Awk-ward!

Hey. Don't know how to tell ya this, but ...

Hey-ya, Friends!  Boy, doesn't life present us with some magical moments?  Magical moments and awkward, awkward ones. 

What gets me is I never know quite how to handle 'em when I get an Awkward Moment.  I guess maybe that's why they're called Awkward Moments.

Oh, you know what I'm talking about, Friends, don't you?  I'm talking about those times where you've had spinach or broccoli for your meal, and you don't know it, but the person you're talking to knows you have a piece of it stuck right in your teeth, and every time you say a word with syllables, they see that broccoli or spinach, right there, front and center. 

Jeez.

Well, I guess you get points for eating green veggies, but it's embarrassing, isn't it?  Especially if they don't say anything to you, and you go around all afternoon, talking and smiling and going about things like you're just a Great Big Cheese, and you get back to your office, and look in the mirror and ... THERE'S A BIG PIECE OF GREEN VEGETABLE STUCK FRONT AND CENTER TO YOUR TEETH!  HOLY COW, HOW LONG HAS THAT BEEN THERE?!  WHY, THE WHOLE TIME!

That's definitely AWK-warrrrrrrrrrrrd!

There's something on your face. Just there.

But isn't it equally awkward if the original person you were talking to points it out?  I mean, it's better that way, because then it's just them that's seen you talking with remnants of green veggie clinging to your teeth, and not everybody in your whole afternoon, but still.  There's that little stab of awkwardness.

I don't know.  I guess I'd rather find out sooner, rather than later.

Another classic example of an Awkward Moment is biting into an apple and finding only half a worm. ... I'll letchya think about that one a minute.  Go ahead.  That one's a value-sized awkward moment, because in addition to the awkwardness of finding only half the worm, you get a nice crawly-skin effect if you really get thinking about the ramifications of this particular situation.

OR!  You're at dinner, and the meal hasn't been served yet, but somehow the people you're with get to talking about their favorite foods and least-favorite foods, and you declare that you don't like asparagus because it gives you terrible gas, and what is your host serving? ... Heapin' helpin's of asparagus for everybody!  Boy, oh boy!  This one is a Super-Sized Awkward Moment, because first of all, you unwittingly dissed dinner- oops!  and also, you went and introduced terrible gas into the conversation.

Mommy says I shouldn't talk about terrible gas at any table, breakfast, lunch, dinner, or card.  She says it isn't a topic that should come up in conversation.  I think she's being prudish and Victorian about the whole thing.  Everybody gets terrible gas sometimes.  Why shouldn't I talk about it?  I'll tell ya what.  If I ever get invited back to that particular place for dinner again, I betchya asparagus won't be on the menu!  I bet the heck right out of it that it won't, Friends!

Awkward, I know, but wouldn't ya rather hear it from me?

I guess that's just something with my People, Friends.  We tend to be pretty direct, and I s'pose you Big People misread our directness for rudeness.  I can't think of many Awkward Moments shared among my People, though, Friends.  If we're mad, we let it out.  If we wanna cry, we cry.  If we think something's funny, we'll laugh.  If we have terrible gas, we'll let 'er rip, and probably all share a good laugh about it.

I'm not sure where along the way we're supposed to lose that, and start being slave to avoiding the Awkward Moments the way you Big People seem to be.  But I sure hope it isn't anytime soon.  If ya think about it, Friends, Awkward Moments are kind of a minor evil of our own making.

I guess what I'm saying is this: if you've got something on your face, or something stuck in your teeth, I'll tell ya.  I'll point it right the heck out.  Wouldn't you rather hear it from me?  And I sure hope you'll do the same for me.  I sure do!

I love ya, Friends!  See ya tomorrow!  Muah!