Oops! Month-End's Here!

Today's the end of the month?!

Hiya, Big People!  Zoe here!  Hey.  Is it just me, or is February just about the shortest month of the year? 

I'm pretty sure it is!  You see, part of my job responsibility at work is doing a month-end report on all the TPS Reports I've reported on over the course of the month.  Usually, I figure on starting them on the twenty-ninth or so.  It isn't like it takes me a week, or that they're difficult or anything, but they ARE a pain in the diaper, so I like to give myself an extra dayertwo to complete my Month's End Report kind of at my leisure.

You know.  I like to look back over all the TPS Reports I've done for the last month or so, with a Bambinoccino and a pastry.  Sometimes with a cut-up apple or something.

In other words, I like to relax and not rush when I do my Month's End Report.

February's being only 28 days long is the real reason it's the coldest month.

Well.  Wouldn't you know, I got to work today, looked at the calendar, and realized that today's the twenty-eighth of February, and there aren't any days after it!  There isn't a twenty-ninth or thirtieth for me to leisurely start my Month's End Report on.  I've gotta get it done by NOON TODAY!  That's not gonna leave me with any time for a Bambinoccino.  That's not gonna allow me to go get a pastry!

If I'm lucky, the Canteen Cart will drive through the department, and I won't be concentratin' too hard to hear it.  I'm gonna set an alarm on my computer, on my telephone, on my tablet, and also leave a note for the Canteen Cart Operator, to let him or her know to stop at my desk so I can purchase some sustenance.

Month's End caught me off-guard this time around.

You know, it seems like when I was a kid, back in 2012, February used to be a little bigger than it is now.  I could just be my imagination, but it sure seems like just like candy bars, cereal boxes, and rolls of toilet paper, the Month of February has been downsized, ever-so-slightly, maybe to keep costs down or something.  I sure as heck don't know!

Ain't no use in complainin' when you've gotta job to do!

What I do know is that I've never been late with a Month's End Report yet, and I'm not gonna start now.  I've got a lotta work cut out for me today, Friends.  I really do.  But I'm gonna buckle down and get it all done.  No whinin'.  No complainin'.  That takes time and energy I don't have right now. 

Well, more the time thing.  I've got lots of energy!  You know that!

Anyway, I'd better go, get it all done.  If you see the Canteen Cart Operator, tell him or her to stop at my desk, please.  I love ya, Friends!  Muah!

It's My Four-HUNDREDTH Post!

Wow!  Four Hundred posts!  That's something!

Friends!  You're here!  Hooray!

Guess what!  This post that you're looking at, right the heck now, before your very eyes, is my FOUR HUNDREDTH BLOG POST!  It's true!  Four with two zeroes behind it!  400!  Can you believe it?

This is a big deal for me.  I've stuck with this web log long enough to have four-hundred posts!  That's a lotta stickin'! 

Heckle and Jeckle, it's a big day for you, too, since it means that you've READ 400 of my blog posts!  Maybe.  It's okay if you haven't read each and every one.  I mean, maybe you're just gettin' to know me, and you haven't had time to go back and read all the other posts.  That'd be a lotta readin' to do in one day. 

I feel like there oughtta be a celebration.

The important thing is that if you wanted to, there'd be 400 posts for you to read, right now!

Wow.  So 400 posts. I bet you're askin' yourself where I come up with the inspiration to write 400 posts.  I bet you're askin' yourself if I have a jar of ideas and I pull one out to write about every day, and... Hey.  That idea-jar idea isn't bad.  I'm gonna write that one down and maybe use it.  I haven't done that yet.  No.  I just draw my inspiration from the world around me.  From conversations I have.  From things I see.

The world's an inspiring place if you let it be, Friends!  It really is!

I'll tell ya what.  It's been a BIG WEEK for me.  You might remember me mentioning earlier in the week that Sunday marked my two-year anniversary of doing my The Daily Zoe Show over on the Facebook.  So there was that, and now there's this.  Four-hundred posts.

I'm gonna order a donut-cake about this big, to celebrate!

It's enough to make my head spin, almost!  But mostly, it's enough to make me wanna keep writing!  Keep writing, keep writing, keep writing-writing-writing! 

That was supposed to be me paraphrasing that silly Dorry from Finding Nemo.  Have you seen that movie, Friends?  If you haven't, you should find it, so you can know what I'm talking about.  If you HAVE seen it... isn't it a GREAT movie, Friends?  Oh, my goodness, I just loved it!

But the thing about that silly little Dorry-fish was that she kept telling herself to keep swimming.  Just keep swimming.  That's what we've gotta do.  Whatever our swimming is, we've gotta keep doin' it. 

Friends, I love ya bunches!  I'll be seein' you tomorrow.  You bet your fins I will!  But right now, I've got some serious celebratin' to do!  Muah!

What's the Worst That Can Happen?! Wednesday!

Grownups: Don't let fear hold ya back!'

Hiya, Friends!  Happy Wednesday to you! 

You know, I've been thinkin' a lot about how easy it is for you Big People to get stuck in a spot, just because you're afraid of things not working out right for ya, if ya try something new.  I want you to know I feel for ya, but I don't agree with letting things pass you by, just 'cause you're afraid of not being good at it right away.

I faced much the same thing, back when I was one year old, with learnin' how to walk.  I've seen grownups walk my whole life, and I even saw some Little Kids walking around while I rode in my stroller, but when it came time for me to take my first steps, I paused and thought 'What if I'm not good at this?  What if I fall on my hiney-butt?'

What if I DID fall on my hiney-butt, Friends?  Well, guess what!  I DID fall on my hiney-butt when I tried walking for the first time.  And the second, and the third... For a while there, whenever I got up on my own two feet to take a coupla steps, I could plan on those triumphal steps being followed by a fall on my hiney-butt.  And guess what!  I'm okay!  I didn't worry that it made me look like I didn't know how to use my feet (hey, I was just learnin'!), and I got up and kept trying.

There's a bit of a process to this, Friends. When I first started learning to walk, and experienced that anxiety, I sat down with myself and identified what the worst that could happen was.  Well, I suppose the WORST that could happen while I was learning how to walk would be that a spaceship of mean aliens comes and picks me up.  Or that a giant sink-hole opens in the ground, right in front of me, and I fall the heck in and break all the bones in my body.  Scary stuff!

