The Day I Magicked The Blender

I'm bored!  I'm gonna enchant something!  Hi, Blender!

Friends, I'm still waiting on my acceptance letter to Hogwarts, or whatever the United States equivalent is to Hogwarts.  I don't even know where the Hogwarts equivalent in the United States is located.  I bet it's somewhere in New England, so I s'pose when I get my acceptance letter, I'll hafta practice being all Yankee and preppy and forget how to pronounce "park the car." 

That's neither here nor there, because if I get such an acceptance letter, it's a few years off, and also, I'm not talking about whatever the United States equivalent to Hogwarts is.  I'm talking about something I did the other day with my Magic Basting Brush, which is the training-wheels type device before you get a real magic wand.

You see, I was standing in the kitchen, waiting for Mommy to get my Mac'n'Cheese all cooked, and if you want the honest story, I got a little bored.  Easy enough to do, right, Friends? 

So I picked up my Magic Basting Brush, pointed it at the Blender, and *POOF!!!*  the Blender turned into an eddy, a sucking, swirling, dangerous whirlpool with TEETH!  Oh no!

Ooops! Friends, if you could see what I just did, you'd be terrified!

Thing of it is, the Blender Whirlpool started chomping the kitchen counter, and they're made of ROCK!  The cupboards were no match.  I didn't know what to do!  I'm just starting to get proficient with my Magic Basting Brush!  I didn't know you could turn an unassuming household appliance into a voracious vortex of doom!

Well, of course I couldn't tell Mommy what I did.  That's just the kind of thing that makes Mommy grouchy, when appliances go on a rampage, especially if I instigated it.  So I got to wondering what I could do to stop the Blender myself.

I looked around.  Throwing in a knife seemed the exact wrong thing to do, and besides, I'm too little to handle the knives, and they're kept way up high.  I coulda enchanted my step-stool to grow like a toadstool so I could reach, but considering what happened with the blender, you'll understand my reticence.  I knew this was a job too big for the roll of Bounty to handle, and just when I was getting ready to toss in a teatowel, maybe just to tide the Blender Monster over, I grabbed a bowl of Lentil Salad instead. 

Whew!  That was a close one!

Now, I like Lentil Salad.  It has carrots, and a little hot pepper in it, and lime... it's very good.  And nutritious!  But these were desperate times, so I hurled that bowl of Lentil Salad into the swirling, whirling Voracious Vortex of Doom, and all of a sudden, it burped, then hiccoughed, then spit the bowl back out, and everything turned back to the way it was before.  The cupboards built themselves back.  Everything inside re-stacked itself.  The countertops re-formed, and the blender stopped whirring and settled back into its spot.

Later on, after I'd enjoyed my Mac'n'Cheese and fruit and milk, I looked it up on the World Wide Web to see if anybody else has had troubles like this with their Magic Basting Brush, and sure enough, all the other little kids had to do was throw in a legume of some sort, and the vortex calmed right back down.  I guess it's the protein and fiber in the legumes that makes everything all better. 

All I know is that next time I enchant something in the kitchen, I'll pick a more innocuous, less dangerous appliance!  Yes I will!

See ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya!  Muah!

A Year of The Daily Zoe Blog!

Has it been a year already, Friends?

Well, Friends!  Here we are!  Today marks the one-year anniversary of The Daily Zoe Blog!  I know it got dodgy around here this spring, and that things seemed like they were gonna be "The Occasional Zoe Blog" for a while.  But it's been good to see you every day since.  I feel lucky to get to do this blog, and I feel lucky to count you all as friends.  I'm a lucky little kid!

So much has changed since the first time I wrote to you.  For instance, at this time last year, I couldn't walk on my own.  That made getting around kind of inconvenient, unless I was riding around in my stroller.  I still like to go for rides in my stroller, but it's nice not to be dependent on it as my primary means of transportation.

A year ago at this time, I didn't have much to say if I saw you in person.  Now, Friends, just try to get me to be quiet!  I see a lot of things, and I love to comment on what I see! 

Also, an added bonus of being able to say words is that I don't have to rely on my Big People to read my mind.  I hafta admit that my Big People aren't all that great at reading my mind.  A little bit illiterate in that department, they are.  So now, I can say just what I want, and even if I don't get it, at least I've had my say!

We've come a long way, Babies! I mean Big People!

Since starting this blog, I've taken up fingerpainting, stringing beads on pipe cleaners, and cookin' in my play kitchen.  It's lotsa bein' busy, but that's the way I like it. 

I like to take opportunities like this to make New Years Resolutions, even if it isn't January First.  So since this is starting a second year of The Daily Zoe Blog, my resolution for this blog is that at this time next year, no matter what I've been up to in the rest of my life, you and I will have had three-hundred and sixty-five mini-adventures together, right here on the World Wide Web.  Does that sound great, Friends?  I think it sounds great! 

Three-hundred and sixty-five mini-adventures is gonna amount to a lot of writin' on my part, and a lot of readin' on yours, so I guess we'd all better rest up, and then get crackalackin'!

See ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya!  Muah!

Toot-Toot Butter!

Peter Pan, Jif, or fresh-ground, homemade, I LOVE toot-toot-butter!

