Saturday, December 31, 2016

Happy New Year's Eve!

By golly, Big People, we got another trip around the sun!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Last Day of 2016!

Well, ya know, on the Last Day of the Year, I like to look back at the year that's stretching in my rearview mirror.

2016 was an eventful one, that's for sure! 

My pal Rozzie had to have surgery on the skin on her back, and that was a big deal. 

I rode my bike off the couch one night and got my first trip to the emergency room, and my first (and hopefully last!) broken bone.  I even had a cast and everything!

Daddy went to Chicago to learn things.  I missed him while he was away!

I spent two weeks at the Lake with my family and had lotsa fun and learned to swim with the help of a life vest and pool noodle!  I also went to the Museum of Play!

I turned Five.

I went tricker treating for the very first time ever, and I had a GREAT time!

And in the last few weeks of 2016, I lost my first two teeth, just two days apart from each other.

I also attended my first Christmas of a Dickens!

It's been quite a wild ride around the sun this year, and I can't wait to see what 2017 has in store!

I love ya lots, Big People!  I'll see ya tomorrow, mmmkay?  It'll be Next Year!  The Future!

Friday, December 30, 2016

Brighter Days Ahead of Us

I'm optimistic about the Future.
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Friday to you!

Boyo boy, I'll be darned if this week isn't going by super-fast, like a day.  The Week Before Christmas just took its good ol' sweet time getting here, but here we are, pertineer to the End of 2016.

I think we can all agree that 2016 was a doozy of a year.  There were unspeakably wonderful moments, scattered like delightful little islands of wonder on a stormy sea, and the rest of the moments were the stormy sea.

I've never in my life experienced a year such as this. 

Not to worry, though.  2017 isn't even out of its wrapper yet.  We can make it Better.  We can shape how the year's gonna be.  Our attitudes really do determine our altitudes, Friends.  I firmly believe that if we all just collectively have a better attitude, insteadda decryin' things we don't like and bein' all negative, I think we can start turnin' the tides.

It's funny.  For all the gloom-n-doom I hear about, I most of the time experience only middlin' to great days.  But it's more fun to talk about the gloom-n-doom.  I know it's like this for you Grown-Ups, too. 

Let's change that in 2017 and use these last coupla days of 2016 to start practicin'. 

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Thursday, December 29, 2016

Rush Hour Traffic Crush

I'm just waitin' for a slot so I can get to my exit.
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Thursday to you!

Well, ya know, if it looks like I'm not happy today, it's because I am not.  I'm trying to get from somewhere in Town to somewhere else Across Town, and I hit the dang ol' Rush Hour Traffic Crush.

Despite the snappy name, the dang ol' Rush Hour Traffic Crush is anything but a fun game. 

It's because there are so many cars driving around, except insteadda drivin', they're crawling along so slowly that a glacier just passed me on the right as I crawl along in traffic.

It's bumper-to-bumper, only side-to-side here on the road.  All I want to do is get to the exit lane, but nobody will let me in.  There's people who just came up on the on-ramp who'd like to get in a travel lane, and I'd love to let 'em in, but I can't move to make a big enough space for 'em.  Everybody wants to be First, so we're all last.

Friends, Rush Hour Traffic Crush just stinks and it takes the sparkle right outta a kid.

What's that?  Oh!  Wait a minute!  There's a fella who saw my blinker wantin' to go to the exit, and he's got his blinker on to get in my lane, and he's holdin' up the line so I can scoonch in.  What a great fella!  When somebody does something nice for you in traffic, be sure to wave and smile and acknowledge it!

Thank ya, Fella!

Friends, I'm rollin' again, so I'll ketchup with ya tomorrow.  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Rock Stars Among Us!

I look quiet and unassuming, but I am a GREAT performer!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Wednesday to you!

Well, I'll tell ya right the heck what.  I have recently discovered that I am a rock star.  I didn't know this about myself until I spied Aunt Colleen's karaoke machine with microphones, and she let me sing with her!

We started out as a duo act when we sang Frozen, but I ended up being a breakout solo artist.  Now I'm tearin' up the stage with various renditions of the Alphabet Song (Super WHY's Remix is my FRAVRITE!) and also "Wide Awake" by Katie Perry.

Yep.  On the imaginary rock star show tour, I'm pretty much a big deal now.  How about that?!

It just goes to show, Friends, all you need to do is have a dream and a microphone and follow it!

I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Tuesday, December 27, 2016

A Whole Week of Days of Holly!

Keep your spirits bright, Big People!  There's still a whole buncha Days of Holly to celebrate!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Tuesday to you!

Well, ya know, even though Christmas is over, that doesn't mean that our Days of Holly are done with.  Nope! 

In my family, we like to stretch Christmas into a whole week, or more, and then wrap it all up with New Year's Day. 

I really like this approach to the Days of Holly, because we go through kind of a long, wintry stretch here after the Days of Holly, and when ya have a whole week of 'em stacked up before that long stretch without, it does a lot to fill up your Cuppa Cheer for that first part of the year.