Scary, but are those things LIKELY to happen?  No. Especially not the one with the space aliens.  And Mommy and Daddy wouldn't let me practice walking anywheres near where a sinkhole could open up!  So that wasn't very likely to happen, either!

Just like that, the *worst* that could happen was pouffed away!

So then, I went to the second tier of what the bad things were that could happen.  I could fall down stairs- but Mommy and Daddy never would let me practice walking near the toppa stairs for me to fall down.  I could fall on my hiney-butt and bite my tongue!  I could fall on my bottom and embarrass myself! 

Were those things bad enough to keep me from tryin' out the walking?  Well, I wouldn't like to bite my tongue if I fell while I was walkin', but that's easy.  I can do something to prevent that kind of thing: I just keep my tongue away from my teeth when I walk, so if I fall down, I probably won't bite my tongue!  As for embarrassing myself, well, yes, that could very well happen, but apart from a red face and a bruised ego, I'd be okay- wearin' a pouffy diaper sure helps cushion a hiney-butt in a tumble!  And when you're wearin' a diaper anyways, you can't letchyer ego be so sensitive. 

Be okay with laughin' with yourself, in other words!

Finally, I had to stop and think about any downsides that would come with learning how to walk, and weigh them against the benefits.  I guess you could say a downside to learnin' to walk would be that I'd hafta start walkin' everywhere.  Was that enough to keep me from learning to walk?

Friends, no.  No, Sweetie. 

So I stood up, put one foot in front of the other, then the other foot in front of the first, walked across a room, and I haven't looked back since!  I can't even imagine what I'd be doing right now if I'd been afraid to take that first step!

What's the Worst that can happen?

That's why you can't let fear hold you back, either, Big People!  Follow my steps (haha!) and first, ask yourself what the WORST that can happen is.  Is it likely to happen?  Okay, what are some really bad things that can happen?  Is there anything you can do to prevent those from happening (besides not doing the thing you're thinking about doing but are too afraid!)  What are the sorta bad things that could, and maybe could likely happen if you try- such as what if ya make a fool of yourself, et cetera- are they enough to discourage you from trying?  Finally, what are the downsides of you following through with this thing you're currently thinking about doing?  Can you live with those?  Are they really all that bad?

Now, take a deep breath and try this new thing!  Go for it, Friends!   I'm cheerin' for ya!  You bet I am!  And I love ya!  A whole lot! 

I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

I Get Ready With a Little Help From My Daddy!

What was I doing?

Hiya, Friends.  You know, sometimes, even though I wanna get out of the house and go someplace, I just have a difficult time getting out the door.

It's true.  Send me on a mission to get my coat-n-hat, and I'll find a compelling treasure along the way, which demands all my attention, and then don't you know, I forget all about my coat-n-hat!  I forget we were even going anywhere!

Or, ask me to fetch my shoes I wanna wear on our Day Out, and I'll get to visitin' with Rozzie.  She's so fascinating!  The places she's been, and the things she's seen- I'll tell ya what, Friends!  If ya ever have a chance to sit down and conversate with Rozzie-Dog, you should definitely take that chance.  You won't regret it!

Or, I'll be in the pre-ready-to-get-ready stage of gettin' ready, and I'll realize just what a mess my office is, and I'll get to thinkin' about how important it is that I get it all cleaned up right the heck now, because who wants to come home after a fun day out and find their office lookin' like I've been in there?

I'll give you a clue: not this girl.  Not this girl at all, Friends!

So I'll get to cleanin' it up.

Except, I was already in the pre-ready-to-get-ready stage of gettin' ready.  Needless to say, when I go down side-streets on the highway to getting out the door, it makes my Daddy kinda impatient.  Toe-tappin' - finger-snappin' impatient.

I think it's because to him, it looks like I'm stallin'.  I'm not.  I'm just easily distracted.  Do you know what I mean, Friends?  I don't do it to be annoying or to get attention.  I don't do it to procrastinate. 

I just get side-tracked easily.

It isn't just when I'm tryin' to get out the door that it happens, either.  No.  It happens to me at the office, too.  Why, just the other day, I sat down to fill out a TPS Report (I STILL don't know what they're for, either, Friends!), but my pen was out of ink.  So I looked through my desk drawer to find another pen in the TPS-appropriate colors.  No luck.  So I had to go down to the supply closet to sign out another TPS-appropriate ink pen.  But on my way to the supply closet, I noticed the water cooler jug needed replacing.  The new jug was sitting there right by the water cooler, and I like to be a good citizen.  If it was one of the Little Giraffes' turns to change the jug on the water cooler, it's awfully heavy for those little fellas, so I wanna help.

Ope!  He got me!

Thing of it is, changin' the water cooler jug is awfully heavy for me, too, so I got water slopped on myself, and I couldn't just go around with a wet outfit all day, so I went down to the bathroom to stand under the Dry-O-Matic hand-dryer until my outfit was dried back off.

While I was doing that, Pidgie McDougall came into the bathroom, and we got to talking about how neither of us likes Sour Girl, because she's sourer than ever.  And not five minutes later, who should come out of one of the stalls but Sour Girl herself.  Oopsies!  I guess Pidgie and I both learned that if you're gonna talk about someone in the bathroom, learn to recognize their shoes from underneath the door!

But it was Sour Girl, and she's obnoxious whether you're nice to her, or you're talking with your frenemy about how sour and unpleasant she is, so I figure I might just as well be truthful when it comes to Sour Girl. 

But Pidgie stayed, visiting with me until my outfit was dry, which was really nice of her, I thought, and she asked if I wanted to go down to the lobby and get some coffee from the Coffee Kiosk, since they were running a special- and they NEVER run specials.  Well, I WAS feeling a little peckish, so I said "sure!" and away we went. 

Then while we were down in the lobby, enjoying our special Coffee Kiosk treats, we were asked to participate in a survey.  We got a free water bottle and goodie bag, each of us, so we said "sure!" and filled in the survey.  They gave me a pen, but not a TPS-appropriate pen, but it got me to rememberin' that I was in the middle of something up at my desk, and I said to Pidgie on our way back upstairs that I needed a new TPS-appropriate ink pen out of the supply closet.  Well, Pidgie said she always likes a visit to the supply closet, and she doesn't know what TPS reports are for, either.

