The Grand Canyon: There CAN Be More Than One!

Someday, this little monkey's gonna go west, yes I am!

Hiya, Friends!  Well, you know me!  I say I like to learn something new every day, and yesterday, I learned a biggie. 

All my life, I've thought I lived less than an hour away from the Grand Canyon.  You know, the big one the Brady Bunch took a trip to, and where you can ride a donkey to the bottom, and then ride it back up to the top.  So yesterday, I telephoned up the Grand Canyon that's less than an hour from my house, wanting to make an appointment to go on a trip with the donkey and such, and as it turns out, not only does the Grand Canyon less than an hour from my house not have donkey rides, it's actually the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon!  The Brady Bunch was never there on a vacation!

How about that?!

Welp, as it turns out, there isn't just one Grand Canyon.  There's the big Grand Canyon that's out west, and there's the Pennsylvania Grand Canyon less than an hour away from my house.  They're not the same thing, but they're both beautiful.  I'm glad I've learned about this now, before I had the opportunity to REALLY embarrass myself.

It's got me to thinkin', though, Big People.  I'd like to be in charge of a tourist attraction.  I'd like to make a little money, selling T-shirts and keychains, so here's what I'm gonna do: One of these days, I'm gonna take the garden hose and put it at the top of our driveway and let it run and run and run down the drainage rocks.  I'm gonna let it run so much that it fills up the drainage rocks and cascades down like a beautiful waterfall, and then, do you know what I'm gonna do?  I'm gonna call it the North Bingham Niagara Falls!  I'll put a T-shirt and keychain stand at the end of my driveway.  I'll get the Amish to build a casino in the pasture across the street, and I'll be all set!  You'll come, won't you, Friends?  Save your pennies!  Hahahaha!

And remember, Zoe loves you!  Muah!

I Got a Rhino!

Rhinos aren't as much fun as Little Giraffes.

 Hiya, Friends!  Well, I never thought it'd happen to me, because I'm almost sixteen months old, and it's never happened to me yet, but now it has.  I caught a rhinovirus, a rhino for short.  A cold. 

I'm not in bad shape, and I've had this rhinovirus since Tuesday, I think.  My nose is a little stuffy.  I've been relying heavily on my friend Mr. Snotty to keep me from having great gobs of grossness running down my face.  Mr. Snotty's great!  When I feel overwhelmed, I just say, "Clean me up, Snotty!" and Mr. Snotty plays me soothing music while he does his job.  I've even learned how to work Mr. Snotty all by myself.  This is a Major Development for me.

I also have been wearing a new perfume.  It's called "Vap-O-Rub by Vicks."  I just love it.  The minute Mommy opens up that jar, I stick my nose right in, and take a big whiff.  It opens up my nasal passages and makes my head feel all clear.  I love the smell of eucalyptus! 

At least my rhino isn't a charging one.

Twice a day, night and morning, I put on my Vap-O-Rub by Vicks.  I credit it for keeping me from being miserable.

Since I was on the World Wide Web, anyway, I looked up some things about the care and feeding of a rhinovirus, because I figured that now that I have one, I ought to care for it properly, and by properly, what I'm trying to say is I wanna kill it.  Because like General Patton always said, you need to find out all you can about your enemy in order to beat 'em! 

Well, I read that I hafta just let it run its course, because it's a virus.  That was a bummer.  I learned some interesting things, though.  I learned that rhinovirus comes from the Greek word meaning "nose," because the environment of the nose is where the virus can best thrive.  Huh.

I'll survive this, Big People! It's merely a head cold!

Also, I read that rhinoviruses are really small, some of the smallest viruses around.  They measure only about thirty nanometers in diameter.  Friends, I am not making this up.  Isn't it funny how something so small can make a whole human person, even a tiny human person like me so uncomfortable?  Isn't it funny how something so small can be so hard to beat?  And by 'funny' what I really mean is doesn't it just frustrate the heck out of ya, Big People?  It sure does me!

But it's going to be okay.  My house is nice and warm inside.  I don't have anywhere I hafta be.  I have my Vap-O-Rub by Vicks, and my trusty humidifier, and a stack of Little Monkeys books and a new Highlights Hello! magazine to read.  I'm going to be fine, Friends!  Just you see.  In a coupla days, I'll be back in tip-top shape!

I hope all of you stay in tip-top shape!  Wash your hands, or use hand-san if you're not near a sink.  Cover your sneezes and coughs with the crook of your arm, to catch the germs!  Drink lotsa water and humidify, humidify, humidify!  And I guess if you can stomach it, have some Onion Syrup.  I don't care for the stuff, personally, so I'm going to grab my rhinovirus by its horn and just swing it around my head for a little while, until it gets so dizzy it has to lumber off and go back wherever rhinoviruses go when they're kicked out!

Thank you, Alexander Graham Cracker Bell!

