Saturday, November 30, 2013

Hopin' for a Sensational Saturday!

I'm crossin' my fingers and hopin' for a Sensational Saturday!
Hiya, Friends!  Has your food settled from all the eatin' you did on Thanksgiving?  Did you get in a little exercise to help it on its way? 

I'm not here to nag you about exercising today, Friends.  Don't you worry about that.  No. What I'm here to do is cross my fingers and hope we all have a Sensational Saturday.  It's pretty difficult not to have a good day on a Saturday, but I figure I'll just help things along some and do some active hopin' and wishin' for us.

You know what else I'm crossing my fingers for?  Yes, I'm still crossing my fingers for a pet lobster named Lerbert.  I betchya thought I forgot all about wanting a pet lobster named Lerbert, but I haven't.  And Mommy still says no.  She says I'm severely allergic to lobster dander, and having a lobster tank in my bedroom would give me Anaphylactic  Shock.

I say that's what Epi-pens are for, by golly!  Allergy shots!  Friends, I think the benefits of having a pet lobster named Lerbert would far outweigh any risks of this "Anaphylactic Shock" from Lerbert's lobster dander would present to me.

What is Anaphylactic Shock, anyhow, Friends?  Is there even such a thing?  I bet Mommy made it the heck up.  She does things like that.  If she doesn't want me to do or have or get something, she makes up consequences to try to deter me.  You know, like if I drink iced tea, it'll stunt my growth, or if I keep jumping on the couch, my face will stick in the look it was in when I started jumping on the couch.  Anaphylactic Shock is probably just like those things.  Made the heck right up.

So my fingers are crossed for all of us to have a Sensational Saturday, and also for me to get a pet lobster named Lerbert.  That's what.

I'll see ya tomorrow, friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Friday, November 29, 2013

Make It, Check It!

I've gotta give my eyes a break from so many checks!
Hiya, Friends!  Well, I've gotta tell ya now that the Christmas Season has started, I'm helping my pal Santa Claus with some of the North Pole's lists.  He has elves for all that, but said that it's important to have an independent auditor put another pair of non-elf eyes on the lists, so he picked me to help.

I had to get all kinds of clearances for the job.  I have Super Secret Tippy-Top Secret Clearance for this job, so I've gotta keep mum on what I see.  Even on what kinds of lists I'm auditing.  So you can't know for sure whether I'm auditing the Naughty or Nice Lists or just Mrs. Claus's grocery list.

I'm gettin' paid in hot cocoa and peppermint sticks for this!
Sometimes I don't even know for sure.

It's a fun job, anyway.  I don't get to make any decisions.  I just make sure that all the checkmarks add up.  How it works is that Santa makes a list, checks it twice, sends it to the elves for processing, and then everything comes to me for auditing.

If you think I've just given something Super Secret Tippy-Top Secret away, rest assured that I have not.  Every list that Santa makes, he makes it and checks it twice.  Even his to-do lists for every single day.  And he told me I could tell you that.

It feels good, helping my friend Santa Claus out!
When you've got a job as important as Santa Claus's, you can't be too careful about your lists that you make.  You just can't.  You can't afford to miss even the tiniest of details.  That's why I don't think it's a bit strange that Santa Claus has a whole army of elves looking over his lists after he makes 'em and checks 'em twice, and that's why I also think it's an honor that I was included as an independent contractor, to audit Santa Claus's lists. 

It makes me feel really good that someone as important as Santa Claus trusts me with a job as important as going over the lists!  Santa Claus is a Big Cheese, and because he trusts me enough to do this job for him, it makes me feel like a Big Cheese, too! 

Not quite as big a cheese as Santa Claus, but you get the drift, Friends, don't you?

Plus, it's a nice break from the TPS Reports.

Hey, I'll tell ya what, Friends!  I'd better get back at checking Santa's lists for him.  I'll see ya tomorrow, though.  I love ya!  Muah!

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Happy Thanksgiving!

Please and thank-you are always in style!
Hiya, Friends!  Well here we are at Thanksgiving!  The Great American Eating Holiday.  Happy Thanksgiving!

As you  probably gathered from yesterday's Best Guest Guide, I've been giving this Great American Eating Holiday lotsa thought.  Lotsa preparation.  I've really been brushing up on my own skills'n'manners, so I don't commit a faux pas.  Some of the things I've learned have been real eye-openers, Friends!

I'll share some with ya!

Did you know that if you're sitting at the table, and you're drinking out of your cup, and you notice that the person next to you has not only iced tea in their glass, but also ice cubes and a lemon wedge (known to me as the Trifecta of Awesomeness!), it isn't okay to just reach in and grab out the lemon wedge or a piece of ice?
Save dancin' for the floor, after the meal!

It isn't!  You hafta ask, and then probably wait for that person to fish out their lemon wedge or a piece of ice and give it to you.  And just between you and me and the Internet, Friends, my Daddy's much more awesome about surrendering his lemon wedge to me than Mommy is. 

I love that Daddy!  He's a good egg!

Another thing that surprised me about table manners is that it's generally frowned upon when someone dances on the table before the meal has been served or during the eating of the meal.  You know I think dancin's good for the soul, but I've been corrected on a coupla occasions about dancin' on the table while people are trying to eat. 

I suppose it makes sense, Friends.  You wouldn't want to be doing the can-can and kick over somebody's beverage.  You wouldn't wanna get your foot in mashed potato while doing the Mashed Potato.  Could get slippery, and it's always Safety First!  It is!

Also, milk is for drinking, not blowing bubbles in!
The last thing that really took me aback was finding out that when you have a glassa milk and a straw, you're not s'posedta blow bubbles in it.  You're not, Friends!  And it's too bad, too, because blowin' milk bubbles is a whole lotta fun, especially if you've got chocolate milk.  I like to think that blowing bubbles in the chocolate milk makes the chocolate and the milk mix better, but I guess that isn't how it works.

Anyway, you're gonna hafta color me surprised on a lot of these nuances of table manners, Friends! 

I've studied up on 'em, and today's the big day.  I get to put 'em into practice at this Great American Eating Holiday! 

Thanks for dropping in and seeing me today, Friends!  I'll be back tomorrow.  I love ya!  I love ya lots!  Happy Thanksgiving! Muah!

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

Zoe's Guide to Being Best Guest

Pay attention!  This is important!
Hiya, Friends!  Well, the Big Day's tomorrow.  Thanksgiving Day.  Now, there are a lotta places out there that tell ya how to get all hopped up to be a great Thanksgiving Day Host, but as I'm not in that place yet, to host a Feast, I'd like to pass on some of my ideas on how to be the best Thanksgiving Guest around!  I'll start with Things Not To Do, or you could end up on a permanent Unvite List, and then go on to how to be the Best!  How 'bout it, Friends?

