When Someone You Love Wears Something You Don't

I don't know what I'm sorrier about...

Oh, boy, Friends, have I ever let my mouth get me in a dilly of a pickle.  I think I've mentioned before how Toddlers tend not to have that wall between what we think and what we say, the way most Big People do. 

Okay.  Here's what I did.  My friend Rhoda came to work the other day looking like she got dressed by riding a zipline through a clothesline.   

You know how much I love Rhoda, and how very little I can internally filter what I say, so I blurted out "Holy camel Rhoda, whatcha got on your body?  Didja get dressed in the pitch DARK?!"

I felt bad, the minute it came outta my mouth.  I did, Friends.  And unfortunately, Rhoda felt bad the minute it came outta my mouth.  I mean, the outfit was truly awful.  It did nothing good for her.  But I don't know if I shoulda said anything.

I was so sorry. 

Thing of it is, I was not sure what I'm sorrier about: saying what I said, or that Rhoda wore that awful outfit the other day.

...Saying what I said or that Rhoda wore that outfit.

No, I know which.  I'm sorry I said it.  I really am.  When you love someone, it isn't worth offending them, even if your aesthetic sensibilities are offended.  Deeply offended. 

I realize that now, Friends.  I do.  After the fact.  Or maybe I realized it during the fact.  The point is, Friends, it's really important to make sure that wall between what you think and what you say is really strong, and that the door in that wall is a real door and not a curtain.  That way, you can think what an awful outfit or hairdo that is, but you DON'T say it!  Or maybe if you think you're being helpful, suss out whether or not you think your friend is really proud of their outfit first, before you offer up any constructive criticism.

Wait.  I have a better idea.

Yeah, Rhoda and I are friends again. And I learned a lesson!

Instead of offering unsolicited sartorial advice, wait for them to ask.  If they ask "How do I look in this?" or "How do you like my outfit?" then maybe it's okay to say something.  And even then, maybe you oughtta say "How do you think you look?" or "How do YOU like it?"  And if they say "I think I look great!  This is an awesome outfit!" and it isn't exposing things that hadn't oughtta be exposed, or your friend isn't in danger of being a danger to herself or others, maybe the best thing to do is just smile and say "You are my very good friend and I love you!  Now let's go get donuts."

That way, you don't even run the risk of hurting your friend's feelings.  And someday, in the future, if they see a picture of themselves in the outfit, or maybe they see themselves in a different mirror, and they say "Why'd you let me go out looking like that?!" you can just smile and say "You are my very good friend and I love you!  Now let's go get donuts.  I'm buyin'!"

That's how I'm gonna handle the sitch next time, Friends!  As for me and Rhoda, we're okay again.  There were some words said, some tears shed, and lotsa huggin'.  But we're better.  We're heading out for some donuts.  And Bambinoccinos.  I'm buyin'.  So I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya!  Muah!