Win, Lose, or Draw

I'm drawing "Vacation" for my team.  I drew the Alps!

Hiya, Friends! 

I work in a great office.  We have a Fun Committee here at The Daily Zoe (oddly enough, I didn't get picked to be on the Fun Committee, but I'm not holdin' grudges!)  and the Fun Committee got the GREAT idea to have a Win, Lose, or Draw tournament!  Boy, was it ever fun!  I love to draw, and I love to win!

The fun thing about a Win, Lose, or Draw tournament is that you really get to see different sides of your co-workers.  For instance, I had no idea my friend Penelope the Pink Giraffe had such a competitive streak!  Or that Sabretooth is quite a drawer!  I knew he could throw a T-shirt like it's his job... maybe because it is... but I had no idea he can DRAW!  And Pinky is a great guesser!

"IS IT AMBULANCE?! SAY IT'S AMBULANCE!"

With a lineup like that, you would think that my team woulda been unbeatable, but we didn't win the tournament!  Really!  It's okay.  I'm not overly disappointed.  The game just wasn't with us.  We just had trouble getting all on the same wavelength, if you wanna know what really went wrong. 

Well, for instance, I had "Vacation" on one of my turns to draw.  So I drew a BRILLIANT Alpine scene (in the picture above), with the Alps, and a lake, and skiing, because everybody thinks of "Alpine Vacation" when they think of "Vacation," but apparently not my team!

They guessed Shark Teeth, Jaws, Can Opener (?!), Candy Corn, and TPS Reports.  I could kind of see that one.  When Management runs our TPS Reports, sometimes the graph the data generates makes kind of an Alpine-looking line.

None of us still knows what the heck the TPS reports are getting at, though.  We all just admire the shapes the graphs make.

We didn't win the tournament, but we got to keep our markers!

Back to the Win, Lose, or Draw tournament, though.  Now, when EmmaLee was drawing, I coulda sworn she was drawing Ambulance.  She drew a box, with a spiral going around and around it, and the box had wheels, and a light on top of it.  So I kept shouting "AMBULANCE!!!" and wondering why EmmaLee didn't stop drawing and everybody say "Yay, Zozie!"

It turned out that EmmaLee wasn't drawing Ambulance at all.  She was drawing Triscuits. 

I'm still scratching my head over that one.

Oh, well!  It was fun just to play the game!  It was fun just to get to be in the tournament, and even though my team didn't win, we DID get to keep our markers!  That's better anyway, because you can't write on walls with a trophy!

Wishin' on the Sun!

Anybody can wishupon the Sun.  It belongs to all of us!

Hiya, Friends!  Well, you know that song called "When You Wishupon A Star?"  I have my own thing I do.  I wishupon the Sun!  It's true!  And technically, I'm still wishin' upon a star, because I read on the World Wide Web that the Sun IS a star!  How about that?!

Anyway, when I wishupon the sun, this is what I wish:

When you wishupon the Sun,
You will have a lot of fun!
Even when the sky is gray,
The Sun shines through!

I like to imagine that instead of me singing it, a cute little cricket in a tophat is singing to me.  That just makes it all the more wonderful, wishin' upon the Sun.  

Or, if the cute little cricket doesn't show up, there's always a butterfly or two to sing to me.  Butterflies have BEAUTIFUL voices, Friends.  If you've never had the opportunity to hear butterflies sing, it's really a must-do before too awful long.  I highly recommend it!

I love ya, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Winter's Coming...

I hate to be the one to bring this up, but...

Heya, Friends!  I know nobody likes to think about it, but Winter will be here soon.  There's even a whole show on TV that warns 'Winter's Coming...' and it's all ominous and such, but I bet if those people had cold-weather gear like we have today, they'd be like 'Wahoo!  Winter's coming!  Where's my toboggan -n- snow skis?!'

Speaking of, I've recently come into a brand spankin' new winter ensemble.  My rookie year, I didn't need a coat so much, because I rode around in my Space Capsule and had a cozy that covered me right up.  Man, that Space Capsule was GREAT!  It had a hard shell that made me feel safe inside it, and the inside was all cushy, and there was a handle, so my Big People could carry me around!  Aw, man, was that Space Capsule ever great!  I was really sorry to outgrow that!

...Winter's Comin'....

But outgrowing the Space Capsule meant I got to get new winter duds, and I went around in a fleecy polar bear outfit, or the "Zolar Bear," as it was affectionately called around here.  I'm not sure but what the Zolar Bear will still fit me for chilly days when I need a little something, to keep me warm.  I'll hafta see.  All's I know is that Mommy said that now that I'm a Walker, and I walk places, I need something to keep me a little warmer.

So I got a Purple Eskimo Coat!  And silver snow-pants!  It's really a snappy combination, Friends!  It really is!  It has a hood I can pull up or push down.  It's faux-fur-trimmed.  It has a neato patch on the arm.  There's lotsa pockets for me to hide treasures in!  And it's really warm! 

I'm ready for it, though, Friends.  Are you?

Right now, it fits me in three-quarter-length.  I guess I'm gonna get taller over the next coupla years, so it'll eventually fit me more like a parka, but for right now, I have myself a nifty and super-warm car coat!  It makes me feel all fancy, all Fifth Avenue!

Now, in the pictures, you'll see I'm still wearin' my rainbow sandals.  I think they go with my new coat great, but Mommy says I'll have toecicles if I wear those sandals in the winter.  So I picked out a pair of boots to wear in the snow and cold and slush.  They're cute like armadillos are cute, in that their primary mission isn't so much to be cute, as it is to keep my feet warm and dry.  I respect 'em for that.  They're not the flashiest shoes I have on my shoe tree, but they'll sure get the job done come Winter!

