink Jeeps out on the real road.  Maybe I'll drive a different color Jeep out on the real road, and off it.  I like that a Jeep can go off the road and not worry about getting hung up on a pebble!

I love the Challenger Mommy and Daddy have.  I call that my "Sassy Car," and I love riding in it, now that I get to face forward in the car.  Last summer, I had to ride backwards, and it was all right, but not much fun, especially not in the Challenger.  The sun was always in my face!  But this year, I've gotten to sit in the bucket seats, when the Sassy Car's parked in the driveway, and they're really comfortable, and they make me feel like a racecar driver!  So maybe I'll drive around a Challenger when I'm bigger!  A 2027 Challenger in the driveway would not hurt my feelings!

But I love the sporty cars, too.
Neither would a 2027 Jeep, unless Challengers and Jeeps look stupid by 2027!  I do not want to drive around in a stupid-looking car!

The thing about the Challenger is that Mommy's said that in the winter, it's like a pig on ice.  Winter where I live lasts three-quarters of the year!  So maybe a 2027 Dodge Challenger isn't really the kind of car for me.  Not right away, anyway.

I was thinking that if I had a pickup truck, I could do lotsa shopping.  You know.  I'd get the quad-cab and then I'd have all that wonderful space in the back to carry my packages.  I could even get a diesel pickup truck, and one of those goose-neck trailers, so I could bring along a toy-hauler on my shopping trips.  I've BEEN to Toys'R'Us, and if ever there were a place to shop where you'd need a toy-hauler to haul everything home, it's Toys'R'Us, to be sure!

Wait! Convertibles look like lotsa fun!
Um.... then I'd hafta learn how to back up with a trailer, though.  I've seen Daddy do it a few times, and he makes it look easy.  I've seen Mommy try it once, and not only did it not look easy, she also said some words, and some of them rhymed with 'truck.'

I could probably get by with just the pickup truck portion, and maybe reserve getting the toy-hauler as an option someday, when I'm good at backin' up.

Another kind of car I like that I've seen at some car shows is the kind of car where you can put the top up or you can put the top down.  What are those called? ... Convertibles!  Of course!  Makes lotsa sense!  Convertibles!  I can see myself tooling around different towns with my convertible top down, and my hair blowing in the wind.  A convertible sure would make it easy to say 'Hiya!' to the people I see when I'm out and about!  It sure as heck would!

Oh, right... there IS that winter thing...
But then there's that winter thing again, and the way it settles in and just sticks around for too long.  I betchya a convertible with the top down isn't much fun in the winter, and if you're gonna drive it around with the top up all the time, why not just drive a regular car.  Know what I'm sayin', Friends?

When I really think about what kind of car I wanna drive when I'm old enough to drive, I just don't know.  I like the off-road capability of Jeeps.  I love the sportiness and head-turning good looks of the Challenger.  I love the cargo capabilities of a pickup truck.  I like the idea of tooling around in a little convertible with my hair blowing in the breeze.  But it all comes back to wintertime.

I guess if I got to pick a vehicle today, I'd probably pick out a Zamboni, and here's why.  My hair could blow in the breeze as I drove it.  It's as cool as a sports car, as sporty as a Jeep.  It really can't haul stuff like a pickup truck can, but at least on the roads where I live, when they're all icy and slippery, my Zamboni and I could keep the road surface nice and groomed for everybody else.  I could hire myself out to Zamboni people's streets so that they can play Icy Street Hockey, which isn't a thing now, but it will be in 2027, when I can drive and when I have my Zamboni.

I know!  I'll drive a Zamboni!
And if I made enough money, grooming people's streets for Icy Street Hockey, I could probably be able to afford another vehicle if I wanted.  And maybe, just maybe I could make enough money to get a really neat car with a lobster tank right in it, so I could finally adopt a lobster and name it Lerbert, and I wouldn't have to worry about Mommy and Daddy and their severe allergies to lobster dander.  Lerbert could live in his tank, right in my car!  And we could go on all kinds of adventures together!  I'd have it all rigged up so that his water'd always be the perfect temperature, regardless of what kind of temperatures are going on outside.

