Thursday, July 31, 2014


Look!  It's me, Gramma, and Aunt Colleen with Trolley!
Friends, a few weeks ago, I had the opportunity to visit the Pittsburgh Children's Museum.  Now, the whole entire day was pretty cool, but one of my favorite things (besides the Water Room on the Top Floor of the Children's Museum) was getting to meet Trolley... THE Trolley from Mister Rogers' Neighborhood and the Neighborhood of Make Believe, where Daniel Tiger lives!

I can't believe I'm sitting at the controls of Trolley!
In case you're not familiar with Trolley or Mister Rogers or Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, or in case you've forgotten, Trolley started out as an inter-dimensional traveler between Mister Rogers' studio in his neighborhood and the Neighborhood of Make Believe.  The magical interdimensional part occurred somewhere inside the tunnel behind the wall at Mister Rogers' studio.

Trolley would definitely hafta decide to travel interdimensionally in that tunnel, because sometimes Trolley would just use the tunnel to go from the studio's living room to the fish tank or to the kitchen area, or to where the screen for Picture-Picture was.  Other times, Trolley would start out in the studio and wind up in the Neighborhood of Make Believe.

Trolley AND Mr. McFeely could both travel between the dimensions, relaying messages and bringing presents between Mister Rogers in his studio and the friends in the Neighborhood of Make Believe.

Pretty cool!

This is pretty much the best day ever so far!
I'm not sure how it all worked.  I'll hafta study some more of those Mister Rogers episodes to really see how it was done, and under which circumstances Trolley traveled interdimensionally, and under which circumstances Trolley would just go from the living room to the kitchen, for instance.

These days, Trolley is the main mode of transportation in the Neighborhood of Make Believe, where Daniel Tiger lives.  They don't drive cars or trucks in Daniel Tiger's Neighborhood, although Mr. McFeely is there, and he drives his delivery bike. 

I tell a lie.  When there's a really big Speedy Delivery, Mr. McFeely has been known to drive a box-van.  Like the day the class voted on a swingset.  The swingset wouldn't have ever fit in the basket on Mr. McFeely's bike.  Not even in the Neighborhood of Make Believe.

But the riding around the Neighborhood to be done is done aboard Trolley.

I have a lot of admiration for Trolley.  You could say I'm a Big Trolley Fan.  So it was an INCREDIBLE day when I got to see Trolley for myself.

It's a day I will never, ever forget!

Wednesday, July 30, 2014

I Can't Believe Mommy Put This Picture Up

Oh, Mommy.  Paybacks.  Paybacks are heck. 
Hiya, Friends.  Well, as you can see, I found myself at a moment of weakness and I lay down, just for a little bit of shut-eye.  And as you can also see, dang ol' Mommy went and snapped a picture of me, out colder than a frozen chicken.

I've got to say I don't appreciate this kind of thing.

I don't understand what it is with Big People taking pictures of sleeping little kids.  Everybody sleeps.  EVERYBODY!  I don't see why Big People hafta take pictures of us napping.  It just doesn't make sense to me, and furthermore, I think it takes away my dignity.  Look at me.  I'm asleep.  I can't even defend myself.  I am off in a dream.  Probably a dream where I'm riding an icing slide around the toppa a house-sized cupcake, splashing into a pool of sprinkles and glittery sugar. 

That's what I was dreaming of when this picture was taken, I bet.

You know, naps are a funny thing for me.  I fight 'em like I'm possessed, but once I get all settled down and cozy and into a really great dream, I realize I kind of like naps.

That doesn't mean Mommy's off the hook for puttin' up this picture of Sleepy Me, though.  By golly!

Tuesday, July 29, 2014

Zoe's Techno Rewind: Television Antennas

"Too Foreign, Seven:" how to remember the channels from the TV antenna.
Hiya, Big People!  Hey, I was out riding around with Mommy and Daddy the other day, and we drove by a house that had this great big metal thing on the roof.  It looked like spiky arrows or something, and it was HUGE!  And then when we got home, I was looking through the "before" pictures of the house where I live, and wouldja believe there was one of those big metal spiky arrow things up on my very roof once?

I didn't know what to make of this discovery, Friends.  I mean, I didn't even know what the things were!

As it turns out, these giant metal spiky things on toppa people's roofs were TV antennas!  People usedta get TV out of the AIR and the antennas would catch the channels!

Pretty cool, huh?

Well, no.  Not as pretty cool as I'd think.  You see, there weren't a lotta channels you could get out of the air.  The antennas couldn't catch channels that weren't in the air.  So people who live where Mommy grew up got three channels- Channel Two, Channel Four, and Channel Seven- the Big Three stations outta Buffalo.  Mommy said sometimes they got Channel 6 from Elmira, and later on, Channel 44, which was found on the Number 4 spot on the television dial.  Channel 44 was the Public Television Station, so Mommy could watch Mister Rogers and Sesame Street.

I woulda thought it was a happy day when Mommy could watch Sesame Street and Mister Rogers at her very own house, but Mommy said sometimes the channels came in all fuzzy, or snowy, or they wouldn't come in at all.  They'd hafta adjust the antenna just right.  There were antennas on toppa the television set, too, that needed to be pointed just so.

If you lived through those days, Friends, I feel for ya.  You had it rough. 

Anyway, I'll see ya tomorrow, and I'll be back next Tuesday for another Zoe's Techno Rewind!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Monday, July 28, 2014


Bad Day?  IncrediKitty to the rescue!
Hiya, Friends!  Have you ever thought about taking on an alter ego?  Have you ever thought about being a superhero of some sort, but lack a creative idea on what kind of superhero you wanna be?  Me, too, but the idea has suddenly come to me. 

Well, you know the Internet already knows all about Grumpy Cat.  I love Grumpy Cat.  I really do.  But Grumpy Cat is already doing the Grumpy Cat thing, and I wanna set myself apart.  So thanks to a neat cat mask I found at Aunt Colleen's house, I've decided that my superhero identity will be IncrediKitty!  And insteadda bein' all grumpy like Grumpy Cat, I'll be all happy like me, except with a cat mask on my face. 

