Easter's Less Than Two Weeks Away!

Easter's less than two weeks away!

Hiya, Big People!  Well, it's Monday, all over again.  How was your weekend? 

Mine was good.  On Friday, I wound up at the dang ol' Olive Garden, down by the Mall, and we were sittin' in a section where I was the only kid.  Everybody else was older Big People.  I like Older Big People, but you know, I can't help but notice that sometimes, Older Big People kinda keep a hairy eyeball on me, like they're waitin' for me to spazz out so they can go "Cluck, cluck, cluck, children should be seen and not heard."

Better plan your Easter Basket List!

The cool thing is that when I DON'T spazz out, the Older Big People love me, Friends.  They tell my Mommy what a good little girl I am and how she should be proud, and they tell me I'm a good little girl.  I try to keep that in mind when I'm tempted to spazz out. 

How big do they make chocolate bunnies?

I toldjya all about that because on Friday, I got all kindsa compliments from the Older Big People I was sharing an Olive Garden section with.  I didn't spazz out.  In fact, they all said they didn't even realize I was there until I got out of my booth to have my coat on.  How about that?!

One of the Older Big People said I'd hafta stay bein' so good, so that the Easter Bunny would come to my house and bring me a really good Easter Basket!

Wow!  Is that how it works?

That big?  I want a BIG Chocolate Bunny!

Have you given much thought to what you'd like to find in your Easter Basket, Friends?

I'm hopin' for some Marshmallow Peeps, some Cadbury Eggs, and a chocolate bunny.  A big'un. 

I want a chocolate bunny almost as tall as me.  Not as tall as me.  A chocolate Easter bunny as tall as me would be unseemly.  But one that's almost as tall as me would be FABULOUS!  Semi-hollow, milk chocolate.  Mmmmm!

That's what I'm hopin' for in my Easter basket, Friends!

You've gotta make out your own list and get it ready!  There isn't much time!  And don't spazz out in restaurants, and the Easter Bunny will bring you your basket!  That's how it works!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

I Saw Giant Pretzel-Salt Yesterday Morning!

What if all that snow was really salt off'n' a GIANT pretzel?

Hiya, Friends!  Happy Sunday!  How's your weekend?

I'll tell ya what.  I haven't been able to know WHAT to think about our weather we're havin'.  It was pretty much nicey warm on Wednesday, Thursday was a nice day, until it started rainin' in the evening, Friday was rainy, and Friday night was REALLY rainy and windy. 

I'd call it blustery, if I had to get right down to it.

Then I woke up yesterday morning, and there was a dusting of really weird granular-lookin' SNOW all over everything! 

Yeah!  It was weird and looked just like the big salt on a big pretzel!  I blinked and rubbed my eyes, and don't you know it was STILL there! 

That'd be one heckofa cleanup, Friends!  Giant pretzel-salt!

It eventually melted off, once again showing how matted and in need of a big cleanup (thanks, Rozzie!) our yard is. 

But before that weird snow melted off, I got to thinkin' about what if it wasn't snow at all, but pretzel-salt off a really big pretzel that a giant up in the sky was eating? 

And when I thought of the pretzel-eating giant, I wondered if the giant has an Auntie Anne's pretzel place, or if the giant would have to make his or her own pretzels to enjoy.

The giant making the pretzels would definitely account for all the salty-looking snow on the ground yesterday morning, Friends.  Sprinkling salt on pretzels isn't a very neat thing to do when you're just a normal person here on the ground, so I bet a giant up in the sky, with big giant-hands would have even more trouble distributing salt on pretzels in a neat and tidy manner.

I'm sure glad it ended up bein' snow, and not pretzel-salt!

Then I got to wonderin' what we'd do with all that salt, if it was salt, and not snow.  Salt doesn't melt.  I mean, salt melts other things, and it dissolves, but that isn't the same as having salt melt the way snow does.  And if it did, I betchya it would shrivel up all our grass and such.

Even I know a little bitta salt is a good thing, but a lotta salt is bad for us, and plants, to boot!

Even though our yard's a mess, I was sure glad to see it was just really weird, granular snow, and not giant pretzel-salt.  The idea of cleaning up all that salt was startin' to worry me a little bit.  I woulda figured out how to do it, Friends, never fear, but it woulda been Quite a Job!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Supermassive Saturday

Welcome to Saturday!

