The Holidays Are S'Posedta Be Fun!

I'm sorry I madeja do pushups yesterday, Friends!

Hiya, Big People!  It's Monday, December Twenty-Third.  How are ya doin' on your list we talked about yesterday? 

I know I got a little serious on ya yesterday.  I probably shouldn't have been so stern.  How are your arms from those pushups I made ya do?  Are they a little wiggly-jiggly?  I bet they are. 

I sure am sorry about packin' up and goin' on a power trip with ya.  I really am.  I will try very hard not to let that happen again.

I just figure that worrying about doing something and procrastinating on getting started just makes things worse.  I've seen it overandover again with one of the Big People in my house.  I won't mention any names, but hers rhymes with 'blommy.'  I watch her procrastinate and procrastinate, and hem and haw, and then when she finally gets around to doing whatever it is that she's puttin' off, it ends up taking her like a tenth of the time she spent getting all huffy and whiny about having to do it. 

Blommy would save us all a lot of misery if she'd just do whatever it is, right now, and get it over with.  That's the kind of misery I was tryin' to save you from, Friends, by offering you a detailed system for getting through your Holiday To-Do List.  I just got a little highenmighty with the pushups.  I was coming from a good place in my heart.  Just got a little rough in the delivery.

Take a little time to be silly this Holiday Season, Friends!

What I'd like to say to you is this, Friends: I know this is an emotionally-charged timea year for you Big People.  You might have lotsa baggage you're carrying with you, from Christmases Past.  I get it.  I understand.  If I could wave a magic wand and take away all that baggage, Friends, I would.  I sure would.  But I don't have a magic wand that'll do that, Friends, so maybe you could remember just one thing:

The holidays are s'posedta be fun.  They really are.  That's why we say "Happy Holidays!" and "Merry Christmas!"  We don't say "Horrible Holidays to You!" or "Miserable Christmas, Chump!"  We don't say that, and you don't say that, Friends.  Don't make me get all pushup on ya again!

No. And I understand that sometimes you Big People hafta spend holidays with other Big People you really don't give two shakes of a maraca about.  For whatever reason.  It's okay.  What I say to that is limit your exposure to those people, even though it IS the holidays.  Find a place where you can have a Cone of Silence, so you can chill, and go there to chill when you need to.  And for the rest of the time, take some advice I think is just brilliant:

"Think of those people you're dreading seeing this Holiday Season as old friends that you don't see all that often.  Then after they go home, or you go home, you remember why you don't see 'em all that often."  I think that's just great advice, and that's advice I deploy whenever I'm thrown in a social situation with Mitch from Accounting.  I guess you Big People aren't the only ones who have people that just rub ya the wrong way.

And if that fails, Friends, do something else I do: Pretend you're an anthropolologist studying a different culture.  In a way, I am kind of an anthropolologist, studying a different culture, on account of me being a Toddler and you all being Big People.  Anyway, ya kind of sit back and observate, smile and be pleasant, but don't make any disruptions, because you wanna see the culture you're studying without a lotta interference from you.  Like I said, be pleasant and smile, but don't give it back if somebody engages you with unpleasantry, to get a rise outta you.  Don't play their game, Friends.  Chalk it up to knowing that's just how this culture rolls, and excuse yourself to go get another cookie.  There's ALWAYS cookies this time of year.  Go eat your cookie in your Cone of Silence, and then come back to the party refreshed and ready to observate some more.

Repeat with me: THE HOLIDAYS ARE S'POSEDTA BE FUN!  YAAAAAAR!

Remember: your attitude determines your altitude during the holidays, and if you set your attitudinometer for FUN!!!!!, your altimeter has no choice but to follow along with it and help you rise above the annoyances.  THAT's gonna be how we win the Holiday Season Cup, Friends!  That's how we're gonna emerge happy and healthy.

I love ya bunches and bunches, Friends.  I really do.  Holiday baggage and all.  And I'm sendin' you GREAT BIG KISSES AND HUGS down the stretch.

And speakin' of stretches, now'd be a good time for you to stand up and have a little stretch of your own.  Stretching and breathing help ya fight off stress.  Yes they do.

I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya!  Muah!

Holiday Game Plan

Time to regroup like chicken noodle soup!

