Zoe's Wintertime Road Safety Tips

Babies, it's cold outside!

Hiya, Friends!  Well, as you know, we're having an arctic blast in my part of the world.  Not the kind of arctic blast that's superfun like going sled-riding or skiing, where if your friends ask you what you did over the weekend, and if you were out sled-riding or skiing, you could say "I HAD AN ARCTIC BLAST!"

No.  This arctic blast is being called a "Polar Vortex," and it's making for some snargly road conditions.  Blowing snow.  Black ice.  Slippy-slidey conditions.  Although, I've gotta say, I think "Polar Vortex" sounds like something you'd have an Arctic Blast on.  I'm seeing this big, funnel-shaped sledding run, where ya ride on an inflatable snow disc, and just go around and around and around in the Polar Vortex until it eventually spits you out at the ski lodge, where you can have a big mugga hot cocoa and all the marshmallows ya want.

Didja catch that, Pop-Pop?  I said ALLLLLL the marshmallows!  Hahaha!

Okay.  It's time to get serious, though.  Wintertime road safety is no joke, Friends.  A lot can go wrong out there on the roads this time of year, and I wanna make sure all my friends are as safe as can be, so I've compiled this list of wintertime safety tips.  Ready?

Be prepared for anything in this cold weather, Friends.  Make sure your cellular telephone is charged up.  Make sure you have one of those neato-pequito flashlights with the crank on the side, and maybe some FREDS- Flashing Roadside Emergency Disks.  It's a thing.  Search it on Amazon.  Or ThinkGeek.com.

Besides a cellular telephone and lighting devices, you'd better pack along a pair of nicey warm boots to wear if you DO find yourself off the road and in a ditch.  You'll also wanna pack a warm blanket, maybe one with a waterproof backing, just in case your winter weather woes involve a flat tire.  Putting the nicey warm, waterproof blanket on the ground while you change the tire will keep you dryer, and warmer.  But if your wintertime emergency doesn't involve changing a tire, you'll still want the blanket to wrap up in and keep warm if ya get stranded.

I'm serious about winter road safety!

Also bring along a hat and some mittens, and a good warm coat, in case ya hafta do some walkin' outside.

You should have along a bag of kitty litter.  No, not because the winter is a giant snow leopard that'll claw out your eyes if you don't have a peace offering for it (make no mistake: Winter IS a giant snow leopard that'll claw your eyes out, but peace offerings don't seem to make much difference).  No.  If ya find yourself off'n' the road, not in a ditch so much, but you're spinnin' your wheels, and you think 'If I could just get some traction!' well, cat litter's your best friend.  Ya sprinkle a little bit under your wheels, get back in your car, and ease on down the road.

In a similar vein, you oughhta get either a portable snow shovel, or one made for little kids, that'll fit in your car, so you can dig your car out of a snowbank enough for its wheels to drive.

Yesterday, when I rode to Wellsville with Mommy in the crummy weather, I realized the importance of having enough washer fluid for the windshield along.  With all that salty spray flying around in the air, you don't wanna find yourself driving down the road with your "Refill Washer Fluid" courtesy light on.  Have an extra jug along.

Don't forget your ice scraper and windshield brush.  You oughtta have that in your car all the time in the winter!

Some things that I got to thinkin' about while I was riding along in the automobile yesterday aren't as obvious, like FOOD!  I don't know aboutchyoo, Friends, but if I were stuck in the car, waiting for help, I would get hungry.  Not everything can stay in the car, but granola bars are a good thing to have, because they don't freeze solid, and they keep for months!

Water, too!  We can go longer without food than we can go without water, but there's a trick to this one.  You wanna keep your water in a bag by the door, so you can grab it on your way to your automobile, and then bring it back in when you come in from your uneventful road trip.  You wanna know why?

Stay safe, Friends.  Zoe loves ya alive!

Oh, this is a biggie, Friends.  You don't wanna leave your water out in your car when it's cold because if you do, through some magical process I don't know what it is and am totally mystified by, your water will turn from water you can just drink, right through a straw sippy cup, even! into cold, hard ice.  And you can't drink cold, hard ice through a straw.

Yes, I left my sippy cup in the Jeep recently, and was dismayed to find that it had frozen.  Learn from my mistake, Friends.

That's what I can think of now, Friends.  I'm no expert, so I'm pretty sure this isn't a comprehensive list.  What I hope to have accomplished by today's web log post is to get you thinkin' about wintertime road safety, so you don't take it for granted that you're gonna have a safe trip.  Things happen.  Oh, lord, do things ever happen.  I hope that you'll seek out other sources on the Internet to help you put together your wintertime roadside emergency safety kit.  And maybe while you're there, you can brush up on pointers to drive safely in the wintertime.

I've sent in a suggestion to my state's Department of Transportation, suggesting that during the wintertime, they put bumpers in the ditches like they do at the bowling alley, to keep your bowling ball from going in the gutter, but so far, I haven't heard back.  I think gutter bumpers are a BRILLIANT idea, but until I bring PennDOT around to my way of thinking, it's probably best if everybody drives as safely as possible, especially when we find ourselves having an Arctic Blast in a Polar Vortex such as we are right now.

Be safe out there, Friends!  Zoe loves ya alive!  Muah!