The Curious Case of the Kleenex-Shredding Monster!

Everybody has a Kleenex-shredding monster in their house or office!  This monster comes out of the electrical outlets when nobody's looking.  That's why you never want to stick things in the outlets that don't go there, because that monster'll bite ya.  Sometimes, the Kleenex-Shredding Monster lays dormant for years, but the minute a little kid, or a kitten, or a puppy comes into the house, the KSM has a patsy and starts coming out to do his destructive work.

Friends, I've been unjustly accused!

I don't like being Patsy.

See, the KSM pulls Kleenexes from the box or whatever containment unit you use for new Kleenexes, and then just pulls them apart.  He thinks the rippy-bits of tissues look nice, like snow, and if you use the colorful Kleenexes, well, then, all the better, as far as the KSM is concerned!  And then, instead of the KSM getting in Big Trouble when Big People come in and see all the Kleenexes lying all shredded on the floor, the nearest little kid, kitten, or puppy catches all the blame for it, because you know why?  Little kids, kittens, and puppies don't know any better!  They let themselves be the fall-guys.  They let themselves be the patsies!

You're not supposed to see this!  Keep moving!

Friends, a case of the Kleenex-Shredding Monster is happening right now, as we speak, right in my very home.  Right in my very office.  Some dastardly destructo-doer has been coming out through the electrical outlet, shredding all my Kleenexes, and then blaming it on me to Mommy.  I know that's what's happening.  I don't have anything to do with it, but there are all the pieces of Kleenex on the floor, and Mommy gives me the hairy eyeball and asks me all kinds of inconvenient questions, and then I get blamed for doing all of that ripping!

The humanity!

The only way to end this nonsense is to put up posters with my face on them that says "Free Zoe!" and then also make posters with a picture of the Kleenex-Shredding Monster and the caption "It's all the Kleenex-Shredding Monster's Fault!" on them, so we can catch the KSM shred-handed.  Can you help me out with that, Friends?  I'd ask Mommy to help me out, but she's the enemy here.  That has been made abundantly clear.

Why, I wouldn't put it past that Mommy to be in cahoots with the KSM.  I wouldn't put it past her at all!



Knowledge is power, People!  Write it down!  And help me catch the KSM!