I think I have it all figured out now, Friends!  Thank you for listening to my thoughts!  And watch out when you see me in my Zamboni, in fifteen years!  I don't wanna run over ya!  Muah!

Friday, June 21, 2013

It's the Summer Solstice!

Goggle up!  It's summertime!
Hiya, Friends!  Well, guess what?  Overnight, the Summer Solstice occurred.  Do you know what that means?  It means we've reached the longest day of the year.  The First Day Of Summer.

Time to slather on your sunscreen!  Time to put the top down on your convertible automobile.  Time for me to get out my mushroom swimming pool.

Time for me to point out a certain irony.  Now, I remember a few months ago, right before Christmastime, we had the Winter Solstice, and it was the shortest day of the year, and everybody was all like 'oh, man, now it's gonna get darker earlier, and it's winter, and it's gonna be cold,' and whatever else Big People complain about in the wintertime.  But the thing of it is, the Winter Solstice is the darkest that it gets, Friends!  We have nowhere to go but lighter more minutes a day from there!

The real bummer, I think, is knowing that today's the longest day of the whole entire year.  This is it, Friends.  Yet, nobody seems awfully upset to see the Summer Solstice.  I think this is because it's summertime, and the weather's so nice that we have other things to dwell on than the days getting shorter.  And that's fine.  I'm not saying everybody's wrong for being all happy about the summer and all bummed about the winter.  I get it.  I just wanted to acknowledge that there's some epic irony at play.  At least it's epic irony for me.

I'm little and haven't experienced much, so what I do experience usually really bowls me over.

Anyway, Friends! Today's the First Day of Summer!  Goggle up, get your sunscreen on, and just Live It Up in general. 

After all... Winter's coming....

Hahahahahahahahaha!  Honk if ya get it!  Winter's coming! 

Awww, I love ya, Friends!  Muah!

Thursday, June 20, 2013

Update On My Disco Ball

Dancin's more fun with my disco ball!
Hiya, Friends!  Well, it's been a little over a week since I got a colorful spinning light that's branded itself a "disco ball."  Now, when I think of "disco ball," I think of a mirrored ball that hangs from the ceiling and spins and reflects light from another light shining on it, much like the moon.

You DO know that the moon doesn't really give off light of its own, but it hangs there in the sky, reflecting the light from the sun, right Big People?  I think that's something you learn in grade school, right after learning the moon isn't really made out of Camembert or Roquefort cheese.  I realize that my knowledge of this makes me ahead of the game a little bit, Friends, but I'll tell ya what, I'm sadder for being all the wiser.  I thought it'd be really neat if the moon were made of Camembert or Roquefort cheese.  Even a nice ripe Gorgonzola.  But no, the moon's just moon, and it just reflects the sun's light.

How'd I get to talking about cheese, anyway? ... Oh, yeah.  My disco ball!

What's that? ... Did I get a pet lobster, too?
Now, the disco ball that I got from the Lowe's last week when I was visiting Pittsburgh isn't mirrored, it doesn't hang from the ceiling, and it doesn't reflect other lights' light.  It brings its own to the party, and what a party it is!

You see, it's a black ball, the size of a volleyball, but it sits on a base, and it has all kindsa colored lenses all over it.  When ya turn it on, it spins around and around.  I suppose you could say it spins itself right 'round, right 'round, like a record, Baby, right 'round-'round-'round-'round, except instead of like a record, it goes around and around like a neat light, because that's what it is.

And while it's spinning around, the lightbulb inside shines through those lenses, and puts the lights around the room.  It's really quite extraordinary, especially at night.

No, no pet Lerbert the Lobster.  Not yet!
Now, I bet you're wondering if I save my disco ball light for special occasions or if I use it every day, and I'll tell ya.  I use it every day.  I had Mommy put it in our living room.  It really classes up the joint.  And during the day, when I'm in the living room, you can bet that disco ball is turned on and lit up!

I tried to talk Mommy in to carrying the disco ball up to my bedroom when I go up for bedtime or naps, but she said that's ridiculous, and I needed to choose where I wanted my disco ball to be located.

