Do You Mind?!

Say whatchya mean and mean whatchya say, Big People.  Lordy.

Friends, the more I interact with you Big People, the more I think I know, but the more I realize I have a lot to learn and come to understand. 

Most notably, I just get confused as all get-out when one of you asks me if I mind about something.  It's so confusing. 

"Zoe, do you mind if I eat one of your cookies?"

"Yes," I say, meaning go ahead and eat one of my cookies.

Then I get a funny look, and an "all-righty then!" and the other person walks off in a HUFF.

Or, "Zoe, do you mind if I put some sunscreen on you?"

"No!!" I say, clearly backing away, while the well-meaning Big Person comes at me with my Sparkle SPF.  Animosity and fighting ensue, and I wonder if said Big Person is stupid, because I clearly said NO!!!! to the sunscreen!

No means no!

Except, it doesn't.  Upon further study, apparently when you "mind" something, you don't like it.  I MIND taking a nap, apparently.  So if I answer in the negative, that I don't mind taking a nap, I think I'm just saying no to the nap, when in fact, through some kind of jabberwocky-falling-through-the-looking-glass logic, I'm giving permission to be put down for a nap.  And when I answer in the affirmative, if I mind if someone shares my blanket with me while I sit on the grass, I end up lookin' like a blanket-hogging selfish little jerk.

None of this makes sense, Big People.  I'm about this close to abandoning my pursuit of speaking the language of the Big People and going back to Babese.  At least nothing was ambiguous when I spoke Babese full-time.  Nothing was left up to interpretation or debate. 

Those were the dang ol' days.