Gotta stretch! We don't wanna pull a hammie today!

Hiya, Friends!  Well, today's Saturday!  I think it's gonna be supermassive.  Saturdays are epic by nature, but today seems to hold special promise. 

You know, I wake up every day, expecting something supermassive about it.  Something epic.  Some days, it's epic to count to a new number.  Maybe to get through the entire alphabet all by myself. 

Could be just a really great bubblebath.

I can just see how supermassive today can be!

Saturdays are special, though, Friends.  Saturdays hold special power.  You know, one Saturday morning, while I was in a great bubblebath in my tub, I figured out the energy crisis, how to fix The System, and how to make the perfect ice cream soda.  I had it all figured out and spelled out on the walls of my tub, but then....

Well, then, tragedy struck, Big People.  See, I wrote all this brilliance out in my native Babese in tub-crayon, and before I had a chance to translate everything into regular Big People Standard English for Mommy, so she could alert the proper authorities on all my great ideas to get things going, she wiped off my Babese brilliance. 

Worse, even though I figured those things out, I wrote 'em down so I wouldn't forget 'em, and now they're gone.  So we'll just hafta wanna start again on figuring out those things, Friends.  They seem really important. 

I pledge to make today great for me and my loved ones!

Especially the one about the perfect ice cream soda.

But it's gonna be fun, too!

Anyway, it's Saturday, and for my part, I'm gonna do my part to make sure that today IS supermassive for me, and my pal Rozzie, and I guess for my Mommy and Daddy, too.  Even though Mommy wiped off all my genius ideas from the bathtub walls.  I guess I can forgive her.

I hope you have a good day today, too, Friends.  Have fun, relax, and figure stuff out.

Remember that I love ya lots, and we'll ketchup tomorrow!

Muah!

Social Awkwardness: Friday Fashion Faux Pas Edition

Oh. Em. Gee.  Wouldja look at that?

Hiya, Friends! Happy Friday to you!

Guess what's happening in my world today!  My frenemy Pidgie McDougall showed up at the office today in the same outfit that I'm wearin'.  Not the same-same outfit.  My outfit's mainly white with pink and lavender accessories, and Pidgie's sportin' mainly black, with red accessories.  But we are both similarly-attired in a ruffly singlet, BabyLegs, and tall boots.

Basically, the only differences are the colors.  That's it. 

My frenemy Pidgie McDougall is wearin' the same outfit I have on today!

When I first saw Pidgie in the lobby today, this was my face: ->

That's right.  Shock and horror and more shock.  And then extra horror.  We looked like some kinda TWINS!  Were not twins!  We're only sort of friends!

What do you DO in that kind of situation, Friends? 

I'm not gonna lie, Friends.  At first, I thought one of us should change.  And by "one of us," I mean the one of us who isn't me.  I thought, "How DARE she come to the office dressed in a very Zoe-esque outfit?"  Pidgie McDougall doesn't wear rows-n-rows of ruffles, Friends.  Pidgie McDougall doesn't wear tall rain boots.  That's MY thing!

Well, it's good to know great taste when ya see it.  Well done, Pidgie!

And then, I got to thinkin' that maybe it wasn't anything to be mad about, that Pidgie McDougall decided to dress like me today.  Maybe... maybe I oughtta be flattered. 

After all, you can't hold it against somebody when you find out they think you have such great taste that they wanna wear the same kinds of clothes you do!

I was really kinda thinkin' about gettin' all mad at first, this morning, because I thought Pidgie McDougall was copying me.  But now that I realize I'm a trendsetter, Friends, I'm kinda walkin' a little taller in my tall boots now, today. 

It's all about perspective, Friends!  Muah!

Thursday the Third

What special thing can we make outta today?

Hiya, Friends!  How are you today?  Let's see.  It's Thursday the Third.  That oughtta be something, if it isn't already. 

Oh, I don't know what.  "Thursday the Third."  It isn't really as catchy as "First Friday" or "Magic Monday," but you know what?  "Thursday the Third" seems to have a little style and excitement all its own, don'tchya think?