On one hand, it woulda been more fun to have it in my bedroom, because it's dark in there, and I'm in there when it's dark, so the lights would show up better on the walls.  But I'm in the living room more, and when I'm in the living room, I'm awake.

What it came down to was I wanted to be around my disco ball when I was awake to enjoy it. 

...But check out my cool purple nose!
Plus, like I said, it really classes up our living room.  I really don't know why Mommy and Daddy didn't have a disco ball long before I came along.  I really don't!  They could have had a classy house for YEARS now! 

Oh, well.  As long as they have a classed-up place now.  That's all that matters to me!  Can't do anything about the past, but I can change the present for the better, and the disco ball makes the present better!  You bet!
If you've been following along for any amount of time, you might remember that I wanted a disco ball so I could throw house parties and have people pay money to come to my party, so I could earn and save up enough money for a fish tank set-up, so I could go to the Red Lobster and adopt a lobster out of their tank and bring it home.  I'd name my pet lobser Lerbert.

I'm still holding out the hope that someday, I'll be able to purchase that fish tank, and adopt Lerbert the Lobster. Mommy says it's impossible, because she and Daddy are deathly allergic to lobster dander, so if we
had a lobster in our house, Mommy and Daddy would be really sick.  I think that's just terrible.  Being deathly allergic to lobster dander.  I hope I didn't inherit that allergy! 

And at least I got a disco ball!
You know, I'll hafta look it up on the World Wide Web, Friends, this lobster dander allergy!  Maybe I can find some information Mommy can take up to her allergist one of these days.  You know?  Maybe he has just the prescription medication to help with a lobster dander allergy.  That'd be great!  It'd be great for two reasons: first, I'd be able to adopt a pet lobster and name him Lerbert, and second, I would have helped Mommy and Daddy with a debilitating allergy.  Lobster dander.  My goodness!

Finding information.  Helping people.  Adopting lobsters and namin' them Lerbert.  It's what I'm all about, Friends! 

That, and dancin' with my disco ball!

 I love ya, Friends!  Muah!

Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Dancify Your Wednesday!

You know what we need, Friends?
Hiya, Friends!  How are you today?  You know what I'm thinking?  I'm thinking that now that it's Wednesday, it's time for a little dancification.

You can do whatever dance you wanna do.  You can do The Zoe Dance if ya want.  Or you can do a different dance.  I'm thinking about learning to do the Watusi.

 I don't really know much about the Watusi.  I don't even know how to Watusi.  I heard about it in a song about a thousand dances, and I haven't had time to consult my usual Internet sources for learning new things.  But I'm going to. 

It doesn't matter what dance you do.  It doesn't matter if you know how to dance it, or where it came from.  The important thing is that you dance your dance.  You know what I'm saying, Friends? 

Some wise person said it best when they said "Dancin's good for the soul."
You need a dancification!

I didn't say that.  I mean, I didn't say it first.  I know I said it just now.  What I'm saying is that I can't take credit for it.  But I believe it to be true in my heart of hearts and in the soles of my shoes.  Dancin's good for the soul.  It's good for whatever's ailin' ya.  Unless it's the lumbago.  If you've got the lumbago, then dancin's definitely not good for that.  Maybe some nice gentle stretching, or resting. 

Write that down.  No dancing if you have the lumbago.  Everybody else, let's celebrate Wednesday by giving it a little shimmy and a lot of shake, okay?  Can you do that with me? 

I think we're at salt-shaker level of shake-ness.  Maybe Polaroid level.  It depends on what your Wednesday's doing for ya.  But whatever ya do, Friends, don't just sit there.  Hop up outta your seat and shake it!  Even just for a few minutes.  You know you want to.  You know your Wednesday's going to be instantly better if you dance for a little bit.  But not if you have the lumbago.  I cannot stress that enough!

All right, Friends!  I love ya!  Muah!

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

A Fashion Revival

Aprons: write it down, Friends! I'm bringin' 'em back!
Hiya, Friends!  You know what?  I wore an apron at Aunt Colleen's house, and I loved it!

