So I Don't Get Lost in Santa's Inbox!

Here's me, carefully carrying my holey bowls!

Hiya, Big People!  Well, all this time, I've been focused on Thanksgiving and being so excited, excited as the Dickens, that I get to take part in this eating holiday, that I forgot all about Christmas being less than two months away.  Now, bear with me, here.  I know it's a little early, but I have a reason for jumping the gun.  See, this is important, and I don't want to mess it up.

What I'm really hoping for, for Christmas from Santa Claus is a pretend kitchen.  What would I do with a pretend kitchen, you say?  Oh, a buncha stuff!  Why, I'd put things in the cupboards and take them back out and put them back in, and I'd pretend to wash my holey bowls, and maybe I'd pretend to cut up some food and cook it.  And if I got a pretend refrigerator, I'd pretend to organize my pretend refrigerator according to kind of food, and then by bottle or package size, and then by color, and once a month, I'd pretend to clean out my pretend refrigerator.  And then, once I got really good at knowing the order the letters in the alphabet go in, if I had enough boxes, I'd practice loading up my pretend cupboards alphabetically!  How about that?

And then, who knows?  I might even pretend I have a cooking show like Rachael Ray... her daytime show, not her Food Network shows.  I like Rachael Ray's daytime show, because she gets to have people over, and they sit at her kitchen table, and she makes them food, and it makes them happy!  I want to make my pretend guests happy like that!  And my real guests like Sabretooth and the Little Giraffes and Cookie Monster and Elmo!  And Rachael Ray works really hard and is really successful, and I think if I get enough practice at working really hard like Rachael Ray does, and practice being really successful, maybe when I grow up, I'll also be really successful from working really hard!  Who even knows?  I sure don't, but a pretend play kitchen would definitely put me out on the right foot, don'tcha think, Big People?  Friends?

Lost in the inbox, how about that bad luck?

So I'm really hoping Santa Claus gets my message about the pretend kitchen.  I have great big plans for it.  And the only reason I'm bringing it up to all of you now, before even Thanksgiving, and out in public instead of in a private, peppermint-scented letter to Santa Claus only, is that last year, I waited until I saw Santa Claus in person at the Ross Park Mall the Monday after Thanksgiving before I told him I wanted a pony of my very own, and I even left him a thank-you note in advance for the really cool pony, so when I got downstairs Christmas morning, expecting to see a pony waiting for me in our living room, and there wasn't a pony, I was really disappointed.  I had a Post-It from Santa that told me he was sorry about the pony, but that my request for one got lost in his inbox in the pre-Christmas rush.

Just thinking about a pretend kitchen makes me this happy!

That's really okay, in the long run.  I think it's better for the pony that I didn't get one for a Christmas present last year.  I don't really know anything about taking care of a pony, when you come right down to it.  I don't know the first thing about it, actually.  So it's just as well my request for a pony got lost in Santa's inbox last year. 

But my pretend kitchen?  It will be TRAGIC if I don't find a pretend kitchen from Santa waiting for me this Christmas, so I'm putting my request in early, in triplicate, also in hard copy, e-mail, voice-mail (I have the Big Guy's direct line!) I put something out on the Facebook yesterday... And of course, if anybody out there sees Santa Claus, I'd appreciate you putting in a good word for me and my pretend kitchen.  I really would appreciate that.  You have no idea!

When Life Gives You Lemons...

This is my lemon-face!

 Hiya, Friends!  You know that saying about what to do when life gives you lemons?  Well, I guess you're supposed to make lemonade with them, but you know what?  I say, when life gives you lemons, you should give them to me!  I LOVE 'em!

The first time I ever had a lemon, I was at a place in St. Marys called Merlin's.  I was there, meeting a college friend of Mommy's, and it was a hot summer day.  Hot, hot, HOT!  I'd been riding in our red sassy car, and I remember I was just parched, and my water just wasn't doing the trick.

And then I saw it, all yellow and citrusy and inviting, right there in Mommy's iced tea: a wedge of lemon!  Now, I'm a girl who knows what she wants, and has no problem letting anybody know it, so when I saw that lemon, I made sure Mommy knew I wanted it.  I was willing to trade.  If Mommy gave me her lemon wedge, in return, I would let her and Daddy and their friend Ann, and everybody else in Merlin's eat their meals with me in silence.  I call this sort of deal-making "Citrus Diplomacy."  It worked, because I got the lemon wedge, and was so overwhelmed by the flavor, bursting in my mouth, that I couldn't have kicked up a fuss if I'd wanted to!

