Sunday, August 31, 2014

Might E. Might!

It's a toddler!  It's a tornado!  Sort of!  It's Might E. Might!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Sunday to you!  You know, sometimes, I think I'd like to be a superhero, but I don't wanna have just the regular kind of superhero name.  I want something distinctly me.  I want a superhero name with a middle initial.  There was a study done that found out that people think people with middle initials are smart, and I want people who call for me to know they're not getting just a superhero.  I want the people to help to think somebody smart is helpin' them out.

So I've decided this is my superhero name: Might E. Might.  You can recognize me by my tutu skirt and my crazy-strong biceps!  How about that?

My superpowers are something I'm still figuring out.  It's okay for superheroes to hafta learn more about themselves, and that's where I am right now on my superjourney. 

The important thing is that I have my superhero costume down p-a-t- pat, and my superhero name is pretty rad.  All right, Friends!  I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  If ya need me, just call for Might E. Might.  Or... since you're already my friends, you can still call me Zoe.  Muah!

Saturday, August 30, 2014

The Kid-O-Rama versus Little Kid Gourmet

When it comes to stores, I like to  make new friends, but keep the old!
Hiya, Friends!  There's a new grocery store in town.  It's called the Kid-O-Rama, and I'm so excited to get to go shoppin' there today. 

Now, the happy thing, as far as I'm concerned, is that I have the choice to shop at the Little Kid Gourmet OR at the Kid-O-Rama.  I love having choices!

Each kid-oriented grocery store has its strengths.  For instance, the produce is better at Little Kid Gourmet.  And they have the BEST Marshmallow Salad, bar none.  Plus, their Mac-N-Cheese Bar is bigger than some other grocery store's whole entire grocery store!  (I'm talking about you, Baby Bodega!)  Nothing wrong with the little guys, but when I shop, I SHOP, Friends.  And I like to make one stop.  So I gravitate to stores like Little Kid Gourmet and now Kid-O-Rama.

I know it sounds like Little Kid Gourmet has won my heart, and you'd be hearing right.  I LOVE that store.  HOWEVER, Kid-O-Rama isn't without its merits.  Kid-O-Rama is literally one-stop-shopping.  I can go in there after salt potatoes and come out with those, and also a new outfit, a new wall clock for my bedroom, and a new corral for the Little Giraffes. 

That's something that Little Kid Gourmet just can't offer, and I wouldn't want it to.  There's a place in my heart for both big stores, Friends. 

When it comes to stores and shopping experiences, I do like to keep my options open.  I like to try new things, but I always go back to my favorites.  I even like to shop at Baby Bodega, every so often, when I need something specific that they have.  Boom.  I can go right to it on the shelf.

So keep your options open, always, Friends.  That's just good kid-sense!  I love the heck right outta ya, and I'll see ya tomorrow, mmmmkay?  Muah!

Friday, August 29, 2014

The Truth About the Lobster Tank...

As it turns out, it ISN'T a pet shop...
Oh, friends, I feel just terrible.  Do you remember the other day, when I was talking about how Wegmans has a pet shop right inside it, back near the seafood section?

Well, I thought this is what was happening, because there's a tank back there, with lobsters in it.  I was under the impression, as I have been for quite some time now, that those lobsters were in that tank so that people could pick up a new pet while they were out doing their grocery shopping, but as it turns out, the lobsters in the lobster tank ARE groceries.

That's right.  You're meant to buy 'em, take 'em home, drop 'em in a pot, and eat 'em.

I don't really know what to make of this new information, Friends.  I'm still tryin' to process it, myself.  I'm pretty sure I'm gonna need to talk this through with a trusted adult, or at the very least, I'll need to talk it through with Mommy.

You know what they say at times like this, Friends.  You know what you Big People say in these kinds of situations.  I'm wiser, but sadder now.  Sadder but wiser.  Wisdom and sadness seem to go together.  At least they do today.

That's all I have to say today, Friends.  I've really got to let this all digest.  D'oh!  I mean process.  I've definitely got to let this all process in my head.  I love the heck right outta ya, Friends!  Muah!

Thursday, August 28, 2014

All About the Balance

I don't know about this.  I feel pretty silly, come to think of it!
Hiya, Friends!  A thrilling Thursday to you!

You know, I'm an avid watcher of Sesame Streets of all vintage, and there's a segment on some Sesame Streets of a certain age that features Grover, and he goes around the world in order to bring back parts of different cultures to his friends who watch Sesame Street.

On one such segment, Grover went to Mongolia and saw the Bowl Dancers.  They're girls and women who dress up in traditional Mongolian garb and dance with bowls on their heads. 

You'd think they'd use plastic or Melamine bowls, because dancing with bowls on one's head is a tricky proposition, really, but they don't!  They use real, ceramic bowls!  And they spin and twirl with those bowls on their heads!  They do tricks with the bowls!  It's pretty impressive, when you think about it!

But they have special bowl-dancing school.  They really do. 

After seeing this segment of Grover's on Sesame Street, I wanted to become a Mongolian Bowl Dancer myself, or at least give myself a spin while spinning around and balancing a bowl on my head.  As you might imagine, it didn't go so well for me.  Good thing I was using a Tupperware and not one of Mommy's ceramic bowls!

I've since downgraded myself to one of my spill-proof sippy cups.  But I feel really silly, dancing around with it on my head.  So I guess I'll hafta keep my eyes peeled for ol' Grover to go somewheres where they do more Zoe-friendly activities.  I'll leave the Mongolian Bowl Dancing to the pros in Mongolia.  That's what I'll do.

Wednesday, August 27, 2014

I'll Never Forget

So I was a little late.  Is that any reason to remind me about it every year?
Hiya, Friends!  Well, it's August the Twenty-Seventh.  It's the date I'll never, ever forget, because as Mommy so loves to remind me, it's the day that was supposed to be my birthday. 

That's right.  My actual birthday, the one I picked and I love, is September the Ninth.  Nine-Nine-Eleven.  That's my birthday.  And I just love it.  But Mommy was told my birthday would be August Twenty-Seventh.

