Zoe's Last-Minute Mother's Day Gift Guide

Oh!  I knew I forgot something at the store!

Hiya, Friends!  I'd like to take a moment and tell all the Mommies out there Happy Mother's Day!  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Now, let's get downta business.  It's Mother's Day, and if you haven't gotten your Mommy anything, and you think she might get a little irritated and feed you pickle-n-pimiento sandwiches for the next two weeks if you don't get her a Mother's Day present, you'd better pay attention to my Last-Minute Mother's Day Gift Guide and save your bacon.

Seriously.

Mmmmmkay, Friends.

Now, flowers are always a nice treat for any Mommy, and if you happen to live near some nice ones, you could pick her a bunch of flowers and put them in a pretty container, like a mayonnaise jar you've washed and rinsed well, and tied a pretty grosgrain ribbon around, to make it look decorative.  If you don't have that luxury, you're gonna really hafta improvise and make some Kleenex Carnations.  You know how to make Kleenex Carnations, but in case you don't, here's Zoe's Quick and Dirty Tip on how to.  You've gotta pull about five or six CLEAN Kleenexes out of the box.  Don't blow your nose on 'em first, because that's dirty!  Skxxxxxxxxxxxxs!!!

Don't worry!  I've gotcha covered!

Anyway, take out your clean Kleenexes, open them up, stack them one on top of the other, fan-fold the whole works, fold it in half, wrap some tape around the bottom of the now folded-in-half fan, fluff out the Kleenexes, and cello!  You have a Kleenex Carnation.  You can repeat the process as many times as you'd like and make a bouquet.  To make your Kleenex Carnation really special, you could run lipstick around the edges, and figure out how to make stems with tape and drinking straws, or get a pin and make corsges!

If your Mommy's into makeup and perfume and such, don't worry at all!  You don't hafta go to the makeup counter today!  It'll be a zoo at the mall, and besides, you probably already have something in your house that your Mommy will love: Lipstick!  How do you know it'll be the right color for your Mommy?  I mean, Mommys are particular about their lipstick colors, I guess!  Well, that's easy!  I'm talking about giving her HER lipstick for Mother's Day, you know, the one you took out of her purse a few weeks ago, and you've been hiding it in your toy refrigerator, just waiting for the perfect day to try it out on your own face?  Yeah, that one!  You've never gotten around to it, so today's as good a day as any to put a pretty satin ribbon around the lipstick and present it to your Mommy, along with a big hug and kiss!

You can't go wrong with chocolate, so if you have access to a mini mart or a car to get you to a store, simply buy a stack of candy bars.  Preferably, they'll all be roughly the same size.  You know, Hershey Bars are the easiest to apply to this particular application.  You can get about a dozen of 'em, and then stack 'em up, tie 'em with a pretty satin ribbon, and cello!  A Candy Stack for Mother's Day!

You can take the Candy Stack one step further by getting some graham crackers and marshmallows and adding them to the Hershey Bar tower.  There ya have it:  S'Mores in a Stack!

There's no need to panic OR resort to pickle-n-pimiento loaf punishment!

If your Mommy's more the health-conscious type, you probably have apples in the house.  Go to the crisper drawer and pick out the reddest, roundest, biggest, prettiest apple and wash it up really nice.  I think you can use baking soda and water to get rid of pesticides and waxes and such.  But then you'll wanna wash the apple in soap and water, too, to get the baking soda taste off it.  Funny how soap comes right off, but the baking soday hangs on like crazy.  Do whatcha can to get that apple clean and shiny.  Then tie a medium-narrow grosgrain ribbon around the middle of the apple!  Cello!  Instant healthy present!

What's that? ... Why do I keep saying "Cello?"  Well, I'll tell ya, Friends!  Usually, when people do something exciting, they say "Vi-o-la!"  They should really be saying "Voila!" but they say "Vi-OH-la!' and I don't really like viola music, but I love cello music.  So I'm basically just talking about my favorite stringed instrument today.  Giving the ol' cello some shout-outs!

