Saturday, April 30, 2016


Live on the Sunny Side of the House!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Saturday to you!

Well, ya know what?  People ask me all the time why I'm so happy, and I'll tell ya.

I live on the Sunnyside of the House.  It's true!

The way my bedroom is situated, I get the First Rays of the Sun every morning, unless it's raining, in which case, my happy cell is all charged up from all the days I wake up and it isn't raining.

Anyways, there's magic in those First Rays of the Sun.  Every day when I wake up and see 'em, I smile and say to my self, "Self, we got another one!"  And it just goes up from there.

Sure, sometimes, I get in a crummy mood, or I get mad, or I get a visit from the Drama Llama, but those things don't last very long.  Overall, I am proud as all get-out to say I'm a Really Happy Kid.

I hope you're Really Happy Grownups, Big People, because I love the heck right outta ya!  I really do!

If ya get the chance to choose, I hope you decide to live on the Sunnyside of your house, too!

See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Friday, April 29, 2016

Even Zoe Nodded

Not all my jokes are winners, either, Biff!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Friday to you!

Hey, didja even know that sometimes, even I can't get a laugh out of a carefully-crafted joke?  It's true.

Here's a little backstory.  I got to feelin' bad the other day about pickin' on Biff Tannen for messin' up a good one-liner the way he does.  This ribbing was definitely coming from a place of love, since I love all the characters from Back to the Future, even Biff, but I got to thinkin' that if Biff were readin' my weblog, and maybe missed the nuance and subtlety in my language, he might think I was just another butthead, and I can assure Mr. Tannen and everyone else, this kid is no butthead!

Anyways, I love Biff's messed-up one-liners, on accounta sometimes, even MY jokes aren't received as I intended them to be.  Sometimes, even I mess up a one-liner!  It's true!

As a recent example of a joke of mine, that I hand-crafted as carefully as a burger is carefully hand-crafted at the dang ol' Red Robin, yielding disappointing results was when I was wearing the outfit referenced in today's picture.  It's a little bolero jacket with puffed sleeves, and I had on a pair of my BabyLegs jeans that fit me like capri leggings now.  Aunt Colleen said I looked like a little football player, so in my The Daily Zoe Facebook Picture Show, I mentioned this story, and then carefully hand-crafted my joke, in the following manner:

I see how Aunt Colleen would think I look like a football player in this outfit, and if I WERE a football player, I wouldn't wanna be the quarterback or the linebacker or even the forward-back.  I'd wanna be the kicker, so that when people saw me coming in my sporty football outfit, they could nod to me, say, 'Hey, here comes the kicker!' and be humorously right!  Get it?!  I'd BE the kicker, which is quite a kicker!

You know how that joke went over, Friends?  It went over about as well as an egg you think is hard-boiled, but it isn't, so when you accidentally drop it on the counter, it just goes splat and makes a mess.  That is the visual and auditory representation of how that joke went over, Friends.

So, Biff, if you're readin' this, and I really hope you are, don't you feel bad for a minute about your messed-up one-liners.  Even a comedic genius such as myself doesn't have a hundred-percent return rate on my jokes.  And besides, your messed-up jokes make me laugh and laugh.  I love ya, ya big palooka!

I love all of you, too, Friends!  I love ya lots, and I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  Tell yourselves 'there goes the kicker!' for me! Muah!

Thursday, April 28, 2016


It feels soooooo goooooood to scratch my arm, Friends!  I can't even begin to tell ya!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Thursday to you!

Hey, I've got something to tell ya.  A month ago tonight, I rode my bicycle off the couch and broke my right arm's radius bone. 

Yesterday, I went for my follow-up visit to the orthopedic specialist, and they took Casty off my arm!  I'm FREEEEEEEE!

The whole experience was really positive.  The combination saw/vacuum that cut the hard parts of my cast didn't scare me like I though it would.  I usually don't care much for noise, but it didn't bother me, this go-around. 

Next, the big chompers that cut through the material part of the cast looked really wicked, but they didn't even hurt me a bit.  They just wedged open my cast, and off it came.  They asked me if I wanted to keep my cast, but I didn't know what I'd do with it, and also, I was pretty much over my cast by the time yesterday rolled around.  Besides, I have lotsa pictures of me wearin' my blue cast, so I just let 'em do whatever they do with removed casts, in good conscience.

After my cast came off, the nurse let me wash my arm with soap and water for the first time in nearly four weeks.  My skin sure looked grody and flaky, but it felt so good to wash it with soap and water.  Then they sent me to the x-ray machine, I had some pictures taken of my bones, and then I was declared Good To Go. 

Friends, I had a really good experience, from my trip to the emergency room a month ago, to my trip to the orthopedic specialist, all the way up to my cast removal yesterday.  It was really easy to cooperate with all the medical personnel, on accounta I knew they were there to help me.  I was really interested in learnin' what they all do to help people!  But I'm sure ready to put all this behind me. 