Hiya, Friends!  I'm on the phone!

Friends.  Guess what.  I love the telephone.  You know why?  Every day at lunchtime, and every evening before he comes home, my Daddy calls me on the telephone.  I can hear his voice, and everything!

It made me wonder where the telephone came from.  Who invented it?  When?  I mean, the telephone has always been around, my whole entire life, but it had to come from somewhere, didn't it?

Well, I got on the Internet, because as you know, the Internet knows everything, and I did some research.  As it turns out, the telephone was invented all the way back in 1875!  That's before my house was built!

And the fellow that invented the telephone was named Alexander Graham Cracker Bell!  How about that!  You know what?  Besides the telephone, I love graham crackers, too!

I make Big Deals on the phone!

I wonder if Alexander Graham Cracker Bell invented graham crackers, too, along with the telephone, or if it was an ancestor of his, for whom he's named.  I didn't think to look that up while I was doing my research on the telephone.  Friends, have you ever had graham crackers with icing on them?  They're good.  Mmmm!

What's that?  I'm supposed to be telling you all about the telephone?  You're right.  I apologize!

Back in the day, early telephones were shaped like candlesticks.  They didn't have dials.  You had to jiggle the thing the earpiece hangs on, and then you'd talk to your operator, Sarah.  All telephone operators were named Sarah back in the day.  It simplified things.  And you'd say, "Sarah, how are you today?  It's Flossie!  I'd like to speak to Sam, down at the butcher's, please!" And Sarah would connect you on her switchboard.  How about that?

Telephones are magical!

 Then they started putting dials on the telephones, and phone numbers were letters AND numbers, like KL6500 and the like.  Then it got so people could dial their own telephone numbers, and the Sarahs started memorizing telephone books so that people could call up and ask them what somebody's telephone number is.  It's a capacity that the Sarahs fill to this day, if you dial 4-1-1.  It's for information!

But not all the Sarahs are named Sarah anymore.  They can be named whatever they're named, but if you need to speak to a telephone operator, still be courteous to her, just like she's Sarah from the olden days.  It's just good policy!

As for me, I love my cordless telephone.  I can walk around and talk on it.  I can carry around my play vegetables from one end of my office to the other.  I can stack the rings on my sorting spindle, all while talking on my cordless telephone.  It's so much fun, when the telephone rings, and I hear a friendly voice coming through the speaker.

Telephones are a pretty great invention.  Now if only my friends could send me graham crackers right through Alexander Graham Cracker Bell's invention, that would just be the best! Hahaha! 

A Word to the Wise....

Normally, I'm very mild-mannered.

You know what, Big People?  Just because I'm a little kid doesn't mean I'm not passionate about things.  Take my food, for instance. 

But I have my hot-button issues!

No taking candy from THIS baby, Babies!

Actually, DON'T take my food!  That's what gets me all fired up!  Big time! Remember, I am a Tiger Baby at heart.  I might have come to an armistice with the Little Giraffes and even have gone so far as to devote my life to helping further their cause and raise awareness for their plight.  But if you try to take my food from me, I will go crazy on you.  We're talking Toddler Teeth, head-butting, and of course, my Fabulous Feet of Fury.

In short, you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.  Or hungry.  Being hungry makes me angry.  And if you've taken my food, that means I'm hungry AND angry.  Franken-Zoe angry.

So, a word to the wise, Friends.  Don't take candy from babies in general, and definitely don't try messing with this baby's vegetables.  I love my vegetables!  You don't want to see me unleash my Tiger Baby-ness, now.

As long as we understand each other, we'll get along juuuuuuust fine, Friends! Mmmmmmmkay?

And always remember, Zoe loves you!  Muah!

Hiya, Friends! Welcome Back!

I feel like I've been away for ages!

 Happy 2013, Friends!  I feel like I've been away from you for so long!  How were your holidays?  Mine were great!  I feel all recharged and refreshed from my break! 

It's time to get down to business, after such a long vacation!  No excuses!  It's a new year, and I'm rarin' to go, Big People!  Rarin'!"

I've already been busy this year.  Yesterday, I went to the Wegman's with Mommy and Daddy.  Boy, were there ever a lot of people in the store, for it being a real-live holiday!  Of course, when isn't there a lot of people in that store?  I wouldn't know how to act if I went to the Wegman's  and there wasn't anybody there, I'd be kind of creeped out!

I'm cookin' up big things this year!

And the day before yesterday, I tried out the new crayons Gramma got me.  You know what, Friends?  I LOVE using crayons!  I didn't even try too hard to eat 'em, like I did that time at the dang ol' Cracker Barrel!