Hiya, Big People!  Hey, sorry about my post yesterday.  The more I get thinking about it, the more desperate I realize I sounded.  And the more I realize how desperate I sounded, the more I kinda wish I could shrink.

But I'm not gonna shrink!  I'm gonna learn from it and move the heck on! 

Besides, we're into the final push before the Big Holiday.  Christmas, and I've been studying some tactical tactics, and have learned that if we wanna win this Holiday Season and bring home the Christmas Cup, we've gotta have a good, solid plan.

Stick with me, Friends!  Grab some water and a towel, because we've got some serious plannin' to do, mmmmkay?

Write up a list and prioritize the things on the list!

First, I'm gonna wantchya to write down all the things you've still gotta do.  Big and small.  No whining!  If you whine, I'm gonna make ya drop and give me twenty pushups! ... Okay, ten pushups!  Twenty's a lotta pushups.  I don't know why I'll have ya do pushups, but it's something coaches and drill sergeants love to have people do, so that's what I'm gonna have ya do if you keep whinin'. 

Now.  Getchyer list written.  Still have presents to wrap?  Put it on the list.  Still have cookies to bake?  Get it on the list.  Have some last-minute fluffing and dusting to do?  Write it on the list!  Still have presents to buy?  Write it on the...

Wait a minute.  It's December the Twenty-Second.  Sunday, December the Twenty-Second, and you still have to buy your presents?!  What the heck, Big People?  What the heck at all?  WHY are you still sitting here, reading what I hafta say, if you still have your presents to buy?!  Drop and give me ten pushups, then get in your vehicle and go get your presents boughten.  Don't diddle around.  If you're really puzzled for what to get somebody, get 'em a gift card!  There's no shame in buying somebody a gift card!  Some of my favorite things I have came from gift-card money, and my Mommy can tell me who bought the gift card to where, and that's the thing she picked for me.  Gift cards are great, and they're easy to wrap.  So if you haven't gotten your presents even boughten yet, you skedaddle right now.  I'll be here when ya get back.  MOVE IT MOVE IT MOVE IT!

Tackle one of the most fun things on the list, then do a hard one.  Keep repeating that pattern!

Do I still have some friends still here?  ... Good.  For those of you who are still here, and you at least have your presents boughten, and you've made your list and prioritized it according to fun things you're looking forward to doing, and things that are on the list because they're not fun for you, so you've been procrastinating on gettin' 'em started or finished, now is the time to stop that stinkin' thinkin'. 

We all have things we love to do, and that are fun.  We all have things to do that we don't, so we put 'em off, and they go from being unpleasant tasks to being big, scary monsters with bad breath and glowing red eyes that we shut up behind a door and hope never to see again, but we hafta see 'em now, Friends.  It's crunch time.

What-what? You finished your to-do list?  Partay!  Whoop-whoop!

So here's whatchya do.  Make a Fun Task Dagwood Sandwich!  Start with a super-fun task on your list.  Get it done.  Cross it off.  BOOM!  You're already one item on your list closer to being done, done, done.  Next, tackle one of those jobs you've been putting off.  I'd pick one that's an easier one that you've put off just because you don't particularly care for it.  Buckle down and do it.  Get it done.  Cross it offa your list.  Thereya go!  Two jobs down!  Now it's time for something fun again.  Get it done, cross it off.  Now back to a job you don't think is as much fun. 

Keep alternating Fun-Not So Fun-Fun-Not So Fun until your list is complete.

Aww, Friends.  It's gonna be okay.  Trust me, if you just put a little oomph behind yourself and keep on keepin' on, that list is gonna get over and done with before you know it.  Put on some music.  It doesn't hafta be Christmas music.  In fact, the other day when I was coaching Mommy through HER holiday to-do-list, we were listening to Christmas music, and she sat right down on the floor and wailed that if she had to hear "10,000 Santa Clauses" one more time, she was gonna have a nervous breakdown.  While it coulda been argued that that WAS the nervous breakdown, I took it easy on her and put on one of her favorite playlists, and boom.  We were havin' fun again in no time.  Music makes all the difference, Friends.  Make it work for you, not against you.