So!  Don't lose heart!  Keep your spirits bright!  If you're a tiny tot, let your eyes still be all aglow.  The Days of Holly are not done with us yet, and we're not done with them!  I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Monday, December 26, 2016

Happy Boxing Day and Feast of Stephen!

I appreciate and celebrate ALL the holidays this time of year!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Monday the Day After Christmas to you!

So!  How was your Christmas?  Mine was GREAT!  And it's still going on!

On a related side-note, did you even know that today is a holiday called Boxing Day?  It's true.

Boxing Day nowadays is a day for shopping, watchin' sports on the television, and maybe gettin' some more presents.  It's a lot like the Day After Thanksgiving called Black Friday that we celebrate in America.

But because I'm always lookin' for a reason to celebrate, I'm really into learnin' more about Boxing Day and the places that celebrate it in earnest. 

Coincidentally, today is also St. Stephen's Day, or The Feast of Stephen you've heard about in the well-known Christmas Song "Good King Wenceslas."  The Feast of Stephen is a day of Good Will.

How about that, Friends? 

So I'm gonna letchya go for right now, Big People.  As you can see, Christmas might have come and went yesterday, but there's still a whole lotta celebratin' to do!  I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Sunday, December 25, 2016

Merry Christmas, Babies!

On Christmas and always, Friends, you make me smile!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Sunday to you!  And Merry Christmas to you!

Well, ya know, I know that you have a lot of festivizing to do, and ya don't wanna hafta sit here at your computer all day, readin' as I yammer on and on. 

I'll save that sort of thing for tomorrow!

So I'll keep this all short and sweet.

Merry Christmas, Friends!  I love ya!  I hope you're havin' a great day! 

I'll see ya tomorrow, mmmkay?  Muah!

Saturday, December 24, 2016

Unique and Beautiful Snowflakes

What if all the unique and beautiful snowflakes just worked together?
Hiya, Big People!  It's Saturday and it's Christmas Eve!

Today, I'd like to pause and think about what I'd really like for Christmas, if I could have anything I wanted.

I know what you're thinking.  You're thinking this is gonna be a post begging for the Barbie Dream House.  I cannot blame you for thinking this is where I'm heading with this, but it is not.

No.  After the year 2016 has been, the thing I wish I could ask for and get is that we all just get along, like we would if aliens invaded Earth and we all had to band together or face certain extinction.  Sorry, I know that took a dark turn there, and I do NOT want aliens to invade Earth.  I just want us to all get along as though that were the case, but without the actual alien invasion. 

I like my aliens friendly and not all murderous.

Anyways, a lotta strife that happens around this blue marble we call home is because we all like to tell each other what to do and how to live, and if someone doesn't do or live exactly the way we do, it ruffles our hair all up and we get mad at 'em.  We assume that the only way to see, process, and move along, is OUR way, and everything else that isn't OUR way is invalid.  If someone looks different than us, they're not as much a person as us.  If someone eats different foods than us, or foods we don't like, they're wrong.  When people make decisions about what to do with their lives, and they don't go along with the choices WE make, or we WOULD make if we were in their situation, they're wrong. 

Wars have been started over this, Friends.

And if I could, I'd ask that we just put a stop to all of that.  I'd ask that we could all just listen and learn from each other, insteadda assumin' we know what each other's up to, and it's all bad, bad, bad.  I'd ask that we could all realize that someone else doesn't hafta fail so we can succeed.  There's enough to go around.  One people's idea of success is different from another people's idea, and that should be really fine.

I'd just ask that we could all get along, Friends!  Consider the snowman, Big People.  A snowman is made up of millions and millions of special and unique and beautiful snowflakes that work together toward one common goal- bein' a beautiful and solid snowman!  Maybe the snowflakes know they won't be around forever, but they do their darndest to sparkle and shine while they're here. And even though from a distance, all anybody sees is this big, beautiful, solid snowman, up close, maybe under a microscope, each little unique and beautiful snowflake is still there, doing its thing in all its crystalline glory, still unique, still beautiful, but working together with the others, insteadda tryin' to stand out as the MOST unique and the MOST beautiful.

Friends, it's Christmas Eve.  I love ya all right to pieces.  I love ya all so much.  We all have so much to learn from each other.  We all have so much we can do for each other.  Could we just try it for a bit? 

And also, if you see my folks, I still really DO want that Barbie Dream House.  It lights up and everything. 

Hey.  I'll see ya tomorrow.  Christmas!  Are ya ready?  Sleep tight tonight!  Muah!

Friday, December 23, 2016

Giving Back to Santa Claus

I bet Santa's dreamin' of some Donut Dude Donuts and a Bambinoccino!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Friday the Twenty-Third to you!

Well, ya know, I've been thinkin' a lot about me lately, and haven't been thinking of the one who does so much for Little Kidkind during this time of year- Santa Claus. 

Santa Claus is good enough to bring Christmas Spirit, toys, wisdom, and kindness to all boys and girls, and I think it's high time we give back to the big man in the red suit!  It's time us Little Kids think about the treats we're gonna leave out for good ol' S.C. tomorrow night.