Did I know I was expected on August the Twenty-Seventh?  Yeah, I think I might have gotten a memo or something about it.  I got a few reminder calls.  And I ignored 'em.  Because yes.  This girl does things when she's ready.  Not when Mommy's ready, not when Daddy's ready, not when you're ready.  When I'm ready, by golly. 

This, with the exception of sometimes, I move my hiney butt out of Rozzie's way when Rozzie's ready for me to move it, on account of she's bigger than I am, and she has that loud voice and those sharp teeth, and if I don't get out of her way when she wants me to, she's been known to lick me right across my face or just knock me over and plow through to where she was headed. 

But that just wasn't a thing three years ago on August the Twenty-Seventh, and I just wasn't ready to be born then.  I realize my tardiness by a few days has resulted in me staying home from school for an extra year, but that's something I sure as heck can live with.  I don't mind that at all.  I thought I was going to, but I like being home.

Mommy, though, has a hard time letting go of things.  Apparently it was a really big deal that I was supposed to be born on August the Twenty-Seventh, and I didn't get around to actually being born until September the Ninth.  It's a big deal from Mommy's standpoint.  Whatever.  The truth of the matter was, being born is a big deal.  It really is.  It isn't like a person's born every day.  You get one shot at making your entrance.  I just wanted to make sure I did mine just right.  And I needed that extra time to plan, and practice to the extent that I could practice.  I needed time to gather my thoughts so I could make a good impression on this world.

I just wanted to get it right, Friends!

So you'd think Mommy could let it go and quit making me hear about how today's supposed to be my birthday and all.  But she won't.

Anyway, Friends.  I'll be seein' ya tomorrow.  I love ya lots!  Even if today isn't my birthday! Muah!

Tuesday, August 26, 2014

Zoe's Techno Rewind: Old Timey Make-Up

Haters gonna hate.  I'm still lookin' great!
Friends, some of you might think this is a stretch, talking about make-up on Techno Rewind Tuesday, but it really isn't.  There are a lot of high-tech makeup products and applicators and such out there, and compared to how things were in the Olden Days, the makeup of today is really high-tech.  I'm not gonna bore you, getting too technical on you, but I would like to point out a few things that made my jaw drop right down when I found out about 'em.

First of all, did you know that there were some civilizations that used lead paint to make their skin white?  Lead paint is BAD for you, whether you try to eat the chips or make yourself deathly pale with it!

Another thing that floored me was mascara.  I've always taken mascara for granted that it comes in a tube with polymers and all kindsa fancy stuff in it to keep it on and to make your eyelashes curl and all that.  But I guess tubes are pretty recent, grand-scheme speaking.  The first mascara was made by a lady who used ashes mixed with Vaseline, and she put it on with a little comb-looking thing.  That's useful to know if you wind up having to go to the Pioneer House (Is that still a thing?  Do you know?) and you can't have any modern makeups, but otherwise, I'll just be leaving that one alone.  When I was a baby, brand-spanking new, I had a greasy ointment on my eyes.  Some kind of preventative thing.  And I remember it was so greasy, and I couldn't see very well when I opened my eyes, and when I cried, it just got everywhere.  I can't imagine adding ashes to something like that and having it near my eyes.  So I'll just hold out for my first tube of real mascara.  Patience makes good things come to you, Friends.

The other low-tech makeup I heard about is lipstick made out of crushed up berries, which doesn't seem so outlandish, and I think it's still a thing.  I've accidentally given myself different lipstick colors by eating lollipops and popsicles, so crushed up berries as a cosmetic seem quite wonderful. 

The lipstick I can be seen applying in the photo above is actually a toy lipstick, from out of my toy makeup kit.  It's wood, and it doesn't actually put color on my lips.  That's a real bummer, especially now that I know how wonderful real lipstick is to apply.  My favorite color is Mary Kay Tanned lipstick.  It looks really natural on me.  So natural that Mommy even had to look twice and ask me if I'd gotten into her makeup.  Although, I like the smell and taste of the Mary Kay at Play Atomic Red Triple Lip Balm.  It smells like crushed up berries!

So technology sometimes comes around full-circle.  How about that?! 

Hey!  Stay beautiful, Friends!  I'll be seeing you tomorrow, mmmmmkay?  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Monday, August 25, 2014

Cabbages and Kings

There's so much to do!  Where should we even start?!
Hiya, Friends!  It's Monday the Twenty-Fifth, and like in "The Walrus and the Carpenter," we need to talk about many things, from shoes and ships and sealing-wax to cabbages and kings.

That's a lot of stuff! 

Actually, we won't really be talking about shoes and ships and sealing wax, and definitely not about cabbages and kings.  But that was catchy, and I'm in an academic mood.  Why?  Well, because yes.  It's the first day of school in my school district.  Kids who will be third-graders when I start kindergarten are just starting kindergarten themselves today.  And three years ago, right before I was born, those little kids were about my age.

It boggles the toddler mind to think about such things, Friends!  But it is what it is. 

So I'd like to wish my school-going friends a hearty Happy First Day of School, mateys!  Make it a GREAT year!  I love the heck right outta ya!  Muah!

But the First Day of School doesn't apply to all of us, Friends.  There are some of us who left school for the last time a long time ago, and some of us who haven't even gone yet.  So for us, today's maybe a little more electric than usual, simply because of the energy coming off'n' those who are going back to school, but pretty much, today's like any other Monday. 

Something that affects most of the rest of us, though, Big People, is that Christmas is only four months away.  I know I promised the Executives that I wouldn't addle everybody about this, but thing of it is, I'm just as panicked about the Major Winter Holiday as you are.  I really am.  You see, I'd thought I'd just go collect a buncha rocks from out of the driveway, have Mommy bake 'em in the oven for me, and then I'd stub crayons all over the rocks to make colorful paperweights.  But I was talking this idea over with Mommy, and she said people can use only so many paperweights, and in this day and age, 'so many' paperweights equals about zero.  So I'm at the drawing board again, wondering what I'll give everybody on my Christmas list.  We're all in this together, this holidaying. 

