Hiccoughs

I can't stop these hiccoughs.

Man, oh man, Friends!  The other day, I had a heck of a case of the hiccoughs.  They were the kind where I'd hiccough, and it'd make my shoulders jump and my belly jerk, and to be honest, it kinda hurt somewhere down at the bottom of my esophagus.  It really did, which is why I asked Mommy to please help me get rid of this scourge that is hiccoughs.

Well, she had a buncha things to tell me to do that didn't work at all.  Hold my breath, she said.  Right.  I tried that, and I don't know how, and even if I DID know how to hold my breath, what a stupid thing to tell somebody to do.  I need my breath in order to breathe, so holding it just seems stupid!

Now, why'd you scare me like that?!

Try thinking of something else, she said.  And that one showed promise.  I thought of everything else besides my hiccoughs, and it worked great until I had another hiccough, and then all's I could think of once again were my hiccoughs, so that was another strike in the book of Zoe versus the hiccoughs.

Then Mommy got me a paper bag and told me to breathe into it.  Whatever.  I didn't wanna breathe into the paper bag.  Have you ever breathed into a paper bag, Friends?  The air's all hot and jungly in a paper bag, and breathing into it makes me feel like I'm gonna run out of air!  What's Mommy trying to do?  Get rid of your pal Zoe?  Sheesh!

Oh, I see.  Yes, the hiccoughs are all gone now!

And then I marched off in a big huff.  Might just as well.  If you're gonna march off in a huff, you might as well make sure it's a big huff, because a bigger huff makes more of an impact than a little huff.  Think about it.  If someone's in a little huff, you just think they need a bran muffin or maybe just a moment, but if somebody's in a Big Huff, you know something is gonna hit the fan soon, and that's the message I wanted to convey to Mommy.  I'd really had it with her and her stupid fake hiccough remedies.

She came up behind me and made a big noise and grabbed me, and it scared me, right in mid-hiccough!  Boy, was I ever mad at her for pulling such a thing!  And I was just about to tell her so, but what happened next was amazing.

No more hiccoughs!  Mommy scared 'em right outta me!

And then I needed new underbritches, because the hiccoughs weren't all that escapade scared out of me.  Holy Moly.