When we got to the supply closet, it looked like the Five Little Monkeys had visited.  Come to think of it, I think the Five Little Monkeys WERE in the building.  They must have taken a tour of the supply closet.  Hmmmph.  So Pidgie McDougall and I started putting the supply closet back in order when the forktruck ran out of juice, and we had to find an extension cord so we could plug it into the wall and get charged back up, and...

Oh.  Our supply closet here is the size of a small warehouse.  I know!  You wouldn't know it, from looking at the building from the outside, so I think there's some interdimensional mumbo jumbo going on.  I don't ask.  I don't think you should, either, Friends!

There!  I'm mostly ready to go!

Anyway, I finally got my TPS-friendly ink pen, and Pidgie was bein' paged to go back to the Switchboard, so off she went, and I got back to my desk, but Mitch from Accounting was going around, announcing that there were donuts in the conference room- that's a big deal around here- and of COURSE I didn't sit that out!  I just took my TPS report with me.  But Sabretooth got jelly from out of his donut on my TPS Report, and you know what?  I turned it in anyway.  It made the processor mad who had to process that TPS Report.  He called me right up on my direct extension and yelled at me for turnin' in a TPS Report with donut jelly on it.  I asked him if he knew what TPS reports are even for, and he said he didn't.  So I said maybe I wasn't the person he oughtta be callin' up on their direct lines and yellin' at, and he allowed as to maybe that was true, but next time if I get donut jelly on my TPS report, I'm s'posedta get a fresh report and start over again.

Jeez.  It isn't like they hang up the perfectly-filled-out TPS Reports on the refrigerator in the break room or anything.  They don't put 'em on the bulletin board in the cafeteria.  Goodness, the data processors are wrapped tight.

What's that? ... Oh, yeah.  I was talking about how when I'm tryin' to get ready and out the door, I always find something that distracts me, and I don't do it to be mean, but I just get distracted easily.

Good thing I've got my Daddy around, to get my shoes on me, and to find my coat and hat!  And good thing I have you, Friends!  I love ya lots!  See you tomorrow!  Muah!

Buildin' a Snowman!

Wow! I built this snow man with my own two hands!

Hiya, Friends!  How's your Monday going?

Well, as you may or may not remember, back during the Christmas Season (has it really been TWO MONTHS since Christmas Eve?!) I was a big fanna Frosty the Snowman the movie.  I musta watched it at least thirty-dozen times if I watched it once. 

Ever since I saw this wonderful movie, it has been my dream to build a snowman of my very own, with snow that has fallen in my very own yard, with my own two hands!

It's never worked out, though.  When it's been warm enough, there hasn't been snow, really, and when we have had enough snow for making a snowman, it's been C-O-O-O-O-O-L-L-L-L-D!  Or the snow just hasn't been right for makin' a snowman.

My Frosty Snowman isn't dancing like in the movie.

Imagine how thrilled I was that yesterday, the weather and the snow and the temperature aligned to be just PERFECT for me to build a snowman with my very own two hands!

Well, you don't hafta imagine how excited I was, because I'll tell ya: I was EXCITED AND THRILLED AND THRILLED AND EXCITED!

It was so much fun, getting my snowpants, snowboots, Daniel Tiger hat, and Winter Coat on.  My mittens, I didn't really care for.  I feel like I'm wearin' big pillows on my hands when I have my mittens on, and I can't do anything!  It makes me mad!

Anyway, it wasn't that cold out yesterday when I was buildin' my snowman.  So don't get all weird about seein' me out in the snow with my mittens dangling outta the ends of my sleeves.  Don't get all weird about it.  I was okay, and plenty warm enough.  I promise!

Daddy and I went outside and started out with a snowball.  I pushed that snowballaround until it got too heavy for me, and then Daddy took over.  What really surprised me is that with the size of that first snowball, the ground didn't even show underneath the snow.  I was really glad.  The ground that does show right now is muddy, and I didn't want my snowman looking all dirty!

He might not dance, but I love him just the same!

So we repeated the process another two times, each successive snowball finishing up just a little smaller than its predecessor.  That's how ya get that nice snowman-lookin' effect to your snow man: Big ball on the bottom, medium-sized snowball in the middle, little snowball on toppa it all, for the head!

It's more aesthetically pleasing that way than havin' all your snowballs the same size. 

My only disappointment is that my snowman that I built doesn't dance and sing like the Frosty on the movie.  I had some really high hopes for a singin', dancin' snowman.  But you know what?  For my first time buildin' a snowman, I think I did pretty much all right.  I do, Friends! 

All right, Friends!  I love ya lots, and I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

W&Ws!

Oh, I LOVE chocolate candies!

Friends, to celebrate today's two-year anniversary of my Facebook picture-show The Daily Zoe, I got a special treat.  They were these little chocolate candies that had colorful candy shells on 'em, very much like M&Ms, but instead of being M&Ms, these candies had little Ws on 'em.  I guess they were W&Ws.

Taste-wise, they tasted a lot like M&Ms.  Maybe it was because I'm in a celebratory mood.  Maybe it's just because the makers of W&Ws have it more together than the makers of M&Ms. 

Whatever it is, I sure love the W&Ws!  I mean, I love the M&Ms, too, but everybody knows about those, and I feel like the W&Ws are a more exclusive candy, something only people who are having a two-year anniversary of their Facebook picture shows today get to enjoy.

Thing of it is, W&Ws don't trip off the tongue the way M&Ms do, name-wise.  That's too bad.  I think it's important for a candy, or anything really, to have a name that kinda trips right off the tongue.  And "W" is cumbersome to say, even just talking about the letter.  How do you do it?

Double-Yooooo?

W&Ws need a catchier name, though.  Hmmm...

Dubba-Yoo?

Dubya?!

I guess, you could say it "Dubya-n-Dubyas!", to let people know that's the kind of candy you're eating or that you want to eat.  "Hey, Mommy!  Bring me a dish of Dubya-n-Dubyas, please!  I need my chocolate fix!"

It just doesn't feel right.

