|I'm a self-rescuing princess, Friends! How about that?!|
You know, this princess thing just isn't going away for me. It really isn't. And if I weren't such a self-possessed Little Kid, I'd probly be wonderin' if there's something wrong with me 'cause I cannot sit through even half of Disney's The Little Mermaid.
I've really been looking into this Princess phenomenon, Friends. Pretty much all the stories are the same: a pretty girl in a big dress is in a jam, or she isn't living the life she wants to live, and she waits around for her prince to come along and whisk her away.
These girls. Sometimes they have a curse on 'em. Makes 'em fall asleep and not wake up until the prince shows up to save the day. Sometimes, they're wearin' really uncomfortable shoes. Cinderella, I'm mainly lookin' at you. I mean, really. A shoe made of GLASS? What the what, exactly, are you trying to accomplish, Cindy? I can't believe that glass slipper was all that wonderful to wear. Glass is really hard, and no amount of magic is going to be able to make an EVA mid-sole and waffle tread look ethereal. So why would it be a great thing to hafta wear a shoe made of GLASS to a dang ol' ball, anyways? Aren't you s'posed to DANCE at a ball?
If I live to a hundred billion years, Big People, I will never understand why Big Girls cram their feet into pretty-but-pretty uncomfortable shoes and then pretend that they're not in excruciating pain as they shimmy, shake, and do the Locomotion at dances.
Wanna hear my alternative? Boots. I just love 'em. If I can't wear my sneakers to something', on accounta they're sporty, give me my pink boots. Pretty, AND comfortable.
Geez. No wonder these princesses can't save themselves. Their feet hurt!
Well, and their big ol' dresses must get in the way. Because when you're wearin' a big ol' dress, you've gotta act like a lady, whatever that means. Look at Princess Peach form Super Mario Brothers. She's gotta stay up top of the stupid castle, waiting to be rescued. Maybe if she wasn't stuck wearin' sucha big dress for everyday wear, she'd be able to scale down the outside of that castle and rescue herself!
Don't get me wrong. I love to wear dresses. I love to wear big ol' tutu skirts! I like to be stylish, but I also like to be able to move and kick! Yeah, I wear big ol' skirts and dresses, but I wear shorts underneath. Bloomers. Pants sometimes. In case I've gotta run, or swing from monkey bars, or in case I've gotta kick something. What if I had to climb up onto a horse and ride it, Friends? We're talkin' about fairy-tale princesses, after all. It could happen!
Friends, hear me on this. I appreciate the Princesses. I really do. They sure are pretty, and they can put on a GREAT ice show. But I like Elsa and Anna so much because they are active in their own story. Anna might think she's waiting for true love to rescue her, but she's more than capable of saving herself. She really is, Friends.
And in that vein, I am going to be a self-rescuing princess, Friends. A bloomer-wearin', boot-scootin', dragon-ridin', self-rescuin' princess. And I wouldn't be surprised if I don't rescue a few princes, while I'm at it. How about that, Friends? How the heck about that!
Hey. Don't you worry about me, Friends! I am not a weird little girl, just 'cause I'm not wild about the same things other little girls are. I am me. And I am GREAT with that.
I'll see ya tomorrow, Friends! I love ya lots! Muah!