I mean, look at me.  I've got FISH floating above my head.  You can't be grumpy when you're on dry land and there's fish floating above your head.

And unlike my pal Grumpy Cat, who spreads joy and cheer on the Internet by being grumpy, I'll spread joy and cheer by being HAPPY and making other people happy, too!  It'll work so well, folks will say 'That's incredible!'  and I'll say, "No, that's IncrediKitty!"

I'll also help people with their grammar and punctuation, whether they ask me to or not.  Nothing says 'I love you!' like unsolicited advice!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  In the meantime, if ya need IncrediKitty, just flash the Fish Beacon up in the sky!  Muah!

Sunday, July 27, 2014

Zoe WithLizardBreath

Look out, Little Town! It's WithLizardBreath and LizardZilla!  Oooooo!
Friends.  As you may or may not know, when I was a little kid, my pal Rozzie told me that my middle name is 'WithLizardBreath.'  It isn't.  It's 'Elizabeth,' but you know what?  I kinda like being called Zoe WithLizardBreath.  It makes me laugh.  I know it isn't true, and I figure if I embrace names like that now, when I get to the playground, things like that that other little kids will say to me won't bug me. 

Pre-emptively co-opting their fuel, Friends.  It's a strategery!

Anyway, just to set the record straight, if I have WithLizardBreath, then lizard breath must smell like PEZ.  And Sparkle Fun toothpaste.  Occasionally Smarties.  How about that?

And recently, I met an actual rubber lizard named Pinky who wanted me to tell everybody that lizards get a bad rap.  he wants me to let you know that lizards aren't bad people, and that we shouldn't get freaked out by their weird long tails.  And also, he wanted to apologize for his friend Godzilla's many rampages.  Apparently Godzilla has been dieting and has spent the last sixty or seventy years in a state of 'Hangry.'

I sure can relate to that.  I get really hangry when I'm hungry and angry for just an afternoon.  

So if ya see Godzilla stomping around in a state of hanger, throw him a big cookie.  He loves sweets.  Before you know it, he'll be the life of whatever party he almost stomped on.  (He really loves sixties dance music!)

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Saturday, July 26, 2014

My Residency at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital

A laugh a day keeps the doctor away!
Hiya, Friends!

Hey, I haven't checked in with ya from my residency at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital in a while.  I'm still there, slogging along.  Still doing Spirit Lifts and Funnybone Repair Surgery. 

I'm learning a lot of stuff, Friends.  Even though I really like performing Spirit Lifts, and even though there's nothing I like more than a good Funnybone Repair, what I'm really trying to stress to my patience is preventative laughter medicine. 

It's true.  I'm trying to get my patients to need me less.  It's better for them.  All they hafta do is laugh a little each day, or smile.  Every day.  I don't think that encouraging my patients to practice preventative laughter-care on themselves at home is bad for my future business as a Physician of Fun.  I really don't.  A doctor's goal is to keep her patients as healthy as possible and to be there for them when things really get bad.  A Physician of Fun is no different. 

You see, my regular patients will come see me for checkups every year, or every few months- on whichever recall schedule they need to go on.  I'll see people for LaughWell, LiveWell checkups.  No problem!  To keep things running smoothly for them!

But sometimes unforeseen things pop up in life that steal someone's happy.  Things can dampen spirits.  Funnybones get broken.  Those are my acute-care patients.  Those are the people who need therapies such as Spirit Lifts, and work on their funnybones.  Sourgrapesectomies.  BadFeelingOtomies.  Those sorts of things.  And I'll be there for those patients, I sure will. 

I just wanna make sure my patients for the most part are on the LaughWell, LiveWell plan, and not needing acute laugh-therapy all the time. 

So remember what Dr. Zoe says, Friends: A laugh a day keeps the doctor away!

I love ya lots, Friends!  Big Muah!

Friday, July 25, 2014

Five More Twenty-Fives!

Let's list twenty-five things to be happy about today!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Friday to you!  Didja notice what today is?  It's the Twenty-Fifth of the Month.  Now, I usually say something EVERY Twenty-Fifth of the Month, and you get all mad at me, so I'm gonna continue not saying it, but I want you to take special note that it's the Twenty-Fifth, and I'm still concentrating on the Number Five right now. 

In an effort to sweeten your mood the way peppermint and gingerbread are sweet (ahem), I thought I'd list twenty-five reasons to be happy today for you.  I'm not gonna explain 'em.  Just list 'em.  I'll leave a little room for you to reflect all on your own. 

So here it goes:

1)  The sun came up this morning!
2)  There's such a thing as chocolate!
3)  Fresh fruit and vegetables.
4)  The smell of coffee brewing in the coffeemaker.
5)  Having a nice bed to sleep in.
6)  Clothes to wear!
7)  Enough food to eat!
8)  Safety and security.
9)  The sky- whether it's blue or cloudy or starry- it's endlessly fascinating to look at!
10)  The way fresh-cut grass smells!
11)  Dogs and cats and other furry pets.
12)  Bedtime stories.
13)  Bubble baths!
14)  Root beer- and that goes double for root beer with free refills!
15)  Delicious Donuts!
16)  Cupcakes of all kinds!
17)  Friends and family!
18)  Feeling the sun on your face!
19)  Flowers.
20)  A fresh boxa crayons!  (If it's been a while since you've experienced this, Friends, get one now!)
21)  Balloons!
22)  Seeing the American Flag flapping in the breeze and knowing that's YOUR flag!
23)  Laughing.
24)  Rainbows!
25)  Being able to help someone else out and seeing a smile on their face!

This isn't a comprehensive list, Friends.  But it's a good start.  It's something to think about and it's a lot of reasons to be happy.  I love the heck right out of you, Friends, and I'll be seeing you tomorrow, mmmkay?  Muah!

