Somebody Wants to Sell A Fugly Dress!

I don't care what color #thedress is: I think it's fugly!

Friends!  Big People!  I got up yesterday morning and everybody in the world was talking about a dress: is it blue and black or is it gold and white?  There are whole entire ARGUMENTS over this. 

And then there's "scientific" reasons why some people see a white dress with gold lace and why some people see a blue dress with black lace.  Supposedly if you're happy, you see the white dress with gold lace.  If you have dark emotions or whatever, the dress looks electric blue with black lace to you. 

Big People, I cannot BELIEVE there are so many of you entertaining this discussion!  I have it all figured out!  Listen!

First of all, the people have this dress they wanna sell, so they take a picture of a white and gold dress and release it to a number of people, saying it's black and blue, and they release it to a number of other people, saying it's white and gold.  Then they take a picture of the same dress made with blue fabric with black lace and do the same thing.  Say it's a gold and white dress to some, say it's a black and blue dress to others.  And lest anybody think the people putting out the pictures of the dress are fulla poop, they start getting people to say that if you see one setta colors, you're kinda messed up in the head, and if ya see the other setta colors, you're really messed up in the head, but WAIT THERE'S MORE!!! 

Thank GAWD, Big People, but the people behind The Dress have just announced that it's BACK IN STOCK!  But only the black and blue versh.  Because that's all they have right now (nudge-nudge, wink-wink).  However, so many people saw a white dress with gold lace on it that they're gonna make that version of the dress available SOOOOOON! 

You know what your pal Zoe thinks?  I think they have a warehouse fulla these fugly dresses, both in black and blue and in white and gold.  Nobody woulda been talking about these dresses unless they could get the Internets involved, so they made up some ridiculous thing about how what you're seeing isn't really what you're seein', and a buncha Big People fell for it. 

It reminds me of one of my books I like to read, called "The Bear Who Wasn't."  It's about a bear who hibernates, and when he wakes up, he finds that his habitat has been turned into a giant factory, and everybody keeps tellin' this bear, who's clearly a bear, that he's not a bear, but a big man in a fur coat.  And the bear, poor dear, begins to believe them.

Dang it, Big People.  Write this down.  Trust your OWN eyes.  Trust what YOU see.  Especially if you're on the Internet and you see an ugly white dress with gold lace, and your best friend sees that same ugly dress on his or her computer, and it's blue with black lace.  You're both right.  Your friend just got a different picture.  Somebody's messin' with ya, Big People. 

Just, whatever you do, don't let anybody talk you into buying that fugly, fugly dress, mmmkay? 

I'm lookin' out for ya, Big People!  I love ya lots!  And for Pete's Sakes, do NOT take any wooden nickels until we can get all this sorted out, mmmmkay!  Love ya lots!  Muah!

Scand-a-lousssssss!

I will find something for you to be as scandalized over today as I am, Big People!

Friends!  Can you believe it's Friday already? 

Okay.  You can. 

Okay.  Here's something else for ya.  Can you believe that tomorrow's the last day of February Twenty-Fifteen already?

Okay, okay!  I get it!  I GET it, Big People!  Yowza!  Watchyer language!  I understand you're mad at all the cold and snow that we've gotten, but holy smokes!  This is a FRAMILY show, and Blogger's gonna hide explicit material starting on March 23rd!  Don't get your pal Zoe hidden on Blogger!  If you're mad at the cold and the snow, go outside, build a snowman, and then knock it right the heck over.

Unless it's Olaf.  Don't knock Olaf right the heck over.  Olaf's funny.  He's exactly the snowman I'd wanna build, if I were gonna build a snowman. 

Well, goodness sakes, Friends.  You're pretty jaded today.  I set out to be scandalized with ya today, and it's lookin' like I'm the only one who's scandalized by how fast it seems like February went.

I know what'll shock ya.  Friends, I LIKE the snow.  I LIKE the cold weather.  I LIKE February!  What do you think of THAT, Big People?!  I like it because I like bein' all cuddled up in soft blankets!  I like it because I like hot cocoa, and you can drink hot cocoa in the hot weather, but it doesn't taste as good as it does when it's cold!  I like the cold weather in February, because it's s'posedta be cold in February!  How about that?!  And furthermore...