What's that? ... You want me to check my Dubya-n-Dubyas?  Well, okay.  There they are, all with their dubyas going in one direction, except for a couple that are upside-down.

Hey, those upside-down Dubya-n-Dubyas look just like M&Ms......

Oh.

You mean I had my M&Ms upside-down?  That makes a lot more sense!

Oh, my-my!

You mean to tell me that all this time I thought I had a unique candy, when all's it really was was that my M&Ms were upside-down?

Don't I feel silly?  I mean it, Big People!  I feel really, really silly!

But at least I'm not eating a candy with a name that's hard to say!  And I'm gonna need some more M&Ms to study, you know, just to make sure that all it really does take is turning 'em upside-down.

I've got my work cut out for me, Friends!  So I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love ya!  Bye-bye!"

Tea Par-TEA for Me!

I carry my teapot by the SPOUT!  That's how I roll!

Hiya, Friends!  How are you today?  The weather's been a little upsy-downsy, hasn't it?  Cold and sunny, warmer-but-still-cold rainy.  It's hard to know just what the weather's trying to accomplish, other than gettin' us all sick.

No big deal. It still pours the same!

That's why I'm enjoying a hot beverage today.  Now, usually, I like my Bambinoccinos from Donut Dude's, but with all the weather weirdness going around, I figured I'd better do something nice for my immune system and have some magical tea.  I don't know if you know about this or not, Friends.  It's a magical beverage.  I get the magical tea leaves sent to me through the mail.  I don't even know if it's available to you Big People.  Mommy says she can't see my magical tea leaves in my Don't Get Sick Tea.  To me, they look like glitter, and when ya put 'em in hot water and let 'em steep like you would regular tea, they turn into little tiny waterlilies that start spinning, and they take off and go *pop* in the air, in a cloud of really fine glitter before they disappear without a trace.  Have you ever seen tea like that?

See?  Tea!  So long's I get to the destination, who cares which road I choose?

What's that? ... No, I'm pretty sure they're tea leaves, and ya put water on 'em.  You don't set them on fire.  That's silly.  Why would you wanna do that?  Big People.  Anyway.  Back to my magical tea.

It tastes a little like cotton candy and sparkles, and it's really warm.  Soothing, if you will.  Soothing is good for this time of year.  And it makes me happy.

Also, it reportedly wards off colds and the ickies going around, and I've had colds and ickies before, so I like to do whatever I can, to avoid getting them. 

I guess, Friends, if you can't get ahold of any of my magical tea that I buy through the mail, you ought to find the grown-up version.  I think it's called Heck in Asia or something.  It's worth a try!

Stay warm, stay healthy, and come right back here tomorrow.  I love ya lots, Big People!  Muah!

Peeps Hearts Have Changed My Life!

It's always a treat to get a care package from Aunt Colleen and Uncle Lorentz!

Friends, have you ever heard about Peeps?  They're the marshmallow chicks and bunnies you see in stores around Eastertime, but they have 'em for other holidays, too! 

Recently, I was the lucky recipient of a candy-based care package from my Aunt Colleen and Uncle Lorentz.  There was some good stuff in that care package.  There really was.  I got some Sarris chocolates, some M&Ms, and... PINK MARSHMALLOW PEEP HEARTS!

Don't get me wrong.  I don't love chocolate any less now.  Especially when it's Sarris.  Sarris chocolate is special.  It really is. 

They always contain a beautiful card and delectable eatables!

But those Pink Marshmallow Peep Hearts- oh, those Pink Marshmallow Peep Hearts truly, truly changed my life, Friends.  They did!

First of all, they're really pretty to look at, those marshmallow hearts.  Looking at them in the wrapper, they look so pillowy-soft.  Such a pleasant color of pink.  And then there's the sugar.  The sugar!  My goodness.  It looks like when I get ahold of Mommy's iPad and pull up the DrawSomething2 app and I draw cupcakes using the Sparkle Tool!  I never thought something so beautiful could exist in real life, but there it was, glittering at me from that package of Peeps marshmallow hearts!

When Mommy opened up the package, it was obvious that there'd been a little chink in the cellophane armor the marshmallow hearts were wrapped in.  Insteadda pullin' apart like you'd expect 'em to, they BROKE apart with a *crisp!*

"Oh, Sweetie," Mommy said.  "These Peeps hearts got a little stale.  How about we find you another candy, and I'll eat these for you."

Wait just a minute, Lady!, I thought.  If those marshmallow hearts were stale and Mommy didn't want me eatin' 'em, why on earth would SHE eat 'em?

"Lemme wanna try the hearts!" I said! 

Mommy squinched up her face like she does (note to self- leave that Botox Cosmetic brochure I picked up while out and about where Mommy can find it and take action- she has a LINE between her eyebrows like you wouldn't believe, Friends!  shhhhhh!) and handed me the stale marshmallow heart.

Oh, my LORD, did I mention the sparkly SUGAR?!  Rah!

Now, it wasn't like a soft, squooshy marshmallow candy I've ever eaten before, Friends.  It didn't just melt to pieces in my mouth like a regular marshmallow.  It was crunchy and chewy.  It was light.  It was airy.  It was....Divine.  Divine, not stale!  It really gave me a chance to slow down and enjoy my magical marshmallow hearts!

I guess there's a whole subculture of people who PREFER the "stale" Peeps products.  They'll poke a little hole in the cellophane and let the marshmallows go from soft-n-squooshy to crisp-n-crunchy.  I like 'em both ways.

Oh, and the sugar.  The sugar!  If the Sparkle Pen on DrawSomething2 had a flavor, it'd be the sugar on Peeps Pink Marshmallow Hearts!

I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

...So Apparently It Isn't a 'Loop' We're Skipping To

Messin' up lyrics seems to be a thing with me.

Friends, remember how yesterday, I was talkin' about my favorite pioneer song called 'Skip to My Loop?'  Remember how I made up that whole new verse to it, and it made a lot of sense, and also, it was like it was meant to be, because I skipped to Donut Dude's and had a loop-shaped buttermilk donut- with glaze on it, too- it was DEEEEEEEELICIOUS!  I literally skipped to my loop!

And the whole world seemed to make a little more sense?

