A Guide to Zolish: A Language All My Own!

Be in the nose and read my Guide to Zolish!

Hiya, Friends!  You know what?  I usedta speak Babese, but now the older I get, and the more I learn, the more I find myself picking up on The Language of the Big People.

I hafta admit, I liked speaking Babese much better, and the transition to the Language of the Big People hasn't been easy.  I trip up.  I fall back on my months and months of speaking Babese.  I make up my own words. 

Didja catch that, Friends?  I make up my own words, and that's what I wanna talk about today.  The words I make up, all on my own, in my struggle to become a speaker of the Language of the Big People, so sit back, relax, maybe grab yourself a big icy-peem or some CAH-ffey, and enjoy a guide to Zolish: the language I call my very own: 

Beep-Beep:  A Beep-Beep is any late-model or otherwise ordinary car on the road.  Beep-Beeps range from coupes to sedans to mini-vans or some SUVs.

JEEEEEEEEP:  The JEEEEEEEEP is a red four-wheel drive vehicle I ride around in most of the time.  I have the middle seat all to myself and my carseat usually, and Rozzie rides in the back in the cargo area.

Vroom-Vroom: A Vroom-Vroom is a sports car like the Sassy Red Car I like to ride in, but it can also be the Cars from the 1970s Daddy has.  You know you're dealing with a Vroom-Vroom and not a Beep-Beep when you start one up.  A Vroom-Vroom will say its name: "Vrooooooooom!" and will also produce an exhausty smell if it's a vintage car.  The Sassy Red Car doesn't say VROOOOOOOM or smell exhausty, but it gets to be a Vroom-Vroom because of its Hemi and the RT stripes, and it just looks so cool!

Icy Peem:  Icy Peem comes in all kinds of flavors.  My favorites are vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry.  You can make milk shakes with icy peem, in which case, you're eating icy peem with a straw.  At first, the coldness of icy peem took me aback, but I've come to love icy peem almost as much as Aunt Colleen does!

Wah-gur: If I don't have milk in my sippy cup, I'm drinking wah-gur.  Plain and simple.  No Mountain Dew.  No juice.  Milk or Wah-gur.  It just makes me feel good and keeps me all hydrated on a cellular level.  Wah-gur, Friends!

CAH-fee: A magical potion that comes from a black machine in our kitchen.  It smells wonderful, but Mommy won't let me drink any, because she says it'll stunt my growth. 

Olmo: The red guy on Sesame Street.  I'm not a regular viewer of the 'Street, but I do love Olmo!

Rahnoo-Rahnoo: A fan, my disco ball, or anything else that goes 'round and 'round.  Rahnoo-Rahnoo, get it?

Monkey Cheese!: Monkey Cheese! was the result of a misunderstanding between Mommy and myself.  I asked for "mahnk a cheese," she thought I was saying "monkey cheese," and gave me that look that said she had no idea what I was talking about, and then I went to the shelf and got a blue and yellow box and shook it at her.  Monkey Cheese, Mac'n'Cheese, same thing: a delicious meal for me!

I'm your most authoritative source for all things Zolish!

Halloooooo!: This is my greeting.

Hi-YA!: This is another way I greet people.

Bamma: My Gramma.

PaPa!: My Grampa.

Aunt kHolleen!: My Aunt Colleen.

Umnl Lim-nintz: My Uncle Lorentz.

RAH!-Zeeee!: My best friend Rozzie, the white dog that lives at my house.

Lemonlemon Peel: Supposedly this is L M N O P, but I still think it's Lemonlemon Peel, which brightens up the middle of the Alphabet Song with a nice little citrusy note!

No! No WAAAAAAAAAAAY!!!:  The most appropriate response to every question, except "Do you want more cash?"  Take it from your pal Zoe, Friends, if anybody asks you if you want more cash, you say YES!  Everything else: No! No WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! is your go-to response.  Got it?

Honey-Yapple: My favorite shampoo.

Toasty Honey: What I like to eat for breakfast.  It's made with bread, put in a fancy silver box until it comes out all golden brown and crispy, and then one side is coated in honey.  Toasty Honey.  It's delicious!

HAH!-key: HAH!-key was my very first word, and it's a wonderful sport where two teams of five skaters and a goalie engage in epic battle over a little rubber puck and a great big shiny cup named Lord Stanley.  On a side note, HAH-key also refers to Buffalo Sabres play-by-play man Rick Jeanneret, because to me, RJ IS the voice of my favorite sport!

Up-Up-Up!: This is a book and song I like to have playing when I go for my nap.

Pee-no!:  A big wooden box under the stairs that has lotsa black and white teeth, and if ya push on the teeth, the Pee-no! plays music!

Baff:  I take a baff every morning whether I need one or not.  But just between you and me, Friends, I usually need one!

Opeen!:  When something's Opeen! it's uncovered.  For instance, "Belly Opeen!" means that my shirt's come up and my belly's showing.  "Knees Opeen!" means my BabyLegs have ridden down and now I can see my knees when I couldn't see 'em before, because I'd previously been wearing the BabyLegs.  Knees Opeen! isn't nearly as disturbing for me as Belly Opeen! is.  My knees are Opeen! a lot, but my belly isn't usedta havin' a breeze on it very often!

Close It!:  See the definition above for Opeen! When I say Close It! I mean for someone to pull my shirt down for me to close my belly.  Cover me up!  Close It!

See, Big People?  Speakin' Zolish is EASY, once ya know how!

Motorcycle: The wooden bike I got for my birthday.  So what if it has no motor in it?  It's my two-wheeler, and I think it's cool, so it's gonna be my motorcycle!

Well, there it is, Friends!  That's the words I can think of, off the toppa my head right now, to tell you.  The trick to Zolish is that you slip in my words when you're talking along in Big People.  So maybe Zolish isn't so much a language as it is a pidgin.  But that's a topic of inquiry for a whole other day, Friends, and I have me some monkey cheese that's gettin' cold, so I'm gonna go letchya study for a little bit, mmmmkay?

I love ya, and that's something you can understand whether you're speakin' Zolish or Standard Big People!  Muah!