Okay, here we go!

First of all, remember that you're a guest in someone else's home.  That means you oughtta stay in the designated Guest Area of the home.  For instance, if the home where you're Thanksgivinging in has a bathroom downstairs for guests (usually called a guest bathroom), stay downstairs and use the guest bathroom.  Don't wander upstairs to the bathroom up there, unless there's someone in the guest bathroom and you really hafta go.  If it's practicable, ask first by saying something like "Hey, there's somebody in the guest bathroom down here, can I use the bathroom upstairs real quick?!"

I'm sure your host will be gracious and say sure!

So, that brings up my next point.  If you're using a bathroom other than one designed for visitors, remember that your host was gracious enough to allow you to use it, and even that your host was gracious enough to invite you into their home.  You be a gracious guest and don't snoop through the cupboards or the medicine cabinet, mmmmkay?  My friend Sabretooth had this problem with a friend of a friend when he'd have dinner parties.  He suspected that his friend Iceberg Penguin's friend Prissy was going through his medicine cabinet, so he invited them over to his house and put MARBLES in the medicine cabinet, so if Prissy got to snooping around in there, out would come the marbles and make a big noise, and sure enough, she did, and they did, so now everybody knows Prissy's a snooper!

Don't be a snooper, going through other people's medicine cabinets, when you're a guest at their house for Thanksgiving.  It's not that they have anything to hide, but it's just not very polite to go through people's things without their permission.  If you're experiencing a headache or indigestion or a wardrobe emergency, and you didn't come prepared, quietly and discreetly take aside your host and ask if he or she has anything to help you, such as an aspirin, a bicarbonate of soda, or perhaps you need some fashion tape, a safety pin, or a hair clippie.  Just ask!  There's no need to be a snooper-pooper!

Something else that you should do is keep your criticism of the food choices to yourself.  If your host has apple cider as a beverage choice, and you think apple cider is out and egg nog is in, you just keep that right to yourself, Sunshine.  Maybe your host really loves apple cider.  Maybe someone else at the party loves apple cider.  If you don't like it, or you don't wanna drink it because you think it's out of season starting November First, choose a different beverage!  The important thing to remember is that you are a guest in someone else's house.  That doesn't give you license to criticize ... well, anything.  On the other hand, if you really love Egg Nog, and would be disappointed if it isn't served, nothing says you can't bring along some Egg Nog!  How about that?!

While you're at the table, please avoid controversial topics such as politics or your cousin Sally's new face-tattoo that you hate.  Also, avoid any topic that could be construed as unappetizing.  This one's a hard one for me, because I can't figure out why gas is a taboo table-topic.  Everybody gets gas.  Everybody burps!  But I've been told it's a Taboo Topic at dinner.  While we're at Taboo Topics, don't try to pick a fight with anybody else at the table, and don't be so needy for attention that you're acting out in hopes of somebody telling you to shut up.  If you're feeling ignored at the table, and you can't seem to help yourself from bringing up Taboo Topics, Gross Conversations, or Touchy Subjects, pretend you're an anthropologist, observing another culture and keep your eyes open and your mouth shut, except for when you're taking another bite!

If you've got camera duty, whether you volunteered for it, or someone told you to take pictures of Thanksgiving, remember that in this capacity, you're there to document the gathering, not to be the center of attention.  If you're constantly shouting out "Hey, everybody!  Look at me with the camera!" you're just gonna look like you're needy for attention.  Sometimes, it's nice to have candid pictures where people are behaving normally in a habitat and not turned awkwardly to show their teeth at a camera.  Don't keep making a buncha people stand there in awkward rows while you try to get a perfect smile out of everybody.  Three snaps, and you're done.  If Aunt Mabel still looks like somebody hit her in the butt with a sour apple, well, isn't that just the sort of memory you're after?  No need to punish everybody else at the gathering, standing there, bored out of their gourds, while you snap and fiddle and cajole. Now, if somebody doesn't want you putting your camera in their face, respect it.  If someone tells you they don't want their picture taken, don't keep trying to wheedle them into having their picture taken.  That could be construed as being very needy for attention, wrapped up in Wanting To Be Helpful.

Arrive with your sparkling personality on!
If you've got a camera and have yourself on Snap Patrol, just be cool about it, Friends!  Just be cool about it!

Now, Friends, I know that might have seemed a little negative, my list of DON'Ts, but it really needed to be said.  I'd hate to have any of my Friends end up on somebody's Unvite list, and my sources tell me those are some surefire ways to ensure you wind up on that list.

But now, here's my guide to being the Best Guest this holiday season!

First, you're gonna wanna pay attention to the invitation.  What time does it say to be there?  What kind of dinner is it?  Is it a buffet?  A sit-down?  Is it catered by tuxedo-wearing butlers?  If it's catered by tuxedo-wearing butlers, whose Thanksgiving are YOU going to, and can I come along?  I've never seen a spectacle like that before!

Back on track.  You don't wanna be late for dinner, especially if it's a sit-down, but you don't wanna arrive very early and make your host uncomfortable, especially if you're the sort to be less of a helper and more of a hoverer (be honest and have a jaundiced eye about yourself here, Friends!).  I'd say if the invite says things start at 5, get there at 5.  5:10 if you wanna be fashionably late.  If the invitation says that Dinner Starts at 6:00, that means your host wants everybody in the building and ready to sit down at 6, so you probably oughtta get there around 5:45 or so.  But I think if your host has a specific time they want everybody's bodies at the table, they oughtta plan a Hors d'oeuvres Half-Hour, so the invite oughtta say "Hors d'oeuvres at 5:30, Sit-Down Dinner at 6:00."

You know, if you're in doubt, give your host a call and find out what time they really want people turning up at their house.  Honesty is the best policy, and I'm just learnin' these things, too!  When I don't know something, I ask about it!  So should you, Big People!

Next, if you're so inclined, ask your host what you can bring.  A side-dish?  A jugga apple cider (hahahaha!)?  Some rescue frozen pizzas to keep in the freezer, just in case the Main Event doesn't work out quite as planned?

If your host says you don't need to bring anything but yourself, but you feel bad about coming empty-handed, you can always bring a very small, thoughtful host gift, such as a little scented candle for in the powder room, or a little boxa chocolates for the host to enjoy after everybody goes home and things are all cleaned up, or just a little, unobtrusive token just to say 'thanks for having me over!'  It doesn't hafta be extravagant.

For instance, when I'm invited to my pal Sabretooth's house for dinner, I bring along a little can of tunafish.  It's something Sabretooth really likes to eat.  He's not big on chocolate, so tunafish is his treat.