As it turns out, I had it all wrong.  The song isn't called 'Skip to My Loop.'  It's a song called 'Skip to My Lou.'  Donut Dude was the one to tell me.  I hoped that Donut Dude's real name was Lou or Louis or Lewis... Even Luigi!  You could call a person named Luigi 'Lou,' especially if they resent being asked if they've ever heard of the Super Mario Brother named Luigi. 

But Donut Dude's real name isn't Lou, and that's a real bummer.  If it were, I coulda saved face in the midst of the failure of my enthusiasm.  I coulda at least skipped to my friend Lou's donut shop.  I'm still tryin' how to figure out how to put skipping to Harold Otto Dudakov's donut shop into song form.

See why he goes by "Donut Dude?"  I would too, with that moniker.

This was my face when I found out I misunderstood the song.

Anyway, what I really did yesterday was skip to embarrassment on a sidewalk paved with false notions of what the song was about. 

Donut Dude broke the news to me as gently as he could, that I had the song all wrong.  Still, I was so embarrassed I wanted to put an empty Box'o'Joe over my head and hide my face all day.  I really did. 

I came back to the dang ol' office and started fillin' in my TPS reports when it dawned on me:

Sure, I got the words all wrong and misunderstood to an existing pioneer song, but more importantly, I made a whole NEW song outta new words and an old tune, kinda like making a little speaker outta some wire and an old Altoids tin.  I recycled that old song, upcycled it, and made it into an anthem for us pioneers of the Digital Age.

What I really did was make a whole new song with the same tune!

Should that be 'we' pioneers of the Digital Age?  Do you know?  You know, you can really get hung up on the finer points of grammar and usage, if you let yourself, Friends, and if you're tryin' to make a final draft and first draft, all in one, without the plans to revise, a lotta great ideas can get lost, while you're quibblin' over grammar with yourself.  That's why I'm a firm believer in revisions.  Revise, revise, revise, and it'll save your ideas' lives!

I'm on fire.  I really am.

Anyway, what started out as an embarrassing situation, misunderstanding song lyrics, turned into a GREAT situation.  I realized I made uppa new song!  Ha!  How about that?!

Just goes to show ya, Friends, that when something seems bad, if ya just look at it from a different angle, you find out it really isn't.

Hey, I'll see ya tomorrow, Big People!  I love ya lots!  Remember- don't get discouraged, mmmmkay?  Muah!

Skip to My Loop, My Darlin'!

Lost my partner!  WhaddoIdo?

Friends, you know how much I like music.  I like it all.  I really do.  I like to keep an open mind on the music, because I find out that when I say "Oh, I don't like such-and-such kinda music," without fail, I'll hear a song that just blows my doors off, and I'll say 'I LOVE this song!  What kinda music is this?!' and my friends will say, 'It's the such-and-such kinda music you hate, remember?'

You know what they say about eatin' your words, Friends.  I do it all the time, and I've found I like 'em with a little sprinkle of cinnamon-sugar on top, if I'm in the mood for something sweet, or with just a soupcon to Buck's All-Purpose Seasoning, if I'm hankerin' more for savory words.

Oh, yeah!  I skip to my loop, my darlin'!

So I don't write off any genre of music as unlikeable anymore, Friends.  I love it all.  I even love pioneer music.

One of my favorite pioneer songs is called "Skip to My Loop," and I love it so much because it's fulla practical advice:

Gotta fly in your buttermilk? Shoo-fly, shoo!
Gotta red wagon?  Paint that baby blue!
Can't get a red bird?  Well, by golly, a Jay-bird will do!
Lost your partner?  Chin up, Buttercup!  Just get another partner!  It's not the end of the world!

And then you skip to my loop, whatever that is!  

Skip to My Loop teaches me that there's no problem so big it needs to ruin my day!

You see, to me, 'Skip to My Loop' is a song about unflappable optimism, and it's got a good dancin' beat that makes me want to do a jig or a reel, which is really remarkable, considering that I can't say that I've ever seen anybody do a jig or a reel.  It's just a feeling I get whenever I hear that song.

It also makes me really, really want a drink of buttermilk.  I love that stuff!  It's great in pancakes, biscuits, even donuts!  It must be good, because even flies love it, but nobody wants a fly in their buttermilk.  Flies are gross.

How did I wind up down this rabbit hole, friends?  ... You know what I think it was?  mentioning the buttermilk things made me realize I'm both hungry and thirsty.  It's been a little while since I got to enjoy food.  A coupla hours.  There ought to be a verse to Skip to My Loop that goes something along the lines of: 'I'm so hungry, gonna have some soup!  I'm so hungry, just a little noodle soup!  I'm so starved, I just might fly the coop! Skip to my Loop, my darlin'!'

Did I just make up a verse to my favorite pioneer song?  I think I did!  Well, that settles it!  I'm going to Donut Dude's to celebrate bein' a lyricist now!  I'm gonna have a buttermilk donut, too!  And donuts are kind of loop-shaped!  The donuts that don't have a filling inside are loop-shaped!  It was meant to be!  I'm gonna skip!

I'm gonna skip to my loop, Friends!  I hope you find such clarity for yourself today!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

When Ya Squeeze the Gogurt on the Wrong End

Oh, my goodness! I made a mess!

Hiya, Friends! 

Hey, you know what?  Yesterday, I was eatin' some yogurt out of a tube.  It's called "Gogurt," and it's tasty, and I love the taste of it.  It's cold and creamy and fruity.

One thing I don't like about that Gogurt is that the toppa the tube, where you get to eat the yogurt from, looks just like the bottom of the tube, where ya squeeze from.  So, if ya get discombobulated and have the toppa the tube pointed down, and the bottom of the tube pointed up, and ya squeeze and squeeze and squeeze, thinkin' the tube must be all stopped up, and you're still not gettin' anything, when ya look down on the floor, you realize that you WERE gettin' somethin' outta the tube, after all, but it went on the floor instead of in your mouth.

It's okay now.  I cleaned up my own mess!

That isn't just a hypothetical situation I thought up in a lab.  It really happened to me yesterday.  I had my Gogurt tube upside-down, and squirted it all over the floor.

I'll tell ya what.  I felt awful bad about it.  Mommy just got done sweepin' the floor, and here I was, squirtin' yogurt all over it, accidentally, but accidentally or not, it still happened, and it needed to be cleaned up.  It really did. 