Although my cast is now off my arm and in the Great Castworx in the Sky, you might see some pictures of me wearin' my cast in upcoming installments of The Daily Zoe Blog.  Don't freak out.  My pictures on this blog generally run about a month behind the times.

Anyways, Friends, I have some serious exfoliation and moisturization to do on my de-casted arm, so I better go.  I love ya lots!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Wednesday, April 27, 2016

Make Like a Tree.......

...And get outta here!  Hahahahahahahahahaha!
Hiya, Big People!

Well, if ya know me, you know I love to play outside in Nature, and also a good failed joke.

Perhaps my favorite failed jokester of all time is Biff Tannen, from Back to the Future.  That guy might be a bully, but boyo boy, can he ever mess up a good one-liner.

Now that I think about it, maybe that's why he's such a cranky cuss, that Biff Tannen.  He messes up every one-liner he tries.

My favorite Biff Tennen Messed Up One-Liner is:

"Hey.  Why don't you make like a tree and get outta here?!"

It's funny because it makes no sense!

I think my picture today is a wonderful visual representation of this messed-up Biff Tannen one-liner. And if Biff can see it, I hope he understands the pure joy his messed-up jokes bring me. 

Hey, Friends.  I'll be seein' ya tomorrow.  I love ya a whole bunch!  Muah!

Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Deep Down, I Am a Humanitarian!

...Or maybe it's 'toytarian,' on accounta I wanna save the toys!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Tuesday to you!

You know what?  Yesterday was a beautiful day in the Bing.  And do you know Mommy still didn't even take me to the dang ol' Kmart over in Wellsville so I could visit the toys?!

I'll tell ya what, Friends, taking me to Kmart to visit the toys might seem like it's all for my benefit, but the truth of the matter is that it's really for makin' the lives of the toys in the toy department at Kmart better, more enriched. 

Just imagine how nice it must be for those toys, sittin' there in that harsh fluorescent light, then seein' me come down the aisle to make their day brighter.  I say 'hiya!' to all of 'em.  I talk to the baby toys, and the Legos and the Barbies and the action figures and the cars-n-trucks.

There is no toy with too old or too young an age advisory for me to talk to.  I really love 'em all.  And all the toys love me.

So you see, Big People, my wanting to go to the toy department at Kmart is really a humanitarian mission.  A toymanitarian mission, if you will. 

It's what I'm all about, Big People!  Hey.  I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Monday, April 25, 2016

I Wanna Go To Kmart and Look At the Toys and Also Buy Something

I'm dreamin' of the Barbie Camper, by golly!
Hiya, Big People!

Well, ya know, I'm a kid who has a deep appreciation for the finer things in life, and I've come to recognize that Kmart, even Kmart right over in dang ol' Wellsville, has a whole aisleful... nay, a whole entire DEPARTMENT devoted just to the finer things in life!

Of course, the finer things I'm talking about are toys.  Legos, action figures, Barbie dolls...

Friends, right now, I'm determined I'm gonna get a dang ol' Barbie Camper, so my Barbie Dolls can go glamping.  Mommy says they ought to try glamping in a travel trailer made from a cardboard box first, to make sure they really like glamping, but I'm not sure she really understands what glamping is all about. 

Those Barbie dolls need, NEED an actual pink Barbie-branded CAMPER!  Not some pitiful DIY cardboard travel trailer.  I don't care how custom the paint job and interior is. They need the Barbie one in order to fully enjoy glamping out at the campground. 

And I wanna go to Kmart.  I wanna see the Barbie Camper.  I wanna make eyes at it.  I just wanna look at it.  I just wanna look. 

I also wanna buy it.  I really, really do.  But it isn't for me.  It's so my Barbie dolls can enjoy Nature from the comfort of a bright pink Barbie Camper!  Unfortunately for me and the Barbies, I can't drive myself to Kmart yet.

Sunday, April 24, 2016

The Crazy Month Is Winding Down

We're gonna walk the straight-n-narrow from here on out, Friends!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Sunday to you!

Well, ya know, as I've mentioned before, Rozzie and I have had a heckofa last month.  But with the removal of Rozzie's drains and stitches, and my impending eviction of Casty from my right arm, I think Rozzie and I are pretty much ready not to repeat the shenanigans of March-n-April Twenty-Sixteen.

That's right, Big People!  Rozzie says she she's going to try her darndest not to have another cyst, even though she really doesn't control whether or not that happens.  And I'm going to make a commitment to myself to talk myself outta doing crazy things like ridin' my bike off the couch again.  No matter how much fun it seems like.

I have a speech for myself, all prepared.  When a crazy idea pops into my head, I'm gonna say to myself, "Self, remember what happened that one time you rode your bike off the couch, and I didn't talk ya out of it?"

