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Wednesday, April 2, 2014

He Needs To Sit Down

There's a little boy behind me who keeps trying to get my attention.
Hiya, Friends!

Hey.  Recently, I went to the mall with my Mommy and Daddy.  We went into the dang ol' Texas Roadhouse down by the WalMart there in Horseheads for some supper, because when I go to the mall, there's gonna be some serious walkin' to do.  That's just the way it is.  I love to walk, and the mall lets me do all the walkin' I want, without worrying about mud puddles or nasty weather or speeding automobiles.  I can just walk and walk and walk until my little legs just fall the heck right off, which hasn't happened YET!  

So I guess you know, I've got a lotta walkin' in me to do when I have a chance to go to the mall.  And I've gotta fuel up!

I was at the Texas Roadhouse with Mommy and Daddy then, just havin' the delicious, delicious roll with the delicious butter on it, enjoyin' an orange juice and that when this family with a little boy sat in the booth behind me and Daddy. 

That little boy kept looking up over the backa my booth bench.  I mean, I could feel his eyes on me, Big People.  I was just tryin' to eat my meal, and this kid was up and down, up and down, peeking over the seat.

If he had a meal he was s'posedta be eating, it was getting cold.  I can tell you that.

Now, Daddy has a way of bein' oblivious to stuff like this, so that's his excuse for not turning around and tellin' the kid I'm not interested.  Daddy just didn't know what was goin' on behind his back.  But Mommy.  That darn Mommy knew exactly what was happening.  She had a front row seat to it. 

Lemme wanna take a break for a sec and tell you about my Mommy.  Have you met her?  If somebody's gettin' on my Mommy's nerves, she's gonna let 'em know.  And if they're really obnoxious about bein' on her nerves, you know, like it's where they live, Mommy's gonna get out her Big Box o' Spicy Words and let 'em have it with all barrels.  So we're not dealing with a mousy Mommy here, Friends.  Lemme wanna make that sparkly-clear.

That's why I was so surprised that Mommy knew this boy was peekin' over the backa my seat, and yet she didn't say anything to him or his parents.  Yeah, he was acting like this in front of his PARENTS, for Pete's Aches.  And Mommy was watchin' it happen!

After a while, she said to me, "Zoe, did you know you've got a little admirer behind you?  He's a cute little fella!"

Ooooooh!  I was so mad at her that I wished I could have some nails that I coulda spit at her.  So I glared at Mommy and said, "Yes, and he needs to SIT DOWN!"

Would you believe that all's Mommy did was LAUGH?!  And not just a little polite laugh like you Big People do when people my age say something embarrassing that you wanna have the dirt open up and swallow you whole.  No.  Mommy has this hyena laugh that would frighten the very hyenas from the Lion King movies, and she laughed that laugh, and everybody in our section was lookin' at us, I just know it. 

I didn't look back at them lookin' at us, though.  I was too busy glarin' at Mommy.  In a situation like this, you hafta stay focused.

Whatever.  It didn't work.  She told Daddy what was going on, and he thought it was funny, and then she went and put it up on the Facebook, and other Big People thought it was hilarious. 

Big People, you stink!

Anyway, since none of the Big People in my life were doing anything about this onslaught I suffered at the Texas Roadhouse, I took matters into my own hands.  Do you know what I did to deflect the unwanted attention of that boy in the booth behind me?  Well, I'll tell ya what I did.

I'm in an impervious force field right now! Nobody can bother me!
I pretended I had a soundproof, xray vision proof, unwanted attention proof forcefield around me.  That's right.  I wrapped myself up inside an imaginary but impervious bubble.  Yes I did.

Because sometimes, you've gotta just ignore and carry on.  That's the matchyerrr thing to do.

And also, the delicious, delicious bread they serve at the Texas Roadhouse is too delicious to go throwing it at someone you want to leave you alone.  How about that?!

I love ya, Friends!  And I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

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