As Director of Donut Development for Donut Dude's Cafe and Bake-O-Rama, I developed a special series of donuts for Santa Clause, his Elves, and even his reindeer, as my way of sayin' 'Thanks for bein' just awesome, Big Guy!'

Santa's donuts are a sweet and savory blend of maple, bacon, and walnuts in a delightful puffy, tender, chewy donut, maple creme-filled in the middle, and with the maple, bacon, and walnut crumbled on toppa the glaze.  This is accompanied by a Thermos of black coffee, because even though Santa's a jolly elf, he has a long trip on Christmas Eve, needs to stay awake, and needs a little something to cut all the sweet from the donuts and the cookies he gets at other kids' houses.

For the Elves, Donut Dude and I have boxes and boxes of chocolate and peppermint donuts headed to the North Pole as we speak.  And white chocolate peppermint swirl hot cocoas for everybody.  I know it's expected and cliche, but the Elves like what the Elves like.  Last year, we tried sending them all Root Beer Float donuts, and that went over about as well as a lead Christmas sleigh, so we know not to do THAT again!

And for the reindeer, we've put together donuts that are actually carrots.  Just carrots.  Tops and all. That's what reindeer like.

It's my way of using my talents and connections to give back to Santa Claus on the busiest night of his year. 

Friends, I better get crackalackin' to make sure everything is packed up properly!  I love ya lots, and I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Thursday, December 22, 2016

This Is Pretty Much My Olympics!

You may not be able to tell from outward appearances, but I'm stoked, Friends!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Thursday to you!

Well, ya know, my excitement for the Christmas Holiday Weekend has now reached the pitchiest of fever-pitches. 

I told myself I was gonna play it cool at Christmas this year, but I just can't help myself.  The tree gets put up, and I'm cool.  I see the wrapping paper come down outta the attic, and I feel a little fluttery thrill in my belly. 

Well, now that the Winter Solstice has come and gone, all bets are off.  I am in full Squee Mode.

It's almost Christmas, Friends!  I'm a Little Kid.  Little Kids and Christmas go together like glue-n-glitter, like fluff and -ernutter.  Like matches and fireworks.

In a word, Big People, I'm not so much playing it cool anymore as I am just flippin' STOKED, and that's cool.  I'm S'POSEDTA be excited for Christmas!

So with that, I'll leave ya, Friends!  I love ya lots, and I'll be seein' ya tomorrow. 


Wednesday, December 21, 2016

Winning on the Winter Solstice!

The Daylight can only go up from here!
Well, hiya, Big People! 

Happy Wednesday to you! 

And.  It's not just any Wednesday.  It's the Winter Solstice, which means that although today gives us the shortest amount of daylight and the longest amount of darkness, that isn't reason to be sad or depressed or mad at the Winter Solstice. 

You see, after the darkest day of the year, it starts to get lighter.  Starting tomorrow, the balance tips in favor of light.  We're on the upswing after the Solstice, Friends!  Feel the energy!

Now, I understand that the Solstice also ushers in the cold part of the year.  That is rough to deal with.  But we're gonna be okay!  We have fluffy blankets, and nicey warm boots, and puffer coats, and hoods, and mitties!

Friends, embrace the winter.  We're WINNING on the Winter Solstice.  We will WIN in the winter!  I love ya lots!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Which List Am I On?

Yep.  I'm on the Nice List. Hard not to be smug about it!
Well, hiya, Big People!  Happy Tuesday the Twentieth to you!

Well, ya know, I just got my acceptance letter onto the 2016 Nice Little Kid List. I wasn't really worried that I had done something so egregious this year as to have me booted off the Nice Little Kid List and onto the Naughty Little Kid List or worse... The List of Neutrality. 

I wasn't worried about that at all.  My body of behavior speaks for itself, I am quite aware, and it says I'm great!

No, I was worried that the Elves on Shelves would infiltrate the North Pole List Agency's Advisory Board on Behavior and black-ball me to Santa and the good Elves. 

As you know, my opinions and actions are not popular among Elves on Shelves.  In fact, I think you could say that your ol' pal Zoe is quite a thorn in the sides of the Elves on Shelves.  I am a tack on the sitting surface of their high-n-mighty shelves, if you will.

But despite this danger of blowback from the shelf-sittin' Elves, Santa and his advisory board still knew I was good this year.  Oh, sure I had my moments.  Did I ever!  But that's all they were is moments. They didn't define my life.  The didn't define who I am as a Little Kid.  You see, for every Super Tantrum I trademarked, there were ten times I waved and cheerfully smiled and spoke to a new friend, there were ten times I was friendly and courteous to restaurant servers and checkout cashiers in various stores.  There were ten times I helped out at home.

I mean, throughout Twenty-Sixteen, I've felt Pretty Darned Good about me, and it's turned out to be completely founded. 

So today I'm celebrating my inclusion on the 2016 List of Nice Little Kids!  Put that in your long, curly-toed shoes and walk on it, Elves on Shelves!  Hahahahahahaha!