But I thought if we talked about this today, while it's still warm, and while there's still a hundred and twenty days between now and then, we could all come to some calm, logical conclusions, and not just go grabbalabbing at gobs of the first stuff we see when we stampede into stores come Christmas Shopping Season.

I'm really just here to help, Friends!  That's all I wanna do!

I love you very much.  Remember that while you're sitting there, stewing at me right now.  I just want what's best for ya!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Sunday, August 24, 2014

Four, Four, Four!

In the midnight hour, I cry four, four, four!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Sunday!  Also, happy New SchoolYear's Eve for my friends returning to school tomorrow.  I still have three more New SchoolYear's Eves not to worry about going to school, and I'm gonna live them the heck right up.  But you all need to lay out your outfit for tomorrow, make sure your pencils are sharpened and your backpack's properly equipped.  Double- and triple-check your lunch box or lunch moneys.  And get ready for a great school-year.  Summer went by way too fast, but all summers go by way too fast, and you have the power to make this school year a real adventure!

Enough about New SchoolYear's Eve.
Today, I am thinking of the Number Four.  Now, the Executives have instructed me not to get you, dear readers, all up in arms by explaining in detail why I'm so excited about today, and excited about the Number Four.  Those darned Executives!  But suffice it to say that it's August twenty-fourth, and I'm just excited as a kid on Christmas Eve, except four months before, about it.  I really am.  Do you get my drift?

Hey, now.  Don't get all mad at me.  Don't send the Executives angry emails and text messages.  Santa Claus is watchin' you, Big People, just like he's watchin' me.  Time marches on like Time is wont to do.  All's I'm doing is pointing out a fact.  Today is August the Twenty-Fourth.  And that's significant.  It sure as heck is. 

All right.  I'll be seein' you tomorrow.  But if you didn't like me pointing out about it being the Twenty-Fourth today, you might wanna brace yourself for tomorrow. I'm not sure yet, but there's potential that I could go nuts. 

Sleep tight tonight, Friends!  Especially those of you who are returning to school tomorrow.  Remember that your pal Zoe loves you a lot!  Muah!

Saturday, August 23, 2014

Mani Mania

Nothing says style and sophistication like a Skittles manicure!
Friends, I've gotta tell ya- now that I'm a little older and more sophisticated, I really like to go around with polish on my nails.  It really makes me feel like a big cheese.  A well turned-out, big, not-too-stinky cheese.

The only thing I don't like about having my nails painted is making up my mind about which color I'd like to wear until all the polish chips off and I have to have it all done again.  That's the only thing I find really objectionable about the whole process.

So here's what I do:  I pick ALL the colors and have my girl paint one color on each nail.  That satisfies my need not to make a decision, and it also makes my hands and feet look like festive pennants of fun!

You might think this kind of Skittles manicure and pedicure would be distracting, but it really isn't.  I mean, it's only distracting if you have better things to do than look at all the colors on my fingernails and toenails all day.  I do not, so it isn't distracting at all!  I LOVE looking at all the colors!

Don't get me wrong.  I don't like sitting still for my manicures and pedicures.  I hate that process almost as much as I dislike picking just one color.  It's a pain in the hiney-butt to sit still for that long, but I'll tell ya what, Friends.  It's worth it for the end result.  It sure is!

Mani Mania.  That about sums it up.  So anyway, I'll be seein' ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love the heck right outta ya!  Muah!

Friday, August 22, 2014

Hi-yo, Dean-O!

Where we goin' today, Dean-O?! Hi-yo, AWAY!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Friday to you.  You know, Fridays are an excellent day to go for a ride, whether you like to ride in sporty cars, on motorbikes, horses, or in my case, your Chief of Transportation, Dean-O the Dinosaur!

I realize you probably don't have a Chief of Transportation named Dean-O the Dinosaur, but I do, and he not only gets me from place to place around here, but he also keeps me entertained with stories.  I don't even NEED talk radio on my trips with Dean-O, because he's so entertaining, and also, he doesn't discuss things that can make me mad, like talk radio can, sometimes. 

Yep!  Dean-O is a really good friend!

I hope that you get to go for a ride somewhere today, Friends, just for the fun of it.  I hope you get to take in the scenery.  I hope you get to have some good conversation, and I hope you get to enjoy some good music.  Dean-O sings to me sometimes, and it's so much fun.  He really helps make the journey as much fun as the destination.  I sure hope you get to ride around with someone like that today, too, Friends!

I'll be seein' ya tomorrow, Friends!  Enjoy the rest of your Friday!  By golly, you've earned it!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Thursday, August 21, 2014

A Pet Store Right in the Wegmans!

Why, I came to the store for some tortillas, but I might just leave with a new pet!
Friends, I betchya didn't know you could go right to the grocery store and get all your eating essentials AND pick up a nice, aquatic pet while you're at it.  It's true.  I'm gonna let you in on an insider secret right now.  So pay attention!

You see, if you venture to the back part of the grocery store, next to where they have the fish and meat and such, there's a bubbly tank fulla lobsters, ready to go home with you and live in your fish tank.  They keep 'em back by the fish and meat so that the State doesn't come in and bust 'em for sellin' pets in a food shop, but there they are.  I think the cool kids call this 'keepin' it on the down-low.'

All's you've gotta do is ask and show the man your money, and you can take home a pet lobster or two.  Or as many as you wanna take home.  How about that?!  That's one-stop shopping at its finest, right there.

Of course, Mommy and Daddy wouldn't let me pick out a crustacean friend.  Yes, I'm still campaigning for a pet lobster that I wanna name Lerbert.  And Mommy and Daddy are still thwarting my efforts, although they've finally given up on trying to convince me that I have a severe lobster dander allergy.  So now it's Game On.  We're being honest.  I'm being honest that I'd like a pet lobster, and they're being honest that they're both a couple of world-class buzzkills in that they won't let me have one.

But now that there's a little honesty going around, I know who I'm talking to, and I can work around their objections.