I plan to remember what happened- not the stickers and attention I got, but the way it hurt my arm when I landed on it.  I'll try to focus on the five-n-a-half hours we had to wait in the emergency room.  I'll try to focus on how it kinda hurts when I'm sleepin', and I accidentally bonk myself in the head with my cast and wake myself up.

Although... man alive, those stickers sure were nice while they lasted.  And I like attention.

I'll just have to figure out other ways, Friends.  I mean, look the heck at Rozzie.  She pretty much started out her life, gettin' lotsa special attention, but she's learned not to use an injury to get special attention.  She just does, because she's sucha sweetheart. 

I guess I'm gonna hafta take sweetheart lessons offa Rozzie.  That's what I'm gonna do. 

I'll see ya tomorrow, Big People!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Saturday, April 23, 2016

'80s Kids Had the Best Cartoons

If you were a kid in the 1980s, you had the BEST cartoons!
Hiya, Friends!

Well, ya know, recently, I've taken up watching cartoons from the 1980s.  I started with "The Littles" and "The Gummi Bears."  From there, I ventured into She-Ra and He-Man.

I've gotta say, I love 'em all.

I know I oughtta think my cartoons are better, and I hafta say, with their computer-animated animations, they look good.  I really like the stories on "Miles from Tomorrowland," "The Octonauts," "Doc McStuffins," and "Sheriff Callie's Wild West."

But I gotta say, the storylines in the cartoons from the 1980s are farm more compelling.  The lessons are so much more real.  It's a glimpse into the zeitgeist of the time in which a lotta you Big People grew up.  And I love it.

Friends, if you were a kid in the 1980s, you had the BEST cartoons.  I'm lookin' forward to discoverin' more cartoons from when you were kids!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Friday, April 22, 2016

It's Friday: I Go NUTS!!!

I can't even stand the excitement of it being Friday, Big People!
Friends!  Didja see what day it is?  It's FRIDAY!  Do you know what happens on FRIDAY?!


I think what I love most about Fridays is that they just have an easy, anything-goes kinda atmosphere.

I like bein' able to wear my craziest pants and let my hair right the heck down. 

You know what else?  Fridays hold magical possibilities.  I never know if I'm gonna go on an adventure on a Friday, or maybe go to the Texas Hot in Downtown Wellsville for supper.  It all just keeps me guessin', and that's what makes Fridays so gosh darn much fun!

Fridays are just the best, don't you think so, Big People?   

Hey.  Get out there and go nuts on YOUR Friday!  I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Thursday, April 21, 2016

We've Been Through A Lot Lately

We might not be perfect, Rozz, but we're perfect together, you-n-me!
Hiya, Big People! 

Hey, you know, my pal Rozzie and I have sure been through a lot lately, haven't we?  I mean, she had the surgery on that cyst on her back, and I went and rode my bike off the couch and broke my radius.

Bein' on the outside lookin' in at all the extra attention Rozzie was getting made bein' hurt seem really rad.  She got lots of extra pets and hugs and kisses after her surgery, and she also got lotsa extra cookies. 

I thought bein' hurt looked kinda rad.  I thought I was pretty clever, gettin' hurt myself.  But now that I've been through it, I see what a pain in the butt it is to be hurt.  I realize that Rozzie got all those extra hugs and kisses and pets and cookies after her surgery because havin' drains that need flushed and havin' stitches must HURT!  And she handled it all so well. 

I've learned that havin' a broken bone hurts, and then havin' a cast is a nuisance.  I can't play in my sandbox.  I can't take a nice bath like I like to, because I can't get my cast wet.  I can't paint or play with Play-Doh or anything.  I mean, the stickers people give me when I got to restaurants are cool, but... well, I can get stickers without putting forth this kinda pain, I understand.

It could be argued that my broken arm was my own doing.  I'm not sure what to think, myself.  I might have been wanting extra attention like Rozzie was getting, but I don't think I really meant to break my arm.  Also, it seemed like a fun thing to do to ride my bike off the couch!  I wasn't really thinking about being hurt, truth be told.

I've definitely learned my lesson now.

As for Rozzie, you know, she's going to be all right.  She and I have been through a lot lately.  We aren't perfect, but we're perfect together.  I'm glad she's my best pal.

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow.  Don't ride your bike off the couch.  Havin' a cast isn't my patoot, and I bet it isn't yours, either!  Muah!

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Dinosaurs that Grow!

I love my new modern prehistoric friends!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Wednesday to you!

Well, ya know, for Easter, I was the recipient of a halfa dozen eggs thatchya put into water and let 'em hatch.  To my surprise, DINOSAURS hatched outta those eggs!

That's not all. 

You see, the directions said if I kept the dinosaurs in water for three weeks, they'd grow and grow and grow!  So that's what I did, and they did!  They grew and grew and grew!