Being Best Guest all comes down to observing Good Manners, Friends!
After the meal, if you really wanna rock as a guest, offer to help carry the dishes into the kitchen.  If your host says no, back off.  They have their reasons.  Don't read into it.  Just go mill around.  But at least offer.  Likewise for maybe helping wash the dishes.  Sometimes, it's more work to have a helper when you're washing dishes, so again, ask, and don't be mad if you get told 'no thank you, please!'  Also, don't get mad if your host takes you up on your offer to help!

Finally, when it's the end of the night, know when to go home.  Don't make your host start turning out lights on you.  You don't wanna be the first one out the door, unless there's a pack of people being first out the door, in which case, you can saddle up and head out with the group.  But you definitely don't want to still be rattling around while your host is nodding off or acting antsy because he or she wants to get those dishes done.  Look for a natural lull in things, and then say 'Thank you for having me over!  I had a great time, and we'll do this again soon, but I'm gonna head out now!'  And then get your coat and boots on and go.  Don't slop things over.

So there it is, Friends!  That's the highpoints of being Best Guest.  It all boils down to remembering and practicing Good Manners.  It isn't some magical formula.  Just good ol' horse sense.  I hope my guide helps ya out, Friends!

I'll see ya tomorrow, right on Thanksgiving Day, so get a good night's sleep tonight, and maybe get in a little extra exercise, too.  You don't wanna splitchyer pants at the table!  That probably won't get you on the Permanent Unvite List, but it'll definitely make people giggle aboutchya!  Be safe out there!

I love ya, Friends!  Muah!

Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Thanksgiving's Just Two Days Away!

How'd it get to be the 26th already?!
Friends, I just looked at the calendar and noticed something disconcerting.  Thanksgiving's in two days.  How'd this happen?

I mean, I've known all month that it was coming, and I've known for the past week that we were in the last week before Thanksgiving, but now we're on the dang ol' Home Stretch.

It's true.  Once we hit Thanksgiving, it's a fast sled-ride straight through to Christmas, and by 'sled-ride,' I'm talking about one of those plastic Sno-Discs that somebody sprayed Pam Cooking Spray on the bottom of, so you're just spinning and sledding at break-neck speed, careening right down that hill. 

That's what this time of year feels like, and I'm just getting some anxiety, because here we are, two days away from Thanksgiving.  Are we ready?

I mean, are we really ready?  Do we have everything we need? 

Do you have your turkey?  Is it thawing out?  Thawing out a frozen turkey takes FOREVER!
Dean O., grab our coupon caddie and let's get to the store!

Do you have your frozen rescue pizzas, for just in case your turkey meal doesn't work out?  You oughtta figure on a frozen pizza per person, and buy a variety of them.  Some people like Pepperoni, some people like Supreme, some people like those Kashi frozen pizzas... Now is not the time to discriminate, Friends!  Just load up on Frozen Pizzas, just in case that turkey ends up being all dark meat, darker meat, and charcoal.  Or if it doesn't get cooked through all the way. 

Trust me, when you're cookin' a big important meal like Thanksgiving Dinner, things can go wrong.  You don't wanna have a houseful of people and nothing for 'em to eat.  It's best to have the back-up plan with the frozen pizzas.

Do you have enough Reddi Wip?  What about napkins?  Now is not the time to skimp on napkins, Friends!  Or carpet cleaner. Not for eating, but in case somebody has a spill!  It happens!

Jeez Louise!  What was I doing, relaxing all week?!  I have a lotta work to do, Friends, and I bet you do, too!  Grab your coupon caddies and let's get to the store!

I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love ya!  Muah!

Monday, November 25, 2013

Life Is Art, and I'm the Canvas!

It's sorta Joker meets Goth!
Friends, recently, I discovered the distinct pleasure of writing on my own face with a marker.  Some people who lack imagination are horrified by this. 

Of course, I'm talking about Mommy.  We were getting ready to go to the store one day, and she was putting on HER lipstick, so I grabbed a black Dry Erase... Expo brand, I think, but it isn't really important.  What IS important is that I used that black marker to put some color on my own lips and face, in preparation for going Out In Public- a girl likes to look her best, after all- and that Mommy flipped the heck right out about it.
It's a look all my own!

I asked her what the big deal was, and she said I couldn't go out with black marker on my face, because what would people think?

I'll tell ya what people would think.  They'd think I'm a kid with my own unique sense of style, no small amount of confidence and panache to pull off said style, and they'd probably think I look downright fabulous with that black marker on my lips and face.

Well, we can't have people thinking I'm confident and secure in my own unique style, now can we? 

And it's easy and fun to do!
We can't.  Not according to Mommy.  And I'd like to go on record as expressing just how hypocritical I think this is.  It's okay for HER to go out in public wearing black nail polish, but I can't have black marker on my face?!  Double standard!  

So don't you know that out came the Wet Wipes.  Don't you know they made quick work of my self-expression.  Darn them.

What Mommy is failing to appreciate here is that Life is Art, and I Am the Canvas!  I'd be mad at Mommy, but mostly, I just feel sad for her.  She must be dead inside, not to be able to appreciate the art I create on myself.  Hmmmm.   Anyway, I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  Be yourselves, no matter what anybody says or how many baby wipes they getchya with!

Sunday, November 24, 2013

When I'm Not In the Car!

This carseat feels like home to me and my tushy!
Friends, if you've been keepin' track at home, and I think you have, you'll know that I'm a Girl on the Go!  Always on the road!  As you can imagine, I start to feeling like I need to be strapped in my carseat, or else the day just hasn't gotten off to a correct start. 

Really!  I can be working along in my office, and suddenly get the feeling that Something's Missing.  I get to feeling like 'hey, I oughtta be buckled in and going places!'

Or, at the very least, if not going places, that I oughtta be buckled in. 
...So I had a carseat installed right inside my house!

Furthermore, you know, I'll be watching something on the television, like a Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood or a Sesame Street, and something will be so surprising to me that I'll pertineer fall right off'n' the couch.  You know!  Like when I think a word like 'Cookie' is going to start with the letter K, but it starts with the letter C instead, or when the fairies at Abby's Flying Fairy School turn themselves into chickens or something.  That's so surprising it darn near bowls me over, and I've thought multiple times that it'd be a handy thing to have a seat where I can buckle myself in and hold on.
Now I feel safe'n'secure and more like myself!

So I had a carseat, just like the one I ride around in when I ride around in the car, installed right in my house.  How about that, Friends?!

You might think that from the standpoint of safety, buckling up to watch Sesame Street right in my own house is overkill, but it really isn't.  Also, when I'm not buckled into a carseat, I feel like I'm walking around without pants on.  It's a breezy and uncomfortable feeling, when you get right down to it.  I mean, what if somebody comes to the door?