Mark my words, Friends.  One of these days, I'm gonna have a pet lobster named Lerbert.  It'll be glorious.  Until then, I'll just hafta keep looking, and admiring from afar.

Wednesday, August 20, 2014

Train Driving School!

Meet my driving instructor, Rudy!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Wednesday to you!  Hey, you know what?  Recently, I took a turn in Train Driving School.  I was all kinds of inspired by seeing SpongeBob SquarePants go to Boating School, and I figured I couldn't do much worse than ol' SBSP.

As it turns out, I'm actually a natural at driving a train.  I shouldn't be surprised.  After all, I started out driving my Pink Jeep at a *VERY* young age (three months, by golly!), so it's a no-brainer for me to move up to something bigger, like a train. 

What I really loved about driving the train at Train Driving School is that I literally could stop traffic.  It's true!  The train would let people know I was coming, and gates come down in front of the road so cars can't get up onto the train tracks.  My instructor Rudy told me to wave at the cars stopped at the railroad crossings and pretend I'm in my very own parade, so that's what I did, and it's a LOT of fun!

I suppose it wouldn't be so much fun if you were sitting in one of those stopped cars, feeling like your back teeth were floating, waiting for a really long train to pass so you could cross the railroad tracks and find a bathroom.  I suppose me and my train-parade wouldn't be too humorous at all in that case.  But that's just another argument for diapers, Friends.  It sure is.  I am diapered, therefore I fear NO railroad crossing.  How about that?!

Anyway, my time in Train Driving School was well worth the dollar tuition I paid.  I didn't even hafta fill out a FAFSA form, so that was pretty neat. 

Never be afraid to try something new, mmmmkay, Friends?  I love the heck right outta ya, and I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Tuesday, August 19, 2014

Zoe's Techno Rewind: Calculator Watches!

With a calculator watch, I can tell you what time it is AND tell ya how much tip to leave!
Hiya, Big People! Welcome to the latest Techno Rewind!  Today, we're gonna talk about two things that just fascinate me, but they're all rolled into one!

I'm talking about calculator watches!

Do you remember those, Friends?  I guess they were really big in the Eighties... WAAAAAAAY before this kid's time, but that doesn't stop me from likin' them.

Calculator watches were digital watches that told you the day, date, time, and also let you calculate.  It sounds pretty precious now, with our telephones that do everything for us, including keep us entertained, but back in the day, I guess this was a big deal, having a little watch on your wrist.

I think it's fabulous, the idea of a calculator watch, Friends!  Why, when you take me to the Texas Hot in downtown Wellsville (hint, hint!) you could not only know whether or not it's time to take me to the park to play, but you could also figure up how much tip to leave, all very discreetly, without getting out your phone!

How about that?!

So this Techno Rewind is something I would like to see more of!  Calculator watches!  How about that?!

Monday, August 18, 2014

My Monday-Proof Bunker!

I'd send ya a post card, but then I'd hafta leave my bunker!
Hiya, Friends!  Well, it's Monday again.  I'm not gonna have a Miserable Monday.  No.  I know I preach against Miserable Mondays all the time, and I'm not gonna succumb to Miserable Monday Syndrome.  Not this girl!

That doesn't mean I'm above taking some precautions.  For instance, today, I felt like today COULD become a Miserable Monday if I let it, so I've elected to spend the day inside my Monday-Proof Bunker! 

Outside my Monday-Proof Bunker's walls, Monday can be happening all over the place. 

Inside my Monday-Proof Bunker, it's always at least Thursday afternoon or Friday.  Not Saturday, though.  Because I'm in a bunker, after all.  I've gotta get at least a little work done in here, don't you think, Friends?

If I didn't get at least a little work done in here, then every day would be Unemployedsday.  Talk as big a game as you want to on that, subject, Friends, but when push comes to shove, nobody likes that.  In the end, money wins out, and you wanna work.  At least I do.  My PEZ candies aren't gonna buy themselves!


Anyway, Friends!  I hope if you need to spend your Monday in a bunker like mine, you can do so.  If not, at least put on some fun music and I'll be seein' you tomorrow!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Sunday, August 17, 2014

Kernel Sanders

Popcorn: the snack that bites ya back!  Hours later!
Hiya, Friends!  Have you ever had a popcorn kernel stuck right the heck in your gums?  Doesn't it drive ya nuts? 

That's what I'm experiencing right at this moment, and I'm afraid it's the only thing I can think about.  Has that ever happened to you?  You get a little, nagging thing happening, and it's all you can get your mind on for a while?

I'll tell ya what, it's enough to drive me up a wall, and then right back down it.

I realize in the Grand Scheme of Things, an errant popcorn kernel doesn't even register.  There are about a bazillion things worse to have happen to you.  Stepping on a rusty nail, having a brontosaurus step on your foot, getting clunked in the head with a dodgeball that isn't a dodgeball at all but a basketball, blown up all the way!

No, I'd say that a popcorn kernel getting stuck in your gums is about on par with getting a gnarly papercut right on your knuckle.  It's worthy of saying "Ouch!  That hurts, and this is annoying!" but you can't move past that, because the offending offender is right there, front and center in your conscious.  Right the heck there. 

Oh, my gosh.  Friends, I'm gonna hafta go talk to my Daddy about getting this taken care of.  If nothing else, I should at least get another plastic mini rainbow Slinky out of the deal.  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Don't eat any unpopped popcorn kernels!

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Today Can Be Amazing...

I feel like a room without a roof!  I'm so happy!
Hiya, Friends!  Listen.  I know I've been all out of sorts lately.  I know it's seemed like I've been under a lot of stress, and I have been, but the thing of it is, I'm not as miserable as I make it sound.

In fact, I saw a meme one day on the Interwebs that kind of gave me a paradigm shift.  It said:

Amazing things can happen today if you choose not to be a miserable cow!

On the surface, at first glance, that seems kind of pithy and snarky to say to someone.  And it would be, if that someone was outside of your own head.  I don't think it's so awful if the you inside your head has been a miserable cow (the kind that gives sour milk!  Moooooohahahahahaha!), and you're telling that to yourself.