Thursday, July 24, 2014

The Number Five

It's The Number Five Day!
Hiya, Friends!  Today I'd like to talk to you about the Number Five. 

I betchya you're wondering why I'd wanna talk to you about the Number Five today, of all days, when nothing about the date has anything to do with Five.  I mean, it's the seventh month of the year.  It's the twenty-fourth day of the seventh month of the year.  What could the twenty-fourth day of the seventh month of the year possibly have to do with the Number Five? 

Well, if you think about it for a coupla minutes, you'll see that today has the Number Five written all over it.  It really does.  And there's no need to panic.  There's no need to get all mad and send me all kindsa messages about how here I go, once again, bringing up things you don't wanna hear about.

Five is wonderful.  Five can be a little or a lot.  We're supposed to strive for five servings of fruits and veggies in a day.  We have five digits on each hand, five toes on each foot.  There are five vowels in the alphabet.  There are five points on a star.

Have you figured out yet why today is devoted to the Number Five around here yet?  I bet you have!  Now you're gonna wanna make the most of the Number Five, yes, Friends?  That's what the really cool Big People do.  They make the most of the Number Five this time of year, so they aren't stressed out later on.

I'm gonna let you go, so you can go make the most of the Number Five. I'm gonna do, too.  And I'll check back in with ya tomorrow, mmmkay?  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Dr. Zoe's Mid-Week Checkup!

Is your smile workin' properly?  Try it out and see!
Hiya, Friends!  How's your week going?  It's Wednesday, after all.  The middle day of the week, and therefore the perfect day for a midweek checkup!

Now, I'm not talking about the kind of checkup where you have to step on a scale or open your mouth and say "AAaaaaaaaaAAAAAH!"  I know those kinda checkups, especially the ones involving a scale, are the exact opposite of something that makes you Grownups happy.

My mid-week checkup involves making sure your spirits are at the optimum levels, or at the very least, not down in the dumps.  If you're down in the dumps, you need to contact me ASAP for a Spirit Lift Consultation. 

Another point in the midweek checkup is about making sure your smile is workin' properly.  Can you smile?  When you smile, do the corners of your mouth turn up, and do your eyes light up?  That's what you want.  Upturnage of the corners of your mouth, and lighting up of your eyes.  If either of those things is out of order, you need to contact me for a Smile Alignment.  It doesn't involve orthodontics.  Don't you worry about that for a minute.  OR if you're feeling happy, but your smile doesn't turn up the corners of your mouth, or your eyes aren't lighting up when you smile, you might need to see a Conventional Doctor.  There could be a mechanical problem with your smile, and a Conventional Doctor can help you out if need be!

So there you have it, Friends.  Dr. Zoe's Mid-Week Checkup!  You're on the downside of the week now.  Time to just cruise right in to the Weekend, mmmmkay?  You've got to go through Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, anyway, so you might as well be HAPPY about it!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll be seein' you tomorrow!  Muah!

Tuesday, July 22, 2014

Techo Rewind: Records for Little Kids

I'm not even allowed to touch my CDs and DVDs, let alone an LP and phonograph needle!
Friends, have you ever heard of the MiniPops?  Waaaaaay back in the EARLY 1980s, they sang a song called "Stupid Cupid" that shot to the top of the charts.  And it was sang by little kids.  And my Mommy had that record.  It was a BIG LP record, she says, and she wasn't much older than me when she'd play it on her very own record player. 

In fact, Mommy says that she had a buncha little books that came with records, and she could change her records and listen to them all on her own, without Gramma's help, when she was mere months older than me.

I'm not making fun of these giant vinyl LPs, Friends.  I'm not laughing about you Big People for living in times during which you listened to these on record players that required needles.  Today, I'm marveling that my Mommy and her generation were allowed to touch these kinds of things, use them as their own, independently!

I have CDs, Friends.  I have DVDs.  I even have a CD player in my bedroom.  It's a combo jobby- CD player, alarm clock, Hello Kitty objet d'art. Do you think I'm allowed to put CDs in that Hello Kitty CD player?  No.  Do you think Mommy even wants me touchin' my CDs?  Do you think Mommy lets me get out my own DVDs and put them in the player without hyperventilating?  Noperoo.  I'm allowed to bring my CDs and DVDs to Mommy for HER to put into the machines.

So I hafta marvel that my Mommy was allowed to handle these super-fragile records when she was my age, and that she was allowed to use a thing with a needle on it to play these records. 

I think the technology I'm mourning the loss of today is parents who trusted their kids with cool record players and needles and records.  So there's some technology I'd love to see us rewind to.  How about that, Friends?!

Monday, July 21, 2014

Little Kid, Big Dreams

Sometimes the littlest kids have the biggest dreams!
Hiya, Big People!  Didja take a plunge, big or small, yesterday?  Didja try something new?  I sure hope so!  If not, that's okay.  There's still time.  Every day is a new opportunity to take a plunge and try something new.  How about that?!

I'm not gonna nag ya, Friends.  I know nobody likes that.  I don't even like to be nagged (MAH-MEEE, I'm talking to YOU.  I don't like bein' nagged about potty trainin'.  If I've told ya once, I've told ya a thousand times, I'll do it when I'm ready!)

Sorry about that, Friends.  I get a little passionate about things and forget where I'm goin'.

You know what, though?  I have me some big dreams, Friends.  Sometimes, the smallest among us have the biggest dreams.  Sometimes those dreams are so big we can't put words on 'em yet.  I'm not sure I even HAVE the words for my big dreams right now.  I'm learnin' a lot, but I wanna learn more.  I feel like I'm standin' in front of this giant Thing of Learning and Dreams, and somebody gave me the key to all of it, and all's I hafta do is open my mind and just go to learnin' all I can.

Do you have any idea how exciting that is, Friends?  It's big excitement.  And the more this little kid learns, the bigger my dreams get.

I hope it works the same way for you, Friends.  Just because you're big, that doesn't mean your dreams hafta get small.  In fact, I sure hope that isn't the way it works.  I hope people get to keep dreamin' big, no matter how big they get. 

