Traumatized By The Toilet

Friends, be careful in those public bathrooms- you'll get flushed away!

Friends.  Something happened recently that has left me haunted, scarred, and scared.  As you know, I recently turned Two, and so the talk has been nonstop "Potty."  "Potty this," "Potty that," blah, blah, blah. 

Needless to say, the conversation bores me, so don't worry: today's topic of inquiry isn't my potty-training adventures.  I pledge to you right now that I will not go into all the minutiae about this much-ballyhooed milestone.  This post isn't about that, anyway.

What it IS about is the grown-up potty at the Olive Garden.  The other Friday, I enjoyed a nice Olive Garden dinner with my Mommy and Daddy.  My pizza was sub-par, but I liked eating all the little yellow peppers out of the endless salad bowl, and I got a big kick out of that little cheese grinder our waitress used!  Boy, was that ever cool!

Then, when we were on our way out the door, Mommy took me into the ladies' room on the grounds of something about a squooshy tushy.  Whatever.  I did appreciate not having to ride around in a wet didey, though, so I'll forgive her that part of this transgression.  What I will not forgive Mommy for is making me go into the stall with her.  It was all fine until the flushing part, and they have those potties that flush with a mind of their own.  Mommy and I didn't know that.  She told me she'd warn me before she flushed, but she didn't have a chance to, and it sounded like our stall was inside a hurricane.

Friends, it SCARED me!  You know how much I hate to play the toddler card and cry, but the flushing sound startled me so that I couldn't help it.  And then I was upset that I started crying, because Mommy had just got done saying what a big girl I'd been when we were in the restaurant.  Mommy musta felt bad, too, because she let me have an extra squirt of foamy soap when we were washing our hands.

I thought that was the end of it, but this last weekend, I found myself in lotsa public potties, Friends.  Not as a participator, but as a stander-byer, waiting for Mommy (she should look into getting some Big People dideys, I think, Friends.  Or not drink so darn much water and coffee!). I'll tell ya what.  all the times I had to go into the potty with Mommy, I didn't want her closing the door, but she would.  I didn't wanna stand in the stall, because the potties flush LOUD!  It's scary!

Plus, I really worry about getting flushed right down the toilet with the water, and that'd be just awful.  I guess you could say I'm still hooked on my Pampers, darn it.  At least they don't flush all on their own and make ya wanna pee your pants all over again!

There.  I said it.  I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends, but in the meantime, you be careful in those public potties.  I don't wantchya to fall in and get flushed!  I love ya!  Muah!