Can't Win 'Em All

The SS Rigatoni Crew didn't win the Pasta Regatta.

Oh, Friends.  Yesterday, I was so excited about participating in the Pasta Regatta on my pal Sabretooth's noodle boat.  I had it all pumped up in my head that I'd get to help hoist the Cup-o-Noodles high over our team's heads on my first trip in the noodle boat races.

I could see the SS Rigatoni crossing the finish line first.  I could hear our noodle boat whistle go BWONNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!! in victory.  I could see how happy Sabretooth, our noodle boat captain would be, accepting the Cup-o-Noodles.

Sabretooth says a champeen visualizes his or her wins.  Sabretooth says a champeen visualizes the steps he or she hasta take to bring home those wins.  So I visualized and visualized.  Like a champeen.

It was a tight race, too.  I was our noodle boat's lookout, and I keppus from running into any other noodle boats, even though the lookout on the SS Orecchiette wasn't paying attention when we passed them, and they almost hit US!

I did my job.  I looked out.  I waved when we passed other noodle boats.  I'd tell Sabretooth where the other noodle boats were.  Our whole crew communicated effectively.  We really did.  We did everything right.

And we still came in fourth.  Fourth isn't anything to be upset about, except I had my heart set on FIRST.  First place went to the SS Shiritaki that came out of nowhere to pass Mr. Noodle on the SS Cavatappi and put him into second place, Sophie La Giraffe's noodle boat the SS Acini di Pepe, putting them in third, and Miss Noodle's SS Farfalle.

I keep wonderin' if I coulda done things differently.

We poured on the sauce down the stretch and passed the SS Farfalle, so that's how we ended up in fourth place.  Mr. Noodle's Brother Mister Noodle on the SS Fusilli and Mr. Noodle's other sister Ms. Noodle on the SS Radiatori finished in a tie for fifth place behind us.

I was really upset, anyway.  I really wanted to win, but Sabretooth helped me put it in perspective.  He told me that you can't win every Pasta Regatta you're in, and that I did really well for a noobie.  He reminded me that it's a big deal just to be picked to be on a noodle boat crew, especially at my age!  He reminded me that as I waved at other noodle boats as we'd pass 'em, I didn't see a whole lot of other Little Kids in the race.  And I guess he has a point.  It was a big honor to be included, and I did get to work with some really well-seasoned noodle boat crewmen.

What really kept me from throwing a giant fit, though, was seeing Pidgie McDougall at the noodle boat race.  She was the lookout on the SS Thin Spaghetti.  Of course Pidgie'd be on a noodle boat that emphasizes the thin part.  Well, the SS Thin Spaghetti came in dead last, and by all accounts, their race was a disaster.  They ran into the SS Ravioli, the SS Linguini, and the SS Manicotti, right after the gun went off.  The Manicotti had to be towed back to the noodle boat dock for repairs and the Ravioli and Linguini didn't sail right.  Then the SS Thin Spaghetti got itself all twirled around and went back to the starting line, because Pidgie thought that was the finish line.

When the SS Thin Spaghetti finally got to the finish line, Pidgie jumped out of the SS Thin Spaghetti and knocked over a buncha people's Oodles Of Noodles they were enjoying as a post-Pasta Regatta treat.  She just walked through everybody, batting their bowls and stomping around, and when Sabretooth tried to help her put coming in last into perspective for her, she snapped at him and called him a lot of mean names.

That's when I stopped feelin' bad that Pidgie's noodle boat the SS Thin Spaghetti came in dead last.  Before that, I kinda knew how she was feelin'.  I was gonna tell her I knew just how she felt, and that we'd take the Pasta Regatta by storm next year.  We would!  I kinda wanted to walk through the other people and spill Oodles of Noodles all over them, but they said such nice things to me, that I ended up visiting with a lot of other noodle boat crews and picking up pointers.

This was my face to Pidgie McDougall, after her boat came in dead last.

And Pidgie's more used to winning things than I am.  She's some kind of sports prodigy.  She bowls on a really good bowling team.  She competed in the Iron Little Kid Triathlon Championships.  She has a tennis serve that actually goes over the net.  She won the LKPMGA (Little Kid Professional Mini Golf Association) championship recently.  She just seems to be super-good at everything she tries to do, and she doesn't take it very well when she doesn't win.

I mean, if there were sucha thing as McDougallzilla, that'd be Pidgie when she loses.  Wow!

So when she got to me, I clutched my Oodles of Noodles close to my body so she couldn't bat 'em outta my hand, and I looked her right in the eye, and I made my potato face, pictured above.  My potato face is that face everybody makes when they're feelin' sorry for somebody else.  So I made my potato face and said "Awwwwwwww, Pidgie, coming in last in the noodle boat races!" and then went to find Sabretooth before Pidgie could get to the Mountain of Grated Parm and shove my head in it.

I'm not really proud of the potato face incident, Friends.  I coulda been a less sore not-as-bad-loser to Pidgie. I coulda kept the potato face to myself.  But you know how it is, don'tchya?  Sometimes, ya just get so sick of takin' the high road, especially with someone who doesn't appreciate your efforts at rising above their antics, and ya wanna just jab 'em once.  I'd like to say it didn't make me feel better at all, but it did, and besides, it was really just throwin' paper on an angry fire, anyway.  Nothing I said or did woulda changed the way Pidgie was actin' for the better or the worse.  She was just in that mode.  I think her noodle boat captain dragged her off for an emergency nap after she met up with my potato face.  I'm pretty sure that's what happened.

Next year, I'll try to be a better noodle boat lookout.  I'll try to be less disappointed if my noodle boat doesn't win, and I'll try to be more gracious if I beat Pidgie.  I'll *try*, Friends.  Can't promise anything.

Anyway, I love ya!  I always have, always will!  And I'll see ya tomorrow! Muah!