Big People, I love ya lots.  I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Monday, December 19, 2016


Oh Emmm Geee!  I can't stand the excitement!
Friends, you'll pardon my unadulterated enthusiasm today.  I am, in fact, extremely EXCITED!!! because although today is Monday, it is the last Monday before Christmas. 

The big holiday that Little Kidkind lives for.

What is particularly exciting for me is that I get to attend Daddy's Christmas party and participate in the gift exchange today, right the heck at lunchtime! It's very exciting, because I love bein' included in Big People stuff, and also, because I really love gettin' presents!

Mommy's my exchanging partner.  Now, I would be a little worried that she's giving me something lame like a chore chart or underwear and socks at Daddy's Office Christmas Party and Gift Exchange, but she let me have big input on my gift exchange gift.  She took me to a magical store called Claire's and let me point out things that I really loved. 

As for Mommy, I didn't know what to get her to be my exchange thing.  I said maybe a new Jeep, one of the sporty ones that you can take the doors and top off of, so she could cart me around in THAT, but Daddy told us to slow our roll.  I tried.  Mommy will be okay.

The important thing to remember is that I am going to just LOVE my gift exchange present, because when Mommy's burnt out on holiday shopping, I WIN. 

Well, Big People, I've gotta go.  I have some serious outfit-pickin' out to do.  I don't want people thinkin' I'm a Little Kid at the party!  The standards have been raised, and I'm gonna rise to the occasion!

I love ya lots, Big People!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Bit By The Bah-HumBUG!

No, I don't need any Bah-HumBUG repellent!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Sunday and Happy Week Before Christmas to you!

Well, I'll tell ya.  Even I, the ultimate in Christmas Cheer, have my off days.  Even I can be a Scrooge, even on the day that marks exactly one week before Christmas.

What flips my Bah-Humbug Switch?  I'll tell ya what flips it.  Not a lot of things, but things.

For instance, when I wanna eat a Stuffed Reese's Cup for breakfast and my parents tell me 'no,' that brings out my Bah Humbugs!

Also, when I wanna wear my denim jacket out and about, because it's fashionable, and my parents tell me I've gotta wear a winter coat because it's "cold," that makes me angry!

Also, some days a Little Kid just wants to wear her rainbow sandals.  I get bitten by the Bah-HumBUG when I am not allowed to wear my rainbow sandals, but I hafta wear my big ol' faux fur-lined winter boots.

A major Bah-Humbug for me is havin' to stop playin' Tearaway: Unfolded because I hafta eat or go to bed.  That really, really, REALLY grinds my gears!

And the biggest thing that brings on a case of the Bah-Humbugs for me is bein' told to snap out of it, walk it off, count my blessings, and so on and so forth, when I'm startin' to come down with a marginal case of them.  Think about it, Friends.  Nobody likes to be told what to think, feel, and do. Definitely not me!

So there ya have it!  I have a case of the Bah-Humbugs, so I'm gonna go before you start tellin' me to shrug 'em off, too.  I don't wanna be mad atchyoo the week before Christmas.  I'll see ya tomorrow, and I still love ya lots, even though I'm grouchy today!  Muah!  I mean BAAAAAAH!

Saturday, December 17, 2016

Zoe's Christmas Prep Checklist!

Time to get crackalackin' on Christmas prep, People!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Saturday to you!

So!  Do you know what today is?  Its the Week Before Christmas Eve, which means we are a quarter of a month away from Christmas Itself!

This is extremely exciting for Little Kids, and possibly extremely terrifying for Big People.  To make things a little less terrifying, I have compiled a bulletized checklist for you. 

It's helpful for you, and I just figured out the bullet list feature, so we both win!

Anyway, here's a Zoe-approved list of things you should make sure you do between now and Next Saturday Night Also Known As Christmas Eve!

  • Getchyer tree up if you haven't already
  • Getchyer presents wrapped if you haven't already
  • Choose your outfit you're gonna wear each day of your Christmas Festivities.  
  • Run through your house and vacuum, empty the trash receptacles, give the windows a swipe and the toilets a swish!
  • Probably you ought to dust, too.  I love to dust!
  • Make sure your Christmas cards are sent out, if ya send 'em
  • Bake Santa some treats
  • Try not to eat Santa's treats
  • Maybe leave this one until Next Saturday Morning, to minimize your chances of eatin' Santa's treats
  • Go to the store and buy some backup treats for Santa, just in case you eat the ones you make. 
  • Select your holiday hairstyle and practice it so it's easy for you to achieve it on the Big Days
  • Do a little something nice for yourself
  • Make a list and check it twice.  It doesn't matter what the list is.  The important thing is to check it twice!
So there ya have it, Friends!  I hope that helps ya make this last quarter of a month before Christmas Eve especially easy and fun.  I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow.  I will likely NOT be able to contain my enthusiasm for the spirit of the season, so be prepared!  Muah!

Friday, December 16, 2016

Christmas List Resistance

Resistance is futile.  That Barbie Dream House is gonna be mine!
Well, hiya, Friends!  Happy Friday to you!