And if your list is just too big, or there are too many things on it that feel like "haftas" instead of "wannas," take a coupla minutes to go over it and see just how much on there is essential.  Are ya being a perfectionist?  Didja put down "dust under the china cabinet" because you feel like every square inch of your house needs to be spotless for the holidays?  You know, you can let the things like that go off your list for now.  Nobody's gonna be crawling under that china closet to see your dust.  I WOULD dust under there maybe closer to Eastertime.  You know how those egg hunts can get.  But here at Christmas?  Be more broad-strokes-minded, Pals.  Figure out what's really important to you, and tailor your list to that.  Don't worry about the tiny stuff that nobody's gonna notice anyway.

Now it's time to sit down and enjoy a show.  I'm watchin' "Frosty the Snowman!"

I think if you're stressing out over your to-do list, the best present you can give yourself this Christmas is a break. 

But.  If you're still agonizing over your list, because there's a buncha stuff on there that DOES need doing, and you're still feeling overwhelmed, ask someone to help you.  It might not make you better at making the corners on the presents you wrap extra-sharp, but it will definitely make the chores a lot more fun, to have a partner in the work.  Believe me!

I love ya, Friends!  Muah!

Happy Saturday Before Christmas!

Hi, Friends!  It's me, Zozie!

Hiya, Friends!  Hey! Happy Saturday Before Christmas!  How are you?  Have ya got any plans?  Me?  Oh, you know, just the regular things and stuff.  Except everything's all wrapped in red-n-green.

 

I will accept either a lobster tank or a honeybee hive!  I'm flexible! 

Okay.  I'm just gonna cut right to the chase.  This is my last-ditch effort to gain support for my cause.  I've been bein' really, really good, and I know I said I'm at peace with not getting to have a lobster tank and a pet lobster named Lerbert to life right in my very own bedroom.  I know I said I'm cool with that, until they figure out a cure for my debilitating allergy to lobster dander, but the thing of it is, Lerbert is really all I can think about.

I'd be such a great pal to a lobster looking for a home!  I would!  I would make a SAFE home for a pet lobster!  No boiling my Lerbert, by golly!  I can just go to the allergist and get shots for my debilitating crustacean dander allergy!  I can handle a shot, I can!

Happy Saturday Before Christmas, Friends!  Wheeee!

Or if you think my Mommy and Daddy would be more impressed with a practical Zozie, I would not be averse to coming downstairs on Christmas morning and finding a honeybee hive with my name on it, and a bee-keeping outfit, with one of those hats with the pretty veil on it, and some snazzy gloves, and one of those smokey cans.  I would not be upset, finding that under the tree at all!

I just need the support from Big People like you.  Email my parents.  Call 'em the heck right up.  Tell 'em I'd be the BEST Pet Lobster Owner/ Beekeeper Toddler EVER!  For some reason, they don't listen to my impassioned appeals!  They just dismiss me, just like that.  They'd listen to Big People like you!  They would!

Sorry.  I know that sounded desperate.  I know that sounded like I'm incapable of conducting myself in a mature fashion.  I just get so excited this time of year, I'm realizing.  I get so darned excited.

The important thing to remember is that this is the SATURDAY BEFORE CHRISTMAS!  That, in itself, is enough to get all excited over.  So that's what I'm gonna do.  I love ya lots, Friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

With a Little Help From My Friends!

I still love apples!

Hiya, Big People!  How's your Friday the Twentieth going?  I'm doing all right.  Hanging tough during this Holiday Season. 

You know, ever since Halloween, when I got candy, it's been a little bit more difficult to stay on track with eating what's good for me.  Yeah, I still eat bananas like they're going out of style.  I still enjoy a good apple.  But I just can't get it out of my head, the wonder of CHOCOLATE! 

Nothing compares to apples for a crunchy-sweet, healthy bite!

A couple weeks back, Daddy took me to Tractor Supply Company, and he bought a bag of those candies with peanut butter inside little chocolate cups.  Oh, my GOODNESS!  They're just wonderful!  They really are! 

I think they're called "Reese's Peanut Butter Cups," but I think I'm gonna call 'em "OH MY GOODNESS WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN ALL MY LIFE??? Butter Cups."

That's how I feel about 'em.  I just love those things!

I see, Rozz. So I should eat more apples and less peanut butter cups?