Cleanin' up my own messes makes me feel good!

Mommy got a cloth to clean up my mess.  She didn't say anything mean to me about it.  She just started cleanin' it up, and I felt just awful.  It was my mess.  So I went over to her and took the cloth.  She didn't wanna give it to me at first.  I think she thought I was just takin' her cloth for fun, but I told her I wanted to clean up my yogurt.  And then she gave me the cloth, and that's just what I did.  I cleaned up my own mess.

For some reason, Mommy was so surprised.  That made me happy, but it also made me happy to be able to clean up my own mess.  It made me feel like a real-life Big Person. 

Life's messy, Friends, but the more I live it, the more I realize that it's just better to clean up your own messes.  It can be a little worky, but when you're done, you feel so much more better than you would if ya let somebody else clean up your mess for you.  Take that to the bank, Pals!  That's some pretty awesome stuff from your pal Zoe!  Hahahaha!

Anyway, I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends!  I love ya lots !  Muah!

The Let's Make Monday Better Brigade!

Hmmm... How can I make Monday as awesome as the weekend?

Hiya, Friends!  Happy Monday to you!  Didja have a GREAT weekend?  Didja get your Day-After-Valentine's Day- Clearance Chocolate?!  Didja get a nice dinner out somewhere?

So anyways, now it's Monday.  And after a weekend, Monday can feel like a letdown.  I know we've talked about this at length a lot in our time together, friends.  I know it.  I know I've insisted that we don't all HATE Mondays like we say we do, but rather, Mondays just seem like a letdown compared to the weekend, so then we're all like 'I HATE this!'

I know!  Imaginary Pinball Bowling!

I stand behind that.  Monday isn't REALLY all that bad, but the weekend is such a tough act to follow.

But the thing of it is, if we all just look for something super-fun about
Monday, we can find a way not to be so upset about it being Monday.

And I have just the thing.  Imaginary Bowling.  Think about it, Friends!  Imaginary Bowling has all the fun of real bowling, except that you don't hafta worry about your ball goin' into the gutter, because you can just imagine that the gutters have Bowling Ball Repellers installed, and your ball bounces right the heck back out!

And since we're imaginin', the ball doesn't hafta make a straight path down to the pins.  We can imagine that there's bumpers all down the alley, and your bowling ball bounces all over the place, until it finally knocks over those pins!

...And Ice Cream!  Ice Cream makes EVERYTHING better!

Imaginary Pinball Bowling, if you will!  I mean, it'll keep us all guessing just where that ball's gonna go!  If you don't imagine the pinball bumpers, it's too easy to imagine that you throw nothing but strikes all the time, and that gets boring after a while, so trust me on this, Friends: adding in the bumpers also adds a dash of needed craziness to the game... where's that ball gonna go next?  How many pins is it gonna knock down?

Really, I'm surprised nobody's come up with a Pinball Bowling Game in real life.  It seems like a GREAT idea to me!

Of course, another way to make Monday better is to stop off and get some ice cream for yourself.  Ice cream makes everything better!

I love ya lots, Friends! See ya tomorrow!  Muah!

I Dreamed a [Crazy] Dream

In dreams, anything is possible!

Hiya, Friends!  Hey.  You know how a motto of mine is "Dream Big," don't you?  I have a shirt that says "Dream Big" on it and everything, and that's what I strive to do, any opportunity I have to dream.

But when I combine my mission to dream big with eatin' spicy food too late at night, interesting things happen.

Crazy, really.

Okay, here's what happened.  It started out sort of normal enough.  It really did.  I was drivin' a brass-era horseless carriage.  And I was all duded up in era-appropriate garb, much like something you'd see Harriet Quimby, the first woman to earn a pilot's license, wear.  I was drivin' right down the middle of the Bing, wavin' at people and my pals Sabretooth and Patty Mint were throwin' candy to people.  I guess you could say it was a parade, except my brass-era horseless carriage was the only vehicle.

In crazy dreams, anything is possible and far-out!

It really isn't a big stretch of the imagination for me to be drivin' an old car, Friends. I've been around old cars my whole entire life.  American Motors Corporation cars.  My favorite's the Green Hornet.  It's LOUD!  But I love 'em all!

But I'll admit that despite this, it did give me pause that I was drivin' a brass-era horseless carriage.  I'm talking early 1900s Pierce-Arrow, E.R. Thomas stuff.  That's older than any of my beloved American Motors Corporation cars. 

Well, then, my dream took a crazier turn.  Suddenly, the road turned into a LAKE!  It was either Llake Lloyd or Seneca Lake.  I love Seneca Lake, so that's probably what it was.  Thing of it is, I was still in my horseless carriage, but it was handling the water like a champ!  And instead of throwing candy to my friends along the street in the Bing, Sabretooth and Patty Mint were catchin' Snickers Bars out of the lake with glowy, glittery poles!

That isn't all, though.  Next thing I knew, that classy old chassis started accelerating on toppa the water, and we started kickin' up a good wake!  Just when I thought I was gonna turn around and see the Little Giraffes waterskiin', the nose of the horseless carriage tipped up, and we climbed up in the AIR!  We were FLYIN'!  And we could reach out and grab pieces of the clouds, and they tasted like cotton candy!  Good thing Sabretooth and Patty Mint were along in my flying horseless carriage, because I had to concentrate on aviating insteadda collecting cotton candy cloud filaments.

Just when I thought my day in my amazing horseless carriage couldn't take any more turns, the engine sputtered, and stalled out.  Friends, I cannot tell you how terrifying this was.  Because it wasn't like when an airplane stalls and ya put the nose down to get it going again.  It was like when a car stalls, and the engine quits.  And those old brass-era jalopies are temperamental.  I did everything I could to get that engine restarted, but it wouldn't, and we were fallin' like a maple leaf in October.  Poor Sabretooth and Patty Mint buckled up and put on helmets and got ready for impact. 

We landed that horseless carriage right in some icing!

Friends, it was a dire situation.  A brass-era horseless carriage didn't have roll-cages, side-curtain airbags... or any airbags, for that matter.  I knew it was getting time to wake the heck up on outta this crazy dream, but then...