How about that?!

I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Sunday, July 20, 2014

Take the Plunge!

Close your eyes, hold your breath, and jump right in!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Sunday to you!  You know what?  Sometimes you've gotta just take a plunge. 

I'm not talking about anything in particular in my OWN life, this plunge-taking, but I'm just sayin' if there's anything new you're thinking of trying...Well, you could try just about anything new!  For real!

You could learn anything at all, from maybe trying to roast your broccoli instead of eating it steamed all the time (or maybe trying broccoli in the first place!), or maybe a new workout or any workout, or learnin' to drive a different kind of car, or draw a picture... whatever it is, there's no time like the present to just jump right in and try it. 

As for me, I think I'm gonna get my pal Rozzie to take a plunge with me and maybe try puttin' other fillings in our pierogies besides just the usual ones.  Rozzie and I get together for Pierogi Night at my Little House in the Living Room.  It's like Pizza Night, except for it's pierogies we're eatin'. 

Hey, there's something else you could take the plunge and try, Friends, if you haven't already!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Saturday, July 19, 2014

Cinema Saturday: Madagascar 3

I'm glad I'm not bein' chased by an Animal Control Officer!
Hiya, Friends!

Hey, since it's Saturday and all, I thought I'd tell ya all about this really cool movie I saw the other night, in case you're looking for a movie to watch with your family tonight.

I recently saw Madagascar 3.  Apparently it's a sequel to Madagascar and Madagascar 2.  I haven't seen those other two films, but I was not at all lost whilst watching Madagascar 3, despite this fact.

I loved the hilarious antics of the animals.  I loved the story.  I loved its message: there's no place like home, and home is wherever your friends and family are. 

It's just kind of a good feel-good kinda movie, and also, the Animal Control Officer gets shot in the butt with a tranquilizer dart!  Hilarious stuff!

If ya don't know what movie to watch tonight, you might for real wanna hafta check out Madagascar 3!

Friday, July 18, 2014


Keep some water and sugar on-hand in case Life throws ya lemons!
Hiya, Big People!  You know that saying 'When Life hands ya lemons, make lemonade!'

Well, I love lemons as much as the next kid, but I realize there's a little more to lemonade than just lemon juice.  I love to suck on lemons when I'm in restaurants where Mommy gets them with her iced tea, but if I were challenged to drink a whole cuppa lemon juice, I think I'd probably hafta excuse myself from the table and go hide for a little bit.

What I'm sayin' is that it's great to think of lemonade when you get some lemons thrown atchya, but I think it's important to have some things on hand.  Namely, water and sugar. 

It's so important to have those things on hand, because you don't know when those lemons from Life might come your way.  You don't wanna get caught unprepared. 

I understand that the lemons-n-lemonade thing is a metaphor.  I really do, Friends.  The lemons are things that Life can throw at ya that could be seen as negative or sour.  I think everybody gets that.  So I'll do ya one better than that.  The water and sugar are also a metaphor.  They're metaphors for coping mechanisms, ways to deal with those lemons life can throw ya. 

I don't care if we're talking about real lemons, water, and sugar, or figurative ones.  It's important to keep some figurative sugar and water on hand all the time.  It just is. 

How about that, Friends?!  I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Thursday, July 17, 2014

Happier Than a Kid in Slop!

This is way better than bein' in slop!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Thursday to you! 

Have you ever had one of those days where ya just wanna put on your tiger sunglasses, hop in your swing, and throw your hands up in the air?  Because that's just the kind of day I'm having today. 

I'm just happier than a kid in slop when I'm in my swing!

What's that?  ... Well, yeah, I know that it's 'happier than a PIG in slop,' but thing of it is, a KID in slop would be even happier than a PIG in slop, because yes.  Pigs are supposed to be in slop.  Slop is kind of their thing.  There are people on pig farms whose job it is to slop the pigs.  So really, a pig you see in slop is happy because its basic needs of slop are being met.  It's the kind of happy I am when I have a full belly and a dry diaper. 

Now, a kid in slop, Friends, that's another matter. Kids aren't s'posedta be in slop, so that makes it even more FUN!!!  If you see a KID in slop, of course that kid's grinning from ear-to-ear!  That kid's doin' something kids aren't s'posedta do, and that kid's mommy is gonna be m-a-d MAD when she gets a load of her kid playin' in slop, which somehow makes it all the more fun, and more fun makes kids more happy.

You see I have a good point, don't you?  I'm not so crazy after all!  Ha! 

Well, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow.  I'm gonna wanna hafta get my swing on.  You have a great day, and remember I love the heck right outta ya!  I love ya like a two-and-three-quarters year old loves gettin' dirty!  Muah!

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A Friend For All Seasons

This umbrella is no fair-weather friend to me!
Hiya, Friends!  Hey, have you appreciated the lowly umbrella today?  You haven't?  Well, lemme wanna tell ya why you ought to be appreciating umbrellas a lot more than you do. 

Umbrellas are great during rainy weather.  Not thundery-lightningy weather, but regular rainy weather.  They provide a functional canopy to keep the rain off you, so you stay dry.

But did you also know that umbrellas can protect you on a SUNNY day?  Did you even know you needed protection on a sunny day?  It's true.  You do.  You see, the sun can burn you if you're out in it too much.  It doesn't mean to.  It just has a lot of energy to get rid of, the sun, and if you happen to stay out in it for too long, you tend to get cooked.

That's where umbrellas come in handy.  They're like portable shade.  A portable, personal shade-tree that can keep you cooler than if you're just out walking in the sun, hoping that thing about putting on new sunscreen every 2 hours is just an old wives' tale. 

I betchya once you try an umbrella out in the sunshine, you'll love umbrellas as much as I do.  They're truly a friend for all seasons.

Just like you, Friends!  I love ya lots!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Zoe's Techno Rewind: July 15: Get In Shape Girl!

