Zoe's Last-Minute Mother's Day Gift Guide

Oh!  I knew I forgot something at the store!

Hiya, Friends!  I'd like to take a moment and tell all the Mommies out there Happy Mother's Day!  HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!

Now, let's get downta business.  It's Mother's Day, and if you haven't gotten your Mommy anything, and you think she might get a little irritated and feed you pickle-n-pimiento sandwiches for the next two weeks if you don't get her a Mother's Day present, you'd better pay attention to my Last-Minute Mother's Day Gift Guide and save your bacon.

Seriously.

Mmmmmkay, Friends.

Now, flowers are always a nice treat for any Mommy, and if you happen to live near some nice ones, you could pick her a bunch of flowers and put them in a pretty container, like a mayonnaise jar you've washed and rinsed well, and tied a pretty grosgrain ribbon around, to make it look decorative.  If you don't have that luxury, you're gonna really hafta improvise and make some Kleenex Carnations.  You know how to make Kleenex Carnations, but in case you don't, here's Zoe's Quick and Dirty Tip on how to.  You've gotta pull about five or six CLEAN Kleenexes out of the box.  Don't blow your nose on 'em first, because that's dirty!  Skxxxxxxxxxxxxs!!!

Don't worry!  I've gotcha covered!

Anyway, take out your clean Kleenexes, open them up, stack them one on top of the other, fan-fold the whole works, fold it in half, wrap some tape around the bottom of the now folded-in-half fan, fluff out the Kleenexes, and cello!  You have a Kleenex Carnation.  You can repeat the process as many times as you'd like and make a bouquet.  To make your Kleenex Carnation really special, you could run lipstick around the edges, and figure out how to make stems with tape and drinking straws, or get a pin and make corsges!

If your Mommy's into makeup and perfume and such, don't worry at all!  You don't hafta go to the makeup counter today!  It'll be a zoo at the mall, and besides, you probably already have something in your house that your Mommy will love: Lipstick!  How do you know it'll be the right color for your Mommy?  I mean, Mommys are particular about their lipstick colors, I guess!  Well, that's easy!  I'm talking about giving her HER lipstick for Mother's Day, you know, the one you took out of her purse a few weeks ago, and you've been hiding it in your toy refrigerator, just waiting for the perfect day to try it out on your own face?  Yeah, that one!  You've never gotten around to it, so today's as good a day as any to put a pretty satin ribbon around the lipstick and present it to your Mommy, along with a big hug and kiss!

You can't go wrong with chocolate, so if you have access to a mini mart or a car to get you to a store, simply buy a stack of candy bars.  Preferably, they'll all be roughly the same size.  You know, Hershey Bars are the easiest to apply to this particular application.  You can get about a dozen of 'em, and then stack 'em up, tie 'em with a pretty satin ribbon, and cello!  A Candy Stack for Mother's Day!

You can take the Candy Stack one step further by getting some graham crackers and marshmallows and adding them to the Hershey Bar tower.  There ya have it:  S'Mores in a Stack!

There's no need to panic OR resort to pickle-n-pimiento loaf punishment!

If your Mommy's more the health-conscious type, you probably have apples in the house.  Go to the crisper drawer and pick out the reddest, roundest, biggest, prettiest apple and wash it up really nice.  I think you can use baking soda and water to get rid of pesticides and waxes and such.  But then you'll wanna wash the apple in soap and water, too, to get the baking soda taste off it.  Funny how soap comes right off, but the baking soday hangs on like crazy.  Do whatcha can to get that apple clean and shiny.  Then tie a medium-narrow grosgrain ribbon around the middle of the apple!  Cello!  Instant healthy present!

What's that? ... Why do I keep saying "Cello?"  Well, I'll tell ya, Friends!  Usually, when people do something exciting, they say "Vi-o-la!"  They should really be saying "Voila!" but they say "Vi-OH-la!' and I don't really like viola music, but I love cello music.  So I'm basically just talking about my favorite stringed instrument today.  Giving the ol' cello some shout-outs!

Well, I know you're busy, and if you haven't gotten your Mommy anything for Mother's Day, you'd best skedaddle.  Take my suggestions, or if you don't wanna do that, you can always fall back on stringing her some pasta jewelry.  I'd stay away from traditional macaronis and go exotic with the rotini or the penne or something, just to keep things exciting, since you really don't have time to get out the food colors or spray paints to make the pasta any color other than what they already are.

And always, always, give your Mommy a big hug.  Mommies love stuff like that.  Mmmmmmkay, Friends!  I have some let-minute Mother's Day stuff to take car of, myself, so I'm out!  Remember Zoe loves ya!  Muah!