When Life Gives Ya Little Wheels

Here it is!  My very own tractor!

 Well, Friends, remember a coupla weeks back, when I got to sit on Mommy's Big Orange Tractor, and I felt so great and like a big kid and everything?

Mommy got me all whipped up, telling me that she'd get me a tractor of my very own.  I had it in my head that it'd be a nice, big, orange tractor with a nice, wide mowing deck, and a bucket on the front, and headlights that turn on and off, and four-way flashers, and a three-point hitch so I can hook on other tools and accessories to my big orange tractor.  Boy, was I really excited!

And I got an orange tractor all right.  Yes, I did.  Take a look at the pictures and see.  It's right there.  It isn't trick photography to make me look like Zoe-Zilla and make the tractor look tiny.  I'm still me-sized, and the tractor is tiny.  I mean, really, really tiny.  It's not even like it's a pedal-tractor or anything.  We're talking about something bigger than a Matchbox, but smaller than even a pedal tractor.

Now, there's a couple ways I can approach this situation, Friends.  First, I could get all mad and feel like I was tricked, because I was tricked.  I could lie down on the floor and kick my legs and scream.  I could do those things.  I mean, I could do 'em pretty darn well.  I think that's supposed to be my new thing, the kicking and screaming.  I've seen other people in my cohort go that route with varying degrees of success.

As you can see, I can hold it in my hands.

The thing of it is, the kicking and screaming card's one you can play only once on each of your big people.  It's true, Friends! The first time you lie down on the floor and kick and scream, it's like 'woah!' and the Big People take notice.  You've got to do it in the right time and place for maximum impact, and only in a dire situation.  I tend to think you wanna play that card when lotsa people are around, and you're trying to force your Big People's hands, and for Pete's sake, don't use the kicking and screaming on more than one of your Big People at once, or you've blown it for next time you need it!

If you do it more than once in front of a Big People, it loses its impact and you lose your credibility.  It isn't a passionate plea for something you really want (or something you really DON'T want).  It gets compressed and minimized into your having 'a toddler moment,' and trust me, it's always said in a condescending way.  That's what my Mommy does to me, whenever I even start like I'm gonna flip out and lie on the floor and kick and scream.  She does this annoying thing where she claps her hands and says 'Are we having a toddler moment, Zo?' and then she goes and does something else.

No, Mommy.  'We' are not having a toddler moment.  Just me!

I've had a lot of 'toddler moments' fail to launch.  I guess it's just as well, so now I can save that card for when I really need it.

I'm gonna sit on it and ride it, anyway!  How ya like THEM apples, Mommy?

And I don't think I really need that particular card for this.  I mean, that little orange tractor Mommy got me is kind of neat.  I don't hafta worry about running out of diesel fuel and figuring out the Yellow Can.  I don't hafta worry about a flat tractor tire.  Those things are heavy, I understand!  I can take my little orange tractor anywhere I want to take it.  I don't hafta worry about where I'm gonna park it to keep the rain off it, or covering it in a tarpaulin if there's noplace inside to park it.

So I'm going to approach my disappointment in not getting a big orange tractor right now with a sense of humor.  That tractor's little, I'm little, and I'm still gonna ride it.  In fact, there I am, riding my tractor, in the picture up above.

My Big People might think they're oppressing me by giving me little wheels instead of big ones, but I'll tell ya what, Friends, wheels is wheels, and this girl's ready to ride!

Ha!