Now I don't hafta worry about that.  I just sit down in my inside carseat, buckle up, and feel just as at-home as I do when I'm riding around in the Jeep.

You just can't be too careful, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!

Saturday, November 23, 2013

The Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania

WOW!  This Canyon IS Grand!
Friends, until January, I thought that I live an hour away from the Grand Canyon, and suddenly, I had visions of riding a donkey to the bottom of the Grand Canyon and then riding it back up.  I thought that would be a pretty neat day trip for me to take with my family, and I was really disappointed that we hadn't done that yet. 

I really wanted to ride that donkey!

But anyway, I learned that the Grand Canyon I live an hour away from is the Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania.  It isn't the same as the Grand Canyon out west, but I heard that the Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania is something to see, just the same. 

Finally, earlier this Fall, before the weather got bad and before they put the salt that eats cars on the road, I had the opportunity to travel to the Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania in one of our Vroom-Vroom cars- the Spirit AMX.  Our car drove in a giant pack of other classic cars, and boy, was it ever fun!

When I got to the Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania, I couldn't believe it.  It was really pretty!  There were so many trees!  And I was way up high.  As far as I could see, there were trees and trees, and then steep hills, and a river!  The river was all the way at the bottom!

I wanted to go see the river, but Daddy said no.  I mentioned the donkeys, but Daddy said there aren't donkeys at the Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania, so I had to be happy admiring the river from afar.

Yes!  This IS the first time I've ever eaten at a Pizza Hut!
And for the most part, I was.

I was a little disappointed about not being able to ride a donkey to the bottom and back up, but I DID get to ride in the Vroom-Vroom.  So it wasn't all bad.

Then, when I thought things couldn't get any better,  all my friends got in their cars, and we all drove to a Pizza Hut!  And we had a dining room at Pizza Hut all to ourselves!

Now, I've been IN a Pizza Hut before.  All the way up in Arcade, New York.  But I was a little tiny baby, so I wasn't allowed to have any restaurant food.  I know you won't believe this now, but there was a time when I was really upset about restaurants, because Mommy and Daddy would take me to them, but I had to have Similac or pureed foods out of my On The Go Bag.  I never got to eat restaurant food, so it was a really big day for me when I finally got to eat restaurant food.

My Pizza Hut food was a great experience.  I loved everything about my breadsticks and my Supreme Pan Pizza.  It had the perfect balance of sauce, and bread, and vegetables!  Yum!

What's for dessert?
All in all, I had a great day at The Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania and the Pizza Hut.  I loved being out and about with so many people who love classic cars as much as I do, and I loved seeing new things and going on new adventures.  The fun cars are all put away for the winter now, but when I need to smile, I get out my memories of that day when we drove around the Grand Canyon of Pennsylvania, and I think those memories will get me through until next Fun Car Season!  I'm pretty sure they will!

You know what we don't have to wait until next Fun Car Season for, though, Friends?!  We don't hafta wait until next Fun Car Season before we see each other again!  I'll be right back here, bright'n'early tomorrow morning!

I'll see ya then, Friends!  Remember to buckle up and tip your waitress!

I love ya!  Muah!

Friday, November 22, 2013


Whaddaya mean we're not visiting Sesame Street?!
Friends, a little while back, I went on an epic road trip in Daddy's truck.  It was epic because I got to go to a whole new state I've never been to before, and also, I got to stay up past midnight!

At first, I hoped that we were heading to Sesame Street!  I mean, do you know how cool that'd be for a little kid, to hop in the truck and ride and wind up on Sesame Street?

It'd be pretty darned cool, in case you don't know. 

But that's not where I went in the truck on my epic road trip.

I went into New York State, which isn't unusual for me.  We went on the Southern Tier Expressway and drove for a long time, until we got to a place called Erie. 

I thought Erie was the end of the line, but here I am in Ohio!
Now, I thought Erie was in New York State, but I was surprised to find out that it isn't.  It's in Pennsylvania, the state where I live! But the fastest way to get there is to go into New York State.  How about that?!

I thought that we were gonna turn off the road and look around in Erie, PeeYay, since it took so long for us to get there, even taking the fast way on the thruway in New York State.  To be honest with ya, I was really ready to get out of the truck by the time we got to Erie, too.  I wanted to look at that big lake, which is also named Erie!

The truck kept driving, though.  I had to admire the lake through my window, and that's okay.  I sit up really high in the truck. 

Next thing I knew, we were in a brand new state to me.  We were in OHIO!  And guess what.  Daddy DID stop the truck and I got to get out and stretch my legs a little bit.  We were at a rest stop, and there was a monument there! 

Do they speak my language in Ohio?  They do!
I found out that Ohio is part of the Midwest, and I live in the Northeast, so not only did I visit a state that's completely new to me, I also visited a completely different region from where I live.  That's pretty neat. 

What struck me most was that people in Ohio are a lot like people in Pennsylvania or New York State.  They speak the same language I speak.  They wear the same kind of clothes.  They drive their cars on the same side of the road like we do, and use the same money we do.

It wasn't a trip to Sesame Street, but my epic trip to Ohio was still really cool.  If I ever go there again, I'd like to see the little car that the Cleveland Indians drive around.  It's shaped like a baseball!  I love things that are shaped like other things!

I love ya, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Thursday, November 21, 2013

Thanksgiving Shopping

It's that time of year to swarm the stores!
Friends, it's that time of year again, when we're s'posed to be getting together with our families and pausing to remember to be thankful for everything we have, and for everything we are.  I try to remember a little bit each day, but this is The Time Of Year for it.

With that being said, though, it's also a time of year when everything is all cranked up.  Stores are cranked up to sell, sell, sell.  Shoppers are all cranked up to buy, buy, buy.  Everybody feels like everything has to be PERFECT.  That constant chase for perfection can make us all forget what's important.

For instance, I was doing my shopping for Thanksgiving at the Little Kid Grocery Store.  Yes, the same place that makes the wonderful marshmallow salad and now limits how much wonderful marshmallow salad a kid can buy at one time.  That's okay, though.  Limited marshmallow salad is better than no marshmallow salad at all!

Anyway, I was doing my shopping for Thanksgiving, and it was a ZOO in there, Friends!  You wouldn't believe how people act!  Fighting over green beans in the canned goods aisle.  Getting into arguments over who was first in the line at the deli counter.  Quibbling over coupons in the check-out. 

Now, I understand, thirty cents off is thirty cents off, but if the coupon expired before you were born, you really oughtta letitgo and not make the checkout girl feel small for not taking the expired coupon, Friends.  Just sayin'. 

I'd never try to pass an extremely out-of date coupon at the checkout, Friends, but I hate to admit that I DID get carried away in the ugliness this time of year at the Little Kid Grocery Store.  I did.