Let's workshop this together, Friends.  What can we make out of Thursday the Third to make it special?

You know, I feel kind of bad for Thursdays, Friends.  Thursdays are kind of like the first runner-up of the week.  Fridays are the day that everybody loves.  I love Fridays a lot, myself. 

I feel like it should be more than just any other day.

But there are Thursdays, ready to step in and fulfill Friday's duties if Friday isn't able to fulfill them itself.  If only we ever gave it the chance.

If only we ever gave it the chance.

So, what are we to do with Thursday the Third?  It sure seems like it ought to be something more than just any other day. 

I know!

Thrilling Thursday the Third.  Today can be Thrilling Thursday the Third.  Now all we hafta do is decide what we can do to actually make today thrilling. 

Let's see.

I know!  Thrilling Thursday the Third.  That's' what today is!

Friends, let's keep Thrilling Thursday the Third simple.  Let's keep it elegant and not overdo it. 
I suppose we could do donuts today, but donuts are my go-to suggestion, and I'm trying to set Thursday the Third apart. 

So here's what I think we should do.  I think we oughtta have ice cream sodas.  That's thrilling!  That's different!  I don't know about you, but I don't get an ice cream soda every day of the week. 

Any kind of ice cream soda will do today, Friends- whether you like a Root Beer Float, or an orange pop with vanilla ice cream mixed in.  The possibilities are endless, Friends!

That's how we're gonna make this Thursday the Third just Thrilling, by golly!

Get to it, Friends!  I love ya a lot!  Muah!  I'll see ya tomorrow!

He Needs To Sit Down

There's a little boy behind me who keeps trying to get my attention.

Hiya, Friends!

Hey.  Recently, I went to the mall with my Mommy and Daddy.  We went into the dang ol' Texas Roadhouse down by the WalMart there in Horseheads for some supper, because when I go to the mall, there's gonna be some serious walkin' to do.  That's just the way it is.  I love to walk, and the mall lets me do all the walkin' I want, without worrying about mud puddles or nasty weather or speeding automobiles.  I can just walk and walk and walk until my little legs just fall the heck right off, which hasn't happened YET!  

So I guess you know, I've got a lotta walkin' in me to do when I have a chance to go to the mall.  And I've gotta fuel up!

I was at the Texas Roadhouse with Mommy and Daddy then, just havin' the delicious, delicious roll with the delicious butter on it, enjoyin' an orange juice and that when this family with a little boy sat in the booth behind me and Daddy. 

That little boy kept looking up over the backa my booth bench.  I mean, I could feel his eyes on me, Big People.  I was just tryin' to eat my meal, and this kid was up and down, up and down, peeking over the seat.

If he had a meal he was s'posedta be eating, it was getting cold.  I can tell you that.

Now, Daddy has a way of bein' oblivious to stuff like this, so that's his excuse for not turning around and tellin' the kid I'm not interested.  Daddy just didn't know what was goin' on behind his back.  But Mommy.  That darn Mommy knew exactly what was happening.  She had a front row seat to it. 

Lemme wanna take a break for a sec and tell you about my Mommy.  Have you met her?  If somebody's gettin' on my Mommy's nerves, she's gonna let 'em know.  And if they're really obnoxious about bein' on her nerves, you know, like it's where they live, Mommy's gonna get out her Big Box o' Spicy Words and let 'em have it with all barrels.  So we're not dealing with a mousy Mommy here, Friends.  Lemme wanna make that sparkly-clear.

That's why I was so surprised that Mommy knew this boy was peekin' over the backa my seat, and yet she didn't say anything to him or his parents.  Yeah, he was acting like this in front of his PARENTS, for Pete's Aches.  And Mommy was watchin' it happen!

After a while, she said to me, "Zoe, did you know you've got a little admirer behind you?  He's a cute little fella!"

Ooooooh!  I was so mad at her that I wished I could have some nails that I coulda spit at her.  So I glared at Mommy and said, "Yes, and he needs to SIT DOWN!"

Would you believe that all's Mommy did was LAUGH?!  And not just a little polite laugh like you Big People do when people my age say something embarrassing that you wanna have the dirt open up and swallow you whole.  No.  Mommy has this hyena laugh that would frighten the very hyenas from the Lion King movies, and she laughed that laugh, and everybody in our section was lookin' at us, I just know it. 