Then, a giant cupcake appeared, and the brass-era horseless carriage circled it until I could land.  And I did a perfect landing, right in the icing.  Sabretooth and Patty Mint were ecstatic.  So was I!  You can imagine!

What a crazy dream.  I'm so glad it had a happy ending.  But boy, isn't that just what I get for eatin' spicy food too late at night?!  Sheesh!

Anyway, Friends, I'll see ya tomorrow!  I love ya lots!  Muah!

The REAL February Holiday!

You mean they put the Valentine's Chocolate on SALE today?

Hiya, Friends!  Well, how was your Valentine's Day?  How did people like your Valentine's Day Mailbox?  It didn't get its head knocked off by snowplows or Sour Girls, did it?  I sure hope not!

I had a pretty great Valentine's Day.  As you know, I'm an intern at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital, so Mommy, Daddy, and Rozzie got me a doctor kit for Valentine's Day!  How about that?!  It's pretty neat!  Lotsa stuff in that kit for me to use while I doctor people!

That isn't even the most amazing thing about Valentine's Day.  Friends, didja know that the if you walked into a store yesterday or the day before, and you were lookin' for heart-shaped boxes of candy to get for someone special (YOU are someone special, too!), and the tag on the box said $10 for example, today you could walk into that very same store and pick up that same boxa candy for probably $5 or less! 

And do you wanna know a secret?  That candy in the marked-down heart-shaped box tastes JUST AS GOOD as the candy in the full-priced heart-shaped box.  It's TRUE!

If ya ask Mommy, she says it tastes EVEN BETTER when ya buy it on clearance than when it's full-priced!

So all those nougats and chews can be MINE for just pennies on the dollar?!

Now, I understand that waitin' until the day AFTER Valentine's Day to do your candy-shoppin' carries some risks.  For one thing, the store can sell out of the candy you want before Valentine's Day.  That's a bummer.  It can happen, though, so that's something you've gotta keep in mind.  You wait, you can end up picking from picked-over Valentine's Candy.

Also, your person you're buying Valentine candy for might not be so cool with getting their candy for just pennies on the dollar.  I don't understand this way of thinkin', but I do know there's people out there who'll get all insulted if ya turn up a day late with Valentine candy.  If there's any question whether your person is the kind to get all huffy about it, be sure you take the clearance sticker off (I mean, really, Friends- peel that bad boy right offa that heart-shaped box, and if it leaves a mark, slap a cute little sticker over toppa the mark- clearance stickers are like a matador's cape to some people!), and then as for why you're turnin' up a day late with the candy, just smile and offer 'em first dibs on that strawberry creme candy, or one of the caramels and talk about all the Olympic upsets, or the crazy weather.

Like I said, though.  I don't understand people who get all huffy when they get clearance candy, so long as the candy hasn't been on clearance so long that it's soapy.  That IS reason to get all huffy.  If ya really like somebody, you shouldn't care whether they paid full price for your chocolate or not.

Here's what I did for Valentine's Day, Friends: I made sure I had my Valentines around and ready to go for yesterday mornin'.  I DO think it's important to have the cards around and ready to go for the day itself.  If ya wanna save money on your Valentine's cards, go stock up on 'em today for next year.  But my friends I'd be buyin' chocolates for anyway really get me, and we talked about it before hand, and we all decided we'd go shoppin' today, out of the clearance shelves at the store, and we're gonna get together tonight for a big Day After Valentine's Day Chocolate Extravaganza!

Well, hitch up the wagon and let's go to the STORE! I want some marked-down candies!

I think this is a really great idea because first of all, why overspend for sweet treats, and second, it's an excuse to stretch out the holiday and extra day and have another fun time with your friends!

That's why I consider February Fifteenth the REAL holiday in this mix, Friends: today we can get more candy for less dollars and have more time to spend with friends. 

Sometimes, more is more!  Muah!

Happy Valentine's Day!

Does my hair look okay for Valentine's Day?

Hiya, Friends!  Well, it's the day I've been talkin' about for weeks!  I got here to the office extra-extra early this morning so I could put all my Valentines I made and - slash - or filled out for my co-workers.  I left notes in the Valentines Mailboxes I found particularly inspiring.  I stopped by Donut Dude's on my way in, and gave him a Valentine's Day Apple. 

You see, a donut man can have all the donuts, cookies, muffins, and candy he wants, because sweets are his job.  And one of the times I was workin' with Donut Dude, I found out he really, really loves apples.  So I thought it'd be a nice thing to do, to give him an apple as a Valentine's Day present.

For me, Valentine's Day isn't all about oooooooooooooooh lovey-dovey stuff.  No.  For me, Valentine's Day is a day when I can let my friends know I care about 'em. 

Still, I DID take a little extra time on my outfit and my hair today.  It seemed like the right thing to do.  I just wouldn't want people sayin' Jeez, it's Valentine's Day, and Zoe looks like she just got back from camping, ten minutes ago!  Bein' told you look like you've just come back from campin' five minutes ago isn't exactly a compliment.  It wouldn't be a compliment to me.

I mean, I'm not lookin' to be a miss-priss.  I think of myself as kind of a sporty gal, but I like to look nice while bein' sporty.  I don't think it has to be all just one way or all the other day.  I think you can be sporty, strong, AND sparkly!

That's what I try to emulate, anyway.

So that's why I didn't just get up today and throw on any old thing, and stumble into work early this morning.  I took a little time, made sure I looked nice.

I still feel a little nervous. 

What if people don't like the Valentines I gave 'em?  What if my coworkers have been talking all week about how they think my Valentines Mailbox looks stupid, and I didn't know, and I just kept going on with my days as though everybody thinks my mailbox is pretty cool, just like I do?

What if Sour Girl comes by my desk and says I'm dumb for wearin' a fake flower on my sweater today and then goes off on some scree about how I'm contributing to global warming by buying a sweater with a fake pink carnation on it?

What if people don't like my Valentines I gave 'em?

