If I Had the Magic

How can I get the most out of this wandy thing?

Hiya, Friends!  Happy Thursday to you! 

Have you ever wondered what you'd do if you could do magic?  Real magic.  Not the kind where a guy pretends to saw a lady in half or pull a bunny out of his hat.

Now that I've found me a magic wand, that's just what I think about.  How am I gonna use this magic effectively?  How can I make sure I get the biggest bang for my magical buck?

I'll tell ya what I'm not going to waste my magic on, and that's silly things like three more wishes, or even PEZ candies. ... Well, maybe an unlimited supply of PEZ...

No.  Magic is too important to piddle away on transient things, Big People.  If I really had the magic, I'd do Big Things with it like solve hunger, cure cancer, figure out how to eradicate the common cold and also the uncommon ones.  Make the world an epically better place and all that.  No sleight of hand.  I'd figure out how to make that magic so powerful that all the goodness was real.

And then maybe I might magic up myself an endlessly full PEZ dispenser, just for fun.  If I had the magic, I couldn't be serious ALL the time, after all!

Friends, I'll be seein' you again tomorrow.  Maybe if we each do a little something to make the world a better place between now and then, we could get some real magic stirrin' up and gaining momentum, even if my sparkly pink wand from Target isn't doing the trick.  What do you think?

Muah!

Halloween Dreams

On Halloween, I can be anything I wanna be... just like in real life!

Hiya, Friends!  Well, it's Wednesday all over again already!  How are you doing? 

You know, I was just thinking about Halloween and what I wanna be this year.  I know it's a little early, but I love Halloween so much, and I think it's never too early to be thinking about what kind of costume I wanna wear.

It's a big decision, after all!

I could be Abby Cadabby, which would be fun, because she can do MAGIC!  Also, I like to dress up in a tutu, so I could be a ballerina princess.  I could also dress up in my giraffe costume, or my sabertooth tiger costume again.

But what I'm really leaning towards is being a doctor for Halloween.  You know, with my scrubs, a white labcoat, and a surgical cap on.  I could even put my toy stethoscope around my neck.  That really sounds like fun to me.  Being Dr. Zoe for Halloween.  Plus, I'll be warm!  Warm on Halloween counts for big points around where I come from, Friends! 

Well, it looks like I have some figuring to do, on where to get a me-sized labcoat and a neat surgical cap!  I'll be seein' ya tomorrow, Friends!

Techno Rewind: Trapper Keeper!

Oh my gosh! I don't wanna go around with a plain binder when I can have a Trapper Keeper!

Hiya, Big People!  Welcome to this week's Techno Rewind!  Today, I'm talking about the Trapper Keeper.  There's Trapper Keepers now that you can buy, but I'm talking about the good old Trapper Keepers like from when my Mommy was a kid. 

Do you remember Trapper Keepers, Friends?  Didja HAVE one?  From what I understand, all the cool kids had a Trapper Keeper, and so did all the not cool kids.  It was better not to have at all one of the colorful three-ring binders and wonderfully coordinated textbooky folders than it was to have a generic Trapper Keeper that wasn't a Trapper Keeper at all, but was a wannabe.

What made the Trapper Keeper cool, I understand, was that you could have a different folder inside for every subject.  Your papers wouldn't fall outta the folders.  The folders themselves had times tables and conversion charts and little fact-snacks on the inside flaps.  You could put a three-ring-punched pouch in your Trapper Keeper and keep your pens and pencils and Grimace eraser from McDonalds in the pouch.  All nicey organized like that. 

The thing that differentiated the Trapper Keepers from the 1980s, the Trapper Keepers I'm talking about today, from the Trapper Keepers you can still get at Amazon (yes! They're Back!), is that those early Trapper Keepers had bright pictures and artwork on them, stock from the factory.  They were SO COOL!  Today's Trapper Keepers are pretty plain, but you can add in your own artwork and photographs. 

You know, when I get to thinking about it, Trapper Keepers kinda were like an early, analog version of Evernote.  You know what I'm saying?  You Big People could store little bits of your information inside your Trapper Keeper, and the Trapper Keeper could keep it safe for you.  Even though you had to have your Trapper Keeper on your person in order to access your stuff inside, it was all right there for you, even if the electric was out!

Friends, Trapper Keepers are a technological rewind I'm happy to endorse.  I'm choosing my very own Trapper Keeper right now.  I'm going for a purple one, and I'm gonna doll it all up with original artwork by ME!  How about that?!  See ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Sing As Though Nobody's Watching

I just wanna feel this moment!  And eat this lollipop!