I didn't look back at them lookin' at us, though.  I was too busy glarin' at Mommy.  In a situation like this, you hafta stay focused.

Whatever.  It didn't work.  She told Daddy what was going on, and he thought it was funny, and then she went and put it up on the Facebook, and other Big People thought it was hilarious. 

Big People, you stink!

Anyway, since none of the Big People in my life were doing anything about this onslaught I suffered at the Texas Roadhouse, I took matters into my own hands.  Do you know what I did to deflect the unwanted attention of that boy in the booth behind me?  Well, I'll tell ya what I did.

I'm in an impervious force field right now! Nobody can bother me!

I pretended I had a soundproof, xray vision proof, unwanted attention proof forcefield around me.  That's right.  I wrapped myself up inside an imaginary but impervious bubble.  Yes I did.

Because sometimes, you've gotta just ignore and carry on.  That's the matchyerrr thing to do.

And also, the delicious, delicious bread they serve at the Texas Roadhouse is too delicious to go throwing it at someone you want to leave you alone.  How about that?!

I love ya, Friends!  And I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Hi Again! I'm BACK!

Hiya, Friends!  That was a close one!

Hiya, Friends!  Well, that was a close one.  Yesterday, I said that I wouldn't be back for a little while, probably, and here I am, coming to you from a shiny, new Internet Service Provider! 

So now I feel a little silly, sayin' I was going away due to circumstances beyond my control, and here I am, not even missing a day with you here on the dang ol' web log, but at the time, I didn't know when I'd get to come back to the internet.  And like I said yesterday, I didn't want you to think I'd gone and flaked out on ya again, like I did last year.

So.  What should we talk about?

I know!  I hear it's April Fool's Day.  We don't celebrate that holiday in my house, on accounta Mommy's name bein' April, and she says that April Fool's Day traumatized her when she was in school.  I think she's probably exaggerating on the "trauma" part, but I can understand that a whole day called "April Fool's Day" would get tiring if your name's April.  I'd get annoyed if there were a Zoe Fool's Day, and people were constantly foolin' on me.  So I'll cut Mommy a little slack today, I guess.  If I hafta.

Are ya havin' a great April Fools Day?

But I've been readin' about some really good April Fool's Day pranks that I would love to try out, but that I would not love having tried out on me.  For instance, one suggestion is that you get Oreos, scrape out the real filling and replace it with white toothpaste... Hilarious!  Especially if I get to eat all the Oreo Cookie filling I scraped out of those cookies.  I love that stuff!

Another one is puttin' one of those air-horn thingies behind a door, so that when someone comes bursting through the door, the doorknob hits the trigger on the airhorn, and they get a SURPRISE!  And since you Big People are all hung up on not wearing diapers, a wardrobe change would most likely be in order for the one who got that prank played on 'em.  (Hashtag: I'mNeverPottyTrainin'DiapersAreJustTooConvientTheEnd!)

Another favorite suggestion I've seen is taking the really colorful Post-It notes and stickin' them all over your coworker's car, so their car looks like a really neato, brightly-colored Post-Itmobile! 

If that one weren't so labor-intensive, I'd really try that one out.  It wouldn't hurt anybody, and I bet it would look really cool!

Sure is good to see ya today, Friends!  Muah!

I s'pose it's coincidental that all my coworkers came to work today on the North Bingham Underground.  Huh.

My favorite-favorite-FAVORITE April Fool's Day prank would be if the Facebook switched the "search" box and the "Status Update" box, though.  Oh my goodness, would that make for a hilariously awkward day today!  I kinda really wish they'd do that one.  I'd just get me a cold beverage, a comfy chair, and sit back at the computer and watch the fun.  That's what I'd do!

But like I said.  I'm not allowed to participate in April Fools Day.  So I guess what I'm sayin, Friends, is go out and pull a good prank for me.  But make sure nobody gets hurt, and make sure their property doesn't get damaged.  That's not the kinda fun this girl likes to have.

I love ya, Friends!  It's so good to be back on the internet, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love ya lots, and that's no joke!  Muah!