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Saturday, August 3, 2013

Tragedies Set To Jaunty Tunes!

All my favorite songs are tragedies set to jaunty music.

Hiya, Friends!  Well, I've noticed something about myself.  All my favorite songs are tragedies set to jaunty tunes.  I don't know if this means I'm a meanie or a weirdo or what, but it's definitely something I've notice about myself. 

For instance, I like the tune of "My Darlin' Clementine!"  I like the way Clementine sounds, and I like to imagine that Clementine the character from the song gets lotsa crates of Clementines the fruits.  I see a lot of those little oranges called Clementines around Christmastime.  I think they're adorable for citrus fruit!

But you know, that song doesn't fair well for Clementine.  She has to wear boxes instead of shoes, and she tripped and hit her foot against a splinter and fell in the water, and nobody could save her.  Isn't that awful?!  I thought it was!

Then take Old Dan Tucker.  He was a fine old man.  Washed his face in a frying pan.  Combed his hair with a wagon-wheel, and then he died of a toothache in his heel.  Doesn't that beat all?  You know, if he'd 'a' been around now, I betchya my daddy coulda saved Old Dan Tucker from such an awful fate.  Dying of a toothache in his heel.  Why, that's terrible!  That would be an awful toothache!  Kind of like having a wedgie all the way up to your neck, except I don't think anybody ever died of a wedgie like that.  But Old Dan Tucker died of a toothache.  In his heel.

And my favorite, favorite song.  The one about the Peanut sittin' on the railroad tracks.  Do you know that one?  It's set to the tune of "Polly-Wolly-Doodle," and it's about this peanut sitting on railroad tracks, with his heart all a-flutter.  Then around the bend comes Number Ten, and ... Well... Number Ten being what it is, and the Peanut being what it was and hot getting off the track, the train toot-toots, and there's peanut butter.

I know! Our song would have happy words AND music!
I love that song, but its message haunts me. This is awful to admit, too, but every time Number Ten comes 'round the bend, I can't help but get all excited and yell out "Peanut BUTTER!"  I know what happens to the peanut, Friends!  I know it's no good news for him!  And still, I get giggling every time.

I don't know what to make of my preoccupation with tragic stories set to jaunty tunes.  I don't, Friends. I do feel a little better, now that I've told you.  So long as you don't look at me all weird the next time we're both in the Texas Hot in Downtown Wellsville at the same time.  I didn't tell you that so it'd be awkward with us.

Anyway, if somebody wrote a song about Zoe and the Big People, it would be set to a jaunty tune and it wouldn't be a tragedy.  That's what I have to say!  I love ya!  Muah!

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