This water needs some lemon. It's boring right now.

Now, I know that lemons get a bad rap.  I've heard that if you buy a car or something, and it always has something wrong with it, then it's called a lemon.  Lemons are sour and they make you pucker your face up.  If you eat too many lemons, it can ruin the white part of your teeth.


But I want to focus on all the good things lemons can do, to make you understand why I love them so much!  First of all, a lemon can pick up the taste of plain old boring old water.  And besides tasting great, lemons have lots of Vitamin C, to keep you from getting a cold!  And if you DO get a cold, you can put some lemon juice and honey in some hot water, and it'll soothe your throat.  How about that?!  And you can take a peeler, and just peel off the very yellow part of the lemon skin - it's called the zest- and mince it up super-fine, and then put it in spaghetti with some butter, and it makes a nice, snappy pasta dish!  And then of course, there's squeezing a little lemon over fish or seafood to brighten up the taste!

Not everybody likes lemons? I don't believe it!

And then, did you know that you don't even have to EAT lemons in order to get their awesome lemony powers?  It's TRUE!  Most easily, if you just buy a buncha lemons and put 'em on the counter in a bowl, they're like a decorator item!  If you've been eating seafood with your hands, and your fingers smell gross, and they didn't bring you out a wet-wipe, and you don't carry a package of them in your purse like Mommy does, then you can take the lemon and squeeze it on your fingers, and rub it into your hands, and it makes the smell go away!  And you can use salt and lemon juice to clean things!  How about that?  I even read on the World Wide Web that if you have a garbage disposal, and it has bad breath, you can send your lemon peels down the disposal, or if you really want to say good-bye to half a lemon, you can send down half a lemon, right down the disposal, and it's like giving your disposal a lemony breath-mint!  Except it's just lemon, and not mint!  I probably should have used a different analogy, other than the mint.  That might confuse people.

That's not even thinking about the color.  I think lemons have a nice color to them!  On the inside, they're a nice, smiley-face yellow, and the outside is a yellow that just makes you think about summertime, you know!  I think I even have an outfit still, that's the color of lemons!

It's okay to LOVE lemons, Friends!  I sure do!

And of course, you can make all kinds of delicious things out of lemons, if you don't like to just eat them, the way I do.  I mean, Daddy did say it's bad for your teeth if you eat too many lemons.  I guess they have a lot of citric acid in them, and someday I'm going to look up all about citric acid and teeth, but in the meantime, I'll focus on all the ways I can show my appreciation for lemons, without assaulting my teeth with all that acid.  As soon as I'm able to, I'd like to try a bite of lemon meringue pie- I already like coconut creme pie, remember?  And a lemon drop.  I've heard all about lemon drops.  And of course, there's the classic lemonade that you're supposed to make when life gives you lemons.

I don't think lemons deserve the bad rap they get, Friends!  I love lemons!  Come to think of it, I might start a petition to change the name of cars that have something wrong with them all the time from 'lemon' to 'cockroach' or something that nobody likes, for real.  Because I think lemons are pretty fantastic fruits, Big People!  And it's high time we told 'em how much we appreciate them,  don't you agree?  I sure hope so!

All right, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Until then, always remember that Zoe loves you!  Muah!

The Hockey Season that Isn't

My first Sabres Fan gear!

Friends, I have a confession to make.  I, Zoe WithLizardBreath Blake, am a hockey fan.  I watched my very first hockey game when I was only four weeks old!  I watched it at my Jeep dealership, and it was my Buffalo Sabres against the Anaheim Ducks, and they were playing their first game all the way in Finland!  That's why we had to watch the game at the dealership.  We had an appointment there, and the game was in the afternoon, and they got the game, so we watched it!  And it was so much fun!  I decided that day that I would be a hockey fan for life!

At my house, we have a big television set where we'd watch hockey games last year.  I just loved hearing my favorite announcer in the whole National Hockey League, Rick Jeanneret, say, 'SCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOORE!' Whenever the Sabres would put a puck in the other team's net.  And I got to stay up and watch the whole hockey game on hockey nights.  I sure was glad hockey season lasts so long.

Sabres jim-jams always give me sweet dreams!

When Mommy and Daddy would go to hockey games in Buffalo, I'd get to stay with my Gramma.  Now, Gramma's a Pittsburgh Penguins fan, and she was always making me look at the Sidney Crosby calendar on game night, and is always trying to turn me into a Penguins fan, but I sure like my Sabres.

Me and Sabretooth! Friends and fans forever!