I hafta admit, I'm a little excited for the cold weather, Friends, so I can try out my new duds!  But don't worry.  I'll keep my enthusiasm in check during these wonderful fall months!  I promise I will!  Take each season in its time, is what I've decided I'm always gonna say, and that's what I'm gonna do! 

I think you oughtta go out and get yourself something new for the cooler weather, though, Friends!  Maybe a new hat, or scarf, or a rad pair of gloves.  It'll make Winter seem a little more exciting, and a little less 'blah!'

Whatever you decide to do, Friends, I love ya!  Enjoy TODAY!  Muah!

Everyday Adventures!

Hey! Friends!  Let's go adventuring!

Hiya, Big People!  How are you today?  Me?  I keep on keepin' on.  You know me.  I like to have at least some kind of adventure every day, if I can help it, and you know, once you get into an adventurous mindset, you can't help by have an adventure!

No, no!  It's true! 

Take, for example, a trip to the grocery store.  I know you Big People gripe about having to go to the grocery store, because for you, it's a giant chore, and everything costs so much, and it isn't much fun, and blah, blah, blah.

Seriously.  That's what you Big People sound like when you get going on things you don't like or that you don't like to do.  Take a listen to yourselves next time you start up, and see if I'm not right. 

Anyway, back to the grocery store.  For you, it's drudgery, for me, it's a wondrous cave of wonders, just waiting to be explored!

Nah! We don't need a compass! We'll be fine!

It starts right the minute I ride through the door in the shopping cart!  I see all kindsa people I've never seen before, and some of them are pretty normal, and some of them are Really Different!  I like watchin' the Really Different ones the best.  They're the most interesting.

Somedays, it's the foods themselves at the grocery store that provide me with entertainment on my adventure!  For instance, some cheese has holes in it, and other cheese is blue or green!  How about that?! (I LOVE the blue kind!)

Or for Pete's Aches, the bread aisle!  There's so many different kinds of breads!  White, whole wheat, oat, potato, breads with seeds on 'em, breads that are flat, round breads, square breads!  You just never know what you're gonna see!

At my grocery store, the produce section is an adventure all of its own!  There are fruits and vegetables from all the way around the world there.  But even just the regular ones are interesting.  I like look at the shapes and colors.  Isn't it funny how two fruits can be the same shape, or two vegetables can be the same color, but they don't taste anything alike?

If you're not tryin' to get anywhere, you can't get lost, right, Rozz?

Now, I don't eat cereal myself.  I've told you all about the constant and ongoing battle between Mommy and me about what kind of Cheerios to buy.  I say the ones with the friendly little bumble bee on the box, and Mommy insists on buying the plain Cheerios, so I've just quit all cereal in protest.  But the cereal aisle is quite an adventure, with all those brightly-colored boxes, and those cool cartoon characters!  I like to ride through the cereal aisle, just to say 'Hiya!' to all those characters sometimes!

Adventure is all in the way you frame it up in your mind, Friends!  If you're looking for adventures, you'll find 'em, and I think life is a lot more fun when there are adventures to be found!  That's for darn-tootin' sure!  So I choose Adventure!  How about that?!

I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  Go out there and try to have at least one adventure today!  You'll be surprised at how much fun it is!  Muah!

The Day I Magicked The Blender

I'm bored!  I'm gonna enchant something!  Hi, Blender!

Friends, I'm still waiting on my acceptance letter to Hogwarts, or whatever the United States equivalent is to Hogwarts.  I don't even know where the Hogwarts equivalent in the United States is located.  I bet it's somewhere in New England, so I s'pose when I get my acceptance letter, I'll hafta practice being all Yankee and preppy and forget how to pronounce "park the car." 

That's neither here nor there, because if I get such an acceptance letter, it's a few years off, and also, I'm not talking about whatever the United States equivalent to Hogwarts is.  I'm talking about something I did the other day with my Magic Basting Brush, which is the training-wheels type device before you get a real magic wand.

You see, I was standing in the kitchen, waiting for Mommy to get my Mac'n'Cheese all cooked, and if you want the honest story, I got a little bored.  Easy enough to do, right, Friends? 

So I picked up my Magic Basting Brush, pointed it at the Blender, and *POOF!!!*  the Blender turned into an eddy, a sucking, swirling, dangerous whirlpool with TEETH!  Oh no!

Ooops! Friends, if you could see what I just did, you'd be terrified!

Thing of it is, the Blender Whirlpool started chomping the kitchen counter, and they're made of ROCK!  The cupboards were no match.  I didn't know what to do!  I'm just starting to get proficient with my Magic Basting Brush!  I didn't know you could turn an unassuming household appliance into a voracious vortex of doom!

Well, of course I couldn't tell Mommy what I did.  That's just the kind of thing that makes Mommy grouchy, when appliances go on a rampage, especially if I instigated it.  So I got to wondering what I could do to stop the Blender myself.

I looked around.  Throwing in a knife seemed the exact wrong thing to do, and besides, I'm too little to handle the knives, and they're kept way up high.  I coulda enchanted my step-stool to grow like a toadstool so I could reach, but considering what happened with the blender, you'll understand my reticence.  I knew this was a job too big for the roll of Bounty to handle, and just when I was getting ready to toss in a teatowel, maybe just to tide the Blender Monster over, I grabbed a bowl of Lentil Salad instead. 

Whew!  That was a close one!

Now, I like Lentil Salad.  It has carrots, and a little hot pepper in it, and lime... it's very good.  And nutritious!  But these were desperate times, so I hurled that bowl of Lentil Salad into the swirling, whirling Voracious Vortex of Doom, and all of a sudden, it burped, then hiccoughed, then spit the bowl back out, and everything turned back to the way it was before.  The cupboards built themselves back.  Everything inside re-stacked itself.  The countertops re-formed, and the blender stopped whirring and settled back into its spot.