Gettin' in shape, '80s style, but without the rhythmic ribbon. I wanna rhythmic ribbon.
Friends!  For today's Techno Rewind Tuesday, I wanna hafta talk to you about a really cool thing... no, I'm not making fun of you and saying it's cool and then letting you find out I meant it's Macarena cool.  I mean I think what I'm about to talk to you about is really, honest-to-goodness COOL! And I wish they still made 'em so I could have one!

I'm talking about "Get In Shape Girl" fitness kits for girls.  If you weren't a little girl in the 80s, you might not know what Get In Shape Girl was all about, so I'll tell ya!  Get in Shape Girl kits included workout equipment like ankle and hand weights, rhythmic ribbons, LEGWARMERS AND SWEAT BANDS!!!, jump ropes, hula hoops- that kind of thing, and then a cassette tape with a workout routine using the included workout equipment. 

If you still need context, think about the FIRM workout kits from the Gaiam Era, when they started adding their own FIRM weights, balance balls, balance discs, and yoga mats to the DVDs, instead of hawking their version of the Step.  Gimmicky?  Yes.  Fun?  Most certainly.

I've eyeballed Mommy's FIRM gear down in our gymnasium in the basement.  I really wanna get my hands on those FIRM weights, but Mommy says I'm too little.  Which is why I really, truly lament that I missed Get In Shape Girl.  I wouldn't give ya a broken shoelace to have been a part of the VHS era, but I really envy the Get In Shape Girl kits.

I'm really wishing I had a rhythmic ribbon.  That's the true, beating heart of this matter.

You know what?  Maybe I'll make my own Get In Shape Girl series, but with DVDs insteadda audio cassette tapes.  I'll call it Shimmy-n-Shake with Zoe! and I'll include optional equipment like rhythmic ribbons, pompoms, tutu skirts, light-up tiaras, hand weights that have a little heft to 'em, for us toddlers who actually wanna tone our muscles and not just go through the motions, rattly weights to shake for the Shake part of Shimmy-n-Shake.  Oh, you know what?  I'll have little jingly bells sewn on all the Zoe-branded tutu skirts.  That'll add a little sparkle to the Shimmy portion of the workouts.  It'll all be focused on fun.  The fun of getting in shape by shimmying and shaking like I do. 

In the interest of bein' holistic about it, I probably ought to include a meal plan for people to follow.  Umm... I don't know the particulars, but you can definitely plan on my meal plan including spinach and PEZ.

So this Techno-Rewind Tuesday has me thinkin' about how I could bring Get In Shape Girl to the Future.  Maybe this old technology is pretty useful still, after all!  I love ya, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Monday, July 14, 2014

Cookie Patch

Everybody knows cookies don't grow on trees!  ... They grow in patches!
Hiya, Big People! Hey, as you know, I am an avid watcher of Sesame Street.  One of my favorite episodes is when Cookie Monster tries to grow a Cookie Tree on Sesame Street. 

I love this episode because it really shows Cookie Monster's dedication to cookies, as well as his imagination.  You see, Maria and Luis grow apples on an apple tree, and Cookie Monster wants to grow cookies on a cookie tree.  Of course, planting a cookie in the ground doesn't work, even with Elmo's help.  So the CM calls on Abby Cadabby to help a blue brother out. 

Abby comes through.  She zaps those cookie trees into being, all over Sesame Street.  Things should be all fine and dandy, but Alan doesn't want those cookie trees blocking Hooper's Store, so he gets Abby to zap away those cookie trees, much to Cookie Monster's chagrin. 

It was really imaginative of Cookie Monster to want those cookie trees, though.  It's adorable, really.  Cookies growing on trees. 

I mean, everybody knows cookies come from cookie patches.

I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Sunday, July 13, 2014

How I Handle a Summer Cold

When life gives ya a cold, pretend your blanket's an ball gown and be fabulous!
Hiya, Friends.  Well, I never thought it would happen to me, but it has.  I have caught the dreaded Summer Cold.  I can tell ya exactly from whom I caught this awfulness, too.  My very own Mommy.  I thought she was supposed to be looking out for me, not giving me colds in the summer, but what do I know, anyway? 

I know she was miserable with this Summer Cold earlier this week, and misery loves company.  That's what I know.  Connect your own dots.

Anyway, I'm not gonna let this Summer Cold make me a monster.  I'm not gonna let it take away my sparkle.  I might be spending today takin' it easy, but I'm not gonna pout.  I'm gonna wrap my blanket around me, pretend it's a beautiful, sequined, mermaid-tailed ball gown, and I'm gonna be just fabulous.  Take that, Cold!

Also, I read in my Little Big Board Book of Stuff that once you have a particular cold, your immune system is programmed by it not to fall victim to that particular strain again, so I'm building up my immune system while I'm at it.  Every little bit helps! 

So there, Summer Cold!  You thought you'd keep this little kid down, but all's you're doing is eliminating one more host for you when I go to kindergarten!  Ha!

I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!

Saturday, July 12, 2014

My ObsPEZssion

Can I get a 'Woot Woot!' for PEZ? Yes I can!
Hiya, Friends!  Hey, have you ever tried PEZ candies?  I have, and I love 'em. 

My very first PEZ Candy experience was over the Christmas holiday.  I got a Hello Kitty plush dispenser in my stocking.  It had some of the neatest little crunchy candies with it, that I would later learn are called "PEZ." 

After that, it was love at first bite AND love at first sight.  You see, the PEZ candies are a lot of fun to eat, and then the dispensers are so much fun!

I've since begun quite a PEZ dispenser collection.  I have my plush Hello Kitty dispenser, a rubber ducky PEZ dispenser, AND a regular Hello Kitty dispenser.  That's three.  Three PEZ dispensers, and that makes the start of a tidy little collection for me.  And I plan to collect MORE dispensers!

I'm not gonna be one of those kids who collects a buncha PEZ dispensers and then never gets any candy out of them.  You know, keepin' all pristine in a drawer.  No.  I plan to use each and every one of my PEZ dispensers I collect!  Yes I do!  Because, yes!  That's the fun of it all!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  And in the meantime, go get yourself a PEZ dispenser!  Have some PEZ!  It'll be fun, and you won't regret it!  Muah!