The thing is, it's the Twelfth of November today, and I haven't gotten to watch my favorite team play hockey, because they've been locked out.  This is terrible!  And it must be terrible for them, to be locked out.  Back in the summer, Mommy and I got locked out of our red Jeep, and we had to call the locksmith, and for $43, he let us back into to our Jeep.  I've offered to send our locksmith's name and number up to the Buffalo Sabres, so they'd get let back in from being locked out, but Mommy says all the hockey teams are locked out, and our locksmith can't let them all back in.  So that leaves me, Zoe WithLizardBreath Blake, lifelong hockey fan, with no hockey games I can watch this season.  This is a tragedy.  I just don't know what to do.  Sometimes, when I didn't have anything else to talk about with someone I just met, I could talk about hockey, and break the ice a little bit... no pun intended.  But that's how it worked!  We'd get talking about hockey, and then we'd find out other things we had in common, and next thing you know, it was like we were old friends! 

I've tried getting into football.  I've tried, and I just can't.  I don't get it.  I don't like watching big boys running into each other.  I like to watch skating, and keeping track of the puck, and hearing it boing off my team's goalpost and into the glass when the other team shoots on my team's net.  I like to hear the sound of the goal horn when my team scores. 

The face of intimidation, right here! Are you intimidated?

It's starting to make me punchy, Friends, waiting for some shred of hope that the hockey season that isn't can somehow find some type of salvation.  I'm also getting twitchy.  Everything I see reminds me of some type of hockey thing.  Even at the Red Lobster, the bread basket reminded me of a goalie mask, so of course I had to model it. 

I sure hope hockey comes back soon, or I'm going to have to steal a bread basket, and a coupla oven mitts and make my own hockey team, of which I'll be the goalie, on account of me having the bread-basket mask and oven-mitt pads.  I can make it work, Big People, but it'd be a whole lot easier if they'd just let the professionals back at it.  It really would!

Anyway, have a good rest of your Monday, Friends.  I'll see you again tomorrow!

When You Want Anything Done Right....

Wish I had some Honey Nut Cheerios now!

You know that saying "If you want something done right, do it yourself?" Well, I'm starting to see that those are Words to Live By, along with "Be useful as well as ornamental," and "If you live in a glass house, don't watch TV in your underwear!"

I've learned this lesson because I saw a commercial for a cereal, Cheerios, and since I've noticed I'm getting bigger, and my supply of Gerber Puffs is getting smaller, I thought I'd like to try a new snack for in my cup with the swirly grabber lid, and Cheerios would fit the bill.

I just love the sound of "Cheerios," don't you, Big People?  "Cheery-OH!"  Or if you're a francophone, "Cheery-eaux!"  That'd mean "happy water!"  I hear some of you Big People really like "happy water!"  Good for you!  I drink just regular-water, and that's good for me!

I said 'please' and everything!

Back to my Cheerios.  It's been a couple weeks since Mommy went to Wegmans.  Now, I stayed with Gramma and had a great day working at Duplo Tower- Remember that?  I do.  It was a lot of fun!  And I knew Mommy was making out a shopping list, so I made sure I wrote on the shopping list "Cheerios, with the cute little honeybee on the box, please!" I said please and everything, and was very specific about which product I wanted to have come home from the store with Mommy.

You just can't trust a grown-up.

When I saw the DOUBLE BOX of Cheerios on the kitchen counter, I knew it had paid off, and that I'd have some Cheerios in my snack cup, as soon as my supply of Puffs was gone.  Guess how excited I was today, to see not X-shaped Puffs (which I still love, by the way- I just wanted a change!) but O-shaped Cheerios!  Yessssssss!

Then I grabbed a couple and put them in my mouth.  WHAT?! I was expecting honey-ness and nuttiness with my Cheerios, and these tasted like just plain Cheerios!  Mommy!  What the heck?  I looked at the box!  It said "Cheerios" on it, but where was the cute little honeybee?  Nowhere!  Nowhere on that box was the honeybee, and I was specific when I wrote it on Mommy's shopping list!  I said PLEASE!

When I asked Mommy about it, she just said that she wants me to get used to eating regular Cheerios before I get the Honey Nut ones, and then she put me in my office and walked away.  Excuse me, but I was still yelling!  Mommy!

Zebras like oats! Zebra'll help me eat all those Cheerios!