Back off, Pidgie!  These crackers are mine! I'm makin' Goldfish Casserole!
You see, there was only one boxa Goldfish Crackers left on the endcap when I was coming out of the canned goods aisle.  I'm makin' Goldfish Casserole for my Thanksgiving feast, and I needed that boxa Goldfish Crackers.  I had my hands on the box when Pidgie McDougall raced over from the meat department and said she'd been eyeballin' those Goldfish while she was picking out her turkey leg in the meat case, and I should hand over the Goldfish. 

Well, Friends, Pidgie and I have a long history of antagonism, and don't you know this Tiger Baby roared right in Pidgie McDougall's face and told her that those Goldfish Crackers were going in MY Goldfish Casserole.  Then to drive the point home, I roared in her face again and hightailed it down the next aisle, where they have the Goya stuff.  I needed a container of Adobo.

Thing of it is, I got to feelin' bad about the way I roared at Pidgie.  I'm not a fan of hers by any stretch of the imagination, but it isn't like me to roar in people's faces like that, so I caught up to her at the checkouts.  I was already in line, and she was trying to find a checkout lane that wasn't ten people long. 

I'm sorry, Pidgie. Please enjoy going ahead of me in the checkout as a token of my sorritude!
I let Pidgie go in front of me and said I was sorry for earlier, when I roared at her.  Pidgie didn't have anything to say to me, and I guess that's okay.  Pidgie and I aren't friends.  I've told you that.  And I don't need her to be all chummy with me, even if I did let her go in front of me at the checkout line. 
The reason I did that was so I wouldn't feel so bad about roaring at her. 

Wouldn't you know, though, Friends.  That Pidgie had a full shopping cart, and an even fuller Coupon Keeper, so checking her order out took the girl FOREVER!  AND, Pidgie was trying to get her to take coupons from the Oughties!  What?!  Pidgie, you shouldn't try to use coupons that expired before you were born!  You're a year older than I am!  You weren't around for the Oughties, either!

Anyway, Friends.  Be aware.  The holidays are s'posed to be warm and happy and family-family-family, love-love-love, but sometimes, ugliness can rear its ugly head.  We're all under lotsa pressure to have everything Just So.  We're all under a lotta pressure, and we're all fightin' battles nobody knows about.  So even when you're dealin' with a Pidgie, it's important to try to be kind and not go out of your way to make trouble.  You don't hafta be a doormat, but you don't hafta roar in people's faces or be annoying just for the fun of it.  That's all I'm sayin'. 

Now, if you'll excuse me, I've gotta get my Little Kid Groceries put away so I can go on the Pinterest and look for the best recipe for Goldfish Casserole!  I love ya, Friends, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Wow! Whatta Wednesday!

There's a Major Eating Holiday just 'round the corner!
Hiya, Friends!  How are YOU today?  I'm pretty great.  Excited.  You know why?  Thanksgiving is next Thursday.  I'm excited because I'll get to see Aunt Colleen and Uncle Lorentz again- FINALLY! and also, have a lotta great stuff to eat, and also, I feel like I have a lot to be thankful for!  I really do, Friends!

First of all, I'm thankful that I get to see all of you every day, here on the blog, and over on the Facebook.  I can't begin to tell ya what a big cheese I feel like, knowing I've got so many nice people who are my friends.

Next, I'm really thankful that I can be happy.  I don't mean to sound stupid on this one, Friends.  I mean think about it.  Some people want to be happy.  They try really hard to be happy, and they just can't shake off the dark cloud hanging over their heads.  My heart goes out to those people who can't be happy.  That's why I'm so thankful that I get to be happy, all the way in my heart, even!

If you're sad, watch a really funny movie that makes ya laugh!
I mean, I have my moments where I get upset.  We all do, Friends.  But even when I'm upset, my heart is happy, and I know my upsetness won't last long.  I wish I could tell ya how I do it, Friends, in case you're in a dark cloud and can't get out of it.  I really wish I could, but the only things I can really come up with are that I eat well and get enough sleep, and laugh a lot.  I don't know if the laughing a lot makes me happy or if I'm happy because I laugh a lot.

Maybe if you're feeling really blue, put in a really funny movie that makes you laugh, and maybe you'll get to laughing and realize you feel a little better, and then little by little, you can lift yourself out of your cloud.  I don't know, though, Friends.  I wish I had the definitive answer on that one.  I wish I did, because I'd tell it to anybody who's struggling with a dark cloud today!

Dancin's good for your SOUL, Friends!
But back to things I wanna be thankful for.  I'm really thankful that I have Enough.  I have enough food, clothes, toys.  Is more nice?  Sure!  But it's also nice to know I have Enough.  I'm not going cold or hungry.  Not everybody can say that.  If you have Enough, too, Friends, it might be a good thing to just pause for a minute and reflect on how thankful you are to have Enough.

Also, I'm really thankful that I can dance.  Not in the way like "oooooh, look at me, I'm an excellent Dancer!" but in the way where if I'm happy, or I just wanna move my body through the air, I can dance and twirl and make Jazz Hands and have a great time.  I try not to take it for granted that I can dance and walk and run and play.  I really try not to, Friends, because I know there's people who'd give anything to be able to do those things, even for just a day.

I've got it really good, Friends, so I hope you're not offended if I break out into spontaneous bursts of gratitude over the next little while.  These Major Eating Holidays have that effect on me, Friends.  They make me remember how good I have it, and I just wanna be thankful for it.  I hope you think you have it really good, too, Friends. I know things feel like they're tough sometimes, but there is always someone out there who'd give anything to be in your spot for just a day. 

If you wanna, we can all be thankful together!  Either way, Friends, I love ya right to pieces.  I really do!  And I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Traumatized By The Toilet

Friends, be careful in those public bathrooms- you'll get flushed away!
Friends.  Something happened recently that has left me haunted, scarred, and scared.  As you know, I recently turned Two, and so the talk has been nonstop "Potty."  "Potty this," "Potty that," blah, blah, blah. 

Needless to say, the conversation bores me, so don't worry: today's topic of inquiry isn't my potty-training adventures.  I pledge to you right now that I will not go into all the minutiae about this much-ballyhooed milestone.  This post isn't about that, anyway.

What it IS about is the grown-up potty at the Olive Garden.  The other Friday, I enjoyed a nice Olive Garden dinner with my Mommy and Daddy.  My pizza was sub-par, but I liked eating all the little yellow peppers out of the endless salad bowl, and I got a big kick out of that little cheese grinder our waitress used!  Boy, was that ever cool!