Friday, July 11, 2014

Mooooooovie Night!I

I LOVED the Lego Movie!  UniKitty was my favorite!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Friday to you!

Hey, Fridays are often movie nights for families.  I love movies.  Do you?

I just saw a movie called The Lego Movie on the dang ol' Pay-Per-View, and I've got to tell ya, I loved everything about it.  I loved the characters, the drama, the MUSIC!!!

There's this really inspirational song called "Everything is Awesome!"  It has everything- a great beat, a great tune, AND just the best lyrics EVER!!!  When I get done here, I'm gonna go see if I can find it for MP3.  While I'm there, I might pick up the song from Frozen, but I don't like that one as much as I love "EVERYTHING IS AWESOME!"

Can you imagine how much the fun will be enhanced on long car trips when the playlist is "Everything Is Awesome," "Brown-Eyed Girl" sung by Jimmy Buffet, and "Sweet Pea" by Tommy Roe?  Maybe I'll let Mommy throw in some M83 here and there, but I wanna keep it simple.

My favorite character in The Lego Movie, besides ALL of the characters, was the Unikitty.  I just loved the Unikitty. 

So if you haven't picked a movie for your weekly movie night, I strongly urge you to pick The Lego Movie.  You can't go wrong with a film that has a song called "Everything Is Awesome!" in it!

Don't take your pal Zoe's word for it, Friends!  See it for yourself!  And then come back and see me tomorrow!  I love the heck right outta ya!  Muah!

Thursday, July 10, 2014

Sparkle Fun!

Sparkle Fun makes me wanna do a happy dance!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Thursday!

Hey, have you ever tried Sparkle Fun toothpaste?  Crest makes it.  If you haven't, it's this really pretty teal-blue gel toothpaste that has SPARKLES in it!  Like GLITTER for my MOUTH!  It SHIMMERS!  And it tastes like BUBBLEGUM!

Most of the time, Mommy doesn't let me handle the tube of Sparkle Fun by myself.  She says the tube of Sparkle Fun in my hands is just too much sparkly fun.  What does Mommy know, anyway?

Okay, so one time, I got ahold of the tube of Sparkle Fun, and I was using it like the tube of my yogurts, and Mommy got mad at me and said it could make me sick to my stomach and took the tube away from me.  One lousy little time in the history of me and toothpaste, and she all kinds of overreacted.


At least she still lets me use the Sparkle Fun toothpaste.  But in "moderation."  I don't like it at all, Friends, but I hafta accept it.  At least I get Sparkle Fun in small, pea-size doses on the end of my toothbrush.  That's better than no Sparkle Fun toothpaste at all. 

Anyway, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Bursting Cupcake Bubbles: Say It Ain't So!

Friends, I've recently heard some very sad news.  An apparently famous cupcakery chain, Crumbs, in New York City, Philly, DC, and California, is closin' its doors, packin' up shop, and going to that great cupcakery in the sky.

Now, I never got to eat a cupcake from Crumbs, but I know a thing or two about the cupcake craze that so many "know-it-all" adults have declared over.  I know a thing or two about bubbles, even those with cupcakes that these same "know-it-all" adults declare "burst."

Come here, cupcake-hating know-it-all adults: Lemme wanna burst YOUR bubble!

The cupcake craze is alive and well.  At least as far as this kid goes.  I still LOVE cupcakes.  I still love their rich, delicious cake part.  I'm still wild about the sugary and fluffy goodness that is the icing part.  And don't even get me started on how much I love the sparkly sprinkles.

Okay, no, I AM started on how much I love the sparkly sprinkles.  The answer's a lot.  I love, love LOVE sparkly sprinkles.  I LOVE CUPCAKES! 

I know it seems like maybe the fire in my belly for cupcakes has cooled, but in reality, my handlers have asked me not to talk about cupcakes so much here on the blog and over on the dang ol' Facebook.  They didn't want people getting the wrong idea about me and cupcakes: that I have a "problem" with them.

I know we've covered this before, Friends, at length, but I don't have a cupcake problem.  I do have a problem with Crumbs closing, though.  It makes me really sad.  I feel like an era has passed.  I really do.

Thing of it is, I couldn't help but notice that right here in my very house, we have cupcake pans, and cupcake wrappers, and devices to put icing on things like cupcakes.  When I go to the store, I notice they have sparkly sprinkles.  It's got me to thinking, Friends, that maybe, just maybe, I could bake cupcakes here at my very own house. 

I'll call 'em Mighty Cupcakes.

There, Friends!  I've gotta get out my crayons and the big paper on a roll.  I've got a business plan to work on!  I'll see ya tomorrow.  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Zoe's Techno Rewind Tuesday: VHS Tapes

I can't imagine livin' in the days before DVR.
So, yeah, Friends.  I've decided to make this Techno Rewind a thing.  I'm gonna talk about ancient technology from Way Before I Was Born every Tuesday now, until I get tired of it.  That means this could be our Tuesday date from now until I go to kindergarten, or just until Mommy finally starts taping Sheriff Callie for me off from Disney, Junior on the television like Gramma does.

Speakin' of taping things from the television set, Friends, that's my topic of inquiry for today's Techno Rewind Tuesday.  Vee Eitch Ess Tapes.  The VCR.

Imagine how shocked I was to learn that you Big People didn't have the ability to pause live television until sometime last decade.  Imagine how bad for you I felt when I learned that you couldn't just say "I like this show!  I'm gonna record it!" and hit a few buttons and be done with it, but instead, you had to drag out a big VHS tape, load it into your VCR, make sure the television was on Channel 3, and the program you wanted to record was on the channel being pulled through the VCR (which makes it sound like taffy, and I understand taffy was NOT something you wanted to put in your VCR, along with grilled cheese sandwiches, butter knives, or Legos) and then you'd hit record, but by the time you went through all that rigamarole, your program you wanted to tape was likely well into its first or second commercial break.

