Timewarps and Tesseracts!: How Santa Gets Around!

Here's a picture of me and my friend Santa, from last year!

 Hiya, Friends!  It's me, Zoe!  How is every little thing?  I'm doing great!  It's quiet, here, and at first, I was a little sad about that, considering Thanksgiving Weekend was so full of having fun with Gramma and Grampa and Aunt Colleen and Uncle Lorentz, but I just got off the phone with my good friend Santa Claus, and compared to his day, which isn't quiet, I'm glad it's quiet where I am!

See, Santa runs a pretty tight operation up at the North Pole, so during his Christmas Crunch Season, which runs from the day after Thanksgiving, until Christmas Eve, the Elves can continue the manufacturing, and packaging, and keeping track of the Naughties and Nices while Santa takes his show on the road.  Monday and yesterday, he was at the Ross Park Mall in Pittsburgh.  That's where I met Santa Claus for the first time.

Now, let's get this out of the way right now.  There are lots of shopping malls, and there's just one Santa, and even all the magic in the world can't have Santa sitting in malls across America, all at the same time, so he DOES authorize a buncha Santa deputies to sit in for him at the malls and places he can't make it to.  It isn't trickery, it's delegation, and because of a special communicating device in his suit, Santa's able to hear each and every kid that comes to visit his deputies, and also the North Pole sits in and listens.  I guess more than one time, a deputy Santa has forgotten to push the "Take-a-Break" button on the suit, and the North Pole has had to listen to deputy Santas visit the mens' room.  That's pretty embarrassing, but I had to mention it, and now we'll move right along!

Hiya, Santa!  It's me, Zoe!

But the real Santa, the one I met at the Ross Park Mall last year, he and I hit it off really well, and we talk on the phone every so often.  Sometimes we FaceTime.  He knows I run this blog, and he's agreed to give me updates from the road during his Shopping Mall Tour, before he heads back to the North Pole to load up the sleigh for the Big Night.

One question that Santa gets asked a lot when he's not working is how he can travel so quickly between shopping malls when he's on his tour, and the answer is Magic, of course, similar to the magical technology that allows Santa to fly around the world in one night.  There's some space-time-continuum mumbo-jumbo, timewarps and tesseracts and such, stuff we mortals will never understand.

But when you get on down to the brass tacks of HOW Santa travels, well.  This'll blow your mind.  Santa has a magic Airstream travel trailer that looks like just a regular Airstream travel-trailer from the outside, with LED Christmas lights strung on it.  He used to use those big C9 lightbulb lights, but Santa adapts to the changing times and says LEDs are the way to go!

The magic Airstream travel trailer is self-propelled and run by a sophisticated auto-piloting system, and is equipped with so much technology that it makes Air Force One look like a tinker-toy!  Hahaha!  It can either be used as a teleporter or a flying travel trailer, depending on the distance Santa needs to go, and how much time he has to get there.

He and Mrs. Claus travel by magic Airstream instead of teleporting back to the 'Pole every night after the malls close, because first of all, the Elves are more than adept at running things back at the Workshop for the month Santa's on his tour, and also because it takes a lot of magical energy to teleport all the way to the North Pole and back, and that would tire out the Clauses, so they stay right in the travel trailer.  While Santa's sitting on the Santa Throne at shopping malls across America, Mrs. Claus walks undercover through the mall to keep an eye on how the little kids' parents behave when they're out doing their Christmas shopping.  How about that?!

That Santa knows how to travel right!

But back to the magic Airstream travel trailer.  Like I said, from the outside, it looks like this little, unassuming travel trailer, but on the INSIDE, well, it's a mansion with a full compliment of domestic Elves, a chef, a lap pool, a sitting room with a fireplace, a personal trainer to help Santa stay cuddly but still fit, and a machine that makes the best hot cocoa you'll ever imagine!  It's five candy-cane accommodations, Friends!  There's a nerve center so the Clauses can keep in touch with the Elves back at the Pole, and when the Clauses want some down-time, they can get any television channel in the world on their Big TV.

When I asked Santa Claus how much a magic Airstream travel trailer like his would setcha back, he said there's no putting a price on his rig, since we mortals wouldn't be able to understand how to use the Airstream travel trailer or its magic, and we really don't need to, but he said that regular Airstream travel trailers can be found at numerous places, including eBay, and that they can be fixed up and turned out to be pretty luxurious on their own.  So I might talk to Mommy and Daddy about that one of these days.

So that's all for Santa and Mrs. Claus for right now, on their tour of the shopping malls across America.  If you want me to, I can ask Santa some of your questions, next time I talk to him, while Santa's on his tour.  Or if you have questions for Mrs. Claus, I can ask her something, too, just not when she's doing her undercover work, keeping an eye on parents!  Just leave me a comment with your question- I won't know what to ask, otherwise!

In the meantime, let yourself believe in some magic, Big People, just for this month.  It's okay to believe in some magic!  It really is!