I know aprons can have a frumpy reputation.  But it's because you don't know the right apron.  See, my plan is to bring 'em back.  Reinvent the apron as a fashion must-have.  Look at me in the picture to the left, for a for-instance.  It's snappy in black and white. I accessorized with my trusty silver shoes, but if that isn't your style, you could dress an apron up with a pretty bow in your hair- they're not all bad, in limited doses, the hair ornaments!  Or you could wear a fancy pair of gloves with your apron.  Or--I know!  A big hat!  Wear your apron in new ways!  I like wearin' an apron as a dress!  How about that?!

All it takes is an apron, a little imagination, and a little daring to be different, Friends!  That's all it takes, and then a trend is born!  Don't be afraid!

Monday, June 17, 2013

The Cow in the Dairy Department

Wha-a-a-at? There's a cow in the dairy department!
Hiya, Friends!  I had the most curious experience a few days ago, when I was at Aunt Colleen's.  It was just crazy.  See, I'd just been at Handel's for ice cream, and we had to run over to the dang ol' Market District to get me some milk and bananas afterward.

At first, it was all blah-blah-blah, Produce Department, blah-blah-blah Bulk Candy, whatever.  And there it was.  The Dairy Department.  There was something there that made me sit right up in that shopping cart and take notice. 

It was a cow!  Standing on top of a display of cheese and butter and flavored iced tea. ... The flavored iced tea's place in the display still puzzles me, but that's besides the point that THERE WAS A WHOLE COW STANDING ON TOP OF THE DISPLAY, right there in the store!
I gotta tell ya, Ms. Moo, I love your work! Love it lots!

At first, I thought that was really weird that there was a cow standing up on the display of cheese and butter and such, but then I decided it made lotsa sense.  I think it's great.  You know why?  I love milk.  I love cheese.  Ummmmm, I haven't had much in the way of butter, but I bet I'd like it.

And how often do I get to tell a cow I admire their work?  No, really.  How often?  I mean, I see cows out in the field across the road from my house, but when I see 'em, I get all tongue-tied.  I get all nervous.  But that cow in the Dairy Department at Market District... well, she was very approachable.  I was a little bit star-struck, but I got to tell her I'm a big fan of her work.

Woulda given 'er a big ol' hug if she hadn't been up so high. 

And let's face it.  A meeting with a cow in the dairy department is a lot less awkward than meeting a Black Angus over in Meats woulda been.  Am I right, Big People?

Sunday, June 16, 2013

Iced Hot Cocoa: Isn't It Just Chocolate Milk?

Why, yes, I would like a summer-appropriate beverage!
Hiya, Big People! Well, now that it's summertime, I've noticed some commercials for a beverage that baffles the heck out of me. 

I'm talking about Iced Hot Cocoa.  I mean, what?

I understand this curious trend you Big People have, of taking a traditionally hot beverage, and pouring it over ice, to make it Iced Hot Beverage.  Iced Tea, I'm completely on board with.  I'm a fan, myself, namely because Iced Tea is paired up with lemon, usually, and when Mommy gets Iced Tea and we're out and about, I find a way to nick the lemon off her glass and enjoy that delicious citrus fruit all on its own.  Oh, it's so good!

I even understand Iced Coffee beverages, whether it's Iced Latte, Iced Cappuccino, or just plain Iced Coffee.  I get it.

You mean to tell me Iced Hot Chocolate is a thing?
Now, the thing that I don't understand is Iced Hot Cocoa or Iced Hot Chocolate.  I just don't get it.  See, I've helped Mommy make Hot Cocoa for us.  We heat up milk, and then add some sugar and powdered cocoa.  Or if we want to have Hot Cocoa fast, we get some hot water out of the Instant-Hot, and stir in some Hot Cocoa mix.  So if you want Iced Hot Cocoa, you take the milk, heat it up, add the sugar and cocoa, stir it up good, and then pour it over ice.

Ummm... that seems weird to me.  Why would you heat up the milk, only to pour it over ice cubes?  Wouldn't you be farther along on the Summer-Appropriate Beverage train if you just got the cold milk out of the fridge and put in some chocolate syrup and shook it up really good?  Because Iced Hot Cocoa sounds exactly like Chocolate Milk, but with an extra step or two.