I hafta admit, Friends, that once I got a mouthfulla that wonderful chocolate and the salty-sweet peanut butter, I had a hard time thinking of anything else. 

I'm starting to see why you Big People have sucha hard time keeping straight your "should-eats" and "wanna-eats."  Until recently, I just wanted to eat!

Well, it was startin' to get outta hand. 

Gee, guys, Rozzie gave me a lot to think about!

Mommy would say, "What would you like to eat for breakfast, Zoe?"

I'd say, "Chocolate!"

Mommy would ask me what I wanted for lunch, and I'd say, "PEANUT BUTTER CUPS!"

I didn't want yogurt.  I didn't want bananas.  I wanted PEANUT BUTTER CUPS!  I wanted CHOCOLATE!

It made for some awkward moments in the kitchen at mealtimes, because of course Mommy wouldn't let me have peanut butter cups and chocolate for my whole entire meal. It was a problem.  A big problem.

 

 

Friends, I'm gonna get this Peanut Butter Cup monkey off my back, with the help of my friends!

Rozzie got all my friends together, and they all talked to me about how I should be happy with chocolate for a sometimes treat, but I can enjoy things like apples-n-bananas-n-oranges often!  They gave me a lot to think about. 

They also let me know I'm not alone.  When I think I need chocolate or peanut butter cups... delicious, delicious chocolate or peanut butter cups... what's that? ... Right.  Whenever I think I need those things, my friends are here to support me.  They're gonna get me walking.  They're gonna remind me to have a drinka water.  Am I really hungry, or am I bored, thirsty, or bored?  If I'm really hungry, I can have a piece-a-fruit.  Maybe some string cheese.

I can do this.  I've got my friends!  Chocolate and Peanut Butter Cups aren't gonna push this little kid around!  No they aren't!  Rah! 

Holiday Damage Control Workout!

Hiya, Friends!  Well, it was inevitable that I'd bring this up, so don't be mad, and don't look so surprised.  Christmas, which is actually a Major Eating Holiday in disguise, is six days away, and so we have what, four?  five days to do a little Damage Control? 

We'd better get crackalackin', Friends!  Don't worry.  I'll be with ya every step of the way.  Every side-step, double-step, step-touch, and step-step cha-cha-cha. 

What I'm sayin' is we're all in this together, Friends!  Now, let's start our Holiday Damage Control Workout!  Put on your favorite music and LET'S GO!

A warmup gets your heart rate up!

1.  The first thing you're gonna wanna do is do a little warm-up, all to yourself.  March around your area for a coupla minutes.  Jog in place.  Nothing too strenuous.  You're just warmin' up!  Okay, ready, go, Friends!  Come on!  I'll stand here waiting for you, since I already did my warm-up!

Warmups are a really important part of our workout, Friends. Don't skip it!  Warmups are the part that gets your heart rate up, and warms up your muscles, so you won't hafta worry so much about injuring yourself.

Think about a rubber band!  When it's all cold, and you try to stretch it, it'll SNAP!  Imagine if that were your hammy!

No!  Don't use the fear of snapping a cold muscle and hurting yourself as your excuse not to work out!  Just warm yourself up properly!

There!  I think that oughtta be just about right.  Let's move on!

Put your hands up in the air! It feels great!

2.   Okay.  You should be warmed up now, so let's get right into our Holiday Damage Control Workout!  We're gonna keep it simple, so exercisers of all levels can keep up, mmmmkay?  Step side to side and clap your hands.  Just let yourself go.  Really get into it. 

Now, we're gonna ramp up the intensity, just a little bit.  You know how we've just been stepping side to side and clapping?  Well, now, you're gonna take two steps to the left, and two steps to the right.  Do that for a little while! It's lotsa fun!

When you get that part down, you can start throwing your hands in the air at the end of each two steps to the left and two steps to the right.  If you're countin' your steps, it'll go Step-together-Step *hands up in the air!*

You can even add in a little bounce, jump, or if you're advanced, a JUMPING JACK!

Gotchya Squats'll getchya in shape!

3.  Guess what!  It's time to do some Gotchya Squats!  These are great for firin' up your glutes and hammies- your glutes are the muscles in your hiney!  And they're the biggest muscles in your whole entire body! The more fired-up they are, the more eggnog you can have at Christmas!  How about that?!