Well, I guess I'll hafta take that last one with a lumpa salt.  Sour Girl looks like she dresses out of the dumpster at a building where everybody just got back from camping five minutes ago and just came home and threw away their clothes, and before you say Zoe, shame on you for being so catty on Valentine's Day- maybe Sour Girl can't afford nice clothes! let me just say that I'm pretty sure she can, because down at the switchboard, it isn't like they're paid in rice.  Sour Girl can wear nicer clothes, but she chooses not to.  I think she likes to make people think she's too serious to care about looking nice or being nice.  Pidgie McDougall works in the Switchboard Department, and she's a snappy dresser.  She's also kind of afraid of Sour Girl, too. 

Which really brings up a dilemma for me, Friends, even on Valentine's Day.  I think I've mentioned how Pidgie McDougall kinda gets under my skin.  And by "gets under my skin," I mean we don't really get along all that well at all.  But Sour Girl has sent her to the company bathroom, crying, and Sour Girl has sent me to the company bathroom in tears.  So does that mean Pidgie and I ought to be friends, after all?

I don't know.  I don't think a whole friendship can really be based on mutual dislike of Sour Girl.  But I did leave a Valentine in Pidgie's box, telling her I really liked her mailbox, and to stay sparkly.  And guess what?!  Pidgie McDougall came in early today, too, so she got her Valentine and chased me down while I was putting Valentines in mailboxes in Accounting, and she gave me a hug and told ME to stay sparkly, and we went around and put the rest of our Valentines in the mailboxes together.  And then we went down to the Coffee Kiosk and paid way too much for Bambinoccinos, but it's okay, because it was fun.  And then she gave me a little dish of Marshmallow Salad from the Little Kid Grocery, because she knows I really like it!  How about that?!

Maybe it was just a Valentine's Day armistice, Friends.  But I kind of liked talking to Pidgie.  It kind of turns out that we like a lot of the same things, besides both of us not really caring much for Sour Girl.  Who knows?  Pidgie and I might be friends, or we might be frenemies.  I think we both found out we're not as bad as each other thought.  One day at a time.  Baby steps.

What I do know is that no matter whether people like their Valentines I gave 'em today, or whether or not they think my Valentine's Mailbox looks stupid, or if they think my sweater and its fake flower are contributing to global warming, at least everything I do today is from my heart.  It's from my heart pretty much every day.  Pidgie and I talked about that in the elevator.  And if ya do something from the heart, you can be happy and at peace with your own self, and if somebody doesn't like ya, that's just on them.

Well, everything I do today, I do from my heart, no matter how people like it!  So I win!

So, Friends, this is my Valentine from the Heart to you:  Happy Valentines Day!  Thank you for bein' a pal to me, every day.  Thank you for puttin' wind in my sails.  Thank you for stoppin' in to see me and read my words, silly as they can be sometimes.

I know I say it all the time, but I mean it:  I love ya lots, Friends!  I really do!

And I'll see ya tomorrow. 

Happy Valentine's Day!  Muah!

The Olympics Need Curious George!

Have you been watchin' the Olympics?

Hiya, Friends!  Have you been watchin' the Olympics?  I have!

Now, don't get me wrong.  I think the Olympics are GREAT!  They're big excitement! 

Thing of it is, I got me another Curious George book for Christmas, and it's about Curious George going to a snow-sporting competition. 

Oh, it's such a good book!

See, Curious George and his friend the Man in the Yellow Hat ride a ski-lift to a lodge to watch skiers.  They get cold, so the Man in the Yellow Hat tells Curious not to get into trouble, while he goes and gets them so hot cocoa.

You KNOW it never goes right when the Man tells Curious to stay right there and not get into any trouble!

I bet bobsleds are EXPENSIVE to fix after they've been driven into a pole!

Like he does, Curious wanders off and gets into mischief, taking a bobsled.  Just taking it!  He rides it into a pole and ditches the sled. 

That makes me think.  What kinda insurance do you think bobsled owners have?  Because you'd think that'd be a big chunka change, getting your bobsled fixed after a monkey takes it for a joyride downhill, rides it into a pole, and then ditches it.  I mean, that's gotta be custom paint on those things! 

Anyway, Curious rides the ski lift back to the lodge at the toppa the mountain, and when he can't find the Man at their table, he thinks he sees the Man ski downhill. 

I fully support kitchen items as gear for snow-sports.

This is the part I pretty much love the best, because it shows some resourcefulness.

See, Curious takes a pizza pan off the wall and rides it downhill like a SnoDisc, in search of his friend! 

Thing of it is, Curious can't control the pizza pan, and he ends up running into a skier in the competition, and he accidentally breaks one of the skier's skis.  Things get all topsy-turvy, and Curious winds up going down the hill on the one ski.

I'm pretty sure Curious invents snowboarding right then and there, because the spectators in the book are bamboozled by what Curious is doing, and they say it looks like he's surfing in the snow!  But you and I know he's snowboarding!

Oh, I'd TOTALLY ride a pizza pan down a snowy hill!

The skier isn't hurt, and he has an extra pair of skis, and curiously enough, he isn't mad at Curious at all!  That's a far cry from Mr. Herb getting all apoplectic over Curious messin' up his big order!  I'd think that breakin' a ski and messing up somebody's winter sports competition performance would be a bigger deal than messin' up an ice cream order- I mean, that ice cream order coulda just been eaten, but skis are EXPENSIVE!  And that skier coulda been HURT!

But it was practically like the skier was saying 'Don't sweat it, little monkey-dude!  These things happen!'

Maybe skiers are just chill by nature!

And then the skier skied in another run, and he WON, and he said it was because of Curious's antics, that it made people stick around and watch the skier's other race, and because they were cheerin' him on, he did better, so in a way, Curious helped him win.

I think it's time to convert my reading nest to a ski-jump again! 

That's why I think the Winter Olympics needs a little less [Nancy] Kerrigan and a LOT more Curious [George].  Could you imagine the sensation Curious would create if he went whizzing down a ski-slope on a pizza pan?  Could you imagine seeing a little monkey in a bobsled? 

Curling.  I think Curious could add a special dimension to curling!  I can't help but laugh, just thinking about it! 

Yes, Friends.  I think the Winter Olympics need Curious George!  For the love of Pete, they sure do need him!

All right, Friends!  All this talk about winter sports has made me realize that what I'd really like is some hot cocoa.  With extra marshmallows!  I'll see you tomorrow!  I love ya lots!  Muah!