Oh, sure, even I have my moments where Inside My Head Me is a miserable cow, and part of me just gets so sick of dealing with myself.  So now that I've seen that meme, I give myself that pep talk on occasion, when I really need it, and it works.


Well, because it reminds me to open my mind to the possibility of the amazing, even in the face of a bad mood.  It reminds me to greet the world with the same smile I wanna get back from it.  It reminds me that bad moods are contagious.

So, Friends.  Today, amazing things can happen if you let 'em.  Keep reminding yourself of that!

And.  I love the heck right outtaya, and if you need a big hug'n'kiss to make yourself feel better today, consider this your virtual hug'n'kiss, mmmkay?  MUAH!  See ya tomorrow, Friends!

Friday, August 15, 2014

Train In Vain

I have a feeling Trains are gonna plague me for the rest of my life.
Hiya, Friends!  Happy August the Fifteenth to you!

Hey.  I've just had an epiphany, Big People.  I think that trains are gonna plague me for the rest of my life.  Does that sound weird?  Well, let me explain.

In case you didn't know, I've been bein' nagged a lot about being potty TRAINED.  It is a source of constant consternation for me.  Because it's all the heck I get to hear about, and I'm sorry if I bombard you with mentioning it all the time.  It's just very large in the zeitgeist around here right now. 

If you think it's bad for you, Friends, just imagine for a second what it's like to be me, havin' to hear about it all the time, and feelin' like there's something wrong with me because I'm almost three and not through this stage of my life yet.

If you're talking to the right little kid, TRAINS have plagued them their whole entire lives, from the minute they were born.  How so?  Well, there's sleep training some little kids hafta go through.  I don't even know what this is, because sleeping was something I was good at, anytime, anywhere, at any occasion, right from the beginning.  But some little kids hafta be trained up on what's daytime, what's nighttime, and they hafta be taught how to sleep in their own cribs.  I didn't hafta go through that.

Sippy cup training is another thing.  Another way for you Big People to nag the daylights out of us little kids.  This one DID happen to me for a while, until I just put an end to it.  I didn't like any of the sippy cups Mommy was shoving at me.  I liked my bottles.  But every day, there she was with the stupid sippy cups.  It's a well documented battle over on my show on the Facebook.  Finally, some sippy cups with straws showed up when I was about three-quarters of a year old, and I couldn't help but notice how similar they are to Big People sippy cups, and I wanted to use those straw cups, so I just put down the bottles and took up the straw-cups. Just the heck like that!

I've heard, though, that the TRAINS and nagging about 'em won't stop after I DO decide I'm gonna potty train (and I'll tell ya what, Friends, it'll be when I'M darned good and ready!!!)  Nope!

You see, TRAINS rear their ugly heads again in junior high school, with the dreaded Algebra Train.  What's the dreaded Algebra Train?  Oh, you know it, Friends.  "If Train A leaves Cleveland at 0752 local time, and Train B leaves Denver at 0601 local time, at what time and in which city, if ever and if at all, will these two trains meet at their Algebra Train Convention, and will the train from Alberta, Calgary, CA, which left its station at 0957 Universal Time remember to bring the coffee and donuts?"

It's always gonna be trains, isn't it?

Thursday, August 14, 2014

Shout, Shout, Let It All Out!

Nagging is one of those things I can do without!  COME ON!  I'm talking to you!
Friends!  Do you ever feel so frustrated that you've gotta yell?

I sure do.  I'm pretty sure I'm not alone, either, Friends.  There's an Oldie about this sort of thing.  It's a song called "Shout," and it's sung by Tears for Fears.  They were a singing group in the 1980s.  Get in the Way Back Machine and look it up, Friends. 

Anyway, that song really speaks to me these days.  Sometimes I feel like everyone and everything in the world right now was put here to do nothing but nag me.  About what? Oh, you know.  The usual stuff.  I don't wanna get into it right now, because I'm already so frustrated that I need to shout.

And that's why I like that song so much.  It resonates with me.  It helps me work through these feelings of frustration.

Maybe you need to shout, too, Friends.  Just make sure you don't shout at someone who doesn't really deserve it. 

I love ya lots, Friends!  And I'll see ya tomorrow!  In the meantime, if ya need me, I'll be shouting at the air!  Muah!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

The Dog Days of Summer!

So this is Summer.  What have we done?
Well, Friends, here we are at August the thirteenth.  The thirteenth day of August.  According to my Big Little Big Kid Almanac, we are deep into the Dog Days of Summer. 

I think these days are called the "Dog Days of Summer" because it makes me wish I had fur like Rozzie has.  Rozzie's my dog and my best friend.  And she has some great fur.

The reason I bring up fur and Rozzie is that it's in the sixties here in my spot in the world today.  Hardly a sweltering summer.  I'm not complaining.  I've actually been pretty darned comfy this summer.  It's just that I have spent zero days in my Mushroom Pool.  Haven't even wanted to go in swimming.  And when I went in swimming at the Lake, my lips turned BLUE!  I was brrrrrrrrr-cold!

Also, check out my picture today.  It looks like I'm sitting and enjoying a nice strawberry ice cream cone.  I'll letchya in on a little secret: It's a prop.  It isn't a real ice cream cone.  Don't get me wrong, I love ice cream, whether it's hot or cold outside, but today I'm more in the mood to drink some hot cocoa.  Brrrr.

On the other hand, it's PERFECT weather to go outside and enjoy not melting into a puddle!  I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Zoe's Techno Rewind: Magic Eye Pictures

Wahoo!  I saw the Magic Picture!
Hiya, Friends!  For today's Zoe's Techno Rewind, I'm going to talk about Magic Eye Pictures.  Do you remember those, Friends?

I don't remember them personally.  But I guess they were Big Fun in the mid-nineties.  And in case you're like me and you need an explanation, the Magic Eye Pictures looked like a crazy, abstract repeating pattern on the paper.  And that's pretty neat in itself. 

But what you had to do was make your eyes go all funny, and all of a sudden, a three-dimensional picture would pop out at you from inside the abstract repeating pattern!