Later on, after I'd enjoyed my Mac'n'Cheese and fruit and milk, I looked it up on the World Wide Web to see if anybody else has had troubles like this with their Magic Basting Brush, and sure enough, all the other little kids had to do was throw in a legume of some sort, and the vortex calmed right back down.  I guess it's the protein and fiber in the legumes that makes everything all better. 

All I know is that next time I enchant something in the kitchen, I'll pick a more innocuous, less dangerous appliance!  Yes I will!

See ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya!  Muah!

A Year of The Daily Zoe Blog!

Has it been a year already, Friends?

Well, Friends!  Here we are!  Today marks the one-year anniversary of The Daily Zoe Blog!  I know it got dodgy around here this spring, and that things seemed like they were gonna be "The Occasional Zoe Blog" for a while.  But it's been good to see you every day since.  I feel lucky to get to do this blog, and I feel lucky to count you all as friends.  I'm a lucky little kid!

So much has changed since the first time I wrote to you.  For instance, at this time last year, I couldn't walk on my own.  That made getting around kind of inconvenient, unless I was riding around in my stroller.  I still like to go for rides in my stroller, but it's nice not to be dependent on it as my primary means of transportation.

A year ago at this time, I didn't have much to say if I saw you in person.  Now, Friends, just try to get me to be quiet!  I see a lot of things, and I love to comment on what I see! 

Also, an added bonus of being able to say words is that I don't have to rely on my Big People to read my mind.  I hafta admit that my Big People aren't all that great at reading my mind.  A little bit illiterate in that department, they are.  So now, I can say just what I want, and even if I don't get it, at least I've had my say!

We've come a long way, Babies! I mean Big People!

Since starting this blog, I've taken up fingerpainting, stringing beads on pipe cleaners, and cookin' in my play kitchen.  It's lotsa bein' busy, but that's the way I like it. 

I like to take opportunities like this to make New Years Resolutions, even if it isn't January First.  So since this is starting a second year of The Daily Zoe Blog, my resolution for this blog is that at this time next year, no matter what I've been up to in the rest of my life, you and I will have had three-hundred and sixty-five mini-adventures together, right here on the World Wide Web.  Does that sound great, Friends?  I think it sounds great! 

Three-hundred and sixty-five mini-adventures is gonna amount to a lot of writin' on my part, and a lot of readin' on yours, so I guess we'd all better rest up, and then get crackalackin'!

See ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya!  Muah!

Toot-Toot Butter!

Peter Pan, Jif, or fresh-ground, homemade, I LOVE toot-toot-butter!

Friends, I think I've told you all about my favorite song.  It goes like this:

Oh, a peanut sat on a railroad track, 
His heart was all a-flutter!
When around the bend came Number Ten:
Toot-Toot- PEEEEEEEEEEEEANUT BUTTER!!!

My Aunt Colleen  taught me that song, and it's set to a jaunty tune.  That's why I'm so fond of it, I think, and not that it's actually kind of horrifying, considering it's about a depressed peanut that decides to end it all on the track that Number Ten travels on.

I mean, think about it.  What would make a peanut sit on a railroad track, and why wouldn't he move out of the way when Number Ten came around the bend?  If he was in his right frame of mind, it wouldn't make any sense.  If the peanut hadn't been smooshed into peanut butter, I think I'd try to look into some counseling for him, or at the very least, a good nuthouse, where the peanut could get the care he needed, maybe talk out some of his issues.  Come around to the realization that he shouldn't make permanent solutions to temporary problems.

Where'd I put my crackers?

However.  As I've recently turned Two Years Old, I've gotten to sample a delicacy that you Big People know as Peanut Butter.  In my house, apparently there's an epic battle of the butters going on.  Mommy likes fresh-ground or Jif Creamy, and Daddy says Peter Pan is the only peanut butter there is, and it'd better be crunchy.  Me?  I like it all!

I had no idea that there was a whole WORLD of peanut-butter treats out there: it's fabulous on apple slices, toast, regular bread, and crackers.  It's delicious when accompanied by a chocolate cup.  It's excellent baked into cookies. 

It's also equally delicious eaten straight out of the jar, but don't tell Mommy I said that.  She's funny about me eating things right out of the containers, and I don't wanna hafta go sit on the steps for two minutes and think about what I did.  I'm already thinking about it.  And it was delicious.

It'll be our little secret, Friends!  Our little secret!

Make the Most of It Monday!

Oh, Monday!  Here you are again!

Hiya, Friends!

Well, it's Monday again!   You know I've been as ambivalent about Mondays as the next gal lately, even almost as ambivalent about Mondays as you Big People are, but I've recently wanted to turn my attitude around and start finding the best in every day.  That's why I think we should call today "Make the Most of It Monday!" 

How about it, Friends?  Are you with me?

No?

Well, I figured there'd be some among us who are difficult to convince.  ... Oh, no!  I'm not calling you difficult!  I just am acknowledging that there are those among us who need a little more convincing than others of us need.  It isn't good or bad.  It just is!  Hear me out!

You see, Friends.  We all get seven days a week.  Monday is an entire day of the week.  That's one-seventh of our time.  If you're miserable on Mondays, you're miserable one-seventh of all your time you get!  Or, if you like percentages better that fractions, that's being miserable 14% of your time, just by virtue of what day of the week it happens to be! 

That's seriously no fun, Big People!  That's no way to live, Friends!