What's the deal with making it hot before you make it cold, if all's you want is cold chocolate milk?
Solvin' problems, savin' steps: it's what I do!

Big People, you know I love ya.  I love ya lots.  I don't always understand ya, but I love ya.  But this thing with the Iced Hot Cocoa just weirds me right the heck out.  I don't understand why you don't just call it what it is: Chocolate Milk.  And then why won't you just take out the step of heating up the milk and pouring it over the ice.  You could even take some whipped cream and put it on top of your chocolate milk, so it's all fancy and you feel special, like I get to eat Jell-O at the Texas Hot in Downtown Wellsville.  They serve that Jell-O in such a fancy dish that you can't help but feel as though you're some kind of Very Important Person!  So if it makes ya feel special to squirt some whipped cream on your chocolate milk, you go right ahead, Friends.  You go right ahead!

I think one thing we can agree on is that cookies, which goes with Hot Cocoa as well as with Chocolate Milk, are delicious, and we should strive for five servings of cookies a day!  We'd all be happier, I think!

Saturday, June 15, 2013

It's Saturday! Let's go Imaginary Golfing!

Come golfing with me!
Hiya, Big People!  How are you today?  How's your weekend?  Mine's pretty great.  Saturdays are one of my six favorite days of the week.  My least favorite day is Monday, but sometimes Mondays bring a longer weekend, so I can't hate them entirely. 

Ummm, I guess you could say Monday and I have an understanding. 

I'm not talking about Monday, though right now.  I was wondering how your Saturday's going.

I like to imagine sometimes.  Well, all the time.  And since it's Saturday, I'd imagine I'm out golfing with a buncha Big People.  That's what you do on Saturdays, right, Friends?  Some of you golf?

Fashionably speaking, I figured it'd be okay, even preferable if I wore my beloved sparkly purple goggles and my floppy frog sunhat for playing Imaginary Golf.

Oooh!  How'd I miss that shot?
You wanna be comfortable when you play a sport, don't you agree, Friends?  Well, I guess you wanna be comfortable if you're playing a sport if you're not a girl.  I just read in a fitness-themed magazine that some of the girls at the Olympics were being made fun of because they weren't little twig-looking things.  I mean, they were at the Olympics, for Pete's Sake, and I said to Mommy, 'Mommy, I thought this was twenty-thirteen!"  And Mommy said "It is, but we still have a long way to go!"

I wonder what those commentators would think of my milk belly!  I love my belly!  I wouldn't want anybody to make fun of it and hurt its feelings.

But here on my Imaginary Golfing Expedition, nobody's allowed to say anything mean or snarky about somebody else's shape.  Deal?

I bet there's cookies in the clubhouse.  I'm going there!
And.  I get to drive the golf cart.  It's right in the contract.  ... Um, I'm pretty sure it is, Big People!  Look it up!  'Zoe drives the golf cart, always, because she's a superior golf cart driver!

I'll tell ya what I'm not superior at, even in an Imaginary Golfting (tm) Expedition.

Actually getting that little white ball into the hole.  It's like the ball and the hole are both the north pole on a magnet.  You know how if you're trying to stick two north poles together, it just doesn't work?  Well, that's how it is when I try to put a ball into the little hole in golf, even in my head. 

I think it wasn't meant to be.

You know what IS meant to be?  We're meant to have a Super Saturday today, Friends!  Whether you're good at golf or not, I love ya just the same!  Muah!

Friday, June 14, 2013

...An' I Got A DISCO BALL Out of the Deal!

Oh, my goodness, what is this?
Hiya, Friends!  As you may or may not know, I recently spent some time in Wexford, visiting my Aunt Colleen.  Some big things happened while I was there! 

What's the big deal, you ask?  Well, I'll tell ya!

First, I turned Twenty-One Months Old on Sunday.  That was a big deal, because people make a big deal about turning Twenty-One Years Old, and I decided Twenty-One Months ought to be a big deal, too!  That's what!

Second, I got to eat ice cream all the nights I was there, and that was two!  Two nights in a row of eating ice cream.  I went to Handel's one night and had chocolate ice cream.  The next night, I went to Bruster's and had Purple Dinosaur ice cream!  It was great!

