Somebody Wants to Sell A Fugly Dress!

I don't care what color #thedress is: I think it's fugly!

Friends!  Big People!  I got up yesterday morning and everybody in the world was talking about a dress: is it blue and black or is it gold and white?  There are whole entire ARGUMENTS over this. 

And then there's "scientific" reasons why some people see a white dress with gold lace and why some people see a blue dress with black lace.  Supposedly if you're happy, you see the white dress with gold lace.  If you have dark emotions or whatever, the dress looks electric blue with black lace to you. 

Big People, I cannot BELIEVE there are so many of you entertaining this discussion!  I have it all figured out!  Listen!

First of all, the people have this dress they wanna sell, so they take a picture of a white and gold dress and release it to a number of people, saying it's black and blue, and they release it to a number of other people, saying it's white and gold.  Then they take a picture of the same dress made with blue fabric with black lace and do the same thing.  Say it's a gold and white dress to some, say it's a black and blue dress to others.  And lest anybody think the people putting out the pictures of the dress are fulla poop, they start getting people to say that if you see one setta colors, you're kinda messed up in the head, and if ya see the other setta colors, you're really messed up in the head, but WAIT THERE'S MORE!!! 

Thank GAWD, Big People, but the people behind The Dress have just announced that it's BACK IN STOCK!  But only the black and blue versh.  Because that's all they have right now (nudge-nudge, wink-wink).  However, so many people saw a white dress with gold lace on it that they're gonna make that version of the dress available SOOOOOON! 

You know what your pal Zoe thinks?  I think they have a warehouse fulla these fugly dresses, both in black and blue and in white and gold.  Nobody woulda been talking about these dresses unless they could get the Internets involved, so they made up some ridiculous thing about how what you're seeing isn't really what you're seein', and a buncha Big People fell for it. 

It reminds me of one of my books I like to read, called "The Bear Who Wasn't."  It's about a bear who hibernates, and when he wakes up, he finds that his habitat has been turned into a giant factory, and everybody keeps tellin' this bear, who's clearly a bear, that he's not a bear, but a big man in a fur coat.  And the bear, poor dear, begins to believe them.

Dang it, Big People.  Write this down.  Trust your OWN eyes.  Trust what YOU see.  Especially if you're on the Internet and you see an ugly white dress with gold lace, and your best friend sees that same ugly dress on his or her computer, and it's blue with black lace.  You're both right.  Your friend just got a different picture.  Somebody's messin' with ya, Big People. 

Just, whatever you do, don't let anybody talk you into buying that fugly, fugly dress, mmmkay? 

I'm lookin' out for ya, Big People!  I love ya lots!  And for Pete's Sakes, do NOT take any wooden nickels until we can get all this sorted out, mmmmkay!  Love ya lots!  Muah!