It was crazy, Friends!  Those dinosaur eggs were just a little bigger than a big chicken egg, and now those dinosaurs have grown to be pretty big.  Like the size of a six-inch hoagie at Subway Eat Fresh.

They're kind of spongy and weird for dinosaurs, but they're friendly guys.  They're living in a plastic container, so they don't get the table wet.  That's kind of ironic... dinosaurs living in a plastic container, on accounta plastic bein' made from oil...

Maybe it isn't so ironic as it is awkward.  I'm not sure if these dinosaurs know what oil is made outta.  Maybe I hadn't oughtta explain it to the dinosaurs.  They seem happy in their plastic home.  I better not rock the boat there.

Friends, it's fun to make friends from all the geological eras.  I'm gettin' to know my new dinosaur friends.  I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Tuesday, April 19, 2016

New Boots!

Don't sacrifice comfort for fashion, Friends.  You can have both.
Hello, Friends!  Happy Tuesday to you!

Well, ya know, I'm a Shoe Girl if there ever was one.  I like boots the best, although I do hold an especially soft spot in my heart for sneakers that light up when ya step on 'em. 

Anyway, long about a week and a couple days ago, I pulled on my pink boots I bought at Target and headed to the Mall with Mommy and Daddy.  They felt a little tight on my feet, but I figured ya can't have good style without bein' just a little bit uncomfortable.

You know what?  I was wrong about that, Friends!  As it turned out, I'd outgrown those pink boots, and they'd rubbed a BLISTER on my foot!

I told Mommy and Daddy, and lucky for me, they were in a good mood and we were near a Payless.  I got to pick out not just one but TWO pairs of new boots.  Thank ya, BOGO!  So you know what I picked?  I picked a pair of black cowgirl boots and a pair of brown cowgirl boots.  They feel great, have nonskid soles, and best of all, they clickety-clack when I walk.  I feel so empowered in these new boots!

So don't sacrifice comfort for fashion, Friends.  You can have both.  I know, 'cause I got me two pairs of stylin' and comfy new boots!  How about that?!

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Monday, April 18, 2016

Casty's Crampin' My Style

I'm dreamin' of a swing and a slide and the day when I can use my sandbox again!
Hiya, Big People!

Well, ya know, this weekend sure was one of those beautiful weekends.  I got to spend most of it playin' outside on my swing and slide.

However, every time I got near my sandbox, Mommy chased me off, 'cause she said I'm not supposed to get sand in my cast.  The sandbox is my favorite outdoor toy, so this really put a cramp in my style, but just two more weeks with the cast, and then it'll be just a memory. 


You know, at first,  I thought it was really fun to have a broken arm.  I got all kinds of attention.  My cast was all pretty and blue, and the sock-part of it was so shiny, bright white.  Now, the sock-part's lookin' kinda grubby, and it's gettin' heavy on my arm.

And.  Friends, have you ever been fastasleep and been rudely awakened by a face fulla cast?  Bonk! 

Well, I have.  Not only does it hurt, but it also startles the heck outta ya, and then it's hard to get back to sleep after such an indignity. 

Don't even get me started on havin' to be so fussy with that cast and not get it dirty or wet.  I'm a kid who likes to live full-force.  I'm a kid who loves baths and my sandbox.  Havin' to forsake the sandbox and modify my bath ritual really cramps my style!

As much fun as the attention has been, havin' a broken arm is the pits, as it turns out.  I do not highly recommend it, Friends.

But I love ya lots.  I'll see ya tomorrow.  Muah!

Sunday, April 17, 2016


I'm not quite ready for dancing on the river yet.
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Sunday to you!  Please indulge me in a flashback to a month ago: St. Patrick's Day!

Well, ya know, I love St. Patrick's Day.  I love wearin' green.  I love thinkin' about rainbows and pots of gold bein' at the ends of 'em. 

What I really love about St. Patrick's Day is the Irish Step Dancing.  You know, way back in the Nineteen Nineties, there was a popular dancing troupe that called themselves "Riverdance."  Did you see Riverdance at all in the Nineteen Nineties, Friends?  It was all the way in last century, so I understand if the memories are foggy for ya. 

I've been tryin' to replicate the Riverdance Experience for myself, Friends!  Although, I'm more like PuddleDance.  Yeah.  There's only one of me.  There were lotsa dancers in Riverdance.  Also, my footwork isn't quite as quick and tight as the Riverdancers' footwork.

But you know?  I'm tryin'.  I'm practicin'.  I'm havin' fun, doin' what I do.  So PuddleDance it is!  I'm not lookin' to make the Big Time.  Just lookin' to have fun.

You should try it too, Big People!

I love ya lots!  Muah!

Saturday, April 16, 2016

The Broken-Bone Badger Saw His Shadow......