You know, I am in the T-H-I-C-K of plannin' and managin' my Christmas List, and I gotta say, I am experiencing some resistance on one of the big-ticket item. 

You see, I told Mommy I want the Barbie Dream House.  The big one.  All hot pink.  Can't miss it.  I have mentioned this numerous times over the last few months. 

Thing of it is, Mommy says I don't need the Barbie Dream House.  I'd hafta get rid of some of my other toys first, to make room. 

Done!  I said.  My baby toys can movealong any day now!  I want me a Barbie Dream House!

Mommy says I'll hardly ever play with it.  I say we don't know how much I'd play with a Barbie Dream House because I've never had a Barbie Dream House!  Take a chance, I say!

Well, having an answer for everything, Mommy said my toy cubbies would make a great Barbie Dream Condo building, if I just remove the bins when I wanna play Barbies.  It has sturdy contemporary construction, plenty of room.  I could put Barbie Furnitures in the bins and put everything away when I'm done playing...

I admit, I thought about it for a second.  But there's a serious flaw in a toy cubby-slash-Barbie Dream House setup.  The toy-cubby is NOT pink, and Barbie and friends would not be seen living in anything but a pink house.  And I want a Barbie Dream House.  Not just usin' something I already have in a different way.

What Mommy doesn't realize is that Christmas List Resistance is futile.  That Barbie Dream House will be mine, by golly!

Thursday, December 15, 2016

The Christmas Wrap Rap!

It occurs to me that I don't even know how to tie a Tiffany bow...
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Thursday to you!

Well, ya know, today we're down to ten days before Christmas Itself.  How about that?!

In that spirit, I would like to talk to you about wrappin' presents.  While I very much wish I could rap this to you, that just isn't a skill I have, so I will just have a normal conversation with ya, like I do.

I volunteered to be a gift wrapper at the Little Kid Fund's kiosk in the Bingham Centre, during the Bizarre Bazaar.  Boy, was that ever eye-opening. 

In one day, I had to wrap up a golden life-size statue of Joe the Camel that Joe the Camel bought for Joe the Camel.  That was a doozy.  I almost called it a day, right there!  And then I had to wrap up a Giant Geode for one of the Little Giraffes.  I don't even know what Little Giraffes do with geodes, to be honest with you.  And I had to wrap chairs that look like hands, and hexagonal-shaped slippers, and ice cream cone-shaped hot sauce dispensers that I'm really questioning Little Kidkind, Big People!

Then there was the White Elephant Section, where white elephants... well, all the elephants, actually, went to buy sweaters.  Elephants love sweaters.  And old-school rotary telephones, for some reason.

I guess that's what a kid has to expect when they're at a Bizarre Bazaar.  All kindsa weird stuff.  And I volunteered to help wrap it all.  They don't make boxes for that kinda stuff, Friends, so your pal Zoe was on her own, gettin' around all those weird angles and odd shapes!

So know that I feel for ya, you brave Big People Present Wrappers!  Know that I feel for ya, every time you cut a piece of wrappin' paper three times and find that it's STILL too short.  I feel for ya every time ya wind up with MagicTape in your hair.  I feel for ya when ya go to pick your nose, only to find the scissors are still in your hand, and... oh... that's just me?  Well, if it happened to you, too, I'd feel for ya, friends!  No judging from me!  The air is dry this time of year!

Anyways, Friends, I better go.  I've been watchin' a You Tube on how to tie the perfect Tiffany bow.  The best I've managed so far is not knotting up the piece of ribbon.  I love ya lots, Big People!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Count By Twos Day!

Now that I speak Math, I just can't shut it off, Big People!
Well, hiya, Friends!  Happy Wednesday to you!

Boyo Boy, this week has had no shortage of fascinating Math Days, if you've been keepin' track at home!

It's Twelve-Fourteen-Sixteen!  Count By Twos Day!

It would have worked out much better if this would have happened yesterday, on actual Tuesday, but not to worry.  We're still countin' by twos, because the date goes twelve, fourteen, sixteen, which is exactly the way things would go if you were countin' Christmas cookies by two or something!

I really like these Math Days we've been gifted with, People! 

Now that I know how to speak Math, I just can't shut it off, Big People!  And that's okay by me!

Hey.  I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

Christmas Creatures

Aren't Little Giraffes good enough for a Christmas song, Big People?
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Tuesday to you!

Well, ya know, today's the Thirteenth, so that means there's twelve days left 'til Christmas.  I guess today would be the First Day of Christmas?  So we get a Partridge in a Pear Tree? 

This is remarkable, because at my very house, we have a pear tree in the yard, and we also have partridges that live on the bank in front of the shop.  They like to live in the scrub-weeds so predators have a harder time gettin' to 'em.  I'm not sure if our partridges ever fly up and sit in the pear tree. 

That particular Christmas song features lotsa different creatures, Friends, but not one giraffe.  No big deal.  I figured there must be at least ONE Christmas song about giraffes, but so far my research has turned up nothing.  And that's a shame, because next to Joe the Camel and Sabretooth, the Little Giraffes are pertineer the biggest party animals you'll ever meet.