So you'd hafta do this really crazy thing and pull out your weekly copy of TV Guide, which apparently at the time contained scheduling grids or matrices detailing which show aired when and on what channel, and also gave a clue as to the frequency with which one could expect their chosen program to appear on the television set.

I mention this TV Guide device because it plays a large and important role in recording all of a favored series.  In this day and age, I just get to type, say, Sesame Street into the Menu on my television, hit "Record Series," choose whether I want all episodes or just the first-runs, and I'm good to go.  You poor grownups, on the other hand, had to set your VCR to record at the appointed day, time, and channel, AND make sure you had the proper blank videotape loaded into your VCR, or if you were trying to get all your shows from one series on the same tape without just having a buncha different shows on one tape, you had to make sure your videotape was correctly wound to the next available blank spot before the show would record.

And THEN, say everything went as planned and the heavens aligned and you got your shows all nicey recorded on a tape, just like you wanted.  THEN you had to store those big, clunky bad boys!  People usedta have whole entire CABINETS made to house their VHS collections.  Great care was taken to index, catalog, and organize these VHS tapes.  If a tape broke, it was an occasion to wail and gnash your teeth.  Possibly to shave your head and rip your clothes, too.

Big People, I sure do appreciate the struggles you struggled with.  That's why I'm celebrating you and your archaic technology on Zoe's Techno Rewind Tuesdays.  I hope my attention span holds out so I can explore all of this wonderful technology from yesteryear with you for many Tuesdays to come. I hope you enjoy it half as much as I do!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Monday, July 7, 2014

Happy Math Day!

Happy Math Day, Friends!
Hiya, Friends!  Didja notice that today is a Math Day?  Yeah!  A Math Day!  It's a day when the numbers in the date form a pattern or sequence that makes sense in math. 

For instance, 01/23/45 is a math day, because the date spells out the way we count to 5.  We'll be enjoying another math day like this on 12/13/14 this year. 

People who were born on days like this are "Math Babies."  I was almost a Math Baby.  I was really trying to be a Math Baby, holding out so I wouldn't be born until 09/10/11.  However, that darn Mommy messed that all up for me, and instead, I was born on 09/09/11, ruining my chances at being Special.

I'll let bygones be bygones, though. 

What's that?  Oh!  You're asking what makes today a Math Day, then.  Well, it's simple.  today is a math day because it's 07/07/14.  If you add the day to the month, it equals what year it is!  7+7=14!  You may be saying, "But Zoe, this phenomenon has happened EVERY month this year, and it'll probably continue to happen!" and you'd be right.  It just so happens that today's the prettiest of the Math Days of this nature, though, because you'll notice equilibrium between the month and the day.  They're both sevens.  I love sevens!

Well, I'll letchya get to celebrating Math Day in whichever way you see fit, Friends.  Like I tell my Mommy, who is mathematically challenged, math isn't anything to be afraid of.  It isn't.  It's like fire.  You've got to treat math with respect.  Learn to use it properly.  Harness its powerful power.  That's all!

I love ya lots, Friends, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Sunday, July 6, 2014

Chocolate, Sweet Chocolate!

Chocolate should have its own area code!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Sunday to you.  Whenever I say the day of the week "Sunday," it makes me think of the delicious ice cream treat called the "Sundae," and when I think of sundaes, hot fudge readily springs to mind.  Hot fudge is made from chocolate, and that's what I wanna talk to you about today.


You see, Friends, chocolate is just so wonderful.  It's sweet and delicious.  It melts in your mouth, in your hands, in a fondue pot, a double boiler, in the microwave...

Chocolate goes great in cookies, covering candy bars, in hot beverages.  Chocolate makes delicious, delicious cakes and brownies.

Many foods try to be as awesome as chocolate, but they just don't quite get there.  Carob tries to be as awesome as chocolate; it tries to fool everybody into thinking it IS chocolate. 

Carob is Chocolate's evil twin, bent on world domination through lookalike deception, and I don't think we oughtta stand for it, Friends!  We ought not take that!  We deserve better than Carob!


Chocolate, though.  Chocolate makes everything better.  There's a reason in Harry Potter, after the Dementors have been around, that they eat a piece of chocolate.  It just lifts ya right outta the doldrums with one bite.  (Pssssst- brilliant thought here: I think the Dementors must carry around carob in their weird and tatty robes- how else can you explain the despair and dismay they bring with 'em?  'Here, kid!  Have some chocolate,' says the Dementor.  'Okay!' says the unsuspecting kid, and s/he takes a bite.  'Bleck!  This is CAROB, Dementor!  This is CAROB and now I'm depressed!'  'Muahahahahahahahahaha!' says the Dementor.  The jerk.)

Chocolate makes me feel healthy and strong, Friends.  I hope it makes you feel healthy and strong, too.  I love the heck right outta ya, Big People, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Saturday, July 5, 2014

Cinco de Julio

The days after holidays need catchier names.
Hiya, Friends!  Well, how'd your Independence Day go?  Part of me really wants to call this day "Cinco de Julio."  I think that's catchy as all get-out!

Actually, I really think every day-after holiday deserves a catchy name.  I mean, what is today other than "The day after the Fourth of July?"  Might just as well call today "Cold Meatloaf, Left Over From Thursday Night's Meh-lll."

That isn't saying that cold leftover meatloaf doesn't have its merits, Friends.  But who really gets all excited for cold leftover meatloaf?  I mean, really?

So.  Today just happens to be the Fifth of the month, yesterday was a holiday, today's a leftover, but it doesn't hafta be that way.  Enter Cinco de Julio.  Sounds festive as all get out, doesn't it?

Today is whatever you make it, Friends.  I'm giving my Saturday the Tex-Mex treatment with a side of guac and cilantro slaw.  You can give yours whatever kind of treatment you want, Friends!  It's a free country!

I love ya lots!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Friday, July 4, 2014

How's That Going For Me?

