Lerbert the Lobster, Revisited

No, I don't work at the Krusty Krab.

 Hiya, Friends!  How are you today!  Me? I'm not really crabby.  My outfit has crabs on it, because I was thinking about the Red Lobster, and how I never did get to adopt a pet from the giant tank.  Did I tell you about that? 

I was gonna name him Lerbert the Lobster and keep Lerbert in a tank in my bedroom.  He would have told me stories of the sea, and I betcha he woulda had a Bahstun accent, so when he talked about his family, he'd talk about Lawbstahs.  It sounds funny in my ears, because I'm not from Bahstun, and my speech patterns fall more in line with the Great Lakes accent.  That's when I use English.  Most of the time, I like to speak Babese, my first language, because it keeps my grown-ups guessing.

I would like to try a Krabby Patty, though!

Back to Lerbert, though.  He would have entertained me with stories of the sea, and I would have regaled him with tales from dry land, and at night, we'd count the bubbles coming from the thing that'd keep his water oxygenated.

I had it all planned out, Big People!  I had it all planned out just where I'd put Lerbert's tank, and which books I'd read to Lerbert, and when we'd eat lunch together and when we'd strike out on our own.  It was gonna be so much fun!

But Mommy said no.  She killed my dreams of owning a pet lobster named Lerbert before they even really got started. 

If I did work at the KK, I suppose I'd run a cash register!

What a mean Mommy, doing that to a little kid!

So the pictures of crabs on my outfit are to symbolize a friendship than never got to be, Big People.

I never stopped thinking about Lerbert, Friends, but I have moved on to another strategy.  I'm also wearing a dress with pictures of little crabs on it, because I'd like to adopt a pet crab.  I understand that maybe lobsters are a little touchy to take care of,  and they can be really big, and all.  So I'm going to pitch the idea of adopting Kingston the Crab to Mommy and see what she has to say about THAT! 

Now, crabs don't need as big a tank as lobsters, so I'm thinking I'll find a spherical tank for Kingston to live in, and I'll put a little light under it, and when the bubblemaker inside his tank is making bubbles to keep his water oxygenated, and the light's on, Kingston's crab tank will be like its own light show.  I'll make sure the little lights are different colors, that we can change the colors of the lights.  That'll be fun!

Well, I'm too little to be a fry-cook, aren't I?

And I can put Kingston's tank on the dresser beside my bed, in front of the mirror, so Kingston can admire how cool his tank looks, all lit up like we'll have it. 

If that isn't an un-shoot-downable plan, I don't know what is, Friends.  There is no way Mommy can say no to me getting a crab and naming him Kingston, and keeping him beside my bed in my room.  I understood about her not wanting to get involved with Lerbert the Lobster, but Kingston the Crab is a completely different matter.  I'm very sure of it. 

When I get my crab tank all put up, and Kingston the Crab comes home to live with me in my room, I'll have a party for him, and you can come, Friends!

Maybe by then, I'll have my disco ball for the party.  You'd think after all this time, I'd have a disco ball, but I don't.  Isn't that weird, Big People?  I think it's weird. 

Anyway.  Remember that Zoe loves ya!  Muah!