Carseat Etiquette

Friends, if I don't get outta this carseat soon, I'm gonna yell.

Hiya, Friends!  Recently, I went for a Car Ride with Mommy and Daddy.  It was pretty fun for the first two and a half hours.  Heck.  Let's say three and a half.  It was fun for the first three and a half hours.  We were riding in the Sassy Red Car, and I love the Sassy Red Car.  It's one of my beloved Vroom-Vrooms I'm so fond of. 

However, I was seeing the inside of the Sassy Red Car a lot more than I really wanted to.  We're talking HOURS!  I think I might have mentioned it in an earlier post.  And yes, I'm still talking about it, because the long car ride precipitated an epic meltdown on my part in a restaurant.  Did I tell you all about that, or did I just unload on my Facebook Friends and not mention it over here? 

Either way, I was in my carseat for lots longer than any kid my age likes to be.  Mommy and Daddy kept saying to me 'Take a nap, Zoe!  Close your little eyes, Zoe!'  Ha!  Fat chance of that, and also slim chance of that.  There's too much to see when I'm riding in the car to take a nap.  I mean, even when I'm bored out of my gourd, there's still stuff to see out the windshield, especially now that I'm turned around riding the right way 'round.

Last year, I had to ride facing the rear-end of the car, and I'll graphically demonstrate to you how much fun it was, riding in the car, facing its rear-end.  Stay tuned for the next paragraph.  Ready?  Here we go.  This is how much fun it was to ride around in the car, facing the rear-end and getting to see nothing but the seat  back:

[PARAGRAPH LEFT INTENTIONALLY BLANK BY ZOE WITHLIZARDBREATH BLAKE]

Didja get that, Big People?  Didja see what I did there?

At least I get to face frontwards these days, and see what's coming up.  For that, I'm super-grateful.  I mean really.  But after hours'n'hours in my carseat, I start to get bored and antsy.  I try to roll with it.  I try to just handle it like a Big Person would, but to be fair, that very day in question, I watched a For Real Grown-Up Big Person throw a temper tantrum at Friendly's because her hamburger that she ordered came out on toast instead of a bun, and did she ever let the waitress have it.  I saw that hamburger up-close, because Mommy ordered the same one.  It looked tasty!  I don't know why that lady flipped all out over the bread.  It was all spelled out for her in the menu! 

YAAAAAAAAAAAR SOMEBODYGETMEOUTTATHISTHING!

Anyway, what I'm saying is I watched a Big Person have a meltdown in a restaurant over a smaller deal than her Mommy and Daddy hauling her around for hours'n'hours in a carseat, letting her get all tired, hungry, and bored, so by the time we got to that restaurant where we were going, I figured that while a meltdown on my part wasn't necessarily okay, it was at least warranted, because the Big People were sure having their share of questionable behavior that day, too.

My point here is that there's a little etiquette to be flexed when you've got a little kid in a carseat, Big People.  The chief rule of which is that the little kid calls the shots on how long they're in the seat, if you don't have a specific destination you're trying to get to.  If you're just going for a ride.  Sometimes, we get fussy when we need a break to get out and move our feet.  Sometimes, we'd like to stop somewhere and eat.  Have a snack.  Just get out of the car.  Is it rude when we yell and kick our feet?  I suppose the case could be made for that stance.  But I maintain it's rude for a Big Person to expect a Little Kid to just sit, planted, in their carseat all day.  It's R-U-D-E rude!  And Little Kids don't have many tools at our disposal, so we use the ones we DO have: our raised voices and our Feet of Fury.

Think about it next time you think you're gonna take a Little Kid out for a car ride that last an indeterminately long amount of time, Friends.  Your Pal Zoe begs you.

I'll leave you this song I wrote, while I was riding around in my carseat.  It's sung to the tune of "I've Been Workin' on the Railroad," which would have also been more fun and engaging than spending a kajillion hours in one day, in my carseat.  Okay.  Here goes:

Sorry.  Had to do that.  I feel like I've been in this seat my whole life!

I've been ridin' in my car-seat
All the live-long day!
I've been ridin' in my car-seat
Rollin' down the dang ol' high-way!
Can'tchya hear this baby bawlin':
Let me out right now!
Mommy let me out!
Daddy let me out!!
Let me out or I'm gonna scree-yeee-yeeem!
Mommy let me out!
Daddy let me out!!
Let me out or I will SCREAM!!!

I hope you enjoyed my musical stylings.  Friends, keep in mind what I've told you today.  Long car rides really mess with a little kid's head.  And when you mess with our heads, we're gonna melt down in a public place, a nice restaurant, even.  Just something to keep in mind.  Anyway, I love ya!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!