What's that? ... No, I don't need a nap.  Why do you ask?  ... Well, maybe you need a nicey warm cuppa cocoa and a soft blanket and a little nap.  Does wonders for the dang ol' attitude, Friends. 

Friends, Spring is on the way.  It is.  Eventually the snow will melt and the leaves will come out on the trees.  It'll be warmer.  And we'll all be complainin' about all the mud.  Every year that I've been here, that's how it's been.  It's been cold in the winter, and then the warm days start to outnumber the cold ones, the snow goes away, the leaves come out.  I'm not sure, but there seems to be kind of a rhythm and pattern to the weather, Friends!

But I'm not gonna get all mad about the cold weather.  I'm gonna make the best of it, and I hope you will, too, Big People!

I love ya lots!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

MmmmmmPop!

It's good to have a trusted and tasty snack!

Friends, have you ever been shopping into the dang ol' Wegmans, and you're mindin' your own business, when all of a sudden, you hear this loud "POP!!!" and it just about makes ya jump?

Have you ever wondered what that's all about?

Well, I got to lookin' into it, from my preferred vantage point, which is behind the wheel in the shopping cart that looks like a sports car.  I can see EVERYTHING from that shopping cart seat!  And as it turns out, the loud "POP!!!" is a machine that makes these big pop-cakes that you can buy in a bag!

Well, if you think I let Mommy get out of the store without a couple bags of those pop-cakes, you underestimate the persuasiveness of a three-year-old, I'll tell ya what.  I asked for and got the Blueberry Cinnamon flavor.

These pop-cakes are pretty interesting.  They look like a big pancake, except they're really crunchy and airy.  And they're like ten calories apiece.  Mommy says when she was a little kid, the thing like this that was all the rage were rice cakes.  I wanted to investigate by eatin' some rice cakes and my pop-cakes, but Mommy wouldn't even entertain the notion of buyin' a bag of rice cakes, even for my scientific exploration.  So for now, I'll just be secure in the knowledge that my pop-cakes are a superior snack to rice cakes.  I mean, Mommy wouldn't even BUY any rice cakes, and yet, she likes the pop-cakes as much as I do. 

Big People, I know it's scary to try new things- new hairstyles, new clothes, new foods.  I know it can be really scary, especially if you're used to just what you like. But take it from this Little Kid.  If ya don't try new things, you could be missin' the heck out!  I'm so glad I didn't miss out on the pop-cakes at the dang ol' Wegmans!

Hey.  I love ya lots, Big People!  I'll be seein' ya tomorrow, mmmkay?  Muah!

It's Good To Have A Trusted Friend!

I LOVE working with a good friend!

Hiya, Friends!  As you know, I am a Doctor of Humorous Healing at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital.  I really like what I do, and I like to make my patients better.

A big reason why I like working at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital is that I have a lot of good friends who work right there with me.  One of my best friends at the hospital is my friend Doc McStuffins!

I met Doc McStuffins when I was an intern here at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital.  She was doing a fellowship in the Toy Division, and I got to be on her service sometimes when she'd have a case that required Humorous Healing.  Even though Doc and I have different specialties, I still think of her as one of my mentors.

Doc is a Toy Specialist instead of bein' a Doctor of Humorous Healing like me, but that means that insteadda seein' patients' cases from the same perspective, Doc McS and I get to collaborate and each bring our own field of specialty to a patient.

See, when toys break, they go to Doc McS.  She is an absolute whiz at fixing them.  Sometimes, though, even after she fixes what's broken for the toy, the doll or stuffy or other kind of toy still feels kinda... down.

That's where I come in, with my Humorous Healing.  Doc fixes their rips and tears and broken arms, legs, and wings, and then I come along and give 'em laugh therapy or spirit lifts.  Whatever they need to get 'em feelin' right as rain again, just like I do for me people-patients. 

I'd like my job anyways, Friends, but havin' a trusted friend and mentor like Doc McStuffins just makes it all the more great. 

I'll be seein' ya tomorrow, Big People!  I hafta go on rounds now.  I love ya lots!  Muah!

What About the Crafts?!

If they take away the roll, how am I s'posed to make clever toilet paper roll crafts?

Friends, I was watchin' a show I previously recorded back in the Fall, and I happened across a commercial for the roll-free toilet paper. 

I'm not gonna lie.  While I'm intrigued by the positive environmental impact such a change would make, I am disconcerted by the ramifications to my craft-supply chain that such a development would ...ramificate. 