Still not convinced, because you think 14% seems like a bearably small portion of your life to be miserable?  Well, if you figure on being miserable 14% of the time because 14% of the time is Mondays, and you can just accept that, what happens when you get toothpaste on your favorite shirt, and it's picture day?  Or you spend a lotta time doing your hair, and go outside and get rained on right off the bat?  Or what if you catch a cold, or worse, the flu?  Or you forget where you put something important, and you need it, so you look for it, and it was in an obvious place all along, but you didn't look there first, so you spent a whole buncha time looking for it in all the places it wasn't, and now you're late leaving for where you need to be?  Or somebody gives you a mean look?  Or you wind up in a bathroom stall with no toilet paper, and you ate lunch at the Taco Bell?

If you really wanted to, you could count up all the minutes you spend being incidentally miserable, and you never know.  In a given week, you could wind up with numbers upwards of 25%.  Maybe more, depending.

That's a quarter of your time being spent being miserable!  And 14% of that misery could be wiped right off the misery board, if we all just learn to accept Mondays for what they are, and maybe start a Monday tradition that gives us something to look forward to, anyways. 

Let's call a truce, Monday!  You and me! Let's be friends!

That's what I've decided for my life, Friends.  I'm not gonna let Mondays get me down anymore.  I'm gonna do what I hafta do to make 'em more palatable.  I'm not gonna spend 14% of my time being miserable for what amounts to no good reason.  Okay, Friends?  Are you with me?  I sure hope you're with me! 

Think about it!  And just try to Make the Most of It this Monday and see how you like it!  Mmmmmmmkay?

I love ya, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!

Silver and Gold!

Daddy's my friend, going WAY back!

Hiya, Friends!  We're comin' up on the one-year mark for The Daily Zoe Blog (On the twenty-fifth, by golly!) and I just wanted to stop'n'take a minute to talk about my Friends.  I know I've done this before, but you know what?  You can't overstate gratitude. 

I recently heard a song that goes like this:

Pinky's a brand-new friend!

Make new friends, but kee-eee-eeeep the old:
One is silver and the other's gold!

That's not just good advice, but the visual is quite striking, too!  Like a jewelry store window at Valentine's Day!

Can't have too many friends!

It also is a nicely-harmonized reminder that friends are treasures to be treasured. 

I firmly believe that you can't have too many friends.  Some are gold, some are silver, and I'd even say there are some friends who are bronze.  The point of it is that not everybody has to be a bestie, but our lives are lots more fun if there's friends in it.  I know my life is a lot more fun thanks to my friends. 

I love ya!  Muah!

Saturday- Whatta Day!

Hiya, Friends!  You know, I go on and on all the time about my ambivalence toward Mondays, so lest you think I'm a Chronic Complainer (yikes!) I wanna go on and on about my love for Saturdays.  Can I do that? 

Saturday's pretty much my favorite day of the week!

Saturdays are fun for me, because they're the day of the weekend that you don't hafta worry about getting Monday all over it.  I mean, think about Sunday.  Sunday starts off all fun and games, and then you remember sometime after lunch and before supper that "oh, yeah, tomorrow's Monday, and I hafta do that binderful of TPS reports I brought home, meaning to do over the weekend, but the weekend was too much fun.  Guess I'd better get to work!"

Don't ya hate that feeling, Friends?  Realizin' just as you're getting ready to dig in to that heapin-helpin' of potroast, that you've got TPS reports to do?

But that's me griping about how Sunday sometimes gets all muddled up with Monday.  That's just how far Monday's reach is, Friends.  Bear with me!

Back to Saturday!

Don't let Monday-Thinkin' gum up a good Saturday!

Saturdays are special, because they're the day of the week that we're most likely to go on an Adventure!  All my Adventures in Daddy's truck have taken place on Saturdays! 

Saturdays are a day for pancakes for breakfast!  They're a day for road-trippin' somewhere fun!  I'm still holding out hope that one of these days, I can arrange a tour bus for all of us to ride on, so we can go through one of those Corn Mazes and then have cider 'n' donuts after!  Mommy says the logistics of such a trip are impossible, since all of us live so far away from each other! 

I say, "Mah-meee!  That's Monday Stinkin' Thinkin'!  Today's SATURDAY and EVERYTHING'S possible!"

However, I have yet to procure the telephone number of a tour bus company that will pick up my friends in all the corners where they are, and take us all to an epic Corn Maze.  But I'm not gonna let details like that bother me!  It's Saturday!

Make today the BEST ever!  Yes!!!

Maybe I could talk Mommy and Daddy into putting me in the truck and taking me to a Corn Maze.  I could get through it, try out the cider-n-donuts afterward, report back, and then maybe all of us could meet up at that Corn Maze NEXT weekend or the weekend after? 

...No, I don't know why I'm so fixated on Corn Mazes, either.  Have you been to one?  Was it fun?  Or was the real draw the cider-n-donuts?  You know how it is, when you get something all built up in your head that it's gonna be BIG FLIPPING FUN!!!  Sometimes, it can be a bit of a let-down. 

Aw, well, whether or not today has a Corn Maze in it for me or anyone who might be reading this, it's gonna be a great day, just because it's Saturday.  Don't let Monday's Stinkin' Thinkin' taint this day, Friends.  Those TPS reports can wait.  They'll wait.  Get out there and have a great Saturday!  I love ya!  Muah!

Reading is FUNdamental!

There are worlds of knowledge contained between the covers of a book!

Hiya, Friends.  Well, as you know, I've recently taken up doing some art.  I like to paint with my fingers.  I like to string beads on pipe cleaners.  My recent foray into artsycrafts has got me thinking maybe I can monetize my talents. 

Thing of it is, I don't really know how to value my delightful handcrafted items, so I needed to turn to an expert.  I found this expert no farther away than my local bookcase.

It isn't the most exciting reading.  I mean, it's no Berenstain Bears, Curious George, or Corduroy, and there aren't any pictures, but it is an informative read.

