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Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Earth Day Enforcer

It's Earth Day, Friends!  Remember to be kind to Planet Earth today!  And everyday!
Hiya, Friends!  How's your Tuesday going for you so far?  I'm doin' all right.  It's Earth Day, you know! 

That means that there's a lot going on at the office. From the looks of the pictures, you'd think I was at my job where I fill out TPS Reports, but in reality, I'm on a field assignment for my internship at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital.  Wanna know why?

Like I said, it's Earth Day.  And if you don't know it, my pal Sabretooth is PASSIONATE about savin' the Earth.  At his job with the Buffalo Sabres, he's on the Green Team.  (Blue and Gold make Green!)  At our office, Sabretooth is known as the Earth Day Enforcer.

He really lives up to that nickname, Friends. 

You see, if he catches somebody trying to throw away a recyclable in the regular garbage, Sabretooth will tackle that person, make 'em fish out their recyclable from the regular garbage, and then put it in the appropriate recycling tote.  He does this without fail.

That's why I'm here.  For the people who try to bypass the company's recycling initiative, who find themselves on Sabretooth's bad side. 

You see, if Sabretooth encounters a stubborn non-recycler, he snaps into Enforcer Mode.  If things escalate, and they usually do with the stubborn ones, the offending party ends up taking a tour of the inside of the recycle bin, or if they're especially pernicious, Sabretooth sends 'em on a private tour of the regular garbage tote. 

Oooooh!  Sabretooth just stuffed Sour Girl into the regular garbage can!  Hahaha.
Personally, I think it's easier to just toss the recyclables in the appropriate containers. It's even a little fun!  Plus, it doesn't get Sabretooth started.

But I'm here to take care of the scrapes, bumps, and other injuries incurred during Sabretooth's Earth Day Enforcing.

Earlier today, Sabretooth stuffed Sour Girl into the regular garbage bin.  Now, thing about Sour Girl is that she's a recycler.  She's quite self-righteous about it.  Insufferable, really.  I mean, you can be good about being good to the Earth and not be such a jerkface about it.  For example, no matter how much the rest of us do to recycle and take care of the Earth, it's never enough for Sour Girl.  You recycle?  That's cute.  But if you're still using disposable toilet paper, you're not environmentally friendly enough, according to Sour Girl.  You take the North Bingham Underground to work?  You're a dirty polluter!  You should walk or ride a bicycle, no matter where you're going, how far away it is, how much you've gotta carry, or what the weather's like.  You cook with a microwave, electricity, or gas?  You should be using sun power, poseur!  Cooks chicken in four days!  Just plan ahead!

I suspect that Sabretooth got sick of Sour Girl's self-righteousness, and also, I've mentioned before how none of us likes Sour Girl around here, so you can imagine how a strong personality like Sabretooth's would clash with someone who's mean for the sake of bein' mean like Sour Girl. 

All's I know is that I came around the corner, and saw Sabretooth stickin' Sour Girl head-first into the regular garbage can.  All's you could see of her were her stupid feet stickin' up out of the tote, kicking, kicking, kicking.  I felt a little bad for her, but on the other hand, she was being insufferable with me, earlier, because I don't recycle my sutures I do for people.

Friends, I don't care what Sour Girl says.  Any doctor you see that recycles their sutures, needles, and syringes... run the heck out of there and find another doctor.  There's being environmentally conscious, and then there's being mental.  Sour Girl definitely falls into the "mental" category.  In so many ways. 

I think Sabretooth can be forgiven for his lapse of temper with Sour Girl today.  He just gets excited, takin' out the trash!

I like makin' a difference every day, Friends!  Not just on Earth Day! 
Anyway, it IS Earth Day.  Do what you can for the environment today, Big People.  Do what you can for the environment every day, Friends.  Switch to a reusable metal or glass water bottle.  If you like plastic water bottles, get yourself a nicey sturdy plastic water bottle, use it every day, wash it every night, and refill it, insteadda buyin' a buncha disposable beverage bottles.  If you do find yourself usin' disposable plastic things, see that they find their way to the recycle bin, instead of the regular trash container.  Shred and recycle your papers. 

Just do your best, Friends.  Every little bit helps.  And remember to be gentle with your fellow human beings on this topic, Big People.  Don't be mean or preachy.  Don't be a jerkface about it.  Otherwise, Sabretooth might be lookin' for an excuse to stuff you headfirst into a garbage can like he did Sour Girl.

Okay, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Remember to recycle!  I love ya lots, Friends!  Muah!"

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