Shoot, I was doin' so well there for a paragraph!

Anyways, here's my dilemma.  I like the idea, a lot, of puttin' less garbage in the landfills.  Lotsa people just throw away their toilet paper rolls, and that's bad.  Recyclin' them is great.  But for me, toilet paper rolls are the lifeblood of my crafting career.

As a three-year-old, I'm pretty limited on art supplies.  I can watercolor and fingerpaint, and string foam beads on plastic lacing, but my most serious art comes from toilet paper rolls and construction paper.

If widespread adoption of this roll-less toilet paper catches on, this is seriously gonna cramp my craftin' style, Friends. 

I guess that's progress, though.

Hey.  I'm gonna go make some hoot-owls with the toilet paper rolls I have on hand.  Craft while the craftin's good.  I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

The Daily Zoe is Three!

Time sure flies when you're havin' fun!

Hiya, Big People! 

Well, today marks the third anniversary of my picture-show over on the dang ol' Facebook.  I cannot believe it.  But I remember that day, a Thursday.  I was dressed in my little Carter's dress that had the lime green cardigan with it. 

And I remember it was a Thursday, because sometimes on Thursdays, I'd bring in donuts for my co-workers.  I drove my Pink Jeep around the drive-up at Donut Dude's, and ordered a boxa coffee and a whole buncha donuts for my coworkers, and got up to the payin' window only to find out that Donut Dude was OUT OF DONUTS that day!  Oh my goodness! 

As you might be thinking, I had some words for Donut Dude. 

Little did I know there was a camera, watchin' the whole thing.  It wound up on the Facebook.  People clicked 'like.'  One thing led to another, and now, three years later, here I am.  Every day, I turn up on the newsfeeds of my friends on the Facebook.  Donut Dude and I are good friends now.  Sometimes, I even help him out at his donut shop. 

He doesn't run outta donuts anymore.

Sadly, I don't drive around in my Pink Jeep anymore.  I outgrew it.  I hope one day to have another Jeep.  It'd be great if it's pink, but I like red Jeeps and black Jeeps, too.  

My show on the Facebook usedta be run by the Executives, who called the shots and decided whether or not I'd be coming back for new volumes of The Daily Zoe on Facebook.  A lotta times, I wouldn't know until the last day if I was bein' renewed for another 200 photos.  It was so nerve-wracking, and also, I felt like the Executives weren't payin' attention.  I felt like the Executives didn't care about me as a person or as a talent.  So last year, right around this time, I gave myself the gift of quitting my gig with the Executives and striking out on my own.  The Daily Zoe is an independent outfit now, Friends, and I'll tell ya what.  It sure does eat the Executives' lunch, that people still like seein' me on their newsfeeds. 

Those Executives told me that my Facebook show would fail without them, Friends.  They said I'd be back, workin' for them, fetchin' 'em coffee and cleanin' their toilets, and I wouldn't have any show anymore. 

This made me really mad when they said those things, Friends.  In hindsight, though, I think it's really interesting that the Executives specifically said they'd make me clean their toilets AND fetch their coffee... I wouldn't want a disgruntled former-former employee anywhere near my coffee, if they also have access to my toilet.  You know what I'm sayin', Big People?

Anyways, nuts to those Executives.  

Of course, this blog doesn't turn three until September, but I like to have a buncha things to celebrate in a year, ya know what I mean?!

Well, I hafta do my storyboard and plan for my Third Anniversary Episode on The Daily Zoe on the Facebook.  I love ya lots, Friends, and I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Useful As Well As Ornamental!

These shapes aren't gonna arrange themselves into whimsical pictures!

Hiya, Big People! Happy Sunday to you! 

You know, I like to be useful as well as ornamental in my life.  I like to help where I'm needed.

Today, my magnetic shapes need me to help them get arranged into whimsical pictures.  Things like sail-boats and flowers.  They can't do it on their own, and they can't just move themselves around the magnetic board.

You know, by making whimsical images with the little magnetic shapes, I'm helping them fulfill their life's purpose, and in so doing, I like to think I'm making a difference.  I'm helping to make the dreams of a bunch of little magnetic shapes come true!

Friends, I don't know what your plans for today are, but I hope you can find a little time to make yourself useful as well as ornamental.  It feels great!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!