Well, I know you're busy, and if you haven't gotten your Mommy anything for Mother's Day, you'd best skedaddle.  Take my suggestions, or if you don't wanna do that, you can always fall back on stringing her some pasta jewelry.  I'd stay away from traditional macaronis and go exotic with the rotini or the penne or something, just to keep things exciting, since you really don't have time to get out the food colors or spray paints to make the pasta any color other than what they already are.

And always, always, give your Mommy a big hug.  Mommies love stuff like that.  Mmmmmmkay, Friends!  I have some let-minute Mother's Day stuff to take car of, myself, so I'm out!  Remember Zoe loves ya!  Muah!

I've Got That Saturday Feelin'!

Hi, guys!  Happy Saturday!  Come on in!

HiYA! Friends!  Well, I was gonna hang a "gone fishin'" sign on my blog for the weekend, but then I decided I couldn't stay away from all of you that long, so here I am! 

What I have is that Saturday feeling.  You know what I mean?  I've noticed that each day of the week has its own feel.  Have you noticed that? 

Let me explain, just in case you're sitting there thinking 'Zoe you're nuts.'

Mondays, for instance, they usually make a sinking feeling settle over the pit of your stomach, you know?  Kind of like when you're going to the doctor to get a shot.  It's rarely as bad as you think it's gonna be, but that doesn't stop you from wearing a cloak of dread before and during the ordeal.  That's Monday for ya.

Fridays are my favorite!

Tuesdays are kind of rushed, and intense, like you know that you've gotta buckle down and get on with the business of being in your business for the week.  You'd probably feel dread about Tuesday, but you're really too busy to notice any dread, and besides, you're picking up momentum.  Plus, lotsa people have tacos for dinner on Tuesday nights, and Taco Tuesday is just fun.

Wednesday, you're up at the tippy-top of the week's hill.  You're still all busy with the stuff you've gotta get accomplished during the week, but you know the downhill side of the week is coming.  Plus, somebody usually brings donuts for the conference room on Wednesdays, because it's in the middle of the week and all, so Wednesdays aren't all that bad.  Tolerable.

Thursdays, you can feel your wheels really rolling.  Thursdays are fun!  Lotsa paydays are Thursdays!  You can't go wrong with payday, can ya, Big People? 

Fridays are my favorite day of the week, though.  See, I was born on a Friday.  That's a good way to start things out!  Fridays are great, because you know you still have the whole, entire weekend stretched out in front of you, still wrapped in its plastic keeping it fresh.  From where Friday stands, your weekend's possibilities are ENDLESS!!!  Yep, Fridays are my FAVORITE day of the week!

I've got that Saturday feeling today!

'Course ya just can't beat that feeling when you wake up on Saturday morning and realize 'it's SATURDAY!!!'  If you're into cartoons, there are some cartoon-type offerings on the television set, I suppose.  I've tried cartoons a few times and haven't really gotten into 'em.  I'm a kinetic kid, I'm thinking.  More doing, less watching. Saturdays are adventurous.  I never know where I'm gonna wind up on a Saturday.  It could be a car show, it could be a shopping mall, it could just be kicking around the house, but it doesn't matter, because IT'S SATURDAY!!! and you just can't beat that Saturday feeling!

On Sundays, Daddy makes us watch Meet the Press.  That's okay.  I don't mind that show.  But it definitely sets the tone for the day.  Sundays are kinda funny.  They're a little like Saturdays, but a little more serious, because you know you're just hours away from the end of the weekend, and that's sorta sad.  But sometimes, you get potroast on Sunday, so that sort of makes up for it being the harbinger of the weekend's doom.

Sort of.  Anyway, today, I'm glad today's Saturday, so I can bask in that Saturday Feelin'!  I hope you are, too, Friends!  I hope you are, too!

Another Month Older

Are you there, Cupcake?  It's me, Zoe!

Hiya, Friends!  Can you believe we've made it all the way to Friday again? 

Guess what.  Yesterday was my twenty-month birthday.   I didn't do anything special, really.  Vava let me stay in my tub long enough for the water to get cold, and she let me have extra bubbles, so that was fun,  but I don't think it was specifically for my Twenty-Month Birthday.  I think she was feeling guilty because Tuesday, my tub time got all rushed around, because we met up with our friend at Friendly's.  And of course, Wednesday, I had to take a bath in a dishpan, on account of the electricity being off. 