Then, when we were on our way out the door, Mommy took me into the ladies' room on the grounds of something about a squooshy tushy.  Whatever.  I did appreciate not having to ride around in a wet didey, though, so I'll forgive her that part of this transgression.  What I will not forgive Mommy for is making me go into the stall with her.  It was all fine until the flushing part, and they have those potties that flush with a mind of their own.  Mommy and I didn't know that.  She told me she'd warn me before she flushed, but she didn't have a chance to, and it sounded like our stall was inside a hurricane.

Friends, it SCARED me!  You know how much I hate to play the toddler card and cry, but the flushing sound startled me so that I couldn't help it.  And then I was upset that I started crying, because Mommy had just got done saying what a big girl I'd been when we were in the restaurant.  Mommy musta felt bad, too, because she let me have an extra squirt of foamy soap when we were washing our hands.

I thought that was the end of it, but this last weekend, I found myself in lotsa public potties, Friends.  Not as a participator, but as a stander-byer, waiting for Mommy (she should look into getting some Big People dideys, I think, Friends.  Or not drink so darn much water and coffee!). I'll tell ya what.  all the times I had to go into the potty with Mommy, I didn't want her closing the door, but she would.  I didn't wanna stand in the stall, because the potties flush LOUD!  It's scary!

Plus, I really worry about getting flushed right down the toilet with the water, and that'd be just awful.  I guess you could say I'm still hooked on my Pampers, darn it.  At least they don't flush all on their own and make ya wanna pee your pants all over again!

There.  I said it.  I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends, but in the meantime, you be careful in those public potties.  I don't wantchya to fall in and get flushed!  I love ya!  Muah!

Monday, November 18, 2013

...That Awkward Moment...

Did I turn off my coffeemaker this mornin'?
Hiya, Friends!  How are you this Monday?  I'm okay, I think.  Have you ever had one of those awkward moments when you get yourself all dressed, and you make your coffee and eat your breakfast, then go out to your car and get in it and drive to where you work, and say "Hiya" to Hector at the Security Kiosk, ride the elevator up to your floor, avoid Mitch from Accounting, get to your desk, take your coat off, set out your sharpened pencils and crayons for a day of filling out TPS Reports, sit down, stand back up and talk to Sabretooth a minute, sit back down, crack your knuckles, stretch, log in to your computer, call Donut Dude to make sure he has everything for your order for the Donuts in the Conference Room this week, hang up the phone with Donut Dude, and realize... can't remember whether or not you turned off your coffeemaker before you left your house this morning?

In case you can't tell, that's exactly what's happening in my world today, Friends.  I don't remember turning off my coffeemaker, but I don't remember not turning off my coffeemaker. 

Now, if I had a smart coffeemaker with a smartphone application, I could just log in and see, and if I left it on, I could turn my coffeemaker off remotely, right from my desk at the office.  But I don't have any of those things.  NO.  Mommy makes me go around with not a smartphone, but just a feature phone for if I have car trouble, or if I run into a problem on the North Bingham Underground.  She says it's some blah, blah, blah about not wanting me to be spoiled.

Back to the coffeemaker, though.  I can't really go home to check, because I'm already here at work, and on the clock.  I can't just traipse off to go home and check on my coffeemaker.  Not with Employee Reviews coming up!

So here's what I did.  I looked up on the World Wide Web the very coffeemaker I have and found out that whether or not I remembered to turn it off before I left my house, it has an automatic shut-off feature that turns it off after an hour anyway.  So I'm all set.


Maybe my coffeemaker's smarter than I gave it credit for being!

I love ya, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Mystery Solved!

Don't I feel silly, getting all worried about Justice?
Friends, the other day, I posted a post about my confusion with the phrase "Might Justice Swell."  I didn't know what certain things had to pertain to Justice swelling, and it really had me bothered.  So I did some sleuthing after I finished writing, and as it turns out, you Big People aren't saying "Might Justice Swell" when someone asks you if you want dessert, or if you wanna go to Walmart since you're right there at the dang ol' Mall anyway, or if you're gonna stay and play one more hand of rummy.

That isn't what you're saying at all, Friends!  Whew!

I found out that what you say in those instances is "Might just as well!"

If ya say it out loud like you do, you can understand why I got confused.  For folks who've had a command of the Language of the Big People for a while, sometimes you all don't enunciate very well.  It's okay, though.  I still love ya!

Actually, I don't feel silly, Friends.  I don't!
I'm relieved that my confusion was all just a misunderstanding of the way things sound in my ears.  I was really worried about the Lady Justice that stands up on top of the courthouse over in the county seat.  I was really worried about her!  I mean, I wouldn't want her swelling all up, just because I wanted seconds on Jello, or because I was having a hot streak in my card game and I wanted to play another hand.  That doesn't seem very fair!

But as it turns out, I don't even hafta worry about it! 

Now, I feel like on some plane, I oughtta feel kinda silly for letting myself get all wrought up over whether or not Lady Justice swells up.  It's silly, isn't it?  I mean, think about the visual.  A big ol' gold-leafed Lady of Justice getting swellier and swellier, and people on the ground throwing M&Ms at her to see if they orbit... I probably wouldn't do that, though.  She has a sword, and also, Mommy says it's impolite to point out excessive puffiness by throwing delicious little chocolates wrapped in a delightful crunchy candy shell at the sweller-upper in question.
Makin' mistakes and finding out the right answer is how I learn!

But to tell ya the truth, I don't feel at all silly about my misunderstanding.  I learned something, and I'll know what I learned forever.  That's something to feel proud of, not to feel silly about.

Now, speaking of things you Big People say that I don't understand, can somebody please tell me what "Pertineer" is?  Is it some kind of eating utensil?  Maybe a fashion accessory?  Here it is in context: "Zoe, go wash your hands!  Supper's pertineer ready!"  or "Zoe, time to put on your jammies!  It's pertineer bedtime!"

What does that even mean?

Think about it, and I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya! Muah!

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Let It All Out!

TigerBabies say ROAR!
Friends, there's a song that I love, and it's called "Shout."  The words go something like this:

Shout, shout, let it all out!
These are the things I can do without!

I didn't write the song.  In fact, it was written a LONG time before I was even born.  I think it's been around since my Mommy and Daddy were little kids.  Holy WOW!

But I like the song, just the same.  It has a great message, and that message is that when you get frustrated, just shout it out.  Don't keep a cappa cap on it and keep it inside.

Sometimes, I have days where I shout and let it all out a lot.  Today's one of those days that I hafta just shout, and you know, a funny thing happens when I'm shouting.  Eventually, I end up singing, and feeling a whole lot better.

If you're having a day like that, too, Friends, give it a try!  Shout!  Shout!  Let it all out!  And then I betchya you'll start singing!

No matter what mood you're in today, Friends, remember I love ya!  I love the heck right outta ya, Friends!  Muah!