And have you seen the SIZE of those double-boxes of Cheerios, Friends?  They're HUGE!  GINORMOUS!  In short, there's a lot of eating to do to get through a double box of Cheerios, and it'll feel like even more eating, because they're boring old plain Cheerios with no honey-nut flavor!  Oh, Friends.  I just don't know what I'm going to do.  Well, I guess I'll eat the Cheerios I already have.  I don't dislike 'em.  I just wanted the ones with the honey-nut flavor and the cute honeybee on the box.  That's all.  I'm disappointed, that's all. 

Anyway, boy have I ever learned that if I want the right box of Cheerios to come home from the store, I'd better have my hiney in that shopping cart and be right there with Mommy to make sure she picks the one with the cute little honeybee on it. I'm going to write this down, so in a year, when I finish my double-box of plain Cheerios, I'll remember to go with Mommy to the store to get the right Cheerios next time.  That's what I'm gonna do!

Pie in the Sky!

This is what I usually eat: Strawberry Jell-O!

Oh, my goodness, Friends, guess what?  Yesterday, I went to my doctor for Part Two of my flu shot, and that went how you'd think it would.  I kind of flipped out when the nurse was getting my leg ready for the shot, but the shot was over before I even knew it, and I looked at Mommy like, 'What was that?!'  I was going to hold a grudge against her for putting a stick in my otherwise good day like that, but I decided not to.  I'm really glad I made that decision! 

You know why I'm glad I didn't hold a grudge?  Because Mommy and Gramma took me to my favorite place in the whole wide world: THE TEXAS HOT IN DOWNTOWN WELLSVILLE!!!

Now, normally, when I go to the Texas Hot in Downtown Wellsville, I enjoy a Strawberry Jell-O in a sundae dish, with a generous helping of real whipped cream on top.  That's my usual order, 'the yoozh,' as I like to call it.  So that's what I was expecting to enjoy today, when we sat down in a booth in the Texas Hot. 

This isn't my Jell-O!  Whaaaaaat's this?

Imagine my surprise when, instead of my usual Strawberry Jell-O, a giant piece of Banana Creme Pie was set before me! Holy smokes, Friends!  I couldn't believe my eyes, and at first,  I thought it was a mistake.  I thought my waitress got me all balled up with someone else, at first, but then Mommy said it was for ME!  Can you believe it?  I've been waiting my whole life for a piece of pie at the Texas Hot in Downtown Wellsville, and today, I got one!

This is out of this world!

I bet you're wondering if I thought it was as good as I thought it'd be, and the short answer is yes.  I loved everything about it.  The banana custard, the pieces of real, actual banana.  The mountain of meringue on top.  I even liked the crust, which I'll be honest, caught me a little bit off-guard.  I guess I forgot about pie having crust, because I was so wrapped up in all that meringue-y goodness. 


I had really high expectations for Banana Creme Pie, Friends, and I'm glad it didn't disappoint!  So you know what I think you should do, Big People?  Go and treat yourself to a slice of pie at the Texas Hot in Downtown Wellsville.  It'll make you feel better, Friends!  And always remember!  Zoe loves you!  Muah!

Wearin' My Shades

You can't tell from here, but I flippin' hate these sunglasses in this picture!

Hiya, Friends!  It's me, Zoe!  Well, I never thought it would, but it's happened.  I like wearing my sunglasses!  Almost as much as Mommy likes to wear hers!  My whole entire life, I've felt that my Mommy's sunglass wear has been excessive.  She wears them when she drives.  She wears them when we're walking outside.  She wears them from sunup until it's too dark to wear sunglasses.

But I get it now!  I really do!

A couple days ago, Mommy and I were getting ready to go on a walk to our polling station, and we were standing in the doorway, and the sun was shining through. 

The sun seemed a lot brighter than usual, because here at my house, we've had cloudy weather for over a week, because of that awful storm.  I'd forgotten what the blue sky and sun were like!  And while we were getting ready to go on our walk, that sun was so bright that I couldn't stop squinting my eyes!

I feel ridiculous in this getup.

So Mommy got out my blue sunglasses with the little flowers and the strap that goes around my head to keep them on, and she put them on my head.  Usually at this point, I rip my sunglasses off my face and throw them across the room.  I wouldn't have to fling my sunglasses, of course, but it's a punctuation mark, an exclamation point if you will, on my distaste for my sunglasses.

But guess what.  While Mommy and I stood in the bright sunshine the other day, I was surprised to see just how much those sunglasses help with the bright!  Holy smokes!  I could keep my eyes open wide!  I didn't have to squint!  And they didn't pinch my nose or smoosh my face the way I thought they would!

