|The doughnut turned into a guy's pet. Whoa!|
Hey, have ya ever heard of a book called Arnie the Doughnut? It's about this doughnut who's just pleased as all get-out at the way he turned out. His name is Arnie. A fella named Mr. Bing buys Arnie at the bakery, takes him home, and is gonna eat him when Arnie pipes up and tells Mr. Bing that it isn't cool behavior, eating his houseguest!
Of course, Mr. Bing is probably having some kind of existential melt-down, on account of a doughnut talking to him, but I think he handles it pretty well. He and Arnie try to brainstorm other things Arnie can be besides breakfast, but they can't reach an agreement, so Arnie decides to leave and get a job.
I really don't know what kind of a job Arnie was thinking he'd get, being a deep-fried, chocolate-frosted, sprinkled doughnut, but by golly, I like his ability to take the initiative, you know?
Then, when Arnie had reached nearly the edge of Mr. Bing's apartment complex, Mr. Bing figured out that since dogs weren't allowed to be pets in the apartment complex, maybe Arnie would like to be his pet doughnut and would never hafta worry about bein' eaten again. And it worked out for him!
It sure was a strange book, and I'm not gonna lie. I had dreams about that book all night long. I was rootin' for Arnie, though. I'm glad he gets to be Mr. Bing's pet, but I'm pretty sure I'd freak out if my doughnuts started talking to me!
I love ya lots, thought, Friends! I'll see ya tomorrow! Muah!