Req It Ralph

So much paperwork!  So many trainings!

Hiya, Friends.  Well, as I expressed in yesterday's weblog post, I've been in meeting after meeting after meeting at work this week.  You may or may not have picked up on my frustration at this. 

If you didn't pick up on my frustration, I have failed in my quest to be an effective weblogger of the Toddler Experience, Big People. 

My most recent meeting I've had to go to was a three hour meeting that was advertised as a "short fifteen minute" meeting to train us all (once AGAIN) on how to fill out Reqs. 

A Req (pronounced "wreck," appropriately enough) is short for "Formal Request Form" and if we want anything, from paper clips to staples to pens to write with to pads to write on to more markers for the white boards, we hafta fill out the Req and wait for approval from Above.

Well, They want ya to have the Req filled out just so.  In triplicate.  And the triplicate Req is three pages long.  So if you want paper clips and some markers, you hafta fill out a three-page Req for each thing.  You can't bundle 'em onto one Req.  If you do, They'll send your form back and deny your request.  If you don't fill in a bubble completely, they'll send your form back and deny your request.  If you just write down that your department needs paperclips, but you don't use the code for paperclips, and you fail to fill in the bubble (completely or otherwise) that corresponds to the level of necessity and urgency the thing you're requesting on the Req, They'll reject your form and deny your request. 

Don't you wish you worked here?

Thingofitis, it isn't like they run those Reqs through a touchy scanning machine where I suppose stray marks can throw everything off, or a transposed code could change what you're writing out a Req for.  People look over those forms and deny or approve them.  There's no scanning machine involved.  So say you write down that you need paper clips, so you put "PAPERCLIPS, ONE-INCH" in the appropriate box, and you code them 02010-C7 and fill out those bubbles that go along with the code.  Your Req will be denied.  Why?  Because the words say "PAPERCLIPS, ONE-INCH", but the code you wrote down and bubbled in is for a heavy-duty fork-truck.  The code for one-inch paperclips is 02101-C7.  If I worked in a department where there was some ambiguity as to whether I was requesting one-inch paperclips or a heavy-duty fork-truck, I could understand the confusion in the Req department.  The fellas down in shipping sometimes need a boxa paperclips and wind up with another fork-truck, in fact (which, I wonder how that happens...).  But in my department, never, ever have we ever used a fork truck.  Notta one of us.  And besides, like I said, they're PEOPLE who look at the Req form.  There are no machines to wonder whether you meant Forktruck, but coded for the paperclips, or vicey-versa.  If you took the time to write down "PAPERCLIPS, ONE-INCH," if you were a thinking human being, wouldn't you think that regardless of what the stupid bubbly code says, you want a boxa darn paperclips?

Wouldn't you think that, Friends?

So, you know what I did?  I Req'd a code for the following:

"A functional self-destruct button for the Formal Request Form Department."
"A code for the functional self-destruct button in the Formal Request Form Department to execute upon receipt of said code."
"A code for the Formal Request Form Department to be replaced by a Donut Dude stand."

I filled every form out in triplicate, and made sure each code request was coded properly.  And those human automatons actually gave me the three codes I asked for.  I distributed these codes among my coworkers in my immediate department, as well as throughout the whole of the company, and we all filled out our Reqs in triplicate, and submitted them.

As it turns out, the code for a functional self-destruct button execution was redundant, because they didn't know what to do with so many submissions for a functional self-destruct button for the department, especially not all at once, and as it turns out, the Department just kinda imploded right there and then! 

Donut Dude opens his stand in my office building next week!

And I think we've filled out the last of our Reqs for now!

Friends, be the change you wanna see in the world!  Fight the power!  I love ya lots!  Muah!