Hey.  This awesome doesn't come for free!

For instance, I learned that I wanna price my handicrafted work expensive enough so that the costs of my materials are covered.  Well, right now, I can raid Mommy's stash of crafty raw materials, so I don't really hafta figure in the cost of materials.

... Or DO I?

Because the book says people will think something's wrong if you price your craftables too cheap.  They might think they weren't made by your hands, but instead that they were made in China.  It isn't right to try to pass off someone else's work as being made by your own two hands.  So I wouldn't wanna raise the suspicion that I'm selling handicrafts and artwork that's been ripped off from someone else. 

I'm on an expedition to find my next project!

But I don't wanna price my items so high that I alienate my would-be customer base.  I learned that customers are the ones who'll give you money in exchange for your handicrafts and artwork, and you don't wanna alienate them and have 'em thinking you hafta get top dollar for mid-range work.

There's that thing about going too low, though.  Gotta make sure my time is valued at something, even if I nicked my materials out of Mommy's or Aunt Colleen's supply closet.  If you don't get paid for your time, that's like workin' for free, or worse!

Jeez.  Pricing handicrafts is almost as much work as making them in the first place!  I'll get it, though, Friends!  I sure will!  I'll find that perfect balance between Too Much and Not Enough.  It's just gonna take me putting on a Thinking Cap! 

Hey- Thinking Caps!  Maybe that can be my next project to make and sell!

I love ya, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Callin' In Toddler

I'm takin' a walk today, because I shoulda called in Toddler.

Hiya, Friends!  You know, my people have a reputation for being Difficult.  You know what I'm talking about.  You know it.  Some people have "Senior Moments" when they forget where their keys are, but my people get "Toddler Moments" when we flip out.

According to you Big People, we Toddlers just flip the heck right out whenever we want, without regard to reason.  You think we're as mercurial as the weather in Minnesota in March.  Thing of it is, that isn't the way it works at all, Bucko.  I mean Friends.  I totally mean Friends and not Bucko.  I just get a little wound up when we get on the topic of "Toddler Moments."

We Toddlers just see the world a little differently than you do, Big People.  If we're in a store, and to you, it looks like we just burst into the waterworks, maybe we picked up on a vibe from you we didn't like, or somebody had a mean snoot on their face, and we took it personally.  Could be that we didn't sleep well last night, or we're battling a rumbly tummy.  You never know.  But being tired or hungry makes even you Big People angry.  It's true!  So imagine being a Toddler, without the years of experience at Rising Above that Big People have.  Or maybe there's a box of Cheerios in the cart that doesn't have the little honeybee on it, even though you've told your Mommy repeatedly not to get you the pasty plain Cheerios and to get the Honey Nut Cheerios.  It's so frustrating when Big People don't listen!!!

Sorry.  Sorry.  I brought a battle from home in today to my blogging.  That was unprofessional of me, and I'm sorry.  But I think it illustrates my point very elegantly.  Things that seem like nothing to you Big People are REALLY BIG ISSUES to my people.  It's just how it is. 

Do we sometimes blow things out of proportion?  I suppose when you view things through the prism of the Big People, our reactions to minor annoyances are out of proportion, but try to see things through the eyes of a Toddler.  To us, EVERYTHING is out of proportion.  Yes, it is!  Listen!

The couch, for instance.  The couch is easy for you to just perch down on.  Your feet even usually can touch the floor.  For me, the couch is a mountain to be conquered.  I hafta climb up, pull myself up, swing my legs up to the cushion, then army-crawl to my desired seat, where I find that my legs are stretched out straight in front of me, and my feet don't even clear the couch cushion.  How's that for strange proportion?

Be kind to Toddlers, Big People.

My people feel like we're normal-sized, but everything's way too tall, too big, too much for us.  

On those days that everything is too much, we are well within our rights to call in Toddler.  I mean, just because we actually DO have reasons to flip right the heck out anyway, early and often, doesn't mean the flipping out doesn't occur.  We flip out a lot, Friends.  That's acknowledged.  So on days that we feel like we're gonna flip out all over everybody we meet, we can just call in and say "I'm Toddler today," and then we get to stay home and watch Elmo all day, find our centers and all. 


I guess what I'm saying, Friends, is could you just be kind to us Toddlers?  Give us a little room to be spazzy and well, Toddler?  We have a lot on our plates, Friends, and the thing of it is, we hafta eat that lotsa on our plates with little teeny-tiny forks and spoons.  It's like the Universe just doesn't want us to win, but I for one am gonna work on Rising Above.  Yes I am!  Muah!

Paintin' With My Fingers!

No. I'm not in a horror movie. I'm fingerpaintin'!

Hiya, Friends!  Well, you know I'm always learning something.  Always doing something new. Learning new things is the spice of life.  It really is!

So this new thing is finger-painting.  Now, I've dabbled in the finger-painting before, with my blended sweet potatoes, and some ketchup, and soap on the counter, and with water on my tray on my high chair.  But on my last visit to Aunt Colleen's house, which really amounted to something epic, really, I got to fingerpaint with real paints! 

See? This is PAINT on my plate!

It was AMAZING!  I got to paint on paper plates, and then Aunt Colleen would put paint on my hands and then put it down on the paper, and it would look like FISH!  Just my hand-print, just like that! 

Also, Mommy made me an Artist's Smock out of a Market District bag she cut holes in for my head and arms.  I thought that was pretty neat!  So not only did I feel really artsy, painting papers and paper plates with my fingers and all, but I also felt a little avant garde fashion-wise.  I can't think of anybody I've seen before, wearing a smock made from a modified Market District bag, after all. 

Whoa. You can use two colors on one work of art? Fabulous!