...And I get two more weeks of Casty....
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Saturday to ya.

Well, yesterday,  went to my orthopedic nurse practitioner, and as it turns out, I hafta keep my cast on for another two weeks. 

I like to think of the Xray machine as the Broken-Bone Badger, much like the Weather Woodchuck we consult every year to find out whether we get an early Spring or a late one. 

Except the Broken Bone Badger is more accurate.

Two weeks is two weeks, I suppose. 

Well, Friends, I'll be seein' ya tomorrow.  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Friday, April 15, 2016

If I Ever Need To Write on a Mirror....

...I'll just use my left hand!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Friday to you!

Well, ya know, I've had my cast on for the last two weeks.  It's on my right hand, which is the hand I write with.  Hey... does that make it my "write hand?"  I suppose it would, in some circles.  You know the kind I'm talking about...

Anyways, it isn't that there's a real problem that my right hand is unusable, but it has definitely slowed me down some.  I've been usin' my left hand to eat and play and stuff.  I've even been adventurous and been usin' my left hand to write, color, and draw!  How the heck right about that?!

Now, you wouldn't notice much of a difference between my right-hand writin' and colorin' and my left-handed version for things like capital As and Is and 1s and 8s.  Those kindsa letters and numbers look the same whether they're comin' or goin'. 

Where things get really interested in my left-handed adventures is when I hafta make any letter or number that definitely has a specific way it likes to point.  When I write 'em with my left hand, they come out BACKWARDS!  Isn't that rich?  I thought for sure Mommy would flip out on me for writin' things backwards, but she says it's pretty normal for the Opposite Hand to do things backwards from the Regular Hand, especially when a kid's just learnin' to write, period, let alone with the Other Hand. 

You know, I think it's pretty cool, writin' backwards.  I feel like this is an important skill to cultivate.  Ya never know when you're gonna hafta write a note that needs to be read in a mirror.  Think about it, Friends!  It's just something that doesn't come up when a person's setting their life goals, but then one day, it turns out ya really need to know how, and there ya have it.  You're really glad ya learned how to write backwards that one day when you were four and you broke your arm, ridin' your bike off the couch.

Maybe I'm projecting a little bit.  It's okay. 

Hey, Friends!  I've gotta go.  I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Thursday, April 14, 2016

Math Is My Patoot!

I thought math was hard, but turns out, it's natural as BREATHING!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Thursday to you!

Well, ya know, a few months back, I got a cookin' app, where I'm supposed to take customers' orders and then cook their foods, slicing, weighing, and measurin' the ingredients.  At first, I thought the thing was too hard, so I wouldn't play it, but I picked it up the other day again and realized it's a whole lotta fun!

I really like weighin' and measurin' out the ingredients, you know.  A lotta times, in this app, each piece of ingredient equals one ounce, and it tells ya how many ounces ya need for a particular recipe.  Then ya count out the pieces and put 'em on the scale, and if ya counted right, you'll have the number of ounces the recipe requires! 

Once ya have the ingredients all weighed and measured and picked out, ya assemble the dish you're makin' and ya cook it.  There's a little thermometer on the side, and the Giver of Directions tells ya at which temperature to flip the food, at which temperature to press down on the food, and at which temperature to turn off the stove and take the food off the heat.  I can figure out what numbers look like by how they sound, so this is pretty easy for me. 

Friends, as it turns out, when I play this app, I'm doing MATH, and I LIKE it!  I thought math was hard, but it really isn't! It's as natural as breathin'!

Friends, this is so true you could take it right the heck to the bank: Math is my patoot!  How about that?!

Hey.  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

The Zerp Goes On

This Zerp thing is gettin' old, and we're only on Day Two.
Hiya, Big People Friends!

Well, I knew this was gonna happen.  My folks called me 'Zerp' the other night, and it made me mad.  That only mad it more humorous for them to continue calling me that name.  So I decided to try to embrace Zerp, you know.  Big People tell Little Kids all the time not to let it show when things bother them, so the person doin' the botherin' will just go away, since they aren't gettin' a rise outta ya.

Well, my folks musta hacked that conventional wisdom, or else it's about as true as when they tell ya not to play in the fire, or you'll wet the bed, because I told 'em I LIKE bein' called Zerp, so much so that I'm gonna contact the authorities and have my name legally chanced to Zerp, and you know what they said to that?

They didn't stop callin' me Zerp, if that's what you think happened.  In fact, they only stepped on the Zerp gas.  Zerp this, Zerp that.

And honestly, Big People, I'm all Zerped out.  If I never hear the word 'Zerp' applied to me again, it will be too soon.

If ya see me out-n-about, Friends, if you are really my friend, please don't call me "Zerp."

That is all.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016


I am NOT! Zerp!
Friends!  It's Tuesday!  And am I ever steamed!

I'll tell ya why. 