I know I should feel lucky I even got to take a bath on Wednesday.  I know I should feel lucky that Vava could get me warm enough water, just in the pipes, since nothing works when there's no electricity.  And I DO feel lucky.  It's just, I live in the First World, and these are my problems.

I know it looks like a calculator, but if I say it's a phone, it's a phone!

I know half the things I gripe about aren't worth thinking about, in the grand scheme of things.  And the Little Giraffes of the Wild Steppes of North Bingham are quick to point that out to me.  They tell me that some little kids my age they know hafta worry about being recruited to be pirates, or having an animal pop out of the jungle and eat 'em.

I enjoy not having to worry about being recruited to be a pirate or getting eaten by an animal.  I really do!  I think that goes without saying. 

Anyway, even though it's a first-world grumble, I had to take a bath in the dishpan the other day, it really made an impression on me, and I was glad to get to stretch out in my regular tub yesterday, and stay in until the water got cold.  There's something to be said about doing that!

I think the Big People call it "taking time for yourself!"  Well, that's what I did yesterday, Big People!  I took some time out for Zoe on my twentieth month's birthday.  And I liked it!

Well, don't you know there was cleaning to do at our house yesterday?  There was.  And I stepped right up and helped out.  I really did! 

See, I wanted to scrub the floor with OxyClean and a Microfiber, just like Vava was doing.  Well, she said she didn't want my hands getting all OxyCleaned, so she gave me a ShamWow and told me to wipe off the fronts of the cupboards.

No, I didn't get a ShamWow for my 20-month birthday, nor would I want one!

At least now I know where they got the name "ShamWow."  See, I've seen the advertisements for that thing.  I've seen how amazing the guy that looks like Moe from The Simpsons says it is, how it cleans everything up like it's magic.  And now I've seen how the thing really works, in the real world, so I said to Vava, "This thing's a sham!  Did you pay real money for it?" and she said she did. So I said "....WOW!"

I guess you could say I won't be endorsing ShamWow any time soon.  But it was fun, helping Vava clean, so my twentieth month birthday was really super.

And that's that! 

Even better, my weekend starts today!  It'll be like Daddy's on vacation all over again, except with it being not so many days in a row, and it'll also be quite different. 

Okay, it won't be anything like Daddy's vacation.  Forget I said that.  The bullet point is my weekend has already started, and yours is just hours away, Big people, so let's all whoop it up together!  Mmmmmkay?  And always remember, Zoe loves ya!  Muah!

M&Ms: One of My Favorite Things!

Friends!  I love M&Ms!

Hiya, Big People!  How are you doing today?  Me?  I can't complain.  Can't complain at all!

You know what I like?  M&Ms.  I got my first dose of 'em on Easter.  Gramma got me one of those tubes of the M&Ms Minis.  I didn't know anything could taste so sweet and delicious, all coated in a candy shell.  And those M&Ms Minis were just me-sized! 

Boy, I'll tell ya, I didn't think it could get much better, but it did!  You know why?

Well, a big bag of BIG M&Ms showed up!  And guess what!  THEY'RE EVEN BETTER THAN THE MINIS!

They're sweet and crunchy!

There's more chocolate, more candy shell, more sweetness!  I just couldn't believe it! 

 Oh my goodness, Friends, I just had a thought:  What if somebody came up with a way to combine M&Ms and cupcakes?  Wouldn't that be something!  Why, if somebody came up with a way to combine M&Ms and cupcakes, and I got my Cupcake-inator all engineered, I could add M&Ms to my Cupcake-inator, and that would just be an EPIC dessert, now, wouldn't it?  Wouldn't it?! 

Big People, I knew you guys got some really good food, but I had no idea just how good!  Texas Hots, cupcakes, M&Ms!  Boy, oh, boy, am I ever glad I've gotten to start eating Big People food! 

The more big people food I get to eat, the more I like it!