Now, I thought that I'd reached the pinnacle of breathtaking discoveries for the day, painting with one color on plates and papers, but then what did Aunt Colleen do?  She had me try painting with TWO colors at once!  Red and Blue!  I'll never forget it, because that experience blew my mind!  I loved how the red and the blue each asserted themselves on the paper plate, and then in the middle, they were purple!

I think the cool kids call that a gradient-effect.

What I thought was particularly surprising was what happened when I mixed some of each of the four colors together on my paper plate: I mixed red, blue, yellow, and green, and together, those four colors made black.

My hand is a plane- now I AM my art!  Wow!

I don't know what I expected, really, but I know I didn't expect to see those colors all turn black.  That's good to know, though, because I'm thinking about doing a holiday-themed work of art for Halloween.  I know mixing red-n-yella will make orange, so I could paint a pumpkin, but I really wanted to be able to finger-paint a black cat, in honor of my friend Buddy-Cat. 

Hey, I don't hafta wait all the way 'til it's time to start doing Halloween crafts in order to make a portrait of my friend Buddy-Cat.  I can do a portrait of Buddy-Cat right now!

That's why I love art, Friends!  You don't hafta wait for the right time and place because all the time is the right time, and anyplace where you can make yourself a fancy artist's smock out of an appropriately-sized shopping bag, you can just turn yourself loose!

No, it isn't whip.  It's shavin' cream!

What I thought was pretty cool was that once I was all done with my painting for the day, Aunt Colleen got out a can of shavin' cream and squirted it all over her counter, where I'd been painting.  She said I could drag my fingers around in it and it'd clean me up.

It was a lot of fun. 

I don't wanna limit myself to just one medium, though.  I'd like to branch out from finger painting and Play Doh sculpting one day and maybe get into working with construction paper, scissors, and paste.

I could collage!  I could be a mixed-media artist!

Yeah, I like that idea a lot. 

Friends, I've got some ideafying to do at my white board, so I'm gonna letchya go for today.  I love ya!  Muah!

Schooled

I think the Little Martians will love reading in this tent!

Hiya, Friends!  Did you know my Aunt Colleen is a school-teacher?  It's true.  She teaches Little Martians at a place called Mars Elementary!  How about that?!  My whole life, I've heard all about Aunt Colleen's classroom, and I finally got to visit.  Not when the Little Martians were there.  No, I got to go to Aunt Colleen's classroom to help her get it ready for the Little Martians, before the Martian Schoolyear began!

I'd never been in a real-live classroom before, so it was particularly exciting to me to see all the desks lined up, fulla school supplies!  I really got a big kick outta Aunt Colleen's desk! 

Friends, did you know that the teacher gets a great big desk with lotsa drawers, and a great big chair?

Apparently the teacher doesn't get to sit at the desk very often, but it's really nice to see that Aunt Colleen has a lot of drawers to keep her school supplies!

Hey! Teacher! This kid knows the answer! Pick me!

Also, there's a big white board that is like my white board that I can write on with special markers and then clean right up with the swipe of an eraser!  I didn't get to write on the Big White Board the day I visited the Martian School, mainly because I wasn't s'posed to, and also because I couldn't reach it or the markers without help, so it made illicit use of the markers and marker board impossible. 

Not that I woulda tried the Big White Board out without permission.  I'm not like that. 

Moving right along.

I got to sit at a big horseshoe-shaped table, right in a real-live student's chair!  I got to play with school blocks!  I like to think they're smarter than just regular blocks, although regular blocks are pretty smart, too!

Pssst, Friend, the answer's TWO! Five donuts minus three is TWO donuts!

I also had a pair 'a' dice I was practicing rolling, just in case I got to go down to the Casino in Downtown Pittsburgh.  I wanted to win it big at the craps table, but all that practicing was for naught.  Uncle Lorentz said they don't let little kids into the Casino.  That's blatant ageism if you ask me.  So I didn't get to go to the Casino, and I hafta wait until I'm Older.  Darn it.

I got to go to school, though, and see a little bit of what it's all about.  I got to meet a principal!  I got to visit the cafeteria and the teacher's lounge and the special storage area in the BOILER ROOM!  Wow! 

I guess that's more exciting than a casino any day, Friends!  I guess it just is!

I love ya, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Living Treasures: My Life-Changing Pilgrimage!

Oh WAAAAAAAAAAHOOOOW!

Friends, you know all about my love for the Little Giraffes of the Wild Steppes of the Bing and of Wexford.  You know I'd do anything for those guys, because they're great!  And it's always been my dream, my Impossible Dream, to meet some Big Giraffes!  Last summer, I got to see some Big Giraffes at the Pittsburgh Zoo, but I didn't get to meet 'em, actually.

Well, recently, I got to take a trip that changed my life.  I got to meet a coupla Big Giraffes.  I really did!  I was a wonderful place called Living Treasures.

They had all kindsa animals there.  There were flamingos and zebras and antelope and camels and goats- lots'n'lots of goats!  and ALPACAS!  And a pair of ostriches.  Oh!  And monkeys and bats and bison...

I wanna take you guys home to my house, but Mommy says no.

I think you catch my drift.  There were all these kinds of animals and MORE!  There was so much to see that I just didn't know where to look!

I really liked all the animals I met that day, Friends.  You could go right up to their habitat and say "hiya!" and they could come right over and say "hiya!" right back.  It was great!  I mean, I loved the Zoo, but at Living Treasures, I could get right up to the animals!  I could talk to 'em, feed 'em, pet 'em.  That means a lot to a little kid, because in the Land of the Big People, we're told to keep our hands off stuff a lot.  A lot, a lot, a lot!

Awwww, wow!  It is SUCH an honor to meet you Big Giraffes!