Friday, November 15, 2013

Might Justice Swell

I wouldn't wanna be Justice!
Hiya, Friends!  You know, I've gotta be honest with you.  I've been worried a lot about Justice.  People talk about Justice a lot.  I'm not sure who Justice is, but I'm thinking it's the lady that stands on toppa the courthouse in the county seat, and I've been worried about Justice swelling up.

Now, hear me out.  Lemme put it in context for you.

Say you're at a restaurant with your friends, and you just ate a big meal.  I mean a big, big meal.  You and your friends had seconds on the bread basket, and then you had soup and salad, and a big plate of spaghetti, and you took advantage of free refills on your beverage (by the way, thanks for not letting me have a sip of your iced tea when you know I love iced tea, Big People!  Way to be a pal!) and now the server's at your table, holding THE DESSERT TRAY! 
What if she swells so much she falls through the Courthouse roof?

Everybody sits around the table looking all awkward at everybody else, not wanting to say yes, really, because you know you're stuffed, and also that you shouldn't eat all those sugar calories, but nobody wants to be the one to say no, either, because those cannoli or the Snickers Pie looks just so delicious, and you hear it calling out your name.

Then somebody says it.  Maybe even YOU say it: "Aw, heck!  Might Justice Swell!  Gimme a slice 'a' that Snickers Pie, then!"

Next thing you know, everybody else is sayin' "Might Justice swell!" and everybody's gettin' dessert off the dessert tray!

That would be quite a predicament!
It isn't just ordering dessert that makes people say "Might Justice swell."  No.  People say it for everything.  Why, even my friends at the office say it.  The other day, I asked Sabretooth if I oughtta make a hundred copies of our BiWeekly Reader, and he said "Yeah, might Justice swell!"  So I made the hundred copies, but I kept scratching my head while I was doing so.  That doesn't do ya any favors when you're trying to collate, by the way.  Scratching your head.

That's why I wanna get to the bottom of why Might Justice Swell, Friends!  I wanna know what Justice has to do with any of those things, and also, for Justice's sake, what I can do to help her not swell.  Nobody likes to swell up, Friends!

Furthermore, I wouldn't wanna be in the courthouse in the county seat if Justice DOES swell!  I betchya that'd put an awful lot of strain on the roof!  Have you SEEN Justice?  She's a GIANT already!

All right, Friends!  Will I see ya tomorrow?  Awwwwww, Might Justice Swell!  I love ya!  Muah!

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Thinking Cap Thursday

Got a problem?
Hiya, Friends! You know how Big People have a tendency to name the different days of the week, like 'Marshmallow Monday,' 'Taco Tuesday,' 'Hot Wing Wednesday,' 'Thirsty Thursday,' and 'Floataway Friday?'  You know how you tend to do that, Big People?

Well, I've been thinking, and I'd like to call today 'Thinking Cap Thursday.'  It seems like Thinking Cap Thursday is a good day to put on our thinking caps and puzzle through any problems we might have. 

It doesn't have to be a big problem you puzzle through this Thinking Cap Thursday.  Of course not!  If you're blessed enough not to have Big Problems, like I'm blessed not to have Big Problems, there are still other things you can put on a thinking cap to puzzle through!  Believe me!
Well, putchyer thinkin' cap on!

You could put on your thinking cap and help someone else puzzle through a Big Problem of theirs, or you could sit and think about how to zap some of your smaller problems.  Why, even those of us who don't have big problems right now have little things that bug us.

For instance, some little problems that I'm gonna be putting on my thinking cap and thinking through today is how can I blow bubbles inside during the winter months?  I love to blow bubbles outside, but the bubbles don't really work very well now that it's cold and windy, and to be honest with ya, Friends, no amount of neato cold-weather gear can make me wanna stand outside for prolonged periods of time so I can blow bubbles.  But I don't like to confine my in-house bubble-blowing to just when I'm in the bathtub!  So there's something I can thinking-cap about!

Or, I can puzzle through how I can see my Aunt Colleen more often.  Boy, I'd love it if I could thinking-cap a working and safe teleporter.  I'd teleport down to Pittsburgh every night for supper with my Aunt Colleen and Uncle Lorentz and then teleport back home in time for bed!

Now to the Thinkatorium!
I think a thinking cap is an especially effective thinking accessory, because I believe that like your muscles, your brain does its best work when it's warm.  It's more flexible when it's warm.  A thinking cap keeps the warmth right in your head, keeping your brain all warmed up and pliable and ready for serious thinking!

Plus, thinking caps can be worn at a jaunty angle and you can be quite fashionable while you're thinking!

Thinking Cap Thursday, Friends!  Write it down, pass it on, and most of all, participate in it!  Together, we can take on and solve all the world's problems!

I love ya, Friends!  And I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Wednesday, November 13, 2013

Why, It's Wednesday the Thirteenth!

I thing every -Day the Thirteenth ought to be observed!
Hiya, Friends!  Didja notice?  It's Wednesday the Thirteenth.  Now, Friday the Thirteenth gets all the press, but I'm wondering if there's a way to celebrate Wednesday the Thirteenth. 

Are there any superstitions or traditions that go along with a Wednesday the Thirteenth?

Well, if there aren't, I think we oughtta start some, and have I got just the starter to observe Wednesday the Thirteenth.  This is what I think we oughtta do. 

In observance of Wednesday the Thirteenth, I think to maintain good luck, we should all go find a fancy cupcake, one with sprinkles, and maybe some of that glitter you can eat, and then eat the fancy glittery cupcake.  That'll keep the Bad Luck Gang away on this Wednesday the Thirteenth. 

Does that sound good to you, Friends, because that sounds good to me.  And if you don't like cupcakes (who ARE you?!)  I guess you could ward off the bad luck by moonwalking everywhere you go, but remember to wear your Rearview Hat Mirror so you can see where you're going!

I'm here to help, Friends!  And I love ya!  See you tomorrow!  Muah!

Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Ice Cream Monster!

'I' is for 'Ice Cream,' and I AM for Ice Cream!
Hiya, Friends!  Well, as you know, the other day, I did a write-up on the letter C being for the word 'Cookie', and I asked my friends over on the Facebook to suggest other letters I can find the words for, and someone shouted out 'I for Ice Cream!'

Well, I knew I had to investigate this.  Check it out for myself, and you know what I found out?  'Ice Cream' DOES start with the Letter I.

It got me to thinking how I'd like to try out for a job on the dang ol' Sesame Street.  They already have a Zoe on Sesame Street.  They already have Cookie Monster, so I wouldn't wanna take anything away from either of them.

However, I couldn't help but notice they don't have an Ice Cream Monster. 

I saw this as a unique opportunity for me!
Could I eat ice cream the way Cookie Monster eats cookies?