Ya see, for some unknown reason, my parents have started calling me 'Zerp.'  It started at the suppertable, which is clearly not "school time," so I got a little perturbed at Mommy for tryin' to teach me how to spell my last name by makin' me tell her which letters make which sounds.  I don't think the French would ever pair phonics with turkey, after all.  So I decided to sabotage the operation.  I just kept throwing out random letters, thinking my folks would get the hint.  Do you know what they did instead?

They said all the things I was spelling spelled out "Zerp." No matter the random letter combination I slapped 'em with, they said it spelled "Zerp."  And it's stuck. Because they say I shouldn'ta been tryin' to sabotage my own suppertable learnin'!

I'll tell ya what, Friends, it steams me to all getout.  I am not Zerp!  I'm Zoe!  But now my whole family in my house is callin' me Zerp! 

This is pretty much worse than when Rozzie told me my middle name is "WithLizardBreath."

They haven't beaten me on this, Friends.  I'm gonna be mad about bein' called Zerp, but then I'm gonna embrace it.  I'm gonna embrace the stuffin' right outta 'Zerp!'

Monday, April 11, 2016

Smiling Makes Me Cooler!

I don't always smile, but when I do, smiling makes me cooler!
Well, hiya, Big People!  Happy Monday to you!

You know, I'm a Little Kid with lotsa big emotions.  I get all of 'em, too.  I mean, I can get mad with the best of 'em.  I cry.  I get frusterated and mad and sad and I cry. 

Okay, fine.  I'm four.  I get frusterated and mad and sad and cry a LOT, over a lotta stuff you Big People would say is trivial, but I'll tell ya the heck what, Big People, it all MATTERS!  It matters BIG!

What was I talking about?

Oh, yeah.  Smiling!

Anyways, I don't always smile, but when I do, smiling makes me cooler!  You bet it does!

Smiling makes you cooler, too, Big People!  So smile a lot today and be cool on this Monday!  I love ya lots!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Sunday, April 10, 2016

Well, How 'Bout This Weather?!

It's a marshmella world out there, Friends!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Sunday to you!

Hey.  I wanted to talk to you about the weird turn of the weather we experienced this weekend.  I went to bed on Friday, and it was Springtime, woke up on Saturday, and it was Winter!

I'll tell ya what.  It sure did cause a kerfuffle at Donut Dude's!  We've been elbow-deep in our Springtime Promotion with our donuts and beverages, and all the snow just threw everybody for a loop!  Thing of it is, the donut-makers hafta get to makin' the donuts EARLY in the morning, which is to say, practically in the middle of the dang ol' night, so it isn't like they can just switch from Spring to Winter with a snap of their fingers!

Except they kinda did, Friends.  Boyo boy, our donut-makers sure think quickly on their feet!  When they found out that it snowed, they took all the pretty pastel donuts and cookies for our bake shoppes and sprinkled sprinkly sugar over all the flower-shaped decorations in the icings.  And when ya order one of our springtime hot or cold beverages and order a squirta whip for up on top, they sprinkle the whip with sprinkly sugar, too!

Not only is it festive and appropriate for the weather at hand, but it's practical, too.  All that extra sugar helps ya stay warm!  Hahahahahaha!

Friends, I love ya lots!  Don't worry about the arrival of this wintry weather.  As they say, it'll never last.  It'll be back to springtime before we even know it, and the air will be filled with the smell of fresh-cut grass. 

I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Saturday, April 9, 2016

The Week Went Too Fast

I just want my Daddy home with me, all the time!
Hiya, Big People! 

Well, darned if it isn't Saturday all over again.  Usually I'm really excited about Saturdays, and I'm not mad.  Don't get me wrong.  I love Saturdays.  But it just so happens that Daddy was on vacation all week this week, and now that it's Saturday, that means I just have today and tomorrow with Daddy, and then he goes back to work.

What I really liked about havin' Daddy home all week with me is that Daddy was home all week with me.  We went on a surprise adventure to Lowe's, and I got to eat at Red Robin when it was past my bedtime, and I got stickers on my cast. 

Things like that just don't happen when Daddy's at work.  When Daddy's at work, he's already left in the morning before I wake up, and then when he gets home at night, we eat supper, watch a short show together or something, and then I hafta go to bed.  When Daddy's home, life is just a big adventure.

So that's why I'm a little bummed that it's Saturday.  I'll find a way to be happy.  But right now, I'm just a little sad. 

Hey.  I love ya lots.  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Friday, April 8, 2016

It's a Math Day!

I'm declarin' today a Math Day!
Why, hello, Friends!  Happy Friday to you! 

Did you notice that today is Four-Eight-Two Thousand Sixteen?  Even shortened down to Four-Eight-Sixteen, today's pretty much a Math Day. 