I do think it was smart not to have people petting the Lions, Tigers, and Cheetahs.  They're not petting-type folks, the Big Cats.  The lions were all the way behind glass, and there were people tapping on their windows (it wasn't me by a longshot!), and it made the lions grouchy.  The tigers were beautiful, but they're not like my tiger-friend Sabretooth, that likes to be near people.  They were happy to be admired from afar, and I was happy to admire from afar.  All the Big Cats have Big Teeth to match. 

I got to ride a horse made from a tire!

The experience that was really life- changing for me was that I got to meet a pair of Big Giraffes.  They were so gracious and graceful.  They came right over to the visiting area and greeted me warmly.  They were so friendly!  I felt so welcomed!

It was a tremendous honor to get to deliver snacks to the Big Giraffes.  They enjoyed carrots right from my hand.  Imagine that!  I love carrots, too, and so do the Big Giraffes! 

Just when I thought my day couldn't get any better, I got to ride on a horse made out of a recycled tire!  Boy, was that ever crazy, but in a good way!  That horse was pretty radial!  I mean radical!  See what I did there? 

No, seriously, I'm pretty sure it was made out of an old radial tire.  ... Um, well, okay.  Not all my jokes can be gold.

I got to bring home a Little Giraffe named Pinky, and she's my friend!

Finally, as I was strolling through the Gift Shop, figuring on getting a Tshirt or something, I met a Little Giraffe named Pinky, who lived at the store, but was hoping to find a nice Forever Home where she could get really used to her surroundings and settle in.  She asked me if I could find room for another Little Giraffe up in the Bing, and I said "Yeah!"  So Pinky got to come home with me.  How about that?!

As you can imagine from a Little Giraffe who's many shades of pink, Pinky is the life of any Little Giraffe party.  We're all pretty happy with her.  I'm really glad she's my new friend and that she gets along so well with all my other Little Giraffe Friends, and Sabretooth, too.

My trip to Living Treasures is a memory I'm going to treasure, and I can't wait to go back and spend some more time with those Giraffes!  They're just the greatest!

Bacon-Bakin!

Friends, I've had another wild idea!

Friends, there are two things I think are wonderful, and they both sound the same: Bacon and Bakin'.  I know technically, it's "Baking," with an -ing on the end, but that just isn't how I talk. 

Friends, I love things that are baked, especially cupcakes, or one of my new favorites: chocolate chip cookies.  I also love bacon.  I mean, who doesn't love bacon? 

I guess vegans, vegetarians, and the pigs themselves wouldn't love bacon.  So to them, I apologize.  If you're one of those denizens, please just skip this post and continue with tomorrow's.  I don't think what I have to say tomorrow will be meat-based.  But you never know with me.  You just never know.

Hey! Take that snoot off your face!

Back to my original topic, though.  So, now we know two things: I love baked things, or "Bakin'," and also, I love the delightfully salty-smoky taste of Bacon!  What if there were a way to combine the two?  I'm thinking of something revolutionary, Friends:

Bacony Chocolate Chip Cookies!

What did I just hear?  Did I hear you making a snoot-face like 'Zoe, that sounds so GROSS!'  Did I hear that, Friends?  Hey!  You never know.  It could be delicious!  So hear me out!

I'm not talking about putting giant chunks of bacon in the cookies, Friends.  I'm not talking about wrapping a chocolate chip cookie in a giant slab of bacon.  What I AM talking about is cutting the bacon up into little tiny pieces.  I'm not sure if that oughtta be done before or after the bacon's cooked.  I'm just not sure at this point, but I'm in the idea-gathering phase of this brilliance, not necessarily the phase where you think about the details like that.

I hope the EZBake can handle deliciousness of this magnitude!

Anyway, whether the bacon is cut up into little pieces before it's cooked or after, those little bacon pieces could be stirred into the chocolate chip cookie dough when the chocolate chips get added in, and then it all can be baked up.  Bakin' with bacon! 

Here's why I think this would be a delicious and revolutionary taste revolution: it would be like having chocolate chip pancakes and bacon for breakfast, except this would be BETTER because you don't hafta wait until breakfast, and you get to eat your chocolate chips and bacon in a COOKIE!!!  How about that?!

Think about it, Friends!  In the meantime, I've got some bacon-bakin' to do!

Awk-ward!

Hey. Don't know how to tell ya this, but ...

Hey-ya, Friends!  Boy, doesn't life present us with some magical moments?  Magical moments and awkward, awkward ones. 

What gets me is I never know quite how to handle 'em when I get an Awkward Moment.  I guess maybe that's why they're called Awkward Moments.

Oh, you know what I'm talking about, Friends, don't you?  I'm talking about those times where you've had spinach or broccoli for your meal, and you don't know it, but the person you're talking to knows you have a piece of it stuck right in your teeth, and every time you say a word with syllables, they see that broccoli or spinach, right there, front and center. 

Jeez.

Well, I guess you get points for eating green veggies, but it's embarrassing, isn't it?  Especially if they don't say anything to you, and you go around all afternoon, talking and smiling and going about things like you're just a Great Big Cheese, and you get back to your office, and look in the mirror and ... THERE'S A BIG PIECE OF GREEN VEGETABLE STUCK FRONT AND CENTER TO YOUR TEETH!  HOLY COW, HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN THERE?!  WHY, THE WHOLE TIME!

That's definitely AWK-warrrrrrrrrrrrd!

There's something on your face. Just there.

But isn't it equally awkward if the original person you were talking to points it out?  I mean, it's better that way, because then it's just them that's seen you talking with remnants of green veggie clinging to your teeth, and not everybody in your whole afternoon, but still.  There's that little stab of awkwardness.

I don't know.  I guess I'd rather find out sooner, rather than later.