Deer sure get their spotlight this time of year, though.  Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, of course, and his cousin Leroy the Redneck Reindeer.  Dominik the Donkey has his own song.  Flippin' Morris the Moose gets a song.  I suppose you could say that Chipmunks are represented at Christmas time, because of Alvin and the Chipmunks.  I wonder if Alvin ever got a hula-hoop.  Birds show up in Christmas songs.  And Big People, there's a song where some girl who's consumed lotsa helium-filled holiday balloons caterwauls on and on about how she wants a hippopotamus for Christmas.  Lorty Lort.

Maybe I oughtta get out my crayons and get to writin' a song about Christmas Giraffes and Elephants and Squirrels.  Maybe I oughtta just do that!

Hey, I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Monday, December 12, 2016

Gross Day!

Today's a Gross Day, and not because of why you'd think!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Monday to you!

Well, ya know, I am a kid that's fascinated by numbers.  All kinds of 'em.  I love countin' 'em up, I love addin' 'em together and takin' numbers away from other numbers.

And the thing I noticed today is that it is the twelfth day of the twelfth month, so that makes today Gross Day!

No, no.  Not because Rozzie does really gross things on the floor, which she does.  That type of thing does not deserve a special day, I'll tell ya what. 

No!  Gross Day is when ya take the number of the month of the year and multiply it by the number of the day of the month.  Today those numbers are twelve and twelve, which equals 144! 

That's what you'd call gross!

Sure.  Two other days of the year are Gross Days.  June Twenty-Fourth and August Eighteenth, but today's the most special Gross Day, because today's Gross Day is a perfect square.  Twelve times Twelve.  How the heck right about that?!

I feel like I should celebrate somehow.  Maybe by ordering a gross of matchbox cars from Oriental Trading Company and holding a Gross Grand Prix!  Wouldn't that be fun?

Hey.  I'll see ya tomorrow, Big People!  It won't be Gross Day anymore, but it'll still be fun!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Sunday, December 11, 2016


Her acting might come off as mechanical sometimes, but Lulu is fabulous!
Hiya, Friends!

Well, ya know I consider myself a friend of all creatures, real and mechanical. 

Recently, I was gifted with an animatronic kitty named Lulu.  To the casual observer, Lulu might look like a kinda creepy toy cat that moves by herself, but I see her for what she really is: a STAR, Friends.  A musical theatre STAR!

That's why the Little Giraffes and I have started production of the Andrew Lloyd Weber musical show Cats!  It's a show that just seems tailor-made for Lulu!

Now, Lulu's acting and dancing can be a little mechanical right now. But once she gets all trained up in her role, she'll be quite lifelike and natural and ready for her performance!

I love ya lots, Friends!  It feels great to be a patron of the arts!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Saturday, December 10, 2016

Awkward Astronauts

That Face When someone shows up to the astronaut party wearin' the same outfit as you.
Friends, I don't know about you, but on Saturdays, I like to go to a good party.  This Saturday, all my astronaut pals have hopped into an Imaginatron 2750XL model, and we're havin' a party on the intergalactic space station.

Now, I took extra care to choose my astronaut party outfit so I could stand out from the crowd.  And wouldn't you know?  Another astronaut showed up in the very same outfit as me, right down to the bright pink scarf I added for a pop of color. 

Well, it's that darned ol' Ariana Argon from Andromeda.  She's always stealin' my outfit choices.  The other astronauts tell me not to get all upset about it, because imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, but it's hard to compete for flashiness with an astronaut from Andromeda who has sparkly, pale-blue skin and long curling hair that looks as though it's made of RGB fairy lights.

I mean, if anything, I'd like to imitate Ariana Argon from Andromeda.  I suppose I could get some makeup and make my skin sparkly and pale blue, but her hair is really other-worldly.  We just don't have the technology here on Earth to replicate that look that just comes to Andromedans naturally.  We don't!

Oh, well, Friends.  It's still a fun party.  I don't care if I'm twinsies with Ariana, I guess.  She might wear the outfits with more pizazz than I can pull off, but I have dance moves that Ariana cannot even attempt.

And with that, Friends, I hear my fravrite song comin' on, and they have a micro-dwarf moon they're usin' as a disco ball, so I've gotta go!  Enjoy your Saturday!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Friday, December 9, 2016

The Nice Cream Truck!

See me rollin' and dolin' out the Nice Cream!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Friday to you!

Well, ya know, from what I understand, in the Days of Yore, a long, long time ago, like back in the Eighties and Nineties, Fridays were magical days in the school cafeteria, because the kids could buy ice cream for a quarter!

I just love the idea of that, Friends.  Fridays are fun by nature, but addin' in an ice cream ticket must have just put the sparkly cap on a week at school for those school children so long ago.

In that spirit of Friday fun, and in my continued efforts to make the world a happier place, I have taken to the streets in the dang ol' Nice Cream Truck, and am driving around neighborhoods, doling out Nice Cream!  Givin' people a reason to smile!