Hiya, Friends!  Happy Monday to you!  Hey, you know that saying about "Sing as though nobody's watching?"  Well, that's what I wantchya to do this Monday. 

That's right.  Sing as though nobody's watching.  I know it sounds silly and like it'd be awkward at first.  But the thing of it is, it's really fun.  Just belt out your favorite song, and dance, and just really get the heck right into it.  You won't be sorry you did.

It really goes a long way to make Monday feel special, is what it does.

Don't worry about what people think of you, singing as though nobody's watching.  People are gonna think what they think, and that's none of your concern. 

You've got to have fun, Friends!  Dance!  Sing as though nobody's watching!  Live it up!  I love the heck right outta ya!  See ya tomorrow, Big People!  Muah!

PEZ the Children!

Please, Sir... Can you spare a PEZ?

Hiya, Friends!  Well, if ya know me, you know I just love PEZ candies and PEZ dispensers.  Just can't get enough of 'em.  The candies, I mean.  The dispensers are cool, but without the candies, they're just funny-shaped little toys that go in the drawer, waiting to be filled up with more PEZ candies.

Therein lies the problem, Friends.  I've run out of those sweet-tart, delicious little crunchy candies that turn my PEZ dispensers from being just funny-shaped little toys in the drawer to the Holders of Awesomeness.  And it's the saddest thing you've ever seen.

I've taken to begging around here, asking people to spare just one PEZ apiece.  That's all it takes to make a difference in the life of a PEZ-obsessed little person such as myself. 

It gets me to thinking. Maybe I could get one of those has-been television stars to take up my cause.  Kind of like "Save the Children," except we could make it 'PEZ the Children."  For less than what it costs for a roll of PEZ for a day, you could sponsor a child who doesn't have any PEZ candies to call her very own.

Friends, I've gotta go.  I just had a brainstorm.  I'll see ya tomorrow.  Love ya lots! Muah!

It's Raining Diamonds!

Imagine jumpin' into puddles of diamonds!

Hiya, Friends!

Hey, I was doin' some readin' the other day in my Big Board Book of Crazy Facts About the Universe to Impress and Stymie Your Friends With, and...

... well, yes, it has a very long title.  That's why it's a big board book, and not a regular sized board book.  I mean, if they tried to put that huge title on a regular board book, they'd have to make the print all kinds of tiny, and my people don't like tiny print.  We're all about big, bold words. 

Speaking of big, bold words, this thing I was reading in the BBBoCFAtUtIaSYFW said that diamonds might be the most common form of precipitation in the whole solar system.  On Saturn and Neptune and Jupiter and Uranus (hahahahahah!  Uranus!) it actually rains diamonds, right out of the sky.  How about that?!

Of course, the surfaces of those planets is so hot that the diamonds melt when they get to the ground.  That's a bummer.  It'd be kinda cool to have puddles of diamonds after a rainstorm. 

On the other hand, having diamonds dropping out of the sky onto your head would hurt, and if those diamonds hit your car or any skylights in your roof, they'd be sort of destructive.  I guess if I had to choose, I'd pick regular rain.  Regular puddles are plenty fun to jump into, and oodles less painful.

Goodness, Friends, I talked myself right out of my point I was gonna make today.  Talked myself right the heck out of it!  Does that ever happen to you?  You change your own mind?  Huh.

Anyways, I'll be seein' ya tomorrow.  I love ya lots, and that, Friends, is something I won't change my own mind right out of.  No way, no how!  Muah!

A World with No *NO!*s

I dream of a world with no more *NO!*s.

Hiya, Friends!  Happy Friday!

You know what?  I love my Mommy, but I don't like her very much right now.  See, I'm at a really cool age where I can do so much for myself, but Mommy's at a really uncool age where she won't let me.

She won't let me handle the stove.  She won't let me climb up on the counter.  She won't let me roast marshmallows at the fire all by myself.  In fact, she won't even let me close to the fire.  She won't let me reach my own Vitamin C lollipops from the top shelf of the cupboard on my own.  In fact, I think she put 'em up there on the top shelf on PURPOSE.

She's a buzzkill like that.

You know what my fondest dream is right now?  It's living in a world with no more "NO!s"  You know what I mean, Friends?  You know?

I realize I seem like I'm really agitated about this.  And that would be because I'm really agitated about it.  Friends, I'm nearly three, and it really stinks, just how little respect I get around here.  It just stinks to high-Heaven.  That's what it does, all right.

I'm glad you're not a buzzkill, though, Friends.  I'm glad you're on my side.  I love ya lots!  I'll see ya tomorrow, mmmmkay?  Muah!