Not everybody could do the Magic Eye Pictures, so it was great fun for the people who could see them to really brag up their Magic Eye Picture-seeing abilities to those poor lost souls who couldn't see the Magic Eye pictures.  And those poor people spent the craze feeling frusterated and angry, because it didn't matter if you could do all kinds of other cool things.  If you couldn't see the Magic Eye pictures, you were just not very cool at all.

Hmmm.  Kind of like being a kid my age, and bein' able to know all the letters, and knowin' how to count past nineteen unassisted, and knowin' how to use scissors and crayons and make pretty pictures, and all kinds of other cool things, but havin' all that cool stuff be moot, just because I am not ready to use the potty. 

That's right.  I turned Techno Rewind Tuesday into something political.  Friends, if you haven't nagged me about using the potty, I sincerely apologize.  I guess you know I know how those people who can't see Magic Eyes usedta feel in the 1990s.  Except add in a buncha angry along with it. 

Oh, Friends, I need to go do something else, or I'm gonna be all angry and upset all over again.  I love ya lots, but I'm just about to have a moment, so I'll hafta wanna tell ya I'll see ya tomorrow, mmmkay?  Muah!

Monday, August 11, 2014

Marathon Mondays!

Gotta keep your strength up for Marathon Mondays!
Hiya, Big People!  How are you this Monday?  Me?  I'm doin' great! 

You've caught me gettin' a little snack.  Mondays are marathons, so it's really important to pace yourself and to make sure you get proper nourishment.  That's what I'm doing right now.  Getting some proper nourishment. 

My Monday snack of choice is fruit yogurt in a pouch.  It's portable, it's got a lot of vitamins and minerals, macronutrients- carbs, protein, fat, all that stuff in a nice balance.  Most importantly to me, though, my yogurts in a pouch are delicious!

Food should be fun.  It should taste good and give your body fuel to get done all the things you need to do.  Who wants to eat stuff that tastes like dirt and cardboard?

I mean, unless you like the taste of dirt and cardboard, in which case, let your freak flag fly, Weirdo.

And Mondays, by golly!  Mondays oughtta be fun, too!  They account for one-seventh of our lives.  Do we REALLY wanna hafta spend one-seventh of our lives being miserable in misery?  I say no.

So today, get yourself a tasty snack.  Take a moment out of your Marathon Monday to be happy, darn it!  And remember I love the heck right outta ya!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Sunday, August 10, 2014


So, fellas.  What's good here?
Hiya, Friends!  You know, one of my favorite things to do is to go to new places and meet new people.  And sometimes my favorite new people to meet aren't even people at all!  How about that?!

Well, what I'm talking about is my recent trip to Beartown Peaches and Cream.  It's a place down the road a ways from where I live.  They sell plants and flowers and ICE CREAM! 

That's not even the best thing!  My favorite thing about Beartown Peaches and Cream are the bears that stand outside the ice cream stand part of the place. 

At first, the bears come off as a little bit wooden.  You know- formal, stiff, not very talkative.  But the big bear's holding a double-dip ice cream cone, and the little one's holding an arrow to let you know which way to go to get your ice cream, so you know that they've gotta be nice guys under their wooden initial impression they give off.

I did what I do when I encounter someone who isn't a friend yet, but looks like they could be.  I marched right up to them and struck up a conversation.  I'll admit that I had to do most of the heavy lifting at first, but then the bears got to be a lot friendlier.  They told me I oughtta try a little Dole Whip, because it matched my shirt, and also because it's delicious, and they were right.  They also told me to try a little of my daddy's root beer float.  Believe it or not, that was my first root beer float I've ever tried, and as it turns out, I really love root beer, whether it's floating or not!

So don't be afraid to talk to somebody new, Friends!  You never know.  You might just make a new friend! 

I love ya lots, Big People!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Saturday, August 9, 2014

Thirty-Five Months Old

Countin' my blessings, toddler-style!
Hiya, Friends. I know I got a little testy yesterday.  I know I was in kind of a bad mood, and for that I apologize.  It's tough bein' Almost Three.  But today, I'm gonna turn things around and be happy, darn it.  Why?  Because today, I turn thirty-five months old.  That's right.  I've been around for thirty-five months, and to celebrate, I'm gonna list off thirty-five things I'm happy about.


Well, it doesn't matter.  This is my web log, and I'm ready, so you just hold on and come along, Big People!  Rah!

1.  I am an awesome walker.  When I go to the mall, I never take my stroller anymore, because I can walk!

2.  I get to do a lot of going.

3.  I like my Days of Play at Gramma's house.

4.  Animal Cookies.

5.  I get to enjoy the best of little-kid-centric cinema.  I just love watching animated movies!

6.  My best pal Rozzie.  I just love that dog!

7.  I love that I can turn anything into a musical instrument, pretty much.

8.  Hats.  They just make me happy.

9.  My swing and slide.

10.  Public playgrounds- they have really cool play equipment, and also there's usually other little kids around, so I get to do a lot of networking while I'm at the playground.  You big people have your golf, toddlers have playgrounds.

11.  My continued work raising awareness of the plight of Little Giraffes everywhere is very rewarding.

12.  I'm allowed to have root beer sometimes.

13.  Stops at gas stations usually mean I get a candy bar.  I love candy bars!

14.  Donuts and cupcakes make me happy.

15.  I love my family.

16.  Hello Kitty.  Something about Hello Kitty just puts a smile right the heck on my face, Friends!

17.  PEZ candies and their dispensers!

18.  Books.  I have lotsa books that I love to read.

19.  My house is safe and warm and cozy.

20.  Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood.  I love that show.  I learn so much from it.

21.  Sesame Street.

22.  My tent that looks like a blue VW Bus.

23.  I love my new sand and water table.  I can play with it whenever I want, because it's on my porch.

24.  Nicey warm bubble baths.

25.  Eating in restaurants!

26.  New shoes!

27.  Waking up from my nap!

28.  Waking up in the morning!

29.  Brownies.  I just love 'em!

30.  I love my crayons that let me color right on the windows without me getting into trouble!

31.  I love finding out that not only do we get the channel SpongeBob comes on, but that it comes on my very television set in the living room!  How about that?!