It'd go like this.  Anytime there was ice cream to be eaten on Sesame Street, I'd come running onto the scene, and yell "Ice Cream!" and then start eating the ice cream like this: 'nomnomnomnomnom!'

I would also add to the educational component of Sesame Street by talking about the many different kinds of ice cream there are.  You know, the different flavors like vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, mint chocolate chip, cookie dough, Graham Central Station... Oh, there are so many wonderful flavors of ice cream.

Then there are all the different types of ice cream-like desserts out there.  There's gelato, ice cream, sherbet, coconut ice cream, Tofutti...  Why, I could build a whole ice cream-based curriculum for my stint on Sesame Street as the Ice Cream Monster!
Let's hear it for ice cream!
There's just one thing. 

Eating ice cream the way Cookie Monster eats cookies would give me a BAD headache.  I tried it the other night, and let's just say I think in reality, my character on the dang ol' Sesame Street would start out all enthusiastic about ice cream and the letter I, and would get a few good nomnomnoms in before the brain freeze set in.  It'd be funny for about forty-five seconds, and then I'd turn into Ice Cream Monster's evil doppleganger: HEADACHE MONSTER!  And as Sesame Street already has Oscar the Grouch, and he's fabulous- I just love him- I don't think they need another grouchy or irritable character on the show.

Besides that, I can't help but notice that I don't have colorful fur like the other monsters on Sesame Street.  I could dress in a costume, but I feel as though that would be disingenuous.

So I'm gonna just be me: Zoe WithLizardBreath Blake, Ice Cream Enthusiast.  Blogger.  All around kid. 

Does that sound like a plan, Friends?  I love ya!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Monday, November 11, 2013

Thank a Veteran!

Is it Veterans Day again already?! My song-and-dance number isn't ready!
Hiya, Friends!  Well, today's Veterans Day again, and I had these big plans to choreograph a giant song-and-dance number to thank our veterans.  I was gonna involve Sabretooth, and all the Little Giraffes at the office, and my minions, and Rozzie. 

Thingofitis, in rehearsal, Rozzie kept knocking over all of us when we were dancing, and she sang the loudest, so you couldn't hear the rest of us singing our Veterans Day song.

Then we had a meeting about it, and we decided that the veterans would probably thank us for not making them sit and watch our giant song-and-dance number, which was originally intended to thank THEM for their service to our country.

I guess what I'm trying to say is my friends and I almost let our message get lost in knee-deep hoopla, and I'm kind of glad Rozzie put the kibash on it all.

THANK YOU, VETERANS!  Thank you for everything you've done for our country.  Thank you, thank you!  The old saying is true: We're the home of the free because of the brave.  Thank you, Veterans.  Your pal Zoe loves you all!  Muah!

Sunday, November 10, 2013

Hope in a Jar!

Have a little of my Hope in a Jar. It's free, and it's good for what ails ya!
Hiya, Friends!  You know, sometimes, I have bad days, just like anyone else. And it feels like somebody's turned out all the lights on my sunny disposition.  It's true, and you and I both know it feels just awful. 

So I decided that when I'm having a real dilly of a dark day, I need a little something visual to remind me that it's okay, and no matter what, it's all gonna get better.

I came up with Hope in a Jar.  It isn't a product or anything I'm gonna try to sell ya.  Nope!  You can even make it yourself, right at your own home!  All you hafta do is get a pretty jar you like, with a lid, and you can decorate it if you want.  Mine's a plastic jar with a smiley face on it.  If you wanna use a little jelly jar, you can!  And then you just decide there's Hope in there, and you put on the lid. 

Whenever you need a little Hope, or your day needs lightening or brightening, you take the lid off your little jar of Hope, and let it waft into the air, just like that.  Don't worry about letting all the Hope out of the jar, or letting the Hope dry out and get stale.  That isn't how Hope works.  It might just not be quite as potent as it is when you first take off the lid.

When you're All Better, just put your lid back on, and your Hope in a Jar will start getting ready for next time you need it!

How about that?!

I love ya, Friends!  Muah!

Saturday, November 9, 2013

I'm Twenty-Six [Months]!

There was a time I didn't even know how to laugh!
Hiya, Friends!  You might notice that I'm all duded up in my Sabres gear today.  No reason.  Just felt like wearin' my jersey.  Sportin' the ol' team colors and all.  Did you know my first word was "hockey?" It's true!  I usedta say it like this: "HAH!-key."

Hockey isn't really the topic I was going to inquiry today, though.  No, I know it's kinda misleading, with me wearin' my jersey and all.  I just wanted you to see it.  It has my name and number on the back and everything!  Plus, it makes dressing up for Twin Day at the office so much easier, on account of Sabretooth wearin' a Sabres jersey, too!

I love Twin Day at the office!  Twin Day and Crazy Socks/Tights Day are the best!  That's not what I was going to talk about today, either.

Actually, what I wanna talk about is that today I'm two years and two months old, and I hafta say, I think I've really grown up a lot in the last two years and two months. 

Nope! I'm not ashamed to own up to my age! 26 months- it's great to be here!
You know, there are a lot of benefits to being twenty-six months old.  For instance, I can rent a car at the Kids Drive Rental Car Agency.  I couldn't do that at twenty-five months.  It's true!  They'd let me rent a motor-scooter, but not a car, and that's crazy, because I already own and drive a sweet little Jeep, and also sometimes I drive my big VeeDub Microbus, when a bunch of us are going somewhere that doesn't require parallel parking or parking in tight spaces.  But sometimes, I need to rent an automobile, because where I'm going needs more seating than my Jeep has, but I don't need to have my big van along.

I learn from my past, look forward to my future, and live in the present!
Before I turned twenty-six months, my friends Sabretooth would rent a car.  One time, he rented a Zamboni.  It was fun to ride on, but it was July, so we didn't have much Zam to Boni, but it was okay.

Um, Sabretooth isn't very handy driving things that aren't Zambonis.  Honestly, he usually rides in to the office with me in my Jeep, if we're stopping in at Donut Dude's to get coffee and donuts for our co-workers.  Most of the time, we take the North Bingham Underground.  Like I said, Sabretooth has many talents and I love him very much, but driving non-Zamboni vehicles isn't one of them.

So now I can rent the kind of vehicle I need to from Kids Drive Rental Car Agency.  That's exciting.

Today's a big day for me, anyway, Friends.  Turning twenty-six months old.  To celebrate, I'm gonna rent a full-size sedan from Kids Drive Rental Car Agency and get a buncha my friends and go out for some Chocolate-Covered Sugar Bombs, because that's a sophisticated thing twenty-six month old people do!  And if my Mommy asks, tell her I told you I took my friends out for bran muffins!

I know you have my back, Big People!  I love ya!  Muah!