You see, Four, Eight, and Sixteen are all doubles of each other.  That fascinates me.  The way I think about it is if I had four brownies, and I cut each one in half.  All of a sudden, I now have EIGHT brownies!  But wait!  There's more!  If I just were to cut each of those eight brownies in half, I'd have SIXTEEN bite-size brownies! 


If ya spell out 2016, you can divide it by 4, by 8, and even by sixteen. 

I love days like this, Friends!  When the date can fold all in on itself in mathematical equations, it makes me feel like the Universe is an orderly place, even though to us, it just seems like it's all chaos.  I think it's chaotic to us, on accounta we're all pretty small, compared to the Universe, and we're all up in our own stuff, so we can't see the whole thing.  I think if we could see the whole, entire Universe, we'd see that everything makes sense.  Math Days such as today give us a glimpse that it does.  At least I think so. 

At the very least, it gets me to thinkin' about numbers and brownies.  Math is tasty, so I'm gonna go bake myself up a batch of math.  I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Thursday, April 7, 2016

On Outgrowin' the Baby Swing!

Autonomy in my playtime is a really big deal for me now!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Thursday to you!

Well, ya know, Spring's gonna be comin' pretty darn soon, and I for one am lookin' forward to doin' some serious playin' on my swingset outside in the yard. I hafta wait for my arm to heal up and get my cast off, but then, hopefully it'll be warm enough for me to play outside.

I love to play outside, and I've been the proud owner of an old-school metal A-frame swingset since 2014.  Thing of it is, the first coupla years I had the swingset, I had to ride in the red baby swing.  Sure, it was safe, secure, and had its own tray-table, but I couldn't just casually decide I wanted to go swing.  I had to ask Mommy to go out with me, and get me all duded up in the swing's harness, then push me, because have you ever tried to make a baby swing go by itself from inside the baby swing?  It's nigh onto bein' impossible.  You need a push from a parent or responsible adult or somebody.

I'll tell ya what, though, Friends.  This year, I get to ride on the big kid swings on my swingset.  And I can do it all by myself.  I've already signed my agreement with Mommy not to break any more bones, so soon's the weather changes to Warm, I will be swingin' with the best of 'em!  How about that?!

Friends, I thought life would get all sad when I outgrew that red baby swing, but I'll tell ya what... this is only the beginning.

I love ya lots, and I'll be seein' ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

I Learn Something New Every Day

Ya can't swallow a Lifesaver whole, or it'll hurtchya!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Wonderful Wednesday to you!

Well, ya know, I learn something new every day.  Recent things I've learned is that I should NOT drive my bicycle off the couch, that He-Man and She-Ra are cartoon classics everybody should watch, study, and enjoy, and also, I should never, ever turn down the opportunity to use a restroom when I'm out-n-about.

But today's new something I learned is that Lifesavers aren't meant to be swallowed whole, otherwise, it really hurts.  I know because I accidentally swallowed a Lifesaver whole yesterday, and it really hurt.

I didn't choke, but that Lifesaver made its presence known all the way down my throat and landed in my tummy with a kerplunk. But it wasn't my tummy that I was concerned about.  It was my throat!  My throat HURT!

I ended up learnin' to gargle with warm salt water, and as it turns out, that did the trick and my throat didn't hurt anymore.  And now I have a game-plan for all Lifesavers I will eat from now on.  That game plan is that I'm gonna crunch 'em right the heck up.

Hey, Friends!  I've gotta go!  I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

The One-Armed Bandit Rises

I'm gettin' the hang of bein' the One-Armed Bandit!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Tuesday to you! 

You know what?  Last Tuesday was a stinker of a day, because it started out with me in the emergency room at the hospital.  Today is a brighter Tuesday!

Even though I still have my broken arm, it's healin' up.  I got to go to bed at a decent time last night (yes, you read that right, comin' from me!), and I've gotten the hang of takin' a bath without gettin' my cast wet. 

In fact, I'm gettin' the hang of doin' a lotta things with my cast.  I can get my clothes on.  I can eat.  I'm even learnin' to write with my left hand.  How about that?

You know, all kindsa superheroes have their origin story, and I think this is mine.  I feel like a superhero, on accounta I'm learnin' to adapt to my cast. 

This story will go down in history as "The Rise of the One-Armed Bandit."  And I'm the One-Armed Bandit, in case ya missed that.  Except I'm a good bandit, not a bad bandit.  Just to make that clear.

Origin stories are hard! 

Anyways, I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I have One-Armed Bandit stuff to do.  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Monday, April 4, 2016

What I Can't Do in the Snow!

I'm about sicka bein' reminded I have a broken arm!
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Monday to you!

Well, I suppose you've heard it snowed here over the weekend, and I guess you know I saw it and got all excited about the snowy weather, since all winter long I wanted it to snow, and it did not. 

