Getting Along in the Land of My People: Table Edition

Toddler table manners can be confusing.

Hiya, Friends!  How are you on this Toot-Toot-Tuesday?  I'm doin' great!  Fine and great and just as happy as all get-out!

Hey, what I wanna talk to you about today is how to get along with my People.  Not my People like Mommy and Daddy and Rozzie.  No.  I'm talking about my People, the Toddlers.

I've spoken before about how we Toddlers get a bum rap in the Land of the Big People.  We're blamed for bein' loud and noisy and messy and mercurial and contrarian and maliciously indecisive, and I'll tell ya what.  While on the surface, all those things seem true- except the malicious part of indecisiveness- we're not bein' indecisive to make you mad!  But I'm gettin' ahead of myself.  While on the surface, all those things seem true, thing of it is, Big People, they don't tell the whole story. 

Each facet of Toddler culture is like an iceberg.  You can see just the little part sticking up above the water, but whatchya don't realize is that there's a whole ginormous ICEBERG underneath that water, and if you're not careful, it's gonna sink your fancy, expensive ocean liner.  It just is. 

Ask Jack and Rose.

So, even though it seems like we act up just 'cause we wanna, I'd say eighty-seven point seven percent of the time, a Toddler Spaz-Out is a result of a breakdown in communication between a Toddler and a Big People, and can be managed.  The remaining percent of those Toddler Spaz-Outs, there's nothing you can do about them.  They're the result of the fact that Toddlers have a lotta energy swirling around inside 'em, and they need to let off that energy, or they'll EXPLODE!  So to let off that energy, we Toddlers EXPLODE!

Never fear, Friends! Let me be your guide!

If you can accept it, it won't seem so random to you, Big People. It won't feel like you're so under-siege. 

Now, on to a topic that often causes much strife between a Toddler and his or her Big People:

EATING.

Sometimes, to you Big People, it seems like we Toddlers are fussy about what we eat, and that's true.  You see, a plate of greens doesn't always look to us like it does to you.  To us, sometimes it looks like you cut up pieces of the lawn and put it on our plates.  Vegetables can look scary to us.  Heck.  Sometimes veggies can BE scary to us.  We've gotta be reassured that those veggies are GREAT to eat and that they're not pieces of lawn.  This is where you've gotta keep a great attitude, Big People, and not let us Toddlers see your personal prejudices against specific foods.  We Toddlers have a clean slate.  Besides, your credibility might have more currency with us if you live by your own words: "Try it! You might LIKE it!"  If you've hated broccoli since you were seven and haven't eaten it in over two decades, YOU try it with us!  You might like it!  Roast it!  Things taste fabulous when they're roasted!

Also, when you load up our plates so they look like a Big Person could eat off it and not feel hungry in five minutes, to us that looks like a LOT of food, and we probably won't be able to begin to eat it all.  Then there's the ensuing battle between the overwhelmed Toddler and the irate Big Person who's frustrated that the Toddler hasn't eaten *ANY* of his or her food, by looking at the Toddler's plate, and the Toddler's tried bites of everything, even a couple bites of everything, and is feeling FULL and can't understand why the Big Person is trying to cram more food down their throats!

Big People, we Toddlers aren't very complicated.  When we say we're full, we're full.  You can take it to the bank.  Guilt-tripping us isn't gonna make us clean our plates.  If we say we're full, don't make us eat any more.  We just can't fit it in.  I'm sorry, but we can't.  If we say we're hungry again five minutes after you clear the table, sometimes we are, sometimes we aren't.  Our bellies just work that way.  Try distracting us with some fun toys to see if we're just talking to hear ourselves talk.  We'll be all the more hungry for the next meal, but if a Toddler really starts gettin' insistent that they're hungry again, and things are gettin' ugly, just give the toddler a small snack of something healthy that you know they like- share a banana or something.  Don't give 'em corn chips or cheese curls.  It's gotta be something healthy.  (Sorry other Toddlers who might be readin' this- there's a game to play here, and sometimes we hafta give a little to the Big People in order for them to cooperate with us.)

Gettin' along with us at the table is easy, once ya know how!

Also, to ward off unpleasantness in the future, when you're puttin' a plate together for a Toddler, visualate it in your head first.  Does it look too full?  Put your Toddler Goggles on your Mind's Eye (Don't have Toddler Goggles?  I think you can get 'em from Amazon.  They have EVERYTHING there!) so you can see things from the Toddler's perspective. Does the plate look too loaded up?  Take off half the food on the plate you're visualizing.  In fact, empty the plate you're visualizing.  Now, just put a spoonful of everything on.  Don't let the different foods touch each other.  If we want our food mixed, we'll stir it up on our own.  We're good at stirring things.  Leave a lot of empty space on the plate.  Plates that are too gobbed up and piled high with food make us feel trapped, Friends.

Then, at the table, if we clean our plates and want more food, we'll tell ya.  Then give us another spoonful.  Not a heapin' helpin'.  Another spoonful. 

Is it labor-intensive and repetitive?  Maybe a little bit.  But isn't it worth it, to avoid an Ugly Situation and also to avoid wastin' food? 

Friends, we Toddlers know, somewhere in the backs of our minds, that you Big People are just doin' your best, and that you just want what's best for us.  You just don't always know how to get us what's best for us.  Here's the kicker.  We Toddlers don't wanna make you Big People mad at us.  We really don't.  We try to practice good manners.  We try to eat the food you give us.  We try to make you happy.  We just need a little friendly guidance, over and over sometimes, and also, we just need patience and understanding from you. 

It's easier for you to put on your Toddler Goggles (seriously, search Amazon!) and see things from our angle than it is for us to try to see the world like a Big Person sees it.  So please, Grownups.  Help us Toddlers help you.  Especially at the table at mealtime.

I love ya lots, Friends!  I really do!  I'll see ya tomorrow!