Monday, April 6, 2015

Sugar Rush and the Truth About Jelly Beans

As it turns out, jelly beans are NOT legumes; they're candy!  How about that?!
Hiya, Friends!  How's your Monday treatin' ya?

If ya guessed I'm back at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital, you would be correct.  I'm doin' my rounds.  Treatin' my patients.  Helpin' 'em feel better.

Boy, you know what? We're up to our ears in patients presenting with symptoms of Sugar Rush today. 

It would appear that some unscrupulous misinformed little person advised a whole buncha people that jelly beans are legumes and ought to be consumed in hearty portions, alongside Chocolate Easter Bunny Hot Chocolate with Marshmella Peep and Reddi Wip Garnish. 

What's more, that misinformed little person was listened to, and now my colleagues and I are busier than we've been since the Doldrums back in February.


I wouldn't be a doctor worth my weight in smellin' salts if I didn't make this right.  Friends, as it turns out, jelly beans aren't legumes.  I repeat, they are NOT legumes, despite the misleading inclusion of the surname 'bean.'  As it turns out, they share more of their DNA with the 'jelly' part, and jelly beans are candy, not vegetables.  Therefore, I strongly advise a moderate hand when you're doling yourself out some delicious, delicious jelly beans henceforth.

Also, apparently the black jelly beans do NOT put hair on your chest.  So if that was a concern to you like it was to me, you don't hafta be worried about that.  The worst that'll happen to ya for eatin' black jelly beans is that your mouth and teeth might turn an inky hue for a little while.  You can always rinse your mouth out with a little plain water to help with that.

You know, with the gaffes I've made recently, I could lose my confidence and turn all agoraphobic, but I'm not gonna.  They call it a medical 'practice,' not a medical 'get it right all the time, every time,' so I'll just chalk all this up to it bein' a learning experience.  It's comforting to know that even though now that I'm an attending doctor of humorous healing here at St. Laffalotatus- Mercy-Mercy Hospital, I'm still encouraged and expected to keep on learnin'.  Learnin's sort of my jam.

All right, Big People.  Again.  Exercise caution around all the Easter candy today.  And if you do wind up with a mild case of Sugar Rush, you can try treating it at home by grabbing a dusting cloth and some Pledge and getting a little housework done while the extra burst of energy lasts.

I love ya lots, Friends!  I'll see ya tomorrow!  Muah!

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