Pretend that you're playin' tag with a little kid- you can pretend that little kid is me, if ya wanna!  And just as you're gonna catch me, ya squat down!  "Gotchya!"  That's how these squats got their name!

We're gonna do twenty-four.  If ya need to hold onto the back of a sturdy piece of furniture for balance, do it, and only squat down as far as you can without straining your knees!  Keep your weight back in your heels, not in your toes!  If your weight's in your toes, you're workin' your quads, and that's cool, but I wantchya to focus on your hiney muscles right now.

If you're advanced, pretend that you're sitting back into a little-kid chair, because I've invited you to a teaparty, and my chairs are really tiny, and you can't say that you don't wanna sit in my little tiny chairs, because if you do, I'll cry.  And what kind of a Big Person makes a Little Kid cry like that?  Come on!  Down ya go!  Feel the burn!

No, you can't just do the last four reps. That doesn't work.

4.  Woo!  Twenty-four Gotchya Squats!  I'm proud of ya, Big People!   But we're not done.  I went and mentioned the quads, which are the muscles on the fronts of your legs.  They're pretty big muscles, too.  They burn a lot of eggnog and fudge if they're cookin', too, so we'd better work 'em.  Grab your chair for balance again, and do the Gotchya Squats again, slower this time, with the weight in your toes.  Don't let your knees jut out too far forward, or else you'll put unnecessary strain on your knees, and we definitely don't wanna do that. Stick your butt back, just like with the Gotchya Squats we just did, just make sure your weight is shifted toward your toes of your feet insteadda your heels!

I know you're feelin' like ya wanna quit, Friends, but remember that the last four reps are the ones that really make a difference.  Don't quit.  Don't be defeated.  You can DO this! Keep good form!

Stretchin' is like the dessert after your workout!  It feels GREAT!

5.  There.  Friends, I am so proud of you.  You got through our Holiday Damage Control Workout, and now it's time to stretch a little bit.  Nothing crazy.  Nothing that's gonna make ya feel like a pretzel, unless you wanna feel like a pretzel. Some people are into that.  I just want ya to stretch those muscles we worked a little bit.  Stretch until you're comfortably uncomfortable, not until you're in pain. 

If it helps ya, think about seein' your muscle fibers stretching while you're stretching them.  This is what they mean when they say "mind-muscle connection."  It might help ya stretch just a little bit deeper. 

Breathe, breathe, breathe, and feel your heart calm right down.

That's something you're gonna wanna remember to do in these days leadin' up to Christmas, Friends.  Remember to breathe.  It'll calm ya down when people are annoying you.  Go to another room and take some nice, deep breaths, and it'll make the stress go away a little bit.

I'm proud of you, Friends, and I love ya!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Happy Birthday, Aunt Colleen!

Yay! Happy Birthday, Aunt Colleen!

Hiya, Friends!  Today's a very special day.  Yes, it's the week before Christmas.  That's right.  You're correct. But even more than that.  Today's a special day because it's my Aunt Colleen's BIRTHDAY!  How about that?!

I feel for my Aunt Colleen in that her birthday's always gettin' rolled up into Christmas, on account of its close proximity to the Major Holiday.  Unfortunately, my very own present to Aunt Colleen isn't gonna get in her hands until Christmas, so I feel like I'm part of the problem.

But.  Today is Aunt Colleen's birthday, and that's a holiday enough to me!  Please join me in singing to my Aunt Colleen right now:
Happy Birthday toooooo yooooooooo!
Happy Birthday toooooo yooooooooo! 
Happy Birthday, Dear Aunt Colleen!
Happy Birthday tooooooooo yooooooooooo!

I sure hope Aunt Colleen's havin' a great day today.   I sure as heck hope that Aunt Colleen's havin' a great day on her birthday!

If you're readin' this, Aunt Colleen, I'll be seein' you in just a few days, but until then, I'm sendin' ya Xs and Os!  I sure as heck love ya!

Friends, I'll see you tomorrow.  And I love you, too!  Muah!

Last-Minute Squishmas Shoppin'

Well, shoppin' this time of year is a sprint, really.