I'm glad Independence Day went better for America than it has for me!
Well, Friends, it's Independence Day.  As you'll remember from my post yesterday, today was gonna be the day that I declared my independence.  Today was gonna be the day I moved into my own place. 
I was gonna move into my Little Cardboard House in the Living Room.  I was gonna be free.


As it turns out, there's no kitchen, no bedroom, no bathroom, NO TEEVEE in my Little Cardboard House in the Living Room.  Plus, the thing's right in the living room, so in the most "technical" sense, I wouldn't even be moving out on my own anyway.

Those technicalities will get you every stinkin' time, won't they, Friends? 

Anyway, I'm glad that the whole Independence thing worked out better for America than it has for me.  I won't let it discourage me, though.  I'll try again in a few years.  In the meantime, I'm gonna enjoy the hot water for baths, the stocked fridge, the TEEVEE where I can watch my beloved Sesame Street and Daniel Tiger friends... Maybe now I know why the caged bird sings, Friends.  Maybe now I know.

Anyway, Happy Fourth of July!  Have a blast, but safely!  And I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love the heck right outta ya, Friends!  Muah!

Thursday, July 3, 2014

It's Thursday: I Go Nuts!!!

Heeeeeeeeeeeere's ZOE!
Hiya, Friends!  As you know, due to my daddy's work schedule, Thursdays are like my Fridays, and today, I'm especially pumped up because it's the Thursday before a holiday!

That's right!  Tomorrow is the Fourth of July!  Independence Day!

I've decided to declare my own independence tomorrow, too, by moving into my little white cardboard playhouse behind the couch in the living room.  I figure if I have my own place, I won't constantly be hearing all about how I oughtta start potty trainin'.  I figure I'll be able to eat all the yogurts I want, without Mommy and Daddy tellin' me I hafta eat other things.  In my own place, I'll take naps only if I want to (and I won't want to!) and I'll be able to go to bed whenevertheheck I want.

That's what I'm gonna do, Friends!  And that's happening tomorrow!  It's every Little Kid's fondest dream, to have a place of their own, so they don't wanna hafta listen to the constant nagging from their folks!  Who needs 'em, anyway?!  Really, who?!

So I've got some packing to do.  Some boxing up of things.  I'll check in with ya tomorrow, Friends, on Independence Day Actual.  I love the heck right outta ya!  Muah!

Wednesday, July 2, 2014

Zoe's Techno Rewind Again

Five-and-a-quarter-inch floppies?!  That's rich!  Tell me more!
Friends, I had so much fun on my first Techno Rewind and my follow-up Techno Rewind that I wanted to spend a little time today, laughing with you about what you used to consider high tech.

I'm mostly talking about Floppy Disks.  I was watching a television program the other day, set in the early days of the personal computer, and the people were using these flat square things called Floppy Disks.  There were some really big ones called Five-and-a-Quarter-Inch Floppies.  They were mostly black.  And they looked like hot pads to me.  Trivets.

But holy smokes, as I learned when I consulted my Little Big Board Book of Technological Advances of the Last Half-Century or So, you didn't wanna get caught using one of those five-and-a-quarters as a trivet.  Or a coaster. 

No, basically, you had to wear kid gloves and not let kids, whether they were wearing gloves or not, touch those five-and-a-quarter-inch floppy disks.  Apparently they were really fragile.  If they got degaussed, folded, crinkled, stepped on, thrown like a Frisbee, or looked at cross-eyed, you lost all your stuff on that disk.  All 1.44MB of stuff on that disk.  And it was a tuh-rage-edy!

The three-and-a-half-inch floppies that people like my parents remember having a bunch of when they were in college were more resilient, I understand, but can you imagine how EMBARRASSING it musta been to hafta go to college with a stash of 3.5-inch floppies?  It'd be like hauling out your cement-block-sized cellular telephone to make a call with.  And the 3.5-inch floppies weren't immune to falling victim to breakage or being used as a coaster.  Because those fellas sure look like coasters to me.

Big People, you've come a long way, technologically-speaking.  I'm really proud of you.  And also, I know I laugh at you a lot because of your crazy old-school technology, but I'm thankful you lived through those dark ages so that I will never hafta use a cellular telephone as big as a cement block.

I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Tuesday, July 1, 2014


You'd think there'd be hypolinks to counterbalance hyperlinks!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Tuesday!  Happy July First!

Hey, if you didn't notice, my post yesterday was fulla hyperlinks.  You know.  Those things that you can click on, and they have an Internet address embedded in 'em, so when you click on a word, your web browser takes you to a completely other destination on the World Wide Web.

Well, anyway, yesterday, I really overdid it with the hyperlinks, and I realize the expected thing for me to do today, in my post about hyperlinks would be to fill this one up with all kindsa hyperlinks, as well, but like i said, I kinda overused the medium yesterday.

But I was thinking about these hyperlinks, and the word itself.  We all know what a link is, and I don't really think there's an opposite to the word "link."  Un-link, maybe, but that's just adding "un" to the fronta "link."  BO-ring!

Hyper, though, definitely has an opposite.  When something or someone is hyper, they're just crazy, overactive, in overdrive.  On the opposite side of that is the word hypo.  Hypo means under, like under-active.  You know what I mean?  And in my Big Board Book of Universal Explanations for Phenomena in the Universe, I read that Sir Isaac Newton (no relation to Fig Newton) said that everything has an opposite. 

So, if there's sucha thing as hyperlinks, shouldn't there be hypolinks?  By my reckoning, there oughtta be, but there isn't.  I don't even know how one would work, to suggest such a thing.  And that really upsets me.  Imagine those poor little hyperlinks, wandering around out there in cyberspace with no opposites to keep 'em grounded.

Maybe something like a dead link could be a hypolink.  Hyperlinks take you someplace, so maybe hypolinks take you noplace or Error 404 Island.  You know.  That's what I'm gonna start thinking of dead links as.  Hypolinks.

My sense of universal order is restored, Friends. 

I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love ya lots!  Muah!