Now, don't get me wrong.  I love my vegetables, too.  In fact, the other day, I was at Friendly's with Mommy, and I got mac-n-cheese and a wiener off the kids' menu, and she got a big, enormous salad with chicken and apples and glorious green lettuce, and I hafta say, as much as I love mac-n-cheese and wieners, I really wanted some of Mommy's apple slices and lettuce, so I helped myself.  They were delicious.

 That's my philosophy, Big People.  I love my treats, but that's what I like to keep 'em.  Treats.  Gotta balance it all out with the fruits and veggies.  Yep!

So I've added treats in as another food group.  Here's how it goes: fruits and vegetables, milk things, bread things, meat things, and treats.  And that's how Zoe rolls!

When the Lights Go Out

The lights went out yesterday morning.

Well, hiya, Friends!  Guess what happened at my house this morning!  The electricity went out.  Just like that, boom, BOOM!  No warning flickers, no brown-out, no going off and coming back on.  It just went off!

I wasn't even out of bed yet.  I was watching my ceiling fan go around and around.  That's a hobby of mine. I love chandeliers and ceiling fans.  So when mine stopped going around and around, I was like "Hey!  You're supposed to be going around and around!"  I even drew circles in the air with my index finger to show the ceiling fan the way it's supposed to go.  It didn't follow my instructions.

Vava really hates it when the electricity goes off, because then we can see how much gunk has built up on the fan blades.  We keep 'em spinning all the time, so when they stop, it's not pretty, let's just say.  So that was the second thought that popped into my head, and what do you know.  It wasn't long before in came Vava, with a microfiber cloth and the Pledge Multisurface, and next thing I knew, my whole room was getting a good clean-up!

The next obstacle was my bath.  Now, I usually take a nice bath in my inflatable tub inside the big tub, but we have our own water, not town water, so when there's no electricity, our water pump can't pump water.  I wondered if Vava was going to just sponge me off with wet wipes, but she managed to get me a warm bath with the water in the pipes.  The only catch was that I had to take a bath in a dishpan.  Not even one of our big gray buspans, but a real, honest-to-goodness dishpan.  I'm not gonna complain, though.  It wasn't a wet wipe sponge bath, and the water wasn't cold.  I'll not quibble over the lack of leg room.

I guess what really put me over the edge, electricity-wise, or the lack thereof, is that usually when I'm in my high chair, Vava turns on the chandelier in the dining room for me.  I just love that light.  Love it!  It has twelve lightbulbs that look like candle-flames on it, and it just lights up that room all nice and bright, which is kind of a plus on a gray day like yesterday was for the most part.  But Vava said she couldn't turn on the light, because even if she flipped the switch, the lights wouldn't come on, because there was no electricity coming through the wires.  Then she flipped the switch and showed me it was true.  

As it turns out, no electricity = no lights!

Man, that disappointed me.  I was crying right into my mandarin oranges over that.

Vava finally got through to the Electric Company and found out that the problem was a giant transmission line went offline, and they didn't know how long it was going to be before it was back up and running.  I guess you could say my heart sank when Vava passed that info on to me.  I read an article in the magazine that our electric company puts out.  We get Tri-County Rural Electric Cooperative electricity, and they send us a magazine every month, and one month, they had an article all about the different kinds of powerlines.  

Transmission lines are the biggest powerlines that run electricity over the greatest distance, except for ultra-high voltage lines.  Transmission lines are like big arteries for electricity.  They bring the electricity to the substation, where smaller lines run it to neighborhoods and houses.  So the transmission line going offline was like if your femoral artery got severed!  That's a big uh-oh!  Could take a while to get it fixed!

But you know, Vava and I made the best of it.  We got some stuff sorted.  We did some Pledge-and-Clorox Wipes-based cleaning.  I colored on my big white playhouse with my Friendly's crayons.  I'm getting pretty good!  And then, just when I thought I'd never see a glowing light bulb again, I heard the refrigerator kick on, and our phones beep, and the clocks on the microwave and on the regular oven started blinking and wanting to be set, and Vava and I both said "Yay!"

