Advice for the Royal Baby

Psssst.  Your Highness.  Roy.  I've got some advice for ya!

Hiya, Friends!  Well, have you heard all about this Royal Baby that's been born?  Am I the only one confused by all the hullabaloo over here in the United States of America over the Royal Baby? 

I mean, just a few weeks ago... twenty days, to be exact, didn't we JUST celebrate Independence Day? I did some looking around on the Internet, and as it turns out, our Independence Day is celebrating the anniversary of the founders of the USA signing a document that declared our independence from Great Britain, the very country into whose Royal Family the Royal Baby (I'm gonna just call him Roy) was just born?

Americans, this baby really doesn't have any effect whatsoever on us!

Just the same, lotsa Big People are excited about Roy, and I'm just gonna assume it's because Big People love babies.  Heck, I love babies.  They fascinate the daylights outta me.

Anyway, I've got some advice for Roy, from one veteran baby to a rookie baby.  Will you indulge me, Big People, in giving a bit of unsolicited advice? ... Well, if you don't wanna, you can close out of this window and continue looking at pictures of kitty cats and picking fights with complete strangers.  I'll see ya tomorrow.  If you're still here, here goes my advice for Roy.

Ahem.

Be a normal kid as much as possible!

Roy-Boy, you're what's known as one of the "fortunate ones."  In America, we'd say you were born on Third Base.  The rest of that saying is "...and he thinks he hit a triple."  I'm not sure what this means, exactly.  I think it's a reference to a sport I don't follow, but the gist of it is that you've got a good headstart on a lot of people, Roy, so remember that, and don't get a big head about it.  Your Mommy and Daddy seem to be really nice people who won't let you get all big-headed, but there's a lot of people around you who'll try to make you so, and don't let 'em, mmmmkay? 

This one kinda goes along with the first part of my advice, but don't let the men in dark suits keep you from being a Regular Little Kid.  As Regular Little Kids, we love to make noise, make messes, fingerpaint with our food, and eat out of the dog's bowl. We Regular Little Kids also like to resist arrest... I mean naptime.  We like to run screaming down long corridors (and I hear your house has lots of 'em!), climb on stairs (careful!), and make life a contact sport.  In other words, we Regular Little Kids like to live our lives on all twelve cylinders!  If the Men in Dark Suits think they're gonna stop you from doing so, at least give 'em a run for their money, Roy!  You deserve to be a Regular Little Kid, too, not some Little Lord Fauntleroy in a velvet suit!

On the other hand, Roy, you're gonna have cameras pointed at you pretty much every minute of your life.  I kind of experience that same thing, except not so many people care what I'm up to.  You, though, Roy, have the WORLD watching you, for some reason.  I don't really get the magicalness, but hey, Big People hafta have something to fixate on.  So don't let 'em have anything to fixate on you for, except that you're a really nice fellow.  But remember that no matter what you do, somebody somewhere is gonna have a lot to say about it.  Let 'em flap their gums.  Roy, you be you. 

Smile and have fun in your life and be good to others!

Roy, if they have Cheerios in England, and I think they do, because you British people are always saying "Cheerio!" to each other, insist that your Mommy buy you the Honey-Nut Cheerios.  Go with her to the store, if necessary, and make sure she buys the Cheerios with the bee on the box, not the other ones, because if you don't see the box, the Honey-Nut Cheerios and the Regular Cheerios look exactly alike, until it's too late, and you've got the paste-tasting Regular Cheerios in your mouth instead of the sweet, sweet, delicious and sweet Honey-Nut Cheerios.  I cannot stress this enough to you, Roy!

Finally, Roy, I've gotta tell ya.  A good night's sleep is just about the best fix there is to anything.  So soon's you can get off the late-night snacks, forty winks will fix almost any jelly of a jam you find yourself in, at least when you're little.  Trust me on this one.  When you're tired, everything seems worse than it is.  When you get some shut-eye, the sun seems a little brighter, the sky seems a little bluer, and everything tastes, smells, and sounds a little better.  Except plain Cheerios.  Plain Cheerios are just awful no matter how much sleep ya get. 

Oh, one more thing.  Roy, remember to wear your sunscreen!  Sunburns hurt, and you're British, so SPF up, kiddo!  And have a great life!  I'd like to say I'll be following you from all the way across the ocean, but really, I'm pretty sure the only time I'll think about kings and queens and princes and princesses is when I'm playing dress-up.  Don't take it personally. It's just how it is!  Mmmmkay!