I love ya lots, Friends!  If the Nice Cream Truck doesn't make it to your neighborhood, you go to the store and get yourself a pint of your fravrite ice cream to eat tonight in fronta the television.  It's been a week, and you deserve it. 

Hey.  I'll see ya tomorrow.  Muah!

Thursday, December 8, 2016


On Thursdays, I practice my chop-stickery!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Thursday to you!

Well, ya know, I like to think of myself as quite a metropolitan kid, even if I do live in a little tiny town nobody's heard of, so when I had the opportunity to learn how to use chop-sticks, I jumped at the chance.

Chopsticks are so much handier to eat sushi with than usin' a spork, you know?  I mean, what if I'm sittin' there in Wegmans Market Cafe, eatin' sushi with my hands, and catch the eye of another Little Kid there, who knows how to maneuver chopsticks, and they think I'm some kind of barbarian from the Bing? 

Can't have that!

So I've taken it upon myself to learn to use chopsticks.  I have a special set of chopsticks with finger guides that Aunt Colleen and Uncle Lorentz brought me back from Korea before I was even born, that I've been usin' to pick up little tiny bean-like chicks in a game that Mommy got before I was even born.  I've gotten pretty good at it, too!

I figure that if I can pick up a hard plastic bean-shaped chick, or one that looks like an M&M, or one that is kinda triangular shaped, I can definitely get to usin' chopsticks to pick up real food, because real food has a little squoosh to it, makin' it a lot easier to grip with a paira chopsticks!

Friends, when ya really get down to it, usin' chopsticks is like usin' a pair of really skinny tongs that isn't connected at the top usually.  It takes some practice, but I'm gonna get good at it!

I love ya lots, and I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  Be good and learn something new!  Muah!

Wednesday, December 7, 2016

Winter Has Arrived

I like lookin' at the snow from the comfort of my nicey warm house!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Wednesday to ya!

Well, ya know, it's getting down to Crunch Time on the dang ol' Christmas Holiday. 

I guess it's only fitting that we've had some Wintry Weather to get us in the Christmas Spirit.  I read in my Big Board Book of Retail Strategy that when the weather isn't cold and snowy, people aren't so quick to go Christmas shopping.

I guess you could say the cold weather is another way to keep the economy rollin', so that's good.

Mostly, I like to be warm and cozy in my house.  Sometimes, I get so I'm dyin' to go sled-riding, but then I hafta go out to the car, and I realize just how cold outside is.  It tempers my desire to go sled-riding.  Plus, my good sled-ridin' hill got bulldozed last fall, and I'm not sure where I'll take my good ol' orange toboggan now that Winter has finally arrived.  I'll just hafta wait and see!

Friends, stay warm and toasty!  Your pal Zoe just loves ya right to pieces!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

Keepin' the Tooth Fairy in Business!

When's the Best Time to go to the dentist?  Two-Thirty!  Get it?!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Tuesday to you!

Well, ya know, I'm at a really magical age.  I am.  One of the magical things about bein' Five is that the teeth in my mouth have started loosening up and headin' for the Tooth Fairy's Lost Tooth Hall Of Fame.

I told ya about the tooth I lost last Tuesday.  That was an exciting thing!  The Tooth Fairy came and everything! 

Then on Friday afternoon, I'd been eatin' an apple off the core at a dealership while we were gettin' the truck fixed, and darned if my other tooth on the bottom wasn't getting all loose and wiggly and annoying to have in my mouth!

So Daddy popped that tooth right outta my mouth, and last night, I put it under my pillow for the Tooth Fairy to come and get.

I understand that it's goin' to a special spot in the Lost Tooth Hall of Fame.  In the Apple Room, whatever that's all about.

I'm really glad I can keep the Tooth Fairy in business like this.  By extension, I'm pretty sure I'm keepin' the economy rollin', by keepin' the Tooth Fairy employed, so for that you're welcome, BigPeople! 

Hey.  I love ya lots!  I'll be seein' ya tomorrow, but right now, there's a whole buncha foods I was holdin' off on eatin', on accounta my sore loose teeth, so I have some time to make up for.  You be good now, you hear?  Muah!

Monday, December 5, 2016

Have Some Nice Cream!

I like my nice cream in a sundae with marshmallow, hot fudge, and a cherry!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Monday to you!

Well, ya know, the Holiday Season is upon us, and that can make even the most sweetest-tempered of us a little punchy.

So imagine what it can do to those of us who aren't so sweet-tempered by nature, Friends!

Why, it can make a kid downright cranky-n-ugly, and sometimes that cranky-n-ugly gets taken out on store associates, wait staff, friends, family, strangers, other drivers on the road, co-workers, pets, and all.

The thing that I think everybody oughtta do is have some Nice Cream.  Either in just a dish, a cone, or as part of a sundae.  Everybody's nicer when they've had some nice cream.  Friends, get yourself a gallon bucket of nice cream.I love ya lots, and I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Sunday, December 4, 2016

There's No Crying in Baseball!