This is for ME?!  Do I get to keep it?
Third, I got to eat at Eat-N-Park twice!  I got TWO Smiley Cookies, which I LOVE, and I got TWO Eat-N-Park kid cups with pictures of Smiley all over them, which I LOVE!  It's pretty hard for Eat-N-Park to do wrong by me, Friends.

Fourth, I had a really productive meeting with my Little Giraffe friend, Wellington.  I think those Little Giraffes are FINALLY starting to come around to not crossing that busy Route 19 to get to the Sonic.  I worry about those guys!

Fifth!  Now this is BIG, Friends!  I got a DISCO BALL!!!  It isn't a mirror ball, but it's still PRETTY DARNED COOL!

I saw it at Lowe's, in the lighting department.  I took Mommy, Gramma, Aunt Colleen, and Uncle Lorentz to Lowe's to show them my favorite department, the lighting department, and we were driving by a display of table-lamps, and there it was: a glorious, spinning, multicolored magical orb.  I really wanted one, but Mommy kept driving.

Boy, was I disappointed!

Owning a disco ball is pretty fun, Friends!
But you know how I do, Friends.  You know how I roll.  I rise above.  I try to rise above.  So as Mommy was getting ready to check out with the boring doorbell she bought, and the boring under-cabinet lights (actually those under-cabinet lights are pretty neat!  I've been playing with 'em, and they're really fun!), Uncle Lorentz asked me if I wanted to wait outside.  I said, 'Yeah!' and he let me sit on some lawn tractors!

I thought that, and the ice cream, was the pinnacle of awesomeness for the night, so when we got back to the house, and suddenly the very Disco Ball Light I wanted at the store turned up, I was so excited, I couldn't even speak.  I thought it was a joke.  I mean, I've wanted a disco ball for my whole entire life!

Well, now I have a disco ball of my very own.  And I love it!

Thursday, June 13, 2013

If Nora the Giraffe Jumped Off A Bridge...

Nora's wearin' a bow, so I can too!
Hiya, Friends!  Well, it's happened.  I'm wearin' a hair ornament, and not throwin' a fit about it.  Today.  It doesn't mean I'm fickle in my feelings for hair ornaments.  It just means that I'm picking and choosing when I clip one in. 

You see, my Aunt Colleen got me a T-shirt with a picture of my friend Nora the Giraffe on it.  You know how much I love that Nora.  She's such an inspiration.  And she's so, so sweet.  I just love Nora!  Well, on this T-shirt with her picture on it, she's wearin' a bright neon yellow flower!  I think she looks great!

It got me thinking.  If Nora looks so nice with a hair ornament, maybe I would, too.  So this morning, I asked Mommy for a bow, and she put one in my hair that's the same color as Nora's flower!

You know, I didn't like to wear hats, and then I saw Nora at the mall, and she was wearing a floppy hat, and I thought she looked nice, so I tried wearing a hat out in the sun, and you know what?  I love hats now!

I understand how this all could beg the question "If Nora the Giraffe jumped off a bridge, would you jump too?"  And I hafta assure you that it isn't like that at all.  I don't copy-cat EVERYTHING Nora does.  I just admire her, that's all!

Bows aren't all bad, I think!
How it works is I see her wearing something like a hat or a hair bow, you know, things I've been known to resist.  And she's getting along just fine with whatever it is, and I see that Nora can get on great with a hair-bow, or a hat, and it inspires me to try a hat or a bow, and then I find out it isn't so bad!  That's not copy-catting.  Not really.  I don't think it is, anyway.  There's a difference between being inspired by someone and copy-catting them.  At least that's what I think.

But to answer the question at hand that wasn't actually asked, but I know you're thinking it, I'd hafta say if Nora jumped off a bridge, would I?  No.  Certainly not.  Why is Nora jumping off the bridge?  Is it a high bridge?  Maybe there's a fire on the bridge, and the only way to save yourself is to jump off it.  If that's the case, then I certainly would jump off the bridge!  Yes I would!

But not because Nora jumped off the bridge.  I'd jump because it's a good idea in that instance.  Know when to lead and when to follow.  That's what I say!  I love ya, Big People!  Muah!