So yesterday, I decided I wanted to go out and ride my orange plastic sled, which I have not even been able to get out of the basement this year.  I had some big plans for sled-riding, Big People. I figured I'd put on my silver snowpants and my purple coat and do some serious sleddin' out there in the snow!

But you know what?  I was stopped cold, right the heck in my tracks.  Do you know what my folks told me?  They said that it wasn't sled-ridin' snow out there, it was more like slush, since it isn't that cold out.  And then the kicker is that they said that even if it WAS the right kinda snow for sled-ridin' on, I wouldn't be able to go out and ride on my sled, on accounta my stupid broken arm.

I don't remember the doctor tellin' me I couldn't ride my sled when she put the cast on, Friends.  And believe you me, I notated everything she said I couldn't do.  She said I couldn't play in the tub.  She said I couldn't get my cast dirty or wet.  Never once did she forbid me from ridin' my sled, in the event that we got sleddable snow.

I'm starting to think this broken arm isn't all it's cracked up to be!

Sunday, April 3, 2016

When It Rains...

When it rains, put on your raincoat and go play in the rain!
Hiya, Friends!  Happy Sunday to you!

Well, ya know, with all the events that have transpired recently, you could say Rozzie and I've been experiencing a number of rainy days, what with her surgery and my broken arm.

This could really get us down. We could really feel bad about ourselves, but you know what?  That just isn't how my pal Rozzie and I roll.  Not even a little bit.

You see, when things get really rainy for me and Rozzie, we put on our biggest smiles, and I also put on my raincoat, and we go play in the rain!  I mean, sometimes, we hafta play in the rain metaphorically, on account of Mommy not lettin' us go outside just to play in the rain... something about some made-up malady called Newmoanya or something.  Whatevs.

Rozzie and I don't even let that dampen our spirits when it's raining. 

I guess the point is, me and Rozzie figure out a way to make the best of things, even on the rainiest of days.  We're doin' all right.  We really are, Big People! 

Hey.  I'll see ya tomorrow.  I love ya lots!  Muah!

Saturday, April 2, 2016

Ookie and Me

Ookie is a Good Friend and understands what it's like to have a broken arm!
Hiya, Big People!  Well, as I told ya the other day, I broke my arm, ridin' my bike off the dang ol' couch in the living room.

Yesterday, I had a cast put on my arm, and it's gonna heal up before I even know it.  The PA said I'd have my cast on for only two weeks, probably!

I got a special new friend on Thursday, who showed up while I was takin' my nap.  I woke up, and there he was.  His name is Ookie, and he has a broken arm, too.  He's a monkey.  He went to my doctor's appointment at the orthopedic surgeon's place with me.

Ookie and I both have learned our lessons.  We're not gonna ride our bikes or monkey motorcycles off furniture anymore. And if I ever forget, Ookie's gonna remind me.  He's a permanent part of my stuffed animal family now!

As for Ookie, he sure fits in good around here.  He says that even though his arm is broken and in a sling, it doesn't hurt so much.  He can do everything with his left hand.  He said I oughtta practice usin' my left hand, too, while I have my cast on.  Then maybe I can be both-handed!  I thought that sounded pretty neat!

Anyways, Friends, I'm not hurting.  I have a cast.  I have my marchin' orders for how to keep it clean and dry.  I have my checkup appointment all set up.  I'm gonna be Just Fine. 

I love ya lots, Big People!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Friday, April 1, 2016

When the Doctor Is the Patient

I will try to be as good a patient as I am a doctor of Humorous Healing.
Hiya, Big People!  Happy Friday to you!

Well, ya know, I am a crackerjack Doctor of Humorous Healing.  I'm even Deputy Chief of the Department of Humorous Healing at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital.

But we can't treat broken bones at St. Laffalotus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital.  We aren't certified for that kind of thing.  We're only in the business of helpin' people mend broken hearts and lift sunken spirits. 

So when I broke my arm on Monday night, I had to go to Jones Memorial Hospital to visit their emergency department.  I've already talked about this.  And today, I'm going back, to see the specialist who will make sure my radius heals properly. I'm kinda nervous, since I don't know what's in store. 

It's a funny thing, Friends.  I hafta go to Jones Memorial Hospital to see about my broken bone, but I also hafta be treated at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital, on accounta havin' a broken arm cramps my style and makes me a little grouchy.  I can't do the things I wanna do, which is pretty much everything I can't do with a broken arm.

It's weird, bein' a doctor, but bein' a patient, too.  Just a weird, weird position I'm in.  You know.  I'm used to tellin' people what to do to get better, but I'm not used to bein' told what to do to make myself better.  Now I understand why some of my patients don't like it when I tell 'em to do things.  Even when those things make ya better, it's a bitter little pill to swallow, followin' directions. 

Anyways, Friends.  I'll keep ya posted.  I love ya lots!  And I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!