There's no crying in baseball, but there is crying in the kitchen.  Onions hurt.
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Sunday to you!

Well, ya know, sometimes I play baseball in an all-girls Bambinoccino league with a buncha my pals.  And a buncha my frenemies and non-friends.

For instance, Pidgie McDougall plays in the same league as me, but she's on a different team.  That's fine.  I like everybody on my team.

When it comes to the all-girls Bambinoccino league I play in, you could say we're in a league of our own. 

On my team, Sabretooth's the coach.  He's an interesting pick, as his experience comes primarily in hockey and not baseball.  So it just makes for an interesting juxtaposition of sports and sporting philosophies.

One thing that we definitely adhere to in our league is that there's no cryin' in baseball.  It's find to cry in the kitchen when you're cuttin' up onions, because onions really sting your eyes, but baseball's a game, and ya just don't cry over games.  How about that?!

Anyways, Friends, I gotta go practice my throwin' and catchin' and wavin' to the crowd, so I'll see ya tomorrow.  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Saturday, December 3, 2016

I Am Frosta!

This is the face of a superhero!
Hiya, Big People! 

I bet you didn't know that I'm a superhero, but it's true.  I got a sparkly, feathered mask a few weeks ago, and as it turns out, it gives me magical powers.  Superhero powers.

When I wear the mask, I am Frosta, from the land of SuperChill.  I take the heat out of hot situations.  I cool things off.

Um... sometimes, a superpower has to manifest first, and then it shows its usefulness.  So that's where I am right now.  Just learnin' how my superpowers work.

Friends, this is a big job, so I'm gonna go do that, and I'll see ya tomorrow.  I love ya lots, Friends!  Muah!

Friday, December 2, 2016

Music Videos!

I haven't been this amazed since the first time I saw Daniel Tiger!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Friday to you!

Well, ya know, last evening, Daddy introduced me to a radical concept: Music Videos.

Big People, have you heard of these?  Apparently in the 1980s and 1990s, musical performers would stage and shoot elaborate videos to go along with their songs, and these music videos would either illustrate, clarify, or obfuscate the story the song itself was trying to tell.

I gotta tell ya, I am intrigued, Big People.  Why, if there were a channel that was devoted to playin' nothing but music videos, I'd watch it for HOURS. 

Sure, I know I can just go on the dang ol' YouTube and watch music videos, but I think there's something fun and convenient about tunin' into a channel and watching what someone else lines all up.  What would someone who does such a job be called?  A Video Queue Master, maybe?  I don't know.

Friends, why hasn't anybody thought of this type of television station?  It's wonderful!  Music videos are where it's AT!  Why should I just wanna hafta listen to a playlist when I can WATCH the musics, too?!

Well, I hear Toto on the dang ol' computer, so I wanna go watch the music.  I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  You be good!  Muah!

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Zootin' Tootin' Wild West Zodeo Show

Um, I'm not sure Zodeo life is for me. I like the hat, though!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Thursday to you! And Happy December!

Well, ya know, I got the idea in my head to make myself the star of my very own Zootin' Tootin' Wild West Zodeo Show.  I got the idea from lookin' at that saddle on a sawhorse at the dang ol' Texas Roadhouse one day, but then finally decided to get me a plaid flannel shirt and five-gallon hat and just do this thing.

I decided I'd race my stick-horse around garbage cans, since I don't have a real horse to race around barrels.  Rozzie was my Zodeo clown.

As it turns out, Rozzie is not a very cooperative Zodeo clown.  She'd rather be the star of the show.  She doesn't give a zoot about ridin' the stick-horse, and she won't let me ride her around like a pony (she NEVER did, even when I was a BABY!) and she's no good at bein' a Zodeo clown.

Good thing I have Sabretooth as a great pal, though.  He's a good Zodeo clown!

Back to Rozzie, though.  I thought maybe she'd be a good concession vendor, but she ate all the concessions.  I thought she'd be excellent at sellin' T-shirts, but she said her experience wearin' a T-shirt after her surgery this spring was enough foolin' with T-shirts for her for a lifetime.  I figured then, she could be the ticket-taker and work at the box office, but again, no.  She claims her lack of thumbs prevents her from being effective in the box office.

Whatever.  I've seen her play Candy Crush Saga on the iPad using nothing but her nose, and the Zodeo box office is all touch-screen technology, so I think Rozzie's fulla poop.

It isn't that she doesn't wanna be included, though.  She wants to be the STAR of the Zodeo.  The ONLY star of the Zodeo.  She said she "didn't reckon this Zodeo's big enough for the both of us!" and ever since then, it's been a constant battle between right (me) and wrong (Rozzie).

I honestly think that I'd be better served to sell Rozzie my shares of the Zootin' Tootin' Wild West Zodeo Show, let her be the star, and I can movealong to something less work-intensive, anyways.  You wouldn't know it to look at 'em, but stick horses are a lot of upkeep.

Hey, enough of my tale of Zoe woe.  I'll  letchya get on with your day.  I love ya lots, Big People, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!