Another classic example of an Awkward Moment is biting into an apple and finding only half a worm. ... I'll letchya think about that one a minute.  Go ahead.  That one's a value-sized awkward moment, because in addition to the awkwardness of finding only half the worm, you get a nice crawly-skin effect if you really get thinking about the ramifications of this particular situation.

OR!  You're at dinner, and the meal hasn't been served yet, but somehow the people you're with get to talking about their favorite foods and least-favorite foods, and you declare that you don't like asparagus because it gives you terrible gas, and what is your host serving? ... Heapin' helpin's of asparagus for everybody!  Boy, oh boy!  This one is a Super-Sized Awkward Moment, because first of all, you unwittingly dissed dinner- oops!  and also, you went and introduced terrible gas into the conversation.

Mommy says I shouldn't talk about terrible gas at any table, breakfast, lunch, dinner, or card.  She says it isn't a topic that should come up in conversation.  I think she's being prudish and Victorian about the whole thing.  Everybody gets terrible gas sometimes.  Why shouldn't I talk about it?  I'll tell ya what.  If I ever get invited back to that particular place for dinner again, I betchya asparagus won't be on the menu!  I bet the heck right out of it that it won't, Friends!

Awkward, I know, but wouldn't ya rather hear it from me?

I guess that's just something with my People, Friends.  We tend to be pretty direct, and I s'pose you Big People misread our directness for rudeness.  I can't think of many Awkward Moments shared among my People, though, Friends.  If we're mad, we let it out.  If we wanna cry, we cry.  If we think something's funny, we'll laugh.  If we have terrible gas, we'll let 'er rip, and probably all share a good laugh about it.

I'm not sure where along the way we're supposed to lose that, and start being slave to avoiding the Awkward Moments the way you Big People seem to be.  But I sure hope it isn't anytime soon.  If ya think about it, Friends, Awkward Moments are kind of a minor evil of our own making.

I guess what I'm saying is this: if you've got something on your face, or something stuck in your teeth, I'll tell ya.  I'll point it right the heck out.  Wouldn't you rather hear it from me?  And I sure hope you'll do the same for me.  I sure do!

I love ya, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

Very Superstitious!

Getchyer game faces on, Friends!  It's Friday the 13th!

Oooooooh, Friends!  It's Friday the Thirteenth!  How about that?!

I guess there's people out there who are very superstitious about the Number Thirteen.  Lotsa hotels and high-rise buildings don't have floors with the Number Thirteen.  They just skip right over it as though it's optional.  Isn't that weird?

Anyway, to celebrate Friday the Thirteenth, I'd like to talk about some common superstitions that people have, mmmmkay?  Okay!  Let's go!

Back to this thing about Friday the Thirteenth being an unlucky day.  I just don't know how they did the math and had it add up to Friday the Thirteenth being unlucky!  If anything, Friday the Thirteenth is even more awesome than any other day of the week that coulda been the Thirteenth.  Think about it.  I think I mentioned WAY back that I think a better day to put the whammy on people would be MONDAY the Thirteenth, not Friday the Thirteenth.  Why?  Fridays are awesome, and Mondays are... well, they're Mondays, aren't they?  And usually they come by the case.  Ripe pickens for a whammy, I think!

Hey, Friday the 13th Whammies: check out my shirt!

People can be funny about black cats crossing their paths.  This one, I take umbrage with.  One of my best friends is a black cat.  His name is Buddy.  I don't think Buddy Cat is a bad luck cat at all.  In fact, it's just the opposite.  My family says that Buddy Cat's crossing their path was one of the luckiest things ever!  How about that?!

They say you don't wanna stand under a ladder, because it's bad luck.  I understand this one a little.  If you stand on a ladder, someone or something could fall on your head.  On the surface, that's bad luck, but look a little deeper, and that's poor planning.  Seriously!

Also on the Poor Planning Makes For Bad Luck smorgasbord, I guess if ya walk around with only one shoe on, ya get seven years' bad luck for each step you take, especially if you're forgetting to put on your LEFT shoe.  That's a head-scratcher.  I could see why it would cause you bad luck in the immediate time during which you walk around one-shoed.  You could step on a nail.  That's bad luck, but you were going around wearing only one shoe, so it's Bad Luck Due to Poor Planning!  They oughtta trademark that, now that I think about it!

Breaking a mirror will also earn you a seven-pack of bad luck years.  I get it.  Mirrors shatter into a bazillion pieces when they break, and it takes a long time to clean 'em all up, and get all the tiny little shards.  But SEVEN YEARS of BAD LUCK?!  Come on!  I guess this comes from the way-back machine, when people thought mirrors reflected their souls, so if the mirror got shattered, so did their soul.  I don't really understand the seven years thing, though.  Is that how long it took for their soul to put itself back together?  Is that even how it works?  Strange ancient people, anyway!

I'm still gonna wear my Special hat today.  Just to be safe!

Some people like to throw salt over their left shoulder to ward off evil spirits.  Other people spit when they're about to say something that might tempt fate.  The former is interesting, but would be a little annoying if you had to sweep up.  The latter is just kinda disgusting.  Spitting, Big People?  Really?!  Gross.

Anyway, on this Friday the Thirteenth, Friends, take some advice from your pal Zoe and go out there and just have fun.  It's Friday, after all, and you aren't the helpless pawn of mischievous gods or strange atmospheric conditions.  You have power over your own luck.  Sometimes, weird or bad things happen out of the blue, sometimes, they're just a result of Poor Planning.  Control whatchya can, Friends, and be careful of the rest, but DON'T LET IT RUIN YOUR PERFECTLY GREAT FRIDAY, MMMMMMMMKAY?!

It's gonna be okay, Friends!  I love ya, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!