I've been cookin' up a storm in my new kitchen, too.  Santa Claus really came through for me!  And I've already sent him a chicken potpie I baked in my new oven.  When he came for Christmas, he left me a magic teleporting Thermal Tote and instructions for how to use it, and I cooked Santa Claus that potpie and sent it through the teleporting Thermal Tote.  He said it tasted great, and he liked my Elevendy-Lemon sauce I made to go with it!

I don't understand how the teleporting Thermal Tote works, really, but I know it does!

Take time to dance, Friends!

I want all my friends to dance some more this year.  Dancing makes me happy, and I think it'll make you happy, too.  Don't feel self-conscious, Friends!  Just put on some music and move!  You'll just feel happy all over!

Also, try out new music that you don't know you like.  That's how I got on to Classical music.  I didn't know I liked Classical music, and then I got a radio that only plays Classical music, and I just love it, Friends!  Now, whenever I can, I like to grab Grampa's iPod, because he has Classical music on his iPod, and I like to listen to it!

And drink your water!

But my favorite dancin' music is still my '60s dance music.  Or maybe the Music of the 1980s.  I can't decide.  I like it all!  I like all music, Friends!  And you just don't know what you like until you listen and try it!

And drink your water!  It keeps your cells nice 'n' plump.  That's a good word, isn't it?  At least for cells.  I think I'd be a little mad if somebody told me my rump was plump.  But my cells?  They can be as plump as can be, because I drink lotsa water!  You should, too!

We're going to have a great year, Friends!  This is going to be a great one!  Happy 2013!  Happy, happy, happy!  Remember that Zoe loves you!  Muah!

On the Last Few Days

I have hope for the future, Friends!

Boy, Friends.  These last couple weeks have really made me wonder that kind of world I've been sent into.  I've talked about it over on the Facebook, but I know not everybody's on the Facebook, so forgive me for repeating myself, if you've already heard this.

The last couple weeks have been the kind where even the adults have been afraid.  A terrible thing happened in a place where little kids are supposed to be safe. 

But then while I was looking over Mommy's shoulder on the Facebook, I saw a quote from Mister Rogers: "When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, 'Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.' To this day, especially in times of 'disaster,' I remember my mother’s words, and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers - so many caring people in this world."

It made me feel better, hearing that Mister Rogers would get scared, and it made me feel better to know that there are people who are helping.  And it got me thinking.  We ALL get afraid sometimes and need help.  So what if ALL of us are helpers, too?  I can't help but feel like if we're all helpers in some way, we'll have nothing to fear. I know I haven't been in this world for very long, but I think this is the way it can be. This is what it means to be in a family. This is what it means to be in a community. We're all the helped and we're all the helpers.

There are always going to be bad people in the world, Friends.  But we can't let them make us afraid all the time.  We can't let those bad people take away our hope.  In dark times, we all have to get our flashlights out and hold them up for each other.  We need to be good to one another, give hugs when somebody needs hugs.  Being nice matters, Big People!

I'll be here, Friends. I'll be here tomorrow to see you. And I'll be here the day after that. And the next. I'll be here next Saturday, and so will you. I'll be here the Saturday after. 

 Friends, let's not just sit and hope things get better. Let's start making them better, ourselves. We have all the power in the world! 

 And remember, Zoe loves you!

My Visit With Santa

Santa, I can explain....

 Well, yesterday, I rode to Coudersport for my visit with Santa Claus.  Now, as you know, Santa and I chat quite often on the phone, but I haven't seen him in person since last year in Pittsburgh. 

Now, I know Mommy has bandied about the words "unmitigated disaster" on the Facebook.  Before you believe everything that comes out of her fingertips, allow me to present my side of things, Big People, Friends.

Okay.  I'm not going to deny that I cried when I saw Santa.  It could have even been construed as a "meltdown."  Yeah.  It was pretty big, and I'm embarrassed about it.

The thing is, Santa's a Big Hero of mine.  I adore the man.  He's been my icon for goodwill and being kind to everyone for my whole entire life.

You know I love you, Santa!

And yesterday afternoon, when I finally saw him, I was so overcome with emotion that I couldn't help but burst into tears.  I couldn't help it!  Mommy says she'd liked to have crawled into a hole, but I'd like to remind her that I cried the first time I saw her, too, and you all know how much I love Mommy!

Anyway, I called Santa on the phone last night, while he was in his Teleporting Airstream Travel Trailer, and he said there were no hard feelings.  Lots of little kids cry when they see him, for many of the same reasons I did.  And he thanked me for not peeing on his lap. 

Well, when you look at it like that, my visit with Santa Claus wasn't such an unmitigated disaster, as Mommy calls it.  That Mommy!

Santa told me that I'd better be asleep when he comes to my house on Christmas Eve, but he'll check in on me.  And of course, Santa and I are still friends.  We're still buddies!  We stay in touch!  Santa Claus doesn't want me to dwell on feeling bad because I sort of spazzed out on him.  So I'm not going to.  We all have days like this!