Practicin' for Christmas Mornin'!

It's almost showtime, Friends!

Hiya, Friends!  Merry Christmas Eve to YOU!  How ya holdin' up?  Have you planned out your Cone of Silence you can retreat to?  I have mine.  And I've also got my case of Chill Pickles at the ready.  We've got this Christmas thing, Friends.

So today, I'd like to focus on something as important as getting your Christmas to-do list done, and as important as devising a strategery to keep yourself from a Merry Meltdown.  It's practicing for actual Christmas Morning! 

What's to practice for, you might ask?

Oh, puh-lenty!  There's plenty to practice for.  For instance, you need to practice your present-face, and you need to practice sayin' 'Thank You!'

Sayin' 'Thank you!' is easy when you've opened up something you really, really like.  For instance, if I were to come downstairs tomorrow morning and see a great big lobster tank with my name on it, and a lobster named Lerbert inside the tank, waving a big lobster-claw at me, it'd be easy to jump up and down and say 'Thankyouthankyouthankyou!'

Or if there was a honeybee hive with a sign that said 'Zoe's Honeybee Hive!' and some protective beekeeping gear, it'd be easy to clap my hands and be all hugs and say 'Thank you! I LOVE honey and I LOVE honeybees!"

That would be easy, Friends!

Will ya do one last rehearsal with me?

It's a longshot on both those things.  It's a longshot in my house, Friends. 

That's why I've decided I need practice smiling and sayin' "Thank You."  Just in case the presents go sideways tomorrow.

Think about it.  Say I've got my heart all set on openin' up a lobster tank or a honeybee hive, and when I come downstairs in the morning, what's under the tree for me ends up being underwear and socks and sheets for my bed and in the big box... a potty.

You know, it would be just like my mother to politicize Christmas- or should I say potty-liticize Christmas by "gifting" me with a potty.  Big People, to put that into context for you, that'd be like somebody special to you buying you ... I don't know... a self-help book on a quirk of yours everybody, including you, knows you have, but nobody's come out and said anything about it yet.  Or maybe it's more like if your special people noticed you've had trouble making it to the bathroom lately, and they buy ya a pair of rubber pants for Christmas.  How would YOU feel if that happened to you, in front of your whole family on Christmas morning.

I'm sure nobody'd buy YOU rubber pants for Christmas, even if you DO tinkle a little bit when ya sneeze or jump.  They wouldn't do it, because that'd be UNCOUTH.  So why's it okay to "gift" a little kid like me with a potty?  I mean, really?!

Here's my excited face. I'm working to maintain it, even if I unwrap a stupid potty!

As you can see, this is a hot-button issue with me, Friends.  It really is.  And this is why I need to practice smiling and saying "Thank you!"  Just in case there's a potty chair waiting for me under my Christmas tree tomorrow morning.  I'm thinking toward the Future, and I don't wanna mess up Future Christmases by handling an uncouth gift in an equally uncouth manner. 

So.  Here's my plan.  No matter WHAT I unwrap tomorrow, whether it's a really super-cool pet lobster named Lerbert in a super-cool tank, or maybe a new Pink Jeep Powerwheelz, or something else really super-cool I haven't even imagined yet, or whether it's a flippin' pottychair, I'm gonna pretend that what I find under the wrappin' paper is just the Best Thing Ever.  No.  I'm gonna pretend it's just the Best Thing Evah!

I'm gonna smile big, jump up, give whoever gave me said present, and say "Thank you!"  If I hafta, I'll pretend I unwrapped a giant cupcake.  That's what I'm gonna do.

All right, Friends.  Here we go.  Christmas morning's tomorrow.  I'll be here at 6 AM, just like always.  But I know I'll see ya when I see ya.  With any luck, I'll be playin' with something super-cool, instead of havin' to pretend to be excited over a potty-chair.  Something about turnin' two, and everybody thinks they've gotta start with the Potty Business with ya.  Sheesh.  But that's something for another day.  It is. 

For now, Friends, Happy Christmas Eve!  We're gonna have a fun day tomorrow!  I love ya and will see ya when I see ya!  Muah!