Friends, I think I've told you all about my favorite song.  It goes like this:

Oh, a peanut sat on a railroad track, 
His heart was all a-flutter!
When around the bend came Number Ten:
Toot-Toot- PEEEEEEEEEEEEANUT BUTTER!!!

My Aunt Colleen  taught me that song, and it's set to a jaunty tune.  That's why I'm so fond of it, I think, and not that it's actually kind of horrifying, considering it's about a depressed peanut that decides to end it all on the track that Number Ten travels on.

I mean, think about it.  What would make a peanut sit on a railroad track, and why wouldn't he move out of the way when Number Ten came around the bend?  If he was in his right frame of mind, it wouldn't make any sense.  If the peanut hadn't been smooshed into peanut butter, I think I'd try to look into some counseling for him, or at the very least, a good nuthouse, where the peanut could get the care he needed, maybe talk out some of his issues.  Come around to the realization that he shouldn't make permanent solutions to temporary problems.

Where'd I put my crackers?

However.  As I've recently turned Two Years Old, I've gotten to sample a delicacy that you Big People know as Peanut Butter.  In my house, apparently there's an epic battle of the butters going on.  Mommy likes fresh-ground or Jif Creamy, and Daddy says Peter Pan is the only peanut butter there is, and it'd better be crunchy.  Me?  I like it all!

I had no idea that there was a whole WORLD of peanut-butter treats out there: it's fabulous on apple slices, toast, regular bread, and crackers.  It's delicious when accompanied by a chocolate cup.  It's excellent baked into cookies. 

It's also equally delicious eaten straight out of the jar, but don't tell Mommy I said that.  She's funny about me eating things right out of the containers, and I don't wanna hafta go sit on the steps for two minutes and think about what I did.  I'm already thinking about it.  And it was delicious.

It'll be our little secret, Friends!  Our little secret!

Make the Most of It Monday!

Oh, Monday!  Here you are again!

Hiya, Friends!

Well, it's Monday again!   You know I've been as ambivalent about Mondays as the next gal lately, even almost as ambivalent about Mondays as you Big People are, but I've recently wanted to turn my attitude around and start finding the best in every day.  That's why I think we should call today "Make the Most of It Monday!" 

How about it, Friends?  Are you with me?

No?

Well, I figured there'd be some among us who are difficult to convince.  ... Oh, no!  I'm not calling you difficult!  I just am acknowledging that there are those among us who need a little more convincing than others of us need.  It isn't good or bad.  It just is!  Hear me out!

You see, Friends.  We all get seven days a week.  Monday is an entire day of the week.  That's one-seventh of our time.  If you're miserable on Mondays, you're miserable one-seventh of all your time you get!  Or, if you like percentages better that fractions, that's being miserable 14% of your time, just by virtue of what day of the week it happens to be! 

That's seriously no fun, Big People!  That's no way to live, Friends!

Still not convinced, because you think 14% seems like a bearably small portion of your life to be miserable?  Well, if you figure on being miserable 14% of the time because 14% of the time is Mondays, and you can just accept that, what happens when you get toothpaste on your favorite shirt, and it's picture day?  Or you spend a lotta time doing your hair, and go outside and get rained on right off the bat?  Or what if you catch a cold, or worse, the flu?  Or you forget where you put something important, and you need it, so you look for it, and it was in an obvious place all along, but you didn't look there first, so you spent a whole buncha time looking for it in all the places it wasn't, and now you're late leaving for where you need to be?  Or somebody gives you a mean look?  Or you wind up in a bathroom stall with no toilet paper, and you ate lunch at the Taco Bell?

If you really wanted to, you could count up all the minutes you spend being incidentally miserable, and you never know.  In a given week, you could wind up with numbers upwards of 25%.  Maybe more, depending.

That's a quarter of your time being spent being miserable!  And 14% of that misery could be wiped right off the misery board, if we all just learn to accept Mondays for what they are, and maybe start a Monday tradition that gives us something to look forward to, anyways. 

Let's call a truce, Monday!  You and me! Let's be friends!

That's what I've decided for my life, Friends.  I'm not gonna let Mondays get me down anymore.  I'm gonna do what I hafta do to make 'em more palatable.  I'm not gonna spend 14% of my time being miserable for what amounts to no good reason.  Okay, Friends?  Are you with me?  I sure hope you're with me! 

Think about it!  And just try to Make the Most of It this Monday and see how you like it!  Mmmmmmmkay?

I love ya, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!

Silver and Gold!

Daddy's my friend, going WAY back!

Hiya, Friends!  We're comin' up on the one-year mark for The Daily Zoe Blog (On the twenty-fifth, by golly!) and I just wanted to stop'n'take a minute to talk about my Friends.  I know I've done this before, but you know what?  You can't overstate gratitude. 

I recently heard a song that goes like this:

Pinky's a brand-new friend!

Make new friends, but kee-eee-eeeep the old:
One is silver and the other's gold!

That's not just good advice, but the visual is quite striking, too!  Like a jewelry store window at Valentine's Day!

Can't have too many friends!

It also is a nicely-harmonized reminder that friends are treasures to be treasured. 