32.  I love singing along to songs I know (and those I don't!)

33.  I love to dance.  Dancing makes me happy.  It makes me happy when I feel sad, and when I'm already happy and I dance, I pretty much can fly.

34.  I love that I can ride facing the front of the car.  I never liked riding facing backwards in my old carseat.   When I finally got to turn my carseat around and see where we were going in the car, insteadda where we'd been, it was like the whole world opened up for me!

35.  Finally, I'm happy when I get to be silly.  Silliness is deeply ingrained into who I am, and when I can be my silly self, I am so happy.

Friends, thank you for lettin' me list thirty-five things that make me happy today.  And thank you for checking in on me every day and making this little kid feel like a great, big cheese!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Friday, August 8, 2014

Age of Frustration

This is the face of a frustrated toddler, folks!
Hiya, Big People.  Hey.  Do you remember bein' Almost Three?  I'm a month away from bein' three years old, and I've gotta say, it's definitely an Age of Frustration.  Worse than being Almost Two, really.

Here's why:  I'm big enough to do lotsa things by myself.  I can wash my own hands.  I can put my own toys away (even though I rarely do this- it's much more fun to have all my toys out at once and strewn all over the place!).  I can feed myself.  I can pick out which Gummy Beary vitamin I want.  I can pick out my own outfits.  I can put the toothpaste on my very own toothbrush by myself and brush my own teeth.

You'd think that's great, right?  I mean, I can do all those things great, all by myself.  And it is.  I'm not griping about that.  What's got me all frusterated is that I'm learning what it's like to be all independent, and yet there's still a buncha things Mommy and Daddy don't let me do by myself.

For instance, I'd love to drive a car by myself.  That looks like a heckofalotta fun.  I would also love to cook things on the stove.  Chocolate pudding, in particular.  I'd like to use the telephone by myself. 

It's a drag.  But that's nothing compared to the constant nagging I'm subjected to over this potty trainin' issue.  You know what I'm sayin'?  All those things I wanna do by myself, but I'm not allowed, all those things I CAN do by myself and I'm really good at 'em, and then there's this one thing I really have no interest whatsoever in pursuing, even if it means I get Frozen on DVD if I do it, and that's all I ever hear about.  Stupid potty trainin'.  And it's all because some overachieving little kids finish all up with diapers by the time they're even half my age. 

Whatever.  I am me.  I'm happy bein' me.  If Mommy can't handle me bein' me and doing things on my own timeline, I'll just stay in diapers until I go to college.  How about that?!

So that's why I live in the Age of Frustration, Friends.  That's why I come off as a little angry sometimes.  Why I flip the heck out over nothing.  At least that's how it looks to you Big People. 

That's all for today.  I'm gettin' myself all mad again.

Thursday, August 7, 2014

If I Had the Magic

How can I get the most out of this wandy thing?
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Thursday to you! 

Have you ever wondered what you'd do if you could do magic?  Real magic.  Not the kind where a guy pretends to saw a lady in half or pull a bunny out of his hat.

Now that I've found me a magic wand, that's just what I think about.  How am I gonna use this magic effectively?  How can I make sure I get the biggest bang for my magical buck?

I'll tell ya what I'm not going to waste my magic on, and that's silly things like three more wishes, or even PEZ candies. ... Well, maybe an unlimited supply of PEZ...

No.  Magic is too important to piddle away on transient things, Big People.  If I really had the magic, I'd do Big Things with it like solve hunger, cure cancer, figure out how to eradicate the common cold and also the uncommon ones.  Make the world an epically better place and all that.  No sleight of hand.  I'd figure out how to make that magic so powerful that all the goodness was real.

And then maybe I might magic up myself an endlessly full PEZ dispenser, just for fun.  If I had the magic, I couldn't be serious ALL the time, after all!

Friends, I'll be seein' you again tomorrow.  Maybe if we each do a little something to make the world a better place between now and then, we could get some real magic stirrin' up and gaining momentum, even if my sparkly pink wand from Target isn't doing the trick.  What do you think?


Wednesday, August 6, 2014

Halloween Dreams

On Halloween, I can be anything I wanna be... just like in real life!
Hiya, Friends!  Well, it's Wednesday all over again already!  How are you doing? 

You know, I was just thinking about Halloween and what I wanna be this year.  I know it's a little early, but I love Halloween so much, and I think it's never too early to be thinking about what kind of costume I wanna wear.

It's a big decision, after all!

I could be Abby Cadabby, which would be fun, because she can do MAGIC!  Also, I like to dress up in a tutu, so I could be a ballerina princess.  I could also dress up in my giraffe costume, or my sabertooth tiger costume again.

But what I'm really leaning towards is being a doctor for Halloween.  You know, with my scrubs, a white labcoat, and a surgical cap on.  I could even put my toy stethoscope around my neck.  That really sounds like fun to me.  Being Dr. Zoe for Halloween.  Plus, I'll be warm!  Warm on Halloween counts for big points around where I come from, Friends! 

Well, it looks like I have some figuring to do, on where to get a me-sized labcoat and a neat surgical cap!  I'll be seein' ya tomorrow, Friends!

Tuesday, August 5, 2014

Techno Rewind: Trapper Keeper!

Oh my gosh! I don't wanna go around with a plain binder when I can have a Trapper Keeper!
Hiya, Big People!  Welcome to this week's Techno Rewind!  Today, I'm talking about the Trapper Keeper.  There's Trapper Keepers now that you can buy, but I'm talking about the good old Trapper Keepers like from when my Mommy was a kid. 

Do you remember Trapper Keepers, Friends?  Didja HAVE one?  From what I understand, all the cool kids had a Trapper Keeper, and so did all the not cool kids.  It was better not to have at all one of the colorful three-ring binders and wonderfully coordinated textbooky folders than it was to have a generic Trapper Keeper that wasn't a Trapper Keeper at all, but was a wannabe.