So right now, I'd like to take a paragraph or two to say thank you to the linespeople who go out and hafta fix those big transmission lines, and the ones who fix the substations and who fix the little powerlines that deliver the electricity to neighborhoods and houses!  It's a dangerous job, since as Vava says, even the outlets in my house are dangerous, and those wires are teeny-tiny compared to a whole transmission line.  Those linespeople hafta keep their wits about them and make sure safety's first!  So I sure appreciate those linespeople!

But hey, we got through it, didn't we, Big People!  We got through it!

And, too, I gotta shout out to the people that answer the telephones at the Electric Company.  Boy, I betcha that can be a thankless job, especially on the day the grid goes down.  I watched Vava when she called, and she just pushed buttons on our red phone in the kitchen and didn't say anything.  She said she opted to check the automated line, because she knew the electric company was aware that the power was out, and she just wanted to know why and for how long.  But I guess sometimes, people can yell at those people who answer the telephones, and I've just gotta say, don't yell at the people who answer the telephones, Big People!  They probably didn't make the electricity go off!  And we all want it back on, so we should be nice to the people who answer the telephone.

In the end, I pretty much think my Electric Company rocks.  Thank you for all your hard work, Tri-County Rural Electric Cooperative!  Zoe loves you!  Muah!

Despite All My Zeal, I'm Still Just a Hamster On A Wheel!

Sittin' on the stairs: an important part of my daily routine.

Hiya, Friends!  Well, it's Wednesday all over again.  Sometimes, I feel like I'm a hamster on a wheel, just going around and doing the same thing again and again.  It's okay.  I mean, I'd rather be a hamster on a wheel than a hamster without a wheel.

Could you imagine how purposeless a hamster without a wheel must feel?  I'd imagine it'd be pretty purposeless.  At least the hamster on the wheel can live for making the wheel go around and around.

I don't know.  I kind of like the routine.  I like my days being predictable.  I get up in the morning, have a bath, get some breakfast, do my show on the Facebook, toddle around, see what I can get into, have some lunch, toddle around some more and see if I can figure out those annoying tab things Mommy and Daddy have put in the cupboard doors, argue with Mommy over having a nap, read a book or a new magazine with Mommy, go to crib for the nap I argued about, come downstairs, see if Daddy's home yet, eat some dinner, go for a walk or play with some bubbles if it's nice outside, or toddle around inside and see what I can get into, argue with Daddy about my bedtime, get into my jim-jams, read a book and do some shadow-puppeteering with Daddy, look at the rainbow light in my room, fall asleep, and wait for it all to start over again.

My routines do NOT make me dull!  My work IS my play!

That's my day, in a nutshell, most of the time.

Sometimes, I go places.  I go to my doctor.  I go to Gramma's.  I go to the Texas Hot in Downtown Wellsville.  I go to the mall with my Mommy.  I go to the grocery store. 

But for the most of my days, I follow the routine I outlined above.  It's the core of the way I spend my time.

The wheel spins and spins, and I keep up with it, by golly!  

I suppose if you wanted to be a cynic, you could say that following such a routine can make a person dull.  I just don't agree.  I think routines free me up to be more interesting.  To be more me. 

See, I don't have to sit around wondering what I'm gonna do.  All I have to do is think through what all I've done.  On a regular day, say I'm getting that two o'clock feeling.  I run through the checklist in my head.  Have I gotten out of crib?  Check.  Have I had my bath, brushed my teeth, combed my hair?  Check, check, and check.  Did I have breakfast and do The Daily Zoe? Check and Check.  What about lunch?  Hmmm.  Wait, no I did have lunch.  I had mac and cheese and a wiener.  Let's see.  Two sessions of toddling around and seeing what I can get into are down.  It must be time to argue with Vava about my nap.

See how that works? 

I can be ready for adventure at a moment's notice!  Let's roll!

Routines keep the world rolling, Friends.  There's nothing wrong with being a hamster on a wheel.  It's a heckofalot better than being a hamster without a wheel, never knowing what's supposed to happen when, never knowing what to do. Or what about instead of being ON the wheel, if you were a hamster about to get run over by his wheel?  Sheesh.  I've had days where I've almost wondered if that's what I was, but I recover.  I recover.