I firmly believe that you can't have too many friends.  Some are gold, some are silver, and I'd even say there are some friends who are bronze.  The point of it is that not everybody has to be a bestie, but our lives are lots more fun if there's friends in it.  I know my life is a lot more fun thanks to my friends. 

I love ya!  Muah!

Saturday- Whatta Day!

Hiya, Friends!  You know, I go on and on all the time about my ambivalence toward Mondays, so lest you think I'm a Chronic Complainer (yikes!) I wanna go on and on about my love for Saturdays.  Can I do that? 

Saturday's pretty much my favorite day of the week!

Saturdays are fun for me, because they're the day of the weekend that you don't hafta worry about getting Monday all over it.  I mean, think about Sunday.  Sunday starts off all fun and games, and then you remember sometime after lunch and before supper that "oh, yeah, tomorrow's Monday, and I hafta do that binderful of TPS reports I brought home, meaning to do over the weekend, but the weekend was too much fun.  Guess I'd better get to work!"

Don't ya hate that feeling, Friends?  Realizin' just as you're getting ready to dig in to that heapin-helpin' of potroast, that you've got TPS reports to do?

But that's me griping about how Sunday sometimes gets all muddled up with Monday.  That's just how far Monday's reach is, Friends.  Bear with me!

Back to Saturday!

Don't let Monday-Thinkin' gum up a good Saturday!

Saturdays are special, because they're the day of the week that we're most likely to go on an Adventure!  All my Adventures in Daddy's truck have taken place on Saturdays! 

Saturdays are a day for pancakes for breakfast!  They're a day for road-trippin' somewhere fun!  I'm still holding out hope that one of these days, I can arrange a tour bus for all of us to ride on, so we can go through one of those Corn Mazes and then have cider 'n' donuts after!  Mommy says the logistics of such a trip are impossible, since all of us live so far away from each other! 

I say, "Mah-meee!  That's Monday Stinkin' Thinkin'!  Today's SATURDAY and EVERYTHING'S possible!"

However, I have yet to procure the telephone number of a tour bus company that will pick up my friends in all the corners where they are, and take us all to an epic Corn Maze.  But I'm not gonna let details like that bother me!  It's Saturday!

Make today the BEST ever!  Yes!!!

Maybe I could talk Mommy and Daddy into putting me in the truck and taking me to a Corn Maze.  I could get through it, try out the cider-n-donuts afterward, report back, and then maybe all of us could meet up at that Corn Maze NEXT weekend or the weekend after? 

...No, I don't know why I'm so fixated on Corn Mazes, either.  Have you been to one?  Was it fun?  Or was the real draw the cider-n-donuts?  You know how it is, when you get something all built up in your head that it's gonna be BIG FLIPPING FUN!!!  Sometimes, it can be a bit of a let-down. 

Aw, well, whether or not today has a Corn Maze in it for me or anyone who might be reading this, it's gonna be a great day, just because it's Saturday.  Don't let Monday's Stinkin' Thinkin' taint this day, Friends.  Those TPS reports can wait.  They'll wait.  Get out there and have a great Saturday!  I love ya!  Muah!

Reading is FUNdamental!

There are worlds of knowledge contained between the covers of a book!

Hiya, Friends.  Well, as you know, I've recently taken up doing some art.  I like to paint with my fingers.  I like to string beads on pipe cleaners.  My recent foray into artsycrafts has got me thinking maybe I can monetize my talents. 

Thing of it is, I don't really know how to value my delightful handcrafted items, so I needed to turn to an expert.  I found this expert no farther away than my local bookcase.

It isn't the most exciting reading.  I mean, it's no Berenstain Bears, Curious George, or Corduroy, and there aren't any pictures, but it is an informative read.

Hey.  This awesome doesn't come for free!

For instance, I learned that I wanna price my handicrafted work expensive enough so that the costs of my materials are covered.  Well, right now, I can raid Mommy's stash of crafty raw materials, so I don't really hafta figure in the cost of materials.

... Or DO I?

Because the book says people will think something's wrong if you price your craftables too cheap.  They might think they weren't made by your hands, but instead that they were made in China.  It isn't right to try to pass off someone else's work as being made by your own two hands.  So I wouldn't wanna raise the suspicion that I'm selling handicrafts and artwork that's been ripped off from someone else. 

I'm on an expedition to find my next project!

But I don't wanna price my items so high that I alienate my would-be customer base.  I learned that customers are the ones who'll give you money in exchange for your handicrafts and artwork, and you don't wanna alienate them and have 'em thinking you hafta get top dollar for mid-range work.

There's that thing about going too low, though.  Gotta make sure my time is valued at something, even if I nicked my materials out of Mommy's or Aunt Colleen's supply closet.  If you don't get paid for your time, that's like workin' for free, or worse!

Jeez.  Pricing handicrafts is almost as much work as making them in the first place!  I'll get it, though, Friends!  I sure will!  I'll find that perfect balance between Too Much and Not Enough.  It's just gonna take me putting on a Thinking Cap! 

Hey- Thinking Caps!  Maybe that can be my next project to make and sell!

I love ya, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!