What made the Trapper Keeper cool, I understand, was that you could have a different folder inside for every subject.  Your papers wouldn't fall outta the folders.  The folders themselves had times tables and conversion charts and little fact-snacks on the inside flaps.  You could put a three-ring-punched pouch in your Trapper Keeper and keep your pens and pencils and Grimace eraser from McDonalds in the pouch.  All nicey organized like that. 

The thing that differentiated the Trapper Keepers from the 1980s, the Trapper Keepers I'm talking about today, from the Trapper Keepers you can still get at Amazon (yes! They're Back!), is that those early Trapper Keepers had bright pictures and artwork on them, stock from the factory.  They were SO COOL!  Today's Trapper Keepers are pretty plain, but you can add in your own artwork and photographs. 

You know, when I get to thinking about it, Trapper Keepers kinda were like an early, analog version of Evernote.  You know what I'm saying?  You Big People could store little bits of your information inside your Trapper Keeper, and the Trapper Keeper could keep it safe for you.  Even though you had to have your Trapper Keeper on your person in order to access your stuff inside, it was all right there for you, even if the electric was out!

Friends, Trapper Keepers are a technological rewind I'm happy to endorse.  I'm choosing my very own Trapper Keeper right now.  I'm going for a purple one, and I'm gonna doll it all up with original artwork by ME!  How about that?!  See ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Monday, August 4, 2014

Sing As Though Nobody's Watching

I just wanna feel this moment!  And eat this lollipop!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Monday to you!  Hey, you know that saying about "Sing as though nobody's watching?"  Well, that's what I wantchya to do this Monday. 

That's right.  Sing as though nobody's watching.  I know it sounds silly and like it'd be awkward at first.  But the thing of it is, it's really fun.  Just belt out your favorite song, and dance, and just really get the heck right into it.  You won't be sorry you did.

It really goes a long way to make Monday feel special, is what it does.

Don't worry about what people think of you, singing as though nobody's watching.  People are gonna think what they think, and that's none of your concern. 

You've got to have fun, Friends!  Dance!  Sing as though nobody's watching!  Live it up!  I love the heck right outta ya!  See ya tomorrow, Big People!  Muah!

Sunday, August 3, 2014

PEZ the Children!

Please, Sir... Can you spare a PEZ?
Hiya, Friends!  Well, if ya know me, you know I just love PEZ candies and PEZ dispensers.  Just can't get enough of 'em.  The candies, I mean.  The dispensers are cool, but without the candies, they're just funny-shaped little toys that go in the drawer, waiting to be filled up with more PEZ candies.

Therein lies the problem, Friends.  I've run out of those sweet-tart, delicious little crunchy candies that turn my PEZ dispensers from being just funny-shaped little toys in the drawer to the Holders of Awesomeness.  And it's the saddest thing you've ever seen.

I've taken to begging around here, asking people to spare just one PEZ apiece.  That's all it takes to make a difference in the life of a PEZ-obsessed little person such as myself. 

It gets me to thinking. Maybe I could get one of those has-been television stars to take up my cause.  Kind of like "Save the Children," except we could make it 'PEZ the Children."  For less than what it costs for a roll of PEZ for a day, you could sponsor a child who doesn't have any PEZ candies to call her very own.

Friends, I've gotta go.  I just had a brainstorm.  I'll see ya tomorrow.  Love ya lots! Muah!

Saturday, August 2, 2014

It's Raining Diamonds!

Imagine jumpin' into puddles of diamonds!
Hiya, Friends!

Hey, I was doin' some readin' the other day in my Big Board Book of Crazy Facts About the Universe to Impress and Stymie Your Friends With, and...

... well, yes, it has a very long title.  That's why it's a big board book, and not a regular sized board book.  I mean, if they tried to put that huge title on a regular board book, they'd have to make the print all kinds of tiny, and my people don't like tiny print.  We're all about big, bold words. 

Speaking of big, bold words, this thing I was reading in the BBBoCFAtUtIaSYFW said that diamonds might be the most common form of precipitation in the whole solar system.  On Saturn and Neptune and Jupiter and Uranus (hahahahahah!  Uranus!) it actually rains diamonds, right out of the sky.  How about that?!

Of course, the surfaces of those planets is so hot that the diamonds melt when they get to the ground.  That's a bummer.  It'd be kinda cool to have puddles of diamonds after a rainstorm. 

On the other hand, having diamonds dropping out of the sky onto your head would hurt, and if those diamonds hit your car or any skylights in your roof, they'd be sort of destructive.  I guess if I had to choose, I'd pick regular rain.  Regular puddles are plenty fun to jump into, and oodles less painful.

Goodness, Friends, I talked myself right out of my point I was gonna make today.  Talked myself right the heck out of it!  Does that ever happen to you?  You change your own mind?  Huh.

Anyways, I'll be seein' ya tomorrow.  I love ya lots, and that, Friends, is something I won't change my own mind right out of.  No way, no how!  Muah!

Friday, August 1, 2014

A World with No *NO!*s

I dream of a world with no more *NO!*s.
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Friday!

You know what?  I love my Mommy, but I don't like her very much right now.  See, I'm at a really cool age where I can do so much for myself, but Mommy's at a really uncool age where she won't let me.

She won't let me handle the stove.  She won't let me climb up on the counter.  She won't let me roast marshmallows at the fire all by myself.  In fact, she won't even let me close to the fire.  She won't let me reach my own Vitamin C lollipops from the top shelf of the cupboard on my own.  In fact, I think she put 'em up there on the top shelf on PURPOSE.

She's a buzzkill like that.

You know what my fondest dream is right now?  It's living in a world with no more "NO!s"  You know what I mean, Friends?  You know?

I realize I seem like I'm really agitated about this.  And that would be because I'm really agitated about it.  Friends, I'm nearly three, and it really stinks, just how little respect I get around here.  It just stinks to high-Heaven.  That's what it does, all right.

I'm glad you're not a buzzkill, though, Friends.  I'm glad you're on my side.  I love ya lots!  I'll see ya tomorrow, mmmmkay?  Muah!