When we got outside and were walking down the driveway, I couldn't believe how much better I could see, now that I wasn't pinching my eyes shuttish, to keep the sun from being too bright!  I loved it, Friends!  I really did!

I voted for stylish sunglasses for everybody!

It just goes to show, Big People, sometimes when you try something before, and you don't like it, maybe you just have to wait a little while and try it again, and then you'll find out you might like it!  That's how it worked out with me and the sunglasses.  I thought I'd never, EVER like wearing sunglasses, but I've gotta say, I'm glad I tried them again.  I really like wearing sunglasses! 

But just because I've recently extended goodwill toward stylish eyewear like my sunglasses, that doesn't mean I'm going to make my peace with socks, shoes, or hats anytime soon.  I still don't like those things at all.  If you get a chance, could you pass along that message to my Mommy, Friends?  I don't like hats, shoes, or socks, still, but I'm cool with sunglasses.  One accessory at a time.  I'd tell her myself, but she gets all overzealous and keeps trying to put hats, socks, and shoes on me.  Drives me more nutty than a holiday assortment of mixed nuts. ... Um, that wasn't my best comparison, was it?  I'll work on that for tomorrow, Friends.  I promise.  In the meantime, have a good rest of your day, and remember that Zoe loves you!  Muah!

Christmas Card Photoshoots

I don't want to be just some lame kid in an elf suit!

 Friends, Rozzie and I are on a quest for the Perfect Christmas Card picture.  There's a lot of pressure on me this year.  Not from any outside sources, but from right in me.  I'll tell you why.

See, this isn't my first Christmas card picture.  Last year was, and all I had to do was dress up in my red outfit with the hat, and look at the camera, and that was that.  My part in the picture was all done, easy as a lemon squeezy!

Besides, elves wear pointy-toed shoes, and I don't do shoes!

This year, I'm a seasoned Christmas card picture veteran.  Or maybe not.  I'm definitely a seasoned picture-taker veteran.  I've had thousands of pictures taken of me since last year.  And Rozzie's also had lots of pictures taken of her!  So we put our heads together and decided we wanted to do something really cool and creative for our Christmas card pictures this year.

My vote's for silliness.  Silliness all the way, baby!

See, Rozzie and I are partners.  At least for the Christmas card photograph.  She does a lot of behind-the-scenes work for my Daily Zoe show over on Facebook, like making me laugh or asking me questions for my show.  I really like working with Rozzie, but she definitely calls the shots at picture-time, if you know what I mean.

The Basket Picture from Easter.

Oh, you don't?  Well, I'll tell you.  For instance, if Mommy has the backdrop up, and Rozzie wants to sit all skee-hawed on the backdrop, so you see half backdrop and half stuff behind the backdrop that Mommy was trying to hide with the backdrop, well, that's just how it's going to be.  Half-backdrop, half-stuff-behind-the-backdrop.  If Rozzie wants to roll over or not look at the camera, that's how the pictures are going to be.  When I work with Rozzie, I have to bring my A-game.

 Of course, Rozzie's always looking out for me.  See, at Eastertime, there was a picture of me in a basket.  Rozzie was supposed to be in the picture, too, but she took one look at that basket and said she was not going to be in a picture with a baby in a basket.  Now, I did take umbrage with being called a baby, but I also thought it was a little weird for me to be in the basket, too.  I mean, I don't usually go around in a basket!  Who DOES stuff like that?

I've got to learn how to show my teeth like that and get results!

So do you know what Rozzie said?  She showed her teeth and said "NOBODY PUTS BABY IN A BASKET!" and you know what?  The next picture, I didn't have to sit in the basket.  Boy, I love that Rozzie!  She's the best!

Silly flower aside, at least I'm not in a basket for this one!

She also taught me how to resist wearing headbands, so luckily, so far, with the Christmas pictures, I haven't been forced to wear headwear.  It hasn't even been presented to me.  Rozzie's told me all about the year Mommy made her dress up like a pumpkin, complete with a hat that looked like the cap of a pumpkin, and she said it hurt her dignity as a dignified member of the community, and I believe her.  Wearing hats that make you look like a pumpkin can do that to your dignity.

So that's us for this little stretch of time.  Me and my best friend, just trying to figure out our Christmas card photos.  We want to do something epic, something that really showcases our personalities.  But we also want to work together, because Christmas card photos are more fun when you get to work with a friend.

We have our work cut out for us, Friends.  We sure do.  Even in the midst of all this work, though, remember that Zoe loves you!  Muah!