I'm not saying I'm not up for an adventure when it comes a-callin'.  I'm not saying that at all.  I can cut loose and adventure with people when I wanna.  Thanks to my routines I follow, I can actually pick up and go on short notice.  How about that?!  I think it's pretty impressive, if I say so myself.

So it doesn't make me at all angry of self-conscious to admit to being a hamster on a wheel on this Wednesday.  It doesn't.  I rather like it.  How about that?!

Remember, Zoe loves ya!  Muah!

My Favorite Book Right Now

There's always time for a good book!

Hiya, Friends!  How are you this Tuesday? 

Today I'd like to talk with you about my favorite book, Curious George Visits An Ice Cream Shop.  Boy, it's a good book! 

It features my favorite character right now, Curious George!  And he and the Man in the Yellow Hat go to an ice cream shop that Mr. Herb owns.  Mr. Herb is initially glad that Curious and the Man stop by, because he just opened, and nobody knows he's there yet, but when the Man goes to run errands and leaves Curious at Mr. Herb's, Curious messes up Mr. Herb's big order and Mr. Herb gets all mad!

He yells at Curious!  And Curious gets all scared and runs to the other counter, where he finds all kinds of sundae fixins!

Oh my goodness, Curious George can get into trouble!

Curious starts making himself a sundae, and the people walking outside stop and watch Curious make a sundae, and they decide they want sundaes, too, so they come inside the shop, and Mr. Herb can hardly keep up with all the orders!  How about that?!

So in the end, Curious messed up Mr. Herb's big order, but he redeemed himself by getting all those people interested in the ice cream. 

I like a good story of redemption.  And Curious George delivers.  But I've got to ask myself why on earth the Man with the Yellow Hat left Curious at the ice cream shop while he ran some errands.  I mean, I would think the Man would know what Curious is all about.  It didn't appear from the story that this was the first time the Man met Curious, so what I think is that the Man in the Yellow Hat kind of dumped Curious on Mr. Herb for a little while, and he went off to have a break from Curious. 

Between you and me, I think the Man in the Yellow Hat set up Mr. Herb!

If you ask me, The Man in the Yellow Hat set up Mr. Herb!

I like Curious George a lot, but even I hafta admit that he's a bit of a handful.  And by 'a bit of a handful,' what I'm saying is that Curious George can be kind of a stinker, but he can't help it, because that's how he is.  The Man in the Yellow Hat shouldn't let him get into positions where he can mess up other people's big ice cream orders, you know? 

I can really relate to Curious, Friends.  I really can.  I'd like to hop up on the counter at an ice cream shop, and start scooping everything into a big bowl.  I'd like to see how far I can throw a roll in a restaurant, or what happens if I tip my plate of mac-n-cheese onto the floor if there's no Rozzie around to clean it up for me like I have at my house.  I'd like to find out the answers to those things, Friends, but I don't.

Hey, how about that?! Vava's my Man in the Yellow Hat!

Usually, it's because Vava's hovering nearby, just like a helicopter.  An annoying, annoying helicopter.  She keeps me from doing all the fun things I wanna do, because she says I could ruin something that means a lot to somebody, just by bein' me and not meaning to ruin it, or I could get hurt, or I could just annoy people, and Vava doesn't let me.  She's always got hold of some part of me, so I can't escape. 

It used to make me mad, until I got reading about Curious George, and seeing how his actions made other people feel, and now I've gotta say, I'm kinda glad Vava keeps me out of trouble.  She'd never just leave me off at an ice cream shop.  I know she wouldn't.  Why, I'd make a mess and run the owner ragged until Vava came back from her errands.  Just like Curious George!  Not because I mean to, but because that's how I experience the world!

Well, I still love Curious George Visits an Ice Cream Shop, even if I think the Man in the Yellow Hat dropped the ball and let Curious AND Mr. Herb down.  In the end, Curious George makes a lot of sundaes for Mr. Herb, and that, my Friends, is what the world's all about:

ICE CREAM!  mmmmMMMMmmm!!!