Hiya, Friends!  Well, as you know, it's a week before Christmas.  We have seven days left to shop, so that's what I'm doin' today.  I'm shopping at the Little Kid Big Box Store Supercenter.

Now, you know how it is, this time of year.  People go a little crazy, wanting to get the best deal, wanting to get everything done and get home in time to get the roast in the oven.  Little kids are no different from Big People, Big People.  We want those things, too.  Even the getting home in time to get the roast in the oven.

Oh, yes, we Little Kids just love to cook roasts.  I'm partial to using my slow cooker, because then I can just put it in, set it, and forget it.  But I hafta admit that oven-roasted roasts do have wonderful flavor and richness.  Either way, you've gotta make your side-dishes, and that's something that worries me when I'm out and about and I have a roast in the slow cooker or the oven.

I believe I have everything I need, so I'm heading to the checkout!

Sorry.  I got off-topic.  I know.  This is a thing with me.  But when I shop, I get hungry, and when I get hungry, all's I can think about is food, and I said something about the roast, and how to roast, and it just got me all hungry.

Don't things like that happen to you, Big People?  Don't they?

Well, anyway, like I was saying, we little kids can get a little crazy this time of year, too, because we have a lot on our mind while we're shopping, too.

For instance, today, I'm trying to stick to my list, which I made out to be in the order in which I'd encounter my items in the Little Kid Big Box Store Supercenter.  I did this in order to accomplish a handful of things: first, it'll help me get around the store faster.  Second, if I'm getting around the store faster, I'm less likely to stop and tarry over pretty baubles I don't need and which are not on my list.  Third, it'll help me not buy things not on my list, so I don't spend money I don't need to spend.

Oh, no. I forgot my Secret Santa gift!

I guess that was three things I was accomplishing.  Not necessarily a whole handful, unless you take into account that those are three BIG things, and I have little hands.  Strike this digression.  I stand by my original assertion that my filling out my shopping list in store-order accomplishes a handful of things.  You bet I stand by it!

So.  It's a pretty brilliant plan, don'tchya think?  I think in modern Big-People-parlance, you'd call it "Totes Brills."  Isn't it?!

Except, those people in charge at the Little Kid Big Box Store Supercenter went and changed things up since the last time I was in there.  They did a floor move.  They did a retail re-set. 

In other words, those jerks messed up my Totes McGotes Brills system, and insteadda me walking into that dang ol' store like a big, stinky cheese, going around fast and being guided by my list that was written out in the order of the store's aisles, I went into that store and felt a little bit like I caught amnesia for a little bit.  Things were familiar enough to make me wonder if I dreamed the way things used to be in the Little Kid Big Box Store Supercenter, but they were different enough to render my super-cool-in-store-order list just a super-uncool-not-in-store-order shopping list.

I don't wanna go back into the fray! I just need to sit down!

Oh, Friends, it was sucha mess.  Things that were on regular shelves in one part of the store are now on endcaps in other parts of the store.  Things that were on endcaps in such-and-such department were relocated to bins in the middle of different aisles.  There's stuff stacked on pallets in the middle of walkways.  And that's part of the display.  They're not going to move the stuff off the pallets and onto shelves or endcaps, because the pallets are those things' shelves and endcaps!

Because my list was no longer in the order of the way things are put up on the shelves, I had to go around the store, hunting and searching on my list.  I dropped my pen I was using to cross off the things on my list that I found, and it rolled under a heavy pallet stacked high with blocks.  Heavy, heavy blocks. 

Like I said. Shoppin' this time of year is a marathon.  Hoo boy.

So I was pretty much going around the store, trying to guess where things were, unsure of what on my list I'd gotten, what I still needed to get.  I backtracked.  I missed things.  There were lots and lots of people in the store, too, so there was that.  The crowds in the aisles were thick as pea soup.

Then, I thought I got all the way to the end of my list, and I fought my way to the checkouts, got almost up to the endcaps that make sort of a chute to the register, and I realized I'd forgotten to buy my present for the office Secret Santa.

Oh, the horror, Friends.  I had to leave the checkout lanes and go back into the roiling roil of the store. 

I guess it's a good thing I put my roast in the crock pot with plenty of liquid.  I think